Writing Random's Two Cents [PG-M]

[Random]

[SIZE=1]Alright, guys. Here it is. My first thread in the OB Anthology! I'll start off with a poem I just wrote, as in just finished, and once I find the others, I'll post them.[/SIZE]

[CENTER][COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=3]?Unbroken?[/SIZE]

[FONT=Garamond][SIZE=2]Today is all I have...
Beautiful release?
Forgotten thoughts of yesterday,
Hidden deep in sheets...
Covered in Scarlet tears, shining.
Face portraying shame.
So much to loose today,
Even less to gain.
United together eternally,
Ever growing far...
...Pain - Sorrow - Guilt - Regret...
Falling past the bar.
Now all I keep to think,
Hurting from the start:
Images dressed - black, blue, red...

Postcards of a broken heart[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]

[SIZE=1]So, there you go. The message is 'kina blunt, but I like this poem nontheless.[/SIZE]

[2010DigitalBoy]

This is definetally ine of the best rhyming poems I've seen in a while. It is kinda blunt, but it's told very, very well. This is one of the few poems where I won't complain about it's shortness because it is, I think, the perfect length. Some of your rhymes, like all rhymes, are sort of cliche (heart and start) but you've pulled it off in a why that it is hardly noticed. The only line I didn't quite like was "Falling past the bar" as I'm not quite sure what that means, but other than that, it's excellent.

[Linkk]

well personally i think it's a good poem. I mean falling past the bar can mean a number of things. I think it's one pf the best peoms I've seen in awhile.