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Guest aramik

Arranged Marriages?

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Guest aramik
Arranged marriages are very tough to deal with and you have to stand up to you, your parents and give out your rights. You DON'T have to get an arranged marriage but the only reason why you are getting an arranged marriage is because you want to respect your family.
Don't just respect your family, respect you instincts and yourself. Don't let anyone take over you. You have a brain.
Lots of children that are only about 12-16 years old have to go through an arranged marriage. It is ver tough and hard to go through. You have rights and you only marry for love. Remember, love is only the true thing in life. It keeps you living.

Marry someone YOU love. Don't let anyone else get in the way. That is just my opinion. What do you think about an arranged marriage?? How would you feel if this happened to you and you had to make the decision to stand up to your rights our just bare with it?? What would your deicision be to you and your family??

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O.k I dont believe in the whole love before marrigae and dating thing. It all seems weird.
If I ever get married things would go like this:
Either like a guy tell my parents they speak to his and the marriage is arranged.While we are engaged we can talk over the phone and get to know each other better and call it off at anytime before the wedding.
Or the other way around.

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[quote name='DeadSeraphim][COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Man, my parents weren't even married when I was born. Am I in the clear? [i]I think so[/i].[/FONT][/SIZE'][/COLOR][/quote]
Join the club, dear, mine never married.

As a principle, I believe people should be free to be with whomever they want. However, the culture factors into things when talking about places where arranged marriages are common, so I can understand some people being okay with it.

In truth, I've begun to disfavor the concept of marriage altogether lately, the best thing about it being some tax cuts. But that's a whole other topic.

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I hate the concept of arranged marriage. Though someitmes it would make things more clear...Just because you know you'll be taken care of because your parents picked someone for you, doesn't meat the relationship works. The subjective experience of life is as important as the objective, because the joining of the two modes of existence are what complete us. To have a husband or a wife is good. But it is better to be one. That makes little sense.

It is perfectly acceptable in many cultures for marriages to be arranged. Marrying of your own will is only a few hundred years old. I think people are far too intelligent for monogomy. How can any two people ever agree enough to get along? it seems dismal. But if you care for someone enough, and you have enough attachment you are more willing to compromise and make things work. Marriage is comprimise and communication. apparently most of us on this board were born out of we lock... tehe, we're little b-- oh you know. anyways, I think that women's rights are very important. The rights of the youth are very important. And it will be a new world in this century as people become more cultured, connected, and educated younger because of technology and communication. The world will be so liberal it will soon be a mute subject, every major religion and culture is about to experience a new resurgence in pure existence. Just stand up for what you want and what you believe.

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[QUOTE=kalon]Join the club, dear, mine never married.

As a principle, I believe people should be free to be with whomever they want. However, the culture factors into things when talking about places where arranged marriages are common, so I can understand some people being okay with it.

In truth, I've begun to disfavor the concept of marriage altogether lately, the best thing about it being some tax cuts. But that's a whole other topic.[/QUOTE]
[size=1][color=indigo][font=arial]It's more than just tax cuts; banks treat you differently when married, and so do insurance companies. It's one of the many reasons gay couples want the right to marriage (or a differently named equivalent), so they can be treated the same as a married couple.[/font][/color][/size]

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My girl friend whom I've spent the past year with is very confusing on the issue. She's an increasingly independent person. She works and she's going to college full time. She's so busy, somehow we spend alot of time together. Allready I play the roll of Mr. Domestic. I'm the one cooking, cleaning, ironing. She pays for things. It's just an understood relationship. I worry about the future of it because I don't know how it will be for our children. Our kids deserve to have two stable opposite gender parents who love eachother and model classic wholsome gender rolls for them. That's exceedingly rare, and I want them to have that. I also don't want them raising themselves like so many families where both parents work often. I'm not trying to be negative about anyone's life style. This is very much the type of world my g/f and I grew up in. But I see her being so much like her mother (who is definately not the nurturing one in their home) and I just want my kids to have a mother who loves them. And I want to have kids for sure. I am very devoted to this girl.

Getting back on topic, arranged marriages make sure that gender rolls are defined. I dont know that its so much about the gender, its just that children need different roll models with different traits, who both love and care for them.

I think two people should be married if they love eachother no matter who or what gender, ethnicity, or race they are.

I think people should also think of their cildren if their going to do anything that might cause them to have one. Children are not a disease they are a gift.

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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

I've always been concerned when it comes to arranged marriages, the idea of two groups of parents deciding that their respective children should marry because it would be beneficial to both groups is not something I believe caring parents should do. I don't think anyone should in good conscience marry someone they do not love just to please their parents and respect their wishes, and really your parents are doing you a great disservice by asking you to give up finding your own love to suit them. Love is a precious thing, and should not be given up without a fight.[/SIZE]

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I agree with Gavin. I don't think people should get married just because their parents say they have to marry a specific person. I strongly believe that people should marry for love and no other reason. I would be devastated if my parents chose someone based on their financial, or social status instead of letting me pick someone based on how I felt about them as a person.

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[FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Well, in the mall in my town, there works an Albanian girl which I often converse with and have a good time. However, when I asked her out to the Homecoming dance this past Saturday she declined. When I asked her why, she responded that her parents are already looking for some Albanian guy for her to marry when they eventually return to their home country. So, this means that she can't go on dates with guys here (she even gets yelled at whenever she is seen hanging around with other guys) and I seem to have become attracted to her...(I haven't told her yet, though).

So, this is really quite sad.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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[quote name='DarkFactor']My girl friend whom I've spent the past year with is very confusing on the issue. She's an increasingly independent person. She works and she's going to college full time. She's so busy, somehow we spend alot of time together. Allready I play the roll of Mr. Domestic. I'm the one cooking, cleaning, ironing. She pays for things. It's just an understood relationship. I worry about the future of it because I don't know how it will be for our children. Our kids deserve to have two stable opposite gender parents who love eachother and model classic wholsome gender rolls for them. That's exceedingly rare, and I want them to have that. I also don't want them raising themselves like so many families where both parents work often. I'm not trying to be negative about anyone's life style. This is very much the type of world my g/f and I grew up in. But I see her being so much like her mother (who is definately not the nurturing one in their home) and I just want my kids to have a mother who loves them. And I want to have kids for sure. I am very devoted to this girl.[/quote]
[size=1]I'm sure that your future children will turn out just fine if the societal-approved gender roles are reversed. If she can provide, you should not only respect that, but praise her for that. If you can contribute on the homefront, that's also great.

[QUOTE=Derald][FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Well, in the mall in my town, there works an Albanian girl which I often converse with and have a good time. However, when I asked her out to the Homecoming dance this past Saturday she declined. When I asked her why, she responded that her parents are already looking for some Albanian guy for her to marry when they eventually return to their home country. So, this means that she can't go on dates with guys here (she even gets yelled at whenever she is seen hanging around with other guys) and I seem to have become attracted to her...(I haven't told her yet, though).

So, this is really quite sad.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

I had that same general situation happen to me last year. Tough luck is all I can say.

As a Westerner, I'm opposed to arranged marriage. It's my understanding that Islam supports arranged marriage, but either party has the freedom to say no. In any event, the issue is largely cultural, and if everyone in that culture supports arranged marriage, go for it.[/size]

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[COLOR=maroon]I think many people have an idealized view of love and marriage, manipulated by movies that are far from the truth. I'm all for falling in love and all, but I don't think it's the be-all-end-all that people believe it to be. That, for some magical and divine reason, if you marry the one who is not the oh-so-super-perfect-special-just-for-you person, then your life will suck.

Frankly, celebrities and Bill Gates and Donald Trump seem to have it good regardless.[/COLOR]

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Arranged marriages aren't too far removed from my family. My mom's eldest brother had an arranged marriage. My mom says she can remember the first time she met her new sister-in-law. It was after the wedding and she moved into the house. In a traditional Japanese family the eldest son lives with his parents helping run the household. His wife assists with the daily duties (ie chores, caring for children, etc.). The eldest son also has more say in family matters than the other siblings.

I guess growing up seeing happy arranged marriages that work I don't have as much of a negative feeling towards it. This may be different if I were the one being set up, but I'm not. My family is way to Americanized now to do arranged marriages for us kids.

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[quote name='DeadSeraphim][size=1][color=indigo][font=arial]Bill Gates is married, cynic. Get your facts straight before you start shattering teenage idealism.[/font][/color'][/size][/quote][COLOR=maroon]lol, I know, but no one thinks he married because of love - or at least the person who married her. A lot of celebrities are married (divorced, married again, rinse, repeat...). My point was, just because you meet someone and do a worse job than your parents will probably do doesn't mean arranged marriages are any worse (or better) than... the opposite of it.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]The ironic thing is that my parents marriage was arranged. It wasn?t any type of religious or cultural thing so I?m not even sure why my grandparents were determined to see that they married each other. When my parents were still kids they objected to it claiming it was barbaric and such. And after years of them arguing as teenagers with their parents. They finally agreed to call it off.

What makes it so ironic is a few years after it was called off, the two of them had become such buddies in their desire to get out of an ?arranged? marriage that they ended up falling in love and getting married to each other anyway. So to make fun of the situation they had a mock ?shot-gun? wedding. The pictures of them on their wedding day with their parents pretending to make them get married is just too funny.

And now the two of them are approaching their 40th wedding anniversary. So though I think love is important, just because a marriage is arranged, doesn?t mean you can?t love the person. Though I think it should definitely be an option for the kids to decide to not get married if they find they do not like one another.[/COLOR]

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[quote name='DarkFactor']I worry about the future of it because I don't know how it will be for our children. Our kids deserve to have two stable opposite gender parents who love eachother and model classic wholsome gender rolls for them. That's exceedingly rare, and I want them to have that.[/quote][color=#b0000b][size=1]Trust me, any children you have will be [i]well[/i] aware of their assigned gender-roles, regardless of who in your household supports the family.[/color][/size]

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[quote name='AzureWolf][COLOR=maroon']lol, I know, but no one thinks he married because of love - or at least the person who married her. A lot of celebrities are married (divorced, married again, rinse, repeat...). My point was, just because you meet someone and do a worse job than your parents will probably do doesn't mean arranged marriages are any worse (or better) than... the opposite of it.[/COLOR][/quote]

[SIZE=1]I think we all know that most "celebrity" marriages are a publicity farce to being with "Oh look at me, I'm married now, so I can't be all stupid and free, or can I ?". So comparing the celebrity success rate with the normal populace may be a bit inaccurate Azure. Still I do agree with you to a degree, just because you may do worse than your parents when it comes to marriage, what with the complete joke it's become in society at large, doesn't make it any better than arranged marriages. I don't oppose them per sae I just feel that if you love someone else, then you shouldn't commit to an arranged wife/husband instead.[/SIZE]

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Guest Heero yuy
I believe it's a tradition that's outdated through society's process.

But like most traditions, families live by it. Plus, it comes with heritage.

Personally, for me I wouldn't stand for it. I would tell my family it's not what I want nor what I really need. And if they object, will they're gonna have to deal with the fact that I won't have a part in it.

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Not all people believe in arranged marriages, but in some cultures they do. It's not our right to judge someone just because they were arranged to marry someone. Even though I believe people should date each other and know each other before they're married, some cultures don't seem to beieve that should be the case. Yes I do believe that people should be in love before they marry. Even though my parents never married.

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