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Writing A cool Yuri story! For boys only!

Guest Okuru Ginikoa

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Guest Okuru Ginikoa
A Night to Remember
It was a real night to remember for Kagome. She was turned out by Mina (for those who don't know who that is Sailor Venus) one of the most freakiest girls on campus at Hitomi Collage. No one knew but Kagura and Sakura. Let me tell you how it started.

Well it was a hard week of homework, experiments, and class work that just pisses you off. And if anybody was tired of staying up all night it was Kagome.

She was an straight A student since kindergarden. And she never missed or was late for class. So I guess you can say that she was a perfect student. But she was rarely noticed by anyone because she was so quiet in class and overall.

[QUOTE]I hope that girl Mina doesn't mess with me tomorrow, or I will kick her *** all over the school! You hear me!![/QUOTE]. And one person Kagome hated the most out of all the girls was Mina.

She couldn't stand the sight of her, well because she was the ***** of the freshmans at Hitomi. And the leader of the sorority Sigma Nu Psi, the sorority that Kagome was pledging on. All she could think about was that. And she drifted off to dream land just thinking about that.

Now when kagome woke up she felt cold, but warm at the same time. And when she woke up she realized she wasn't in her bed. But in, Mina's bed naked. She rolled over and was shocked to see Mina next to her trying to suck her tits.

But Kagome pushed away and slapped Mina. Trying to cover herself quickly with her clothes she yelled [QUOTE] What the **** are you doing to me you nasty *** pervert??? I oughtta kick your *** for that!![/QUOTE].

[QUOTE] Shsssh! don't wake up everybody and tell everyone our busniess! Besides I dragged you to my room last night and totally ****** you and you enjoyed it so whats the point of throwing a fit. You got it in ya already so deal with it![/QUOTE]

She couldn't belive two things. That Mina was a lesbo. And that she had been ****** by a girl that she despised so much!

So she ran through the halls naked with her boobs bouncing up and down, ran into her room and locked and put her clothes on. She went to the voleyball courtto ask Kurenai for help.

Read part two for more on whats gonna happen next.......
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[COLOR=DarkOrange]Before this thread gets closed (what's taking so damn long?!) I thought I'd give you some advice. Don't ever, EVER, write anything again for the remainder of your life unless you get some SERIOUS writing lessons.

First of all, thanks for the warning that this was a Sailor Moon fanfic, oh wait, you didn't explain that. In fact, you actually used parenthesis in the middle of your writing to explain a character was a fanfic character! WTF?! And who the hell is Kagome? She doesn't get an explaination? I'm going to assume you meant Kagome. If you do, I want you to know, it is now within my personal rights to murder you.

Firstly, when you tell a story, tell a story as if it happened and you were there, not like you've heard it from a friend or watched on TV and are trying to paraphrase for your buddies. You don't use things like 'i guess' in writing as a narrator. You just DON'T. Even in first person, things like 'so, like, then' aren't acceptable!

And... oh my god did you actually bleep out the cuss words?! Were you too afraid to type them or something?! you gotta be kidding me!

Now as for the totally irrational tripe that is your story, why didn't you just type what you really wanted to? 'Mina raped Kagome, the end'. You could have said that and conveyed the exact same message! But what the hell? It's like, Kagome hates her, so Mina rapes her?! and is Kagome was enjoying it... wait, what? What just hapened? In fact, why did you even write a sex story with NO SEX?!?! Where's the juicy action?! And no, 'her boobs bounced' is NOT juicy action!

Every last inch of this story is dripping with a lack of skill in writing. I know I'm supposed to be trying to tell you how to improve, but you really do need improvement in every area imaginable. not only is this a sex-story without sex, a fanfiction without an anime, a story that the writer doesn't know, and a contrived piece of madness; but I've read papers by my 9-year-old brother that were more coherent.


And if I get in trouble for this post, so be it. I was NOT about to let you off the hook for this![/COLOR]
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[color=#4B5B5B]Welcome to the [B]OtakuBoards[/B] and to the [B]Anthology[/B], [B]Okuru Ginikoa[/B]. It's nice to see a new face; however, I don't believe this is a post that involves happiness, although it is somewhat.

Quick question, did you check out the [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=56606][B]OB Anthology Basics[/B][/URL] sticky? If you haven't, click on the provided link. It'll help give a rundown of what's what in the Anthology.

One thing that the sticky doesn't include is the rating system. A rating system just tells other members the type of prose or poetry you've provided. The main thread ratings are, as follows: [B]E[/B], [B]M[/B], and [B]PG[/B]. There are also sub-ratings. The common ones are: [B]V[/B]- Violence, [B]S[/B]- Sexual Content, and [B]L[/B]- Language. Without a rating, your thread is void and therefore will be closed.

BUT! There is an upside; you can recreate your thread with the proper rating.

If you would like more information about the rules or have any questions or comments, PM me and I'll be happy to explain them.

[B]THREAD CLOSED[/B][/color]
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