Jump to content

Writing Legacy of the Panda Shark


Recommended Posts

If you don't like "bad words" then don't read this.

What the hell is a Panda Shark? I'll tell you. The story begins many millions of seconds ago, in a tiny coastal town of China whose name is hard to write. Well, it wasn't actually in the town, but in the wilderness outside of the town. But I digress.

Everyone knows that the reason pandas are an endangered species is because they don't like having sex. Why they don't like having sex is beyond me. But what you didn't know is that when pandas do, on that rare occassion, want some, they want it bad enough to do anything for it. This is what happened to the panda who was eating bamboo on the shore outside of a little town in China. He suddenly got the urge to screw something, ANYTHING.

Without any other pandas around, or anything else of substance, the ecstacy in the panda was threatening to make him explode. In a desperate move, he waded out into the ocean and grabbed the nearest thing he could laws his paws on. It just turned out to be a Great White. Under normal circumstances the shark would have ripped the panda's head off. But today the panda was in the heat of passion. And so he committed an unspeakable act, and ass raped the poor killing machine.

The deed done, the panda chucked the shark back into the ocean. Too ashamed to retaliate the shark swam off. Unfortunately, it was not to be that the shark would escape with only its dignity and virginity left behind. Nine months later, the shark layed some hundreds of eggs which had been fertilized by the panda in the attack.

As the first of the baby panda-sharks broke free of its embryotic prison, the mother shark looked on in horror at the bastardizations of nature. Unable to cope with her terrible offspring, she swam close enough to a piece of coral jutting out of the sea floor so that it cut into her stomach like a long jagged knife. Many sharks then swam into the area to feast on the remains, even the newly born panda sharks.

Meanwhile the Chinese law enforcement agency caught wind of the attack and began investing the rape that had been committed by the panda. Finding sufficient evidence, the case was sent to court. The honorable judge Gan Shi sentenced the panda to a life sentence that was to be served in a Hong Kong zoo. He died six years ago in an escape attempt.

So there you have it. The entire sad story of the creation of the panda shark species. But what does a panda shark look like you may ask? It looks exactly like Shamu, like any killer whale. But be careful, because there are subtle differences between the two species. Both killer whales and panda sharks will kill a human being if the conditions are just right. But the panda shark will [I]enjoy[/I] it. You'll hear it laugh as it devours you. Second, all of the large black and white mammal-fish in captivity are killer whales. Panda sharks value their freedom above all else, and will eat themselves alive in order to avoid living in SeaWorld.

I hope that you've learned a little something about wildlife from this. And maybe a little something about life.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[FONT=Arial][SIZE=2]This is...the most bizarre story I've read in a long time. I'm honestly not sure what to make of it. It's vaguely clever but also sort of the lowest common denominator, and it's not really a story so much as a narrative...

One thing I will point out, though, is that I doubt the Panda could have gotten a shark pregnant by 'arse raping' it. I don't know a lot about anatomy of sharks, but I'm pretty confident here.

I guess I just think that this is sort of grizzly and unlikely and a little crude. I'm guessing you came up with the idea where killer whales began, and worked backwards, and it's a clever idea [kind of] but I'm not really sure I like it, per se.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[font=franklin gothic medium]The ass raping part didn't exactly make me laugh, but I thought much of this was actually pretty funny.

What it needs, in my opinion, is slightly more subtlely. If you make it a bit more subtle and emphasize the comedic parts, it will be significantly better.

I guess I just wonder how it can stand on its own or whether it can be incorporated into a broader story or something. Maybe it's better left as a stand alone article/essay like this. *shrug*[/font]
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There's no real point to this other than comedy. I realize that it is physically impossible to imrpegnate a shark through rape. I'm also fairly certain that sharks don't have the 'rear end' neccessary for this type of action. I came up with this story while surfing the net (surprise, surprise) and originally told it to my friends verbally. It really doesn't have as much impact as when you walk up to someone and say, "Do you want to hear the story of how a panda raped a shark?" Anyway, it was mostly funny and a little disturbing, so I decided to write it down here for all to enjoy.

Actually, this isn't the entire story. I left out the very last part wherein the Panda, the Shark, and all the little panda sharks that ate themselves alive went to Hell. Of course I don't intend to tell that part of the story because it's pointless.

Thank you if you liked my creepy little tale. And if you didn't like it, thank you for taking the time to read it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[size=1][color=#8B008B]Clearly this is the one of the more darker stories I've read in a while. But for some reason, I can't make heads-or-tails of this story. It just...perplexes me to the highest extent.

And I agree with James, subtlety is good. It allows more imagination for the reader and for the writer.[/size][/color]
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Create New...