Writing Clouded Concentrate

[Mitch]

Clouded Concentrate
[color=red]My mind seems so clouded
everything's so crowded
I try to concentrate
my feelings only escalate
my head's so dissorganized
nothing can seem to emphasize
I try to understand myself
nothing can seem to help
I try to narrow my thinking to only one thing
and it only leads to less of anything
the stress seems to have compete contol
keeping me caged deep within my own soul
it pulls deep upon me keeping me inside its magnetizing shell
making me live through all this hell
the sea of my own hate
creating my very fate[/color]


Wow, I like it. So what are your comments?

[Raiha]

[COLOR=seagreen]Interesting. Depressing. Perfect for a day in which you feel like banging your head against the walls.[/COLOR]

[The Harlequin]

It inspires a certain amount of interest. A word of advice though, don't try and make it rhyme to the point were it ceases to make sense, or sound right.

[Guest cloricus]

nice use of words but it rhymed to much towards the end.

[Mitch]

Well, when I posted errors, someone said I rhymed to little, well, I suppose I will try to rhyme less, thanks for all the comments, I appreciate them alot.

[Raiha]

[COLOR=seagreen]No problem. Poems thast flow don't have to rhymme or sound clever. Incase you don't beleive me, check out my poetry. Nothing important rhymes.[/COLOr]