Mitch Posted May 2, 2002 Posted May 2, 2002 Clouded Concentrate [color=red]My mind seems so clouded everything's so crowded I try to concentrate my feelings only escalate my head's so dissorganized nothing can seem to emphasize I try to understand myself nothing can seem to help I try to narrow my thinking to only one thing and it only leads to less of anything the stress seems to have compete contol keeping me caged deep within my own soul it pulls deep upon me keeping me inside its magnetizing shell making me live through all this hell the sea of my own hate creating my very fate[/color] Wow, I like it. So what are your comments?
Raiha Posted May 4, 2002 Posted May 4, 2002 [COLOR=seagreen]Interesting. Depressing. Perfect for a day in which you feel like banging your head against the walls.[/COLOR]
The Harlequin Posted May 4, 2002 Posted May 4, 2002 It inspires a certain amount of interest. A word of advice though, don't try and make it rhyme to the point were it ceases to make sense, or sound right.
Guest cloricus Posted May 4, 2002 Posted May 4, 2002 nice use of words but it rhymed to much towards the end.
Mitch Posted May 6, 2002 Author Posted May 6, 2002 Well, when I posted errors, someone said I rhymed to little, well, I suppose I will try to rhyme less, thanks for all the comments, I appreciate them alot.
Raiha Posted May 6, 2002 Posted May 6, 2002 [COLOR=seagreen]No problem. Poems thast flow don't have to rhymme or sound clever. Incase you don't beleive me, check out my poetry. Nothing important rhymes.[/COLOr]
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