Chikara Kokoro

The suggestions for this are at the bottom of this post, but before I can address that I have to ask a couple of questions that were bothering me about this. I'm doing my best to ignore the lack of space between each sentence, but it's really hard. Is pressing the space bar that difficult? Is the title really Joinig Jupiter, or is it supposed to be Joining Jupiter? [quote name='Up4anime']It's about 3 cousins:Rikku Jin and Jupiter.They have lived all there lives working for a guy.[/quote] There are many guys in the world. Actually, depending on how you use the word, anything can be a "guy." Please specify what kind of "guy" this is. Evil? Drug dealer? English teacher? What is a seed? What does touched mean? I'm sure everyone has been touched at some point. Do they all wear gloves wherever they go to avoid becoming ?touched?? If you're going to introduce terms it would be helpful and courteous to write out what they mean. There are other things that make no sense in this, but I think that's more than enough for me to bring to your attention ^^; I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that all three of the cousins are male. Supposing that's the case, I'd suggest that you change it so at least one of the cousins is female. That way you can have both a wider demographic and more interesting character interaction. Thirty is a very round number. Even though I have no idea what being "touched" means, it sounds like some sort of disease or attack by monsters, or some other manner or random distribution. Is there a reason why there are thirty people? On top of that, with the assumption that each of these "touched" are humans, then you must be planning to show the deaths of thirty humans in your manga. That would be fine if it was with monsters, or people that are evil, or if the three main characters were hit men, but with your description I am led to believe that that isn't the case. I know that I personally wouldn't be able to read something with such merciless characters that are willing to kill thirty people for a job unless they had some serious psychological issues. I have to give you credit that in spite of the amount of typos and grammatical errors, there is a original idea in there. There are many things that don't make sense or that seem too coincidental, but with good characters I'd give this a chance. Edit: It would be easier to help you with your story idea if you could tell us what being "touched" means. Even if it is something that's revealed later on, the story makes no sense without that detail.

I simply cannot get over your art style! It is such a wonderful fusion of American and Japanese styles that even if I was completely disinterested in the story, I would make myself read it just for the art :D On the bright side, your story is still showing quite a bit of promise, and the characters with orange hair have fun personalities from what I can tell so far. Manga relates to the style of art, and is only created in black and white and from right to left because black and white is cheaper to print and the Japanese language normally reads from right to left. You?re writing this in English, and you?re printing it on the computer. What I?m trying to say is don?t worry about whether it?s defined as a manga or a comic, the terms can get fuzzy depending on who you talk to. Make sure that your life is sorted out before you keep on doing this. It would be great to see more, but personal life has to take top priority. Good luck!

There isn't much for me to go off of here, so basically all I have to say is bad due to lack of information. With more information, and spell check, I might be able to give you a more positive critique. First, the title of the manga is one word. Maybe this was out of laziness, but my inner grammar freak is really bugging me about that. Clearly with the names and the use of samurai (it's overdone, but I won't go there) you mean this to take place in Japan, yes? Nowhere else in the world would there be samurai or so many Japanese names, so why is the name of the town clearly not Japanese? If you?re going to use Japan as your location, do it well. You've given no personalities, no reasons for why things happen, no actual meat for a story. I completely agree with Samurai Mix that if you want to get feedback on this- you do want feedback, right?- you must give more information.

So far I am really enjoying the concept of this story. The dream stuff seems so dark, and it feels like a really fresh idea. I have two complaints. Why is this taking place in Japan? It's a pet peeve of mine, and I just have to now why this story must take place in Japan. There are so many other amazing countries and places in the world that haven't been appreciated in this medium. Surely at least one of them could work for this plot line. Secondly, the whole "dancing panda in a top hat" seems rather.... how should I put this? It seems rather bizzare. Perhaps you're trying to go for a surreal feeling, but it seems far fetched. The dream idea is good, but pandas in top hats?? It might be a bit much. Despite these two, kind of nitpicky, things it's a great concept. With good dialogue and art this promises to be a very interesting suspense story.

Yay! Actual manga pages! Very pretty ones, I might add. I want to know why the characters have blue hair, but not in a bad way, I'm honestly curious. Two things to work on would be dialogue and paneling. Your dialogue is a little bit clunky and unrealistic, but, like most things, that will get better over time with practice. The paneling is way too separated and blocky for my tastes, mainly because of the thick black bars separating just about every panel. The tutorials on paneling that begin [URL=http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1427661/]here[/URL] could be helpful to you. I am very intrigued by this, and I want to know where it?s going. Honestly, I?m kind of worried because this story could be great or poor depending on how you take it from here on out. No matter how it turns out, the way you begin the story is great. Starting out during action can be typical if done badly, but you did it quite well and pulled it off. Your proportions and backgrounds are fantastic too... I'm kind of jealous XD One thing on the art though, the mouths are somewhat distorted, especially in panel two of the second page. I'm not sure if you meant it to be that way, but it kind of takes away from the otherwise wonderful art.

[quote name='NekoSama101']anyways, i've never heard Usagi, Kaede, or Haru in any other anime, partly because the only, and i repeat, ONLY popular anime i watch is Naruto.[/quote] Ah, I see. Just so you know, Usagi is the main character in Sailor Moon (who, I might add, has about the exact same personality as your Usagi), Kaede is a fairly important character in Inuyasha, and Haru (or Hatsuharu) is the ox of the zodiac in Fruits Basket. You might want to consider changing the names, but if you like them that's your business ^^; Edit: I just wanted to know why it is you decided to name a cat girl "Bunny?"

Just for pure lack of originality I have to give this a 2/10.... The names are recycled from other anime, and not just any old anime, popular anime, [i]really[/i] popular anime. Keep in mind that names from other languages other than Japanese can be, and more often then not are, extremely beautiful and interesting. Try to come up with 5-10 reasons why this story must take place in Japan. If you can't find any reason other than "it's manga", don't have the story take place in Japan. The personality of your main character has been used time and time again. Unless this is a parody, which I'm guessing it isn't, don?t use a high school girl who is constantly late to class as a character. A cat girl fighting demons with a samurai sword in a tight ninja outfit does not bode well for creativity or tastefulness to me. On the plus side, I do like how you described the elements and things that were happening around her. A good amount of description can translate very well into manga. Sadly, I don't see anything new in this, and I'd suggest doing something completely different.

On that scale I'd give it a 5/10 I'm worried about several things in this story, most of which deal with lack of originality. The use of ninjas is unnecessary. Try to come up with your own kind of fighter that is actually creative and hasn't been used a million times over. For that matter, why bother using demons at all? Maybe you should try to come up with a new kind of creature, or look to mythology for something different that isn't commonly used. The harpy springs to my mind first, but that may have been used somewhere already. Coming up with new species and cultures can be difficult and time consuming, but it will be well worth it once you're finished. Looking for anything feels old and tired to me. On top of that, you said that this guy already had demonic powers, so why would he need a weapon? My opinion is that a character should be able to take care of his problems on his own and without the aid of some "all powerful weapon." That just seems cowardly. The other thing that really irks me is the term "sexy girl". I just found that derogatory, and my inner feminist has to speak out against that. Make sure this "sexy girl" is more than just a pretty face, or you're bound to lose many potential readers. The struggle to fit in and to figure out who you are are both very good themes to focus on and I applaud you for that. If this manga winds up having good characters that develop over time it could become much more than the simple plot you've laid down. Try to not become impatient or frustrated. Just keep on working on it and editing until you're sure it's exactly what you want it to be.

Very nice work. I am loving the details on this character design. It is very creepy, but you obviously intended that. Before I go on to talk about the sword I have to mention one thing that is bothering me very much about the proportions. Her body is almost the same length as her legs. Most people's legs are twice their body length. Even for a stylized form, which your art seems to be more on the realistic side anyways, the legs are WAY too short and they're bothering me very much at the moment. In regards to weaponry I have to applaud the elongated finger you drew because it is very well rendered *claps* The sword on the other hand, to put it simply, gives me no idea whatsoever as to what material it's made out of. The way that you have the cross things held in it looks like it would be made out of wood, but that would be a very ineffective weapon. The hilt is an interesting design, but you should have more of a rim (I'm not sure what the real name for it is) that separates the hilt from the blade. It kind of looks like you tried to draw one but decided not to. To be perfectly honest, it looks more like an item used for a ritual dance than a weapon. Maybe you should attempt a simpler weapon, or at least look at reference material and build off from there. Either that, or draw some technical sketches of how you imagine the weapon on its own and then add it to this character design. I hope my critique helped in at least some small way. All in all, this picture is incredibly well done and well thought through. I'm very excited to see how this character design will change over time (if at all).

For the most part the proportions are well done, and the folds in the clothing seem to be in all the right places. My main critiques would be over the hands and the feet, and the expression. His feet are HUGE. Even stylistically the size of the feet make no sense because the proportions everywhere else are that of traditional anime rather than chibi (where feet slightly smaller would be okay). It looks like you just slapped them on there because you didn't have enough time to finish the image. Another thing to note is that the hand is way off, but it is a good attempt at a very challenging pose. The facial expression should be the focus of the image. I'm guessing that this guy is about to kill himself, in which case his face should have some form of emotion. With a twinge of fear or sadness this image would be much more powerful and perhaps even moving. I don't know what you were trying to portray with this image, though, so if you wanted him to seem completely emotionless, it's fine I guess. The blood is well done, but I wish you showed how he got the cut on his arm (a knife laying somewhere or some blood on the fence perhaps?). I personally like the way you drew the background. Chain link fences are really tedious to draw by hand, so good job on doing that. I kind of wish that I could see the top of the fence, but that's just me being picky.

The best thing that I can think of for getting a faded out look would be to change the hardness levels of the brush (ie use a brush with a softer edge) and to just experiment with that. Please note that I screen tone digitally using patterns and I use a different program than you, but I still hope that helps somehow.

I have to say that I am a huge fan of both Miyazaki's works and the Wallace and Gromit movies. Howl's Moving Castle was a good movie, but all Miyazaki movies are "good." Especially when compared to the book by Diana Wynne Jones (which I adore) and Miyazaki's other movies (which I love), this movie just didn't rise up to my expectations. It seemed very formulaic to me, and not enough things occurred that made me really think about life/war or what have you, or made me go "Wow, that was amazing." In all honesty, I think the Academy?s choice was just fine.

The banner is just about perfect, and good job on the colors and fonts. The softness is very good, but the avatar doesn't have the same effect and it hurts the overall appearance. For the banner I'll give a 9.5/10, but for the whole set an 8/10 (FYI: My current banner/avatar set features the Spanish language in general and Juanes of "La Camisa Negra" fame)

I can't see your most recent pictures, so I'll just critique the first two you have posted. In regards to line art, my first impression is blurry and blocky. Your line art looks like you used a blur tool on it, so maybe if you cleaned it up a bit it would look better. Also, doing line art on the computer can help this. Due to the lines all being one thickness, the line art seems very blocky and boring. Try varying the line thickness, experiment a bit until you find what you're looking for. Mostly what I do it make the line thicker in the middle and shorter on the ends (and thicker depending on shadows? there are many factors, really). This is especially noticeable in the things (scars? whiskers?) on Naruto's cheeks and the folds of the clothes where the lines should probably taper off at the ends. I have to say though; you have very smooth lines, which is difficult to do. The shading is pretty good, but a bit too blurry for my tastes. Once again, it looks like you used one size of brush where the shadows should probably taper off. This is especially noticeable on the hair and the clothing in both pictures. It looks like you used an airbrush tool, and for cel style shading this is a bad idea. If you wanted to try doing soft style shading I suppose it's fine, but I don't know anything about that style really. You seem to be doing a good job of showing where the light source is from, and I always have issues with that myself. Continue practicing and your style will be amazing. Your style of drawing is already very good, by the way.

I was browsing the internet and found a website for one of my favorite English voice actors, Johnny Yong Bosch, who did the voices for Vash the Stampede of Trigun and Kiba of Wolf's Rain among other things. The website was for a Christian rock band called Eyeshine ([URL]http://www.eyeshine.net/[/URL] ) which he apparently does the vocals and rhythm guitar for. They have a few preview songs available for download, and, after the initial shock, I noticed that the band's sound is actually pretty good. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? Am I late in discovering that Mr. Bosch is in a band?

The basic idea for this has potential. Still, for a (I'm assuming) young girl to be made an angel out of all the people in the world because of her bravery seems odd to say the least. What about all the people who are fighting in wars? Why does some girl who is only being picked on receive wondrous powers? If you can answer these questions, you have clearly thought this out and kudos to you! If not... try to fix up the plot holes before they do any permanent damage. The idea of the lead male is intriguing, but be careful that you don't cross the two extremes of him being evil all the time, and him becoming a sap as the story progresses. The whole quest plot is something I find to be horribly overdone, especially searching for any kind of stone/gem with characters that happen to have magical powers. The angel premise is also interesting, but it has begun to be used too often as well. Be positive that you are presenting something new and different with this story in one way or another. I'm guessing that this is the first draft of your story, which means your fine. For the basic outline of a story, this is pretty good. Not great, not horrible, but good. The rough draft of anything is never perfect in any way, shape, or form, so keep on working on it and, most importantly, have fun.

[URL=http://www.darkhorse.com/]Link to Dark Horse Comics [/URL] You may not heard of Dark Horse because they mostly publish American style comics. The manga titles that they publish include Trigun, Vampire Hunter D, Oh My Goddess! and Hellsing.

Are you talking about manga scanlation sites that let you download manga in English for free? I know of a few sites, but, much like fansubs, online manga viewers are technically illegal. Just a heads up.

Whether or not you can get away with having an unoriginal plot mixed with a cast of wonderful, loveable (or love-to-hate-able) characters is mainly dependant on the reader. For me, characters are much more important than any plot. In fact, most of the stories I write have no plot at all other than throwing some characters together and finding out what happens XD Other people make sure that there's a good plot before they even look at a manga's pages. There are innumerable stories that focus around twisting faerie tales to the author?s liking, and most are still popular despite the premise. When you add your own characters and events into an old story and infuse it with your own personal touch, it has the potential to become something completely different (in a very good way).

For some reason when I read anything that has Tolkien-esque names with 's in them my eyes kind of glaze over. Perhaps you could come up with a style of names for your world that is completely different from anything you've ever read? It wouldn't be easy, I know, but it would help immensely I think. The name Kalan is great, by the way. The whole plot resonates of something I've read before. There are many stories that contain one or more of those story elements. While I do understand that it can be a challenge to create an original story in the high fantasy genre, this shows no new ideas to me at all. Could you post what specifically the adventure is? Keep in mind that a quest to find anything at all is in the fantasy genre also highly cliché.

I adore tomboy characters, but be sure she has something different about her from all of the other tomboy characters that are out there too. I'd love to see some pages of this whenever you get around to it. Be sure to post it when you do!

Off topic rant... [quote name='HeartStopper']If you do the traditional right to left manga, then it would be a manga and it doesnt matter where you live.[/quote] There is no hard and steadfast rule as to what creates a manga. Personally, I would say that the style of art is what makes a comic become a manga. Manga is created in Japan in right to left format because the people in Japan read from right to left. Manhwa in Korea is created in left to right format because the people in Korea read from left to right. The only reason that manga is often translated to English from right to left is because if the manga is "flipped" then the art is skewed and looks off. Right handers become left handers, etc. Simply creating a comic right to left does not make it a manga. By that definition, all Arabic comics would be manga as well. Any manga/comic created in English that is written from right to left is confusing and uncalled for, but that's only my opinion, and I thought it needed to be stated. On topic... I only know of three publishers that are willing to publish American made manga, Tokyopop, Dark Horse, and Go Manga. You already knew that though, sorry! Of those I believe only Tokyopop is willing to publish the works of people under 18. Dark Horse doesn't set any age restriction on their website that I could find, so if you feel you have a polished, professional looking manga, go for it! There are a lot of legal issues that can happen when you try to publish without the consent of your parents, so be positive you have their full support on this before trying to publish anything.

My favorite two manga at the moment are Fruits Basket and Death Note Death Note is a more serious manga that deals with issues of death and the morality of killing. It's a "mystery" type story (even though there's really not much mystery involved in the first few volumes). It will make you think... a lot, so if you want something you don't have to think about while reading, then this isn't the manga for you. Fruits Basket is a very popular shojo manga. Tokyopop has claimed that it's "the #1 selling shojo manga in America" on the cover since volume 5. Light hearted and humorous, it tends to be geared more towards those who adore the emotions in characters than those who look for constant fight scenes. There is the occasional fist fight, but it doesn't consume the story. The Neon Genesis Evangelion manga is one of my favorite shonen manga. It has a great mix of characters, their emotions, a good plot, and giant robots fighting monsters of unkown origin (unkown to me at least). I've never watched the anime, so I can't compare the two, but the manga was very well done. I have to warn you though, once you get towards the middle of the series you should be prepared to cry (I know I did).

Hmm... interesting... I'd say that I disagree with about a fourth of those XD I'm assuming these are up for discussion, so please don't be offended that I happen to not have the same opinion as you. This is just my thoughts about what you've posted. On Don't #3 I have to say that the main reason to create manga is for your own enjoyment. It may be annoying to those who are reading, but if you aren't having fun with the manga you're making at the moment, stop. I do agree that when somebody insults your work (there will always be someone) don't let that be a reason to stop. Always keep your own happiness in mind. It may be selfish, but it usually shows when an artist is unhappy or bored with what they're doing. Do #2.... Never ever doubt the power of a deadline. Some of my best work is done when I'm stressed for time, and most human beings (including mangaka) are stressed at one time or another. We can't all be relaxed like Shinichiro Watanabe claims to be (anime example, but all I can think of at the moment XD). Do what you want, don't go looking for stress, but being stressed can serve as a good way to kick your muse in its derriere. By the way, where did you get that 8.5/10 chance statistic from? Just curious. Do #3 is good in theory, but not overall. I'd suggest planning ahead for things so this isn't really something you have to deal with. While brainstorming and writing the rough draft of your script have your characters go to crazy places, make them meet random people and say random things. Don't feel like you're ever restricted by the plot you laid down from the beginning. If your main character decides she doesn't want to find the prince so she can marry him, don't make her. Let the prince rot! Despite my little quibbles I'd say this is a pretty neat idea.

Since you've decided to have it be both comedic and serious you're going to have quite a challenge ahead of you walking that fine line. The character of the king, or at least what you've posted, seems to be a bit too polar opposite for no good reason. As the lead male (I'm assuming), he needs to be a believable character. It's impossible to have feelings for a character that isn't at least on some level based on reality. Give him good, solid reasons for him acting like that (other than his being psychopathic) and you should be fine in that area. On a similar note, what's the demon-girl like? The personality of the main character can set up the tone of the whole story... She is the main character, right? The scaring school thing should probably go. Perhaps you could just include a course on scaring in their military training, but not make it a huge deal, just something they have to go through to be a member of the army. It'd be great if you could post some more information. That way I can give you a critique based more on the story line, or whatever you feel you need help with.