zerocrisis Posted March 14, 2003 Posted March 14, 2003 Abandonment The silence is deafening My soul no longer speaks to me My family deserts me My friends shun me I am alone My souls departs my broken body I scream but my lips do not move I am screaming inside "I want to live, i want to feel pain, happiness, anger, sadness i want to be free of this cold lifeless void which i am trapped in" Sins of a past life now haunt me as I realize the shortcomings of my life i see that I am doomed, doomed to forever live in the haunted shadow of my past mistakes, and i am always longing for the day when death's cold but welcome hand rests on my shoulder and takes me into eternity By: Meiekl Howell aka: Zero
Sui Generis Posted March 14, 2003 Posted March 14, 2003 You know normally I'm not an advocate for free verse but lately I've grown to like it more. Your poem is no exception, there are tid bits of work needed, but nothing seriouse. After all all literature can be improved... Good job! ;)
zerocrisis Posted March 14, 2003 Author Posted March 14, 2003 Thanks any corrections are welcome, jus tell me where i need to make them if i miss any Hey im intersted in other poems they can be about anything and when i get a little more time i'll write some happier ones or depending on what im feeling at the time and at the sametime u ppl can drop a few words if u like [b]Please do not double post, use the "edit" button instead. --Elite.[/b]
Lady Asphyxia Posted March 15, 2003 Posted March 15, 2003 [size=1][color=darkred]Most of the poem I just don't like. I don't know if it's the freestyle or anything, but most of it I don't like. It sounds rather self-pitying to me. I do, however, particularly like the last line, [b]welcome hand rests on my shoulder and takes me into eternity[/b]. Otherwise, heh.[/size][/color]
Vegitto4 Posted March 15, 2003 Posted March 15, 2003 it's awesome. i love it. i used to write in freeverse, but lately, i started using a slight rhyme scheme. This poem is one of the best i've read, probably because i identify with it alot.
zerocrisis Posted March 31, 2003 Author Posted March 31, 2003 WildFire A blazing machine of destruction cold and ruthless but, at the sametime burning with a magnificent intensity It consumes all in its path and grows stronger with ever life it takes Screams fill the air , thicker than the smoke It seems like all hope is lost but, At the final moment the skies rumble and the clouds part The sweet drops of rain take over the battle And two old foes battle once more and this time the flames of old lose the battle and the sun once again shines on the battleworn fields and the bring the rays of dawn to the fading night
vegeta rocker Posted March 31, 2003 Posted March 31, 2003 i can write either way but it depends on my mood. i don't paticurly like it though. The free verse i write usually kind of links together. Yours doesn't too well. But keep at it and you may make a fan out of me.
zerocrisis Posted April 1, 2003 Author Posted April 1, 2003 Yea i kno it doesnt really link up i wasnt really feelin it so next time ill concentrate next time
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