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Writing Mr. Williams


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[size=1][color=000066][b]This is going to be a short story coming from a little girls/womans point of view, so, yeah...Please read and review.


I was always a shy girl. No matter who or what, I would have doubts about what to do. That was who I was at six years old, and probably still would be if it wasn't for Mr. Williams.

It was a hot, sticky summer day in 1964 and I was being a kid. I was playing with my few friends in a small pool my parents had just bought the day before. I was so excited, and so were my friends, we practically lived in it for the rest of the summer.

My mother was always the watchful one. Being in the decade of peace never fazed her. As we played outside, she would watch from the window of our suburban hourse, making sure we didn't get hurt or kidnapped.

But one day, her happiness was shattered. A drunk, stumbling man ran into our yard. I was scared. Not only for myself, though, but for my friends. We all started to yell at the top of our lungs, buy mom never came. [i]The one time I need her, she isn't here[/i] I had probably thought, because my voice was being heard above all my friends. The screaming startled the drunk, and he jumped then turned toward us, shouting inaudible, and probably rude comments.

I shouted even more when this happened, which, by surprise, alerted my mom who had accidently dozed off on the couch. I heard the back door swing open and my mom yelling. I was crying, but I didn't care. I turned around and saw my mother had grabbed my older brothers wooden baseball bat and she was ready to swing. The drunk looked at my mom and then turned and left, apparently being sober enough to know what was going to happen to him if he didn't.

My mom rushed to our sides, hugging each and every one of us while weeping herself. I think she was more afraid then we were.

"Come on girls," I remember her saying, "let's go have lunch." We went inside and had our daily lunch, most of us forgetting what had happened. My mother didn't forget, no, she never did.

That night, after my friends had left, and my mom had put me in the living room to watch "I Love Lucy", when I heard shouting from the kitchen. My mom and dad were having a fight, which they almost [i]never[/i] did. I didn't know what it was about, but I had a feeling it was about the drunk man.

The next week, after my father had begged my mom to take me to the town carnival, we went. I had so much fun that day, I can remember it like it was yesterday. Eating cotton candy, popcorn, pizza, whatever I wanted. I even won a three foot stuffed Panda.

Though I was happy, and the drunk man was the farthest thing from my mind, I would occasionally catch my mom looking around mysteriously at people.

When I would ask "What's wrong mommy?", she would simply reply "I just thought I saw your father or someone." She was lying, and I knew it, even if I [i]was[/i] six.

We started to head to the sitting area when a group of high school boys accidently bumped into us, and I lost grip of my mother's hand. I immediatly got up and started looking for mom, but the crowed was already in front of me. I started yelling out, but it was no use. I dropped to the ground and started crying. I was scared. I was scared that the drunk man was coming to get me, which was what I had thought. Then, I heard a gentle man's voice.

"What's wrong, my little daisy?" the soft voice asked.

"I--I got lost from my mommy," I replied, grief stricken. The man, who was about five nine, and had a slight beard, bent down and helped me up.

"It's ok, daisy," the man said, "I'll help you find your mommy."

"My name is Melanie," I said, drying my tears.

"You can call me Mr. Williams," he replied, smiling. We walked hand-in-hand around the park, and he took all my fear away, telling me about his life with his grandson and granddaughter. He even made jokes that I could understand, and I laughed.

"Here," he said, stopping suddenly, "your mother is sure to find you here." I nodded slightly, noticing that it was the stand where I had won my Panda. "Take this, daisy," he said, taking something out of his pocket. He bent down and opened it, revealing a silver chain with a heart on it. "I want you to have this. It was my late mothers. It'll bring you luck." He smilied as I held it in my small hands. I put it around my neck, and he fastened it. "Remember Melanie, don't be afraid of people. They don't mean to hurt you if even if they do hurt you." I nodded again, smiling.

"Melanie! Melanie!" I heard my mom shout.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I yelled at the top of my voice. I then saw my mom push through the busy crowed, and then she reached me. She bent down, picked me up, and hugged me almost so I couldn't breath.

"How'd you get here?" she asked softly.

"Mr. Williams brought me here," I replied. My mom looked around to see no Mr. Williams, and nor did I see him. He simply vanished.

The next morning, I was sitting at the table while my father read the newspaper. I suddenly saw a familiar face in one of the sections.

"Mr. Williams! Mommy, Mr. Williams is in the paper!" I said, happy as can be. I was too young to read the heading: [b]Obituaries.[/b]

My mom came over, grabbed the paper, and read the paragraph below his picture. She then said, shaking her head, "No, no, hunnie, this couldn't be Mr. Williams. This man was the bad man who tried to get you and your friends last week. He died the day after he tried to get you."

It was true. Mr. Jerry Franklin Williams had died of alcahol poisoning on the day after he had tried to get me. Somehow, I knew in my heart that Mr. William's spirit had helped me, and he never intended to hurt me, even if it had seemed that way. To this day, I always look in the mirror and remember what he said to me.

[i]"Remember Melanie, don't be afraid of people. They don't mean to hurt you if even if they do hurt you."[/i]


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[color=ff00cc] [size=1]Wow. o.o

I loved it! Especially the ending. It's makes you feel kinda good, sad, and creep-ed out all the same time. And the wording really just sucked you in, too. ^_^


*hands you another biiiiiiiig cookie*[/color] [/size]
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I too wish it were longer, a little more developed.

Like I told you earlier today, it's no mistake that you wrote this. You've gotten me to thinking about things I thought I laid to rest...good job. You just achieved something most authors only dream about and that is to affect their readers.
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[size=1]Like I've said before...You're a good writer, and this is a very sweet story.

I think I would have ended it slightly differently--have Mr. Williams himself guide Melanie back, and not have him die until afterwards. It's a sadder, sweeter story that way, and it just sits better that going into spirits and whatnot.

It gives the story a slightly different feel, however, and I don't know if it ruins the effect you were going for, or not. If so, simply disregard what I said.[/size]
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