Writing My poetry

[Japan]

Here are two poems that I wrote till 3 AM last night. The first one is a Dramitic poem about a bad day and the second is All about what Vash from Trigun feels.


[I][U]"Ungrateful Day"[/U]

On this ungrateful day, I walk along the path of life
Where there is nothing but but sorrow and hate
Can I escape this day?
I run and hide away on this ungrateful day
These bad experiences keep happening
I lost control
I am losing my mind
This is driving me insane!
On this ungrateful day
I lost my way on this ungrateful day


[U]"Vash's Poem"[/U]

Dripping blood flows threw my weathered hands
The death I see before my eyes torture me
How can I live this fate?
It is more than I can stand
Why did you leave me?
Without you, this world is a very sad place
As I try to save innocent people, sand blows freely
The sand makes it hard for people to see the truth
Realistic views rave
I can't stand this madness
I wish that people would be full of love and peace
But instead, they are corrupted by sin
They're souls are stained with hate
Instead of pure souls
But what can I say, I am just as brutul opposing him
[/I]

[OtakuSennen]

Wow!! Those are great, 86! They're very well written. I like the first one more, but if I watched Trigun I'd probably understand the second one more, thus elevating its level of favoriteness!

You used very vivid words which made them really great!

[b]9.3[/b]

[Tog]

Ooh, very nice! I like the second one a lot. But I'm not very good at rating things...

[Japan]

Here is another poem of mine. I wrote it during my depression last year.

[u][I]"No Name"[/u]

As I look into the bay
I feel nothing
As I ponder thoughts of everyday life,
I feel left behind
While the world passes me by
I wonder, what's going on?
Erin's not the friend I thought she would be
I just wish these people would see me here
I wonder how I can carry on with all my might
But these people don't notice me
I wish I could have someone to talk to
Oh dear
How can this be
While I try to be me
people just rip my heart out
the reason I'm treated this way is because of the way I am?
God bless me no
I hope it is not so
Why is this happening to me.....I don't know

[/I]

[Spikey]

[Size=1]Very nice, I think that is amazing. I love the 1st one and the secongd one is just slightly not as good as the first. But they are both very nice poems keep it up.[/size]

[boothten]

[color=darkblue][size=1]Wow, Japan. You're poetry is very good. I mean it! It really was touching. (Corny? yes. ><)

Rating: 9.7/10[/color][/size]

[T man]

I give your first poem a [b]9.5[/b] and for the vash poem I give it a [b]10[/b]. For that last one I give it a [b]9.6[/b]. Of course this is just my opinion. I think they're all good poems.

[Guest Aznchick]

wow those sound so good! The depression one was very powerful..u write good ^^

[Heavyblade]

I like all of them lots they are so...I...can't explain. They are really good. Keep it up.