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Ronald, the Semi-Musical!


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[color=navy]This was actually a homework assignment that I took a bit too far. You see, we were sorted into groups and told to read a story from our Social Studies books and adapt it so that it fit into modern times. Of course, my group was of no help, and I ended up writing three pages of crap all by myself last night.

Shin said to post it, so here it is: [i]Roland![/i] The Semi-Musical!


[font=Franklin Gothic Medium][i]Years ago, back when Hippies freely roamed the lands and the bellbottoms were mass-produced like wine, there was a family of young performers who were on the rise. They were known as the Stonelys, a group of five siblings who sang and danced. Jack O. Stonely was the eldest and most talented of the group. However, unlike most he-devas, he was not entirely self-absorbed. He cared very deeply for his younger sister, Janette. She had a beautiful singing voice (for one so young), a pretty smile, and obviously possessed potential as a performer. He believed that, with his influence, he could persuade her to marry some A-list movie star and get another couple hundred thousand dollars on his pile. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]However, Janette had a different agenda. She planned on marrying a childhood friend of hers whom she felt for deeply. Despite Jack O.?s protest, Janette married her friend in secret in a little chapel in Las Vegas. When Jack O. heard of this, he drove Janette away from the Stonely Five, forced Entertainment Weekly to make numerous jokes about their "sham marriage", and made sure that neither of the two newlyweds ever worked in Hollywood again. Now, Janette and her husband Roger Sandler were in a dreadful situation. They had no jobs, they had no talent out of reciting lines, they could not even get a job at McMeaty?s Burger Joint, and worst of all they could not make the largest payments on their gold encased portable Jacuzzi/spa for quite some time. It was not soon after all of this that Janette bore a son, whom the out-of-work stars named Roland. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Despite some of the paparazzi?s kindness, they knew that they could not stay in Hollywood anymore. Conan O?Brien would not stop making cracks about Jack O. going wacko, [i]Variety[/i] was running out of catchy headlines regarding the issue, and even Janette?s one-time fans were ridiculing her on the streets. Thus, to get out of the public eye, the Sandler family moved to a small, secluded city that nobody knew or cared about- Reno, Nevada. On their way there, Janette Stonely-Sandler faced many hardships, the worst of which being the loss of her husband. After a small conflict with Roger, the two decided to separate (The marriage had only lasted 10 months.. That?s quite long in celebrity circles). [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Ronald grew up to be a fine young lad- He had eyes like Jack O.?s, and a finesse in his dancing and singing that was eerily reminiscent of his famous yet evil uncle?s. He even became the lead player in the Junior Reno Actors? Guild. However, at about the same time Ronald was born, Janette?s brother Tito fathered a child whom he named Jermaine. Like Janette, Tito fled to Reno to avoid the public eye. Jermaine and Ronald were nearly identical in every aspect- They were both great actors, had beautiful singing voices, and they posessed a school boy-ish charm that contrasted with their wild sides. In theory, they were two boy bands all in one. The duo were extremely competetive, and at one point Jermaine questioned Ronald?s authority as their Acting Guild?s lead player. The two were to settle the issue in a dance-off, the most common way of settling celebrity bouts, outside of court. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Many of the citezens of Reno turned out for the event, and somehow Janette and Tito heard nothing about it. At high noon, just as the clock struck twelve, the sound of disco began to fill the ears of the shouting crowd. Jermaine started first, warming up with some John Travolta-esque moves, and Ronald retorted with some particularly fancy footwork. The two fought back and forth, and had to cycle through their combined 8-track tape collections four times, and by that point the sun had almost set. The two competing cousins, though extremely boogied out, showed no sign of stopping, until those who were watching wanted to go home and watch Starsky and Hutch. "Give it up, man! You, like, just aren?t getting much done if you?re gonna, like, kill yourselves by dancing too much, and stuff!" [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Even as the scary hippie man spoke, the two persisted, but suddenly, with a twist, Roland burst out in a final crazy-cool move that created enough force to knock Jermaine down. "Stop!" Cried the loser. "I give up, man! You are the groovier dancer, and our leader!" [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]"No, man," said Roland. "It was the over-puffiness of my ?fro that knocked you over, by chance. You and me?ll lead the Performing Troop side by side." Some of the audience let out a half-hearted "Groovy!", but most of the crowd had lost interest and were already at home watching Starsky?s car drive off of a ramp on television. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Now by this point, Roland was ten (And still unaware that he was related to the great Stonely Five), and Jack O. had released a multi-platinum solo record. He decided to run a nation-wide "Just Jack O" tour, and one of the main stops was in Reno. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Luckily, the Junior Reno Actors? Guild, or J-RAD, had been able to score front-row tickets to one of the two performances. Ronald, who was standing up in his seat, thought that he saw Jack O. give him a kindly smile. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]After the show, the entire Troop went to Ronald?s house for juice boxes and pizza. "Hey, Mom," said young Ronald, "I saw Jack O. in person, and he seemed to look at me like he knew me, man! He?s the most friendly celebrity in the world, man! I wouldn?t mind being a roadie on his tour."[/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]And his mother replied, in a low voice, "He really does have all the moves, but he can be cruel, unjust and self-centered." [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]"But Mom, you told me that my dad was an A-list actor and put out an album at one point. Why shouldn?t I tell Jack O. about my genes and ask him if I can at least carry his bags? Then, maybe, he?ll see my sweet moves and tell a record label about me."[/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]Yet Janette persisted. "Listen, boy. You are quite the performer for your age. Now there?s something I have to tell you. But you have to keep it a secret, boy!" Ronald nodded eagerly, and leaned forward in his seat. His mother then told him about her being one of the Stonely Five, how he was directly related to Jack O, and how she was disowned by the touring pop idol. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]By this point Ronald?s face was extremely red with anger. "I bet he?s sitting in his royal suite right now, while we sit here and starve. Well, Momma, don?t you worry. I?m gonna get you a good meal right now." And with that the young boy stomped into the ball room of the Five Star Hotel in which Jack O. was staying. He walked into the center of the room, right in front of Jack O.?s table, and said aloud, "My momma?s starving right now, and it ain?t right for you to have so much when she has so little." And with that, he took a few plates of food and a glass of wine off the table, and left. Just about everyone in the hall had too many drinks that night to have really noticed the kid. However, two of the bouncers who did not drink noticed the lad, and decided to follow him because he seemed rather shady. And eventually they came to the tiny Reno apartment, and saw the young boy urging his mother to eat the food (Though they had no clue who she was). [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]When Ronald noticed the two large men with sunglasses looking through their window, they both explained that they worked for Jack O., and that they meant no harm to either of the two "Ghetto Superstars." They then took the frightened family to Jack O., and when he saw that it was truly his sister in front of him, he showed great joy and happiness. Truthfully, he could have cared less about seeing either of them, but he needed an opening act for the rest of his tour. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]After his first show as his uncle?s opening act, a Hollywood agent contacted him and submitted a demo to a record label. After his first multi-platinum single, Ronald Stonely became a household name. As for his mother and uncle, the two of them never really were on good terms again. They merely seemed to enjoy each other?s company for the press. [/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]---[/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium]I'm well aware that it's not Shakespeare. In fact, even by my standards this is an awful story. It just seemed to have a few bits of humor in it, so I thought I'd post it.[/font]

[font=Franklin Gothic Medium][size=1]Note: It's a Semi-Musical because it was originally intended to have song and (more) dance, but I was too lazy to do anything of the sort.[/i][/size][/font]
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I didn't think the story was really bad...it had a few rough edges but, overall, it was a good read. I like how a lot of the stuff was inspired by the Disco era of the 70s (especially Jack-O, Jermaine and Tito - might I be smelling a Jackson 5 reference? :p). Also, anything to do with the people wanting to watch Starsky and Hutch was pretty funny, heh.

So, yeah, overall the story was pretty funny - gave me a good laugh, that's for sure ^_^
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[quote name='Semjaza Azazel']I'm finding this slightly confusing due to the whole Ronald and Roland thing. Especially since you've spelled the title differently in your post and the thread title itself.[/quote]
[color=navy]Damn, I was hoping nobody would notice.

It was rather late when I was writing this, and I tried to fix all of the names, but I didn't do a perfect job. Roland was the name of the original story's main character, and we had to change it to something else.. I suppose Roland and Ronald look too similar, heh. I will be fixing this issue.[/color]
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[size=1][color=#800000]It's so cheesy and plastic that it's impossible not to laugh out real loud ![/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]I realise that you can write better than this, but truly... for what it was, it was good stuff. [/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]- Mimmi[/color][/size]
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