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Gavin's Groupies[PG-LV]


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[size=1][color=blue]This is another OB Parody (my first) on Dragon Warrior, and his desire to be the oh-so-sexyful ruler of these forums. And yes. It [i]is[/i] a really f*cking ridiculous name. xD[/color][/size]

[center][size=4]Chapter 1: Simple Beginnings[/size][/center]

In the cheery halls of the Otaku[b]Boards[/b], many a member skipped and bumped along, talking softly with fellow members and close friends. All obeyed the rules laid down by the site administrators: James, Charles, and Adam. Anyone who did, however, disobey the rules was bannished without question, or a second thought.

Members would gossip about what the member had done for quite a bit. But the dust would settle, and all would return to the way it had been. Peaceful. There had never been revolts [i]against[/i] the rules, nor were there any members disappointed with the Administrators' jobs. They had all worked hard. They had deserved a break.

One year, the members insisted that their loyal Admins take a week or so off to just relax. Adam slipped away as he usually did, and Charles happily strolled away for his "off-duty" days. James, however, urged the members to let him stay, insisting that there was need for him to stay. But the members encouraged him still, promising to obey the moderators and obey the rules. Reluctantly, James, too, disappeared from the "Online" list as he began his well-deserved break.

The members did as they said they would; they did not disobey the moderators when they corrected their mistakes. No one was banned, and no one felt mistreated. Everyone felt happy, even with the absence of superior rule.

But as everyone did their regular tasks, one member, by the name of Dragon Warrior, strayed from the bustling streets of the Arena, and the cozy feel of the Lounge. He planned to do something.. [i]different[/i] while the Admins had their breaks. Something very different indeed.


"Is the next post up yet? Is it? Is it?"
"Calm down! And yes. I think there's another post up today."

There was much discussion over a recent thread in the Arena. A story started by OB's very own Jokopoko. It was dubbed, "Otakuboards: Enter the Game". Even though few had managed to snag a role, huge crowds gathered to read the latest posts.

This sudden spike of interest profited not only Jokopoko, but the scheming Dragon Warrior as well. With so many paying attention to the Arena, the rest of the forums became easy prey. But the moderators were still on duty.

He'd have to wait a little longer.

Not bothering to pay attention to anyone else's work but his own, the shady figure strolled right by the Arena, and ended up before what looked like a cave entrance.

"Hello?" he called, waiting for the echo of his own beautiful voice.

"Hello! Company? I love company! Come share this wonderful stew I've made!" returned a low, scratchy voice. But our beloved villian, startled by the ugliness that replied to his oh-so-beautifulness, stood unmoving, mouth agape. "Hasn't anyone told you it's rude to keep a lady waiting!" the same sound echoed towards him.

"Wait.. You're a WOMAN?!" he gasped, falling on his soft, beloved behind. "That voice could [i]not[/i] have come from a woman!"

"Get your rude ass in here, dammit!"

Getting off the ground in his oh-so-cool way, Dragon Warrior proceeded inside cautiously, fearing any traps, and the sheer ugliness of the face he would see. But, to his surprise, he came upon a beautiful, and veluptious young woman, working frantically at a shiny stove in the light of a tiny lamp standing at the other wall. (Yes.. All I could think of to describe the thing was "shiny". So sue me. <<;; )

"You.. You.."
"Me? Oh yes, the voice.. You see.."

As the woman began, now sounding soft and lovely, to explain why her voice sounded so hoarse, and why she lived in a freaking cave, Dragon Warrior's ears seemed to tune out. He found himself drooling as his eyes examined the fine specimen before him.

"..and that's why.. um.. Hello? My face is up here," she sighed, waving a hand in front of the gaping fool before her.

"OH! Er.. yes, um... What?" he coughed, grasping a random name from thin air. She raised an eyebrow at him, and began frowning. She shook her head.

"This happens everytime.." she whispered. Her head drooping a little, she returned his gaze and cleared her throat. "My name is Annie. I've been cursed by James, as a vile joke, to live in this cave. Whenever someone comes by, they hear the horrid voice which you had heard. This is to scare them away. Very few ever come in. They're either very brave, really stupid, or deaf. You, I'm guessing, are really stupid. No offense," she added, seeing his jaw twitch.

"Well, Annie, I'm very pleased to meet you," Dragon Warrior wheezed through clenched teeth. She smiled, but sighed heavily. "You better get going. You wouldn't want to be caught in this cave with me.. Besides. My pet gets rather angry if she isn't fed."

"Your.. pet?" he squeaked, raising an eyebrow and looking nervously over his shoulder. "Oh yes. Kitty! Come out here! Din din!" she called into the darkness. Bounding out from the shadows came a teenage girl with cat ears and tail, hopping happily about. As she spotted our young villian, she paused.

Shrugging, she grabbed a bowl of soup and began to chug it down quickly.

"No slurping," Annie reminded her.

"Well.. You should be leaving now.. Kitty leaves later on. She has homework, afterall," Annie sighed. The mention of homework made the robed villian cringe, as he remembered an important assignment he was supposed to be doing. Shaking it off, he leaned in to propose an idea to his female acquaintance.

"You'd like to get out of this cave, wouldn't you?" Her ears perked up.

"Of course! But.. there's nothing anyone can do. James hasn't the time to let me out anymore. It started off as a joke, after I ended a story of mine. But.." As she reviewed the past, she sighed heavily.

"What would you say if I told you I could get you out. But in order to get you out, you'd have to join me in my crusade," he smiled devilishly.

"Crusade? .. Are you planning a revolt?!" Kitty squeeled from her seat on the counter. "Yes.. A revolt," he sighed. Turning back to Annie, he awaited her answer.

".. Well.. I'd do anything to get out of here. I long to once again surf the many different forums.. Please. I'll join you," she sighed, shaking his hand.

"That's one minion! How about you, you annoying little feline! Care to join my crusade as well?" he said gleefully. "Um.. what the hell. I've got some free time on my hands," she chirped.

"Wonderful! And if you'll sign this liability form here," he smiled, whipping out a sheet of paper and a pen from within his silky blue robe, "... you'll officially be the first two members of 'Gavin's Groupies'!"

"'Gavin's... Groupies'? What kind of stupid name is that?" Kitty snickered. Recieving a whap on the head with a staff Dragon Warrior had apparently grabbed from thin air, she whimpered and did not dare question the name again.

"Though.. now that you mention it, it does sound kind of stupid. I'll have to think of something better. In the mean time! You are my Groupies! Sign, dammit, sign!"

As the two signed their names, the deviant scoundral that called himself Gavin, began laughing maniacally. His plan was underway. And soon, he'd have most of OB's members under his control.

Subdueing the moderators was his only concern... And that homework assignment. One more late assignment and his teacher would give him an "F", instead of his hard earned "D".

[size=1][color=blue]Well, that's the first chapter. A bit longer than I expected, but eh. Hope Joko doesn't mind the reference. His RP idea was just so good, I couldn't resist but use it. x3 Feed me ideas! >:3

Comments + Critizism = Loved

Note: I don't know if our lovable Gavin really does get D's for not doing his homework, but I thought it'd be a tad funny. Didn't mean to imply anything, DW. ^_~[/color][/size]
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I'll imply my foot in your ass >:^O

Anyways, it was quite entertaining. Out of all the OB parodies I've read on these here forums, this one made me actually laugh out loud the most (and not because I'm in it). And I assure you I get A's and B's. Just one note on this sexy writing...

... I'd never drool over Annie for we have an agreement not to drool over each other :P Besides... er... umm... I've got nothin'. =/
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This has been an excellent read! Many of the stories I read here seem..passive. Yours didn't have a single wasted word. I'm..not so good at giving people Ideas, but the flow of this story is probably it's strongest point beside it's parody-ish-ness humor.

12/10 (as in twelve out of ten!)


Keep writing!
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[COLOR=Blue][SIZE=1]Gah! I'm loving the love guys. And sorry about that, DW. Didn't know about the no-drooling thing. But it was still funny. x3 Onto the next strange chapter![/SIZE][/COLOR]

[center][size=4]Chapter 2: Driving a Bus Must Suck[/size][/center]

After our last chapter, we find our fiendish fiend of a villian strolled happily out of the dark cave, smirking at a piece of paper held tightly in his hands.

[b]"It has begun... Mwaha... Wait, no.. Hahahahaha! No. That's not right either.. Um.. How about.. Hihihihihihihi! No!! Only witch's laugh like [i]that[/i].."[/b]

As Dragon Warrior argued sexily about how he should laugh evily, he felt a slight push from behind. Spinning on his heel, he stopped to see before him the girl he had met just minutes ago. The glee in his smile seemed to fade a bit as he thought, [b]"Not [i]this[/i] pest again..."[/b]

After pausing a moment, he spat, [b]"Can I help you?"[/b] Kitty seemed to take a while to answer his question. Standing silently in the sunlight that beamed down from the cloudless sky above, she stared at him. Getting a bit nervous, Dragon Warrior found himself walking backwards slowly, but she walked after him.

[b]"Stop staring. It's.. uh.. mean."[/b]
[b]"No it's not. And I'm on my way home. Walk me there."[/b]

[b]"You can't order me around! I'm Gavin, dammit! I can't be told to clean up my messes, take a bath, or even change my underwear, let alone walk you home! Now cease and desist! Leave your evil leader be. I have.. evil laughing to practice,"[/b] he explained. Her ears drooping, the girl turned to leave.

[b]"Keep walking, short stack."[/b]

As she disappeared around a corner, the dasterdly devil found himself questioning his exclamation.

[b]"I can't be told to.. clean up my messes? What a lame line. I've gotta work on that,"[/b] he sighed, turning round and heading off to find more followers.


After several long and tiring seconds, we find Dragon Warrior sitting at a bus stop, panting like nobody's business. What an out of shape idiot he must be. But to my remark he spouted, [b]"I'm hearing voices. Narrative, rude voices.. Shit. I need medication."[/b]

Indeed you do. Indeed you do..

Impatient as he was, Gavin managed to wait long enough for the bus to arrive. But to the driver's surprise, he began complaining to her.

[b]"What took you so long? Do you know what I had to endure while waiting for you to come and pick me up? I had walked at least ten feet, and do you know how tiring that is?! Can you possibly [i]imagine[/i] my suffering?!"[/b]

The woman just stared back, chewing her chewing gum (quite loudly, I might add) and closing the bus doors.

[b]"You have to stand behind the white line,"[/b] she instructed. As he opened his mouth to argue, she repeated herself. Grumbling under his breath, he slumped into a seat in the front, next to a young man who looked like he was on his way to a geeky convention.

[b]"Can you believe that bitch?"[/b]
[b]"Who, Saishi? She's just pissed that the writer made her a bus driver."[/b]
[b]"Oh.. Wait. What's a writer?"[/b]

Recieving only a strange look, he added, [b]"Don't answer that. I'm Dragon Warrior, soon to be your evil ruler. Care to join the winning side?"[/b]

[b]"Um... I'm Shinmaru. And.. uh.. No thanks. I'm not going to wage war on any of the site admins,"[/b] he kindly returned. But the eventually-to-be ruler wasn't going to give up. He wanted as many Groupies as possible.

[b]"What have they given you?"[/b]

[b]"Well.. A very well organized, and peacefully run internet home, maybe?"[/b]

[b]"Ah.. Very sensible.. But what [i]haven't[/i] they given you, eh?"[/b]

[b]"Um.. I've always wanted my own Yoshi room. And I'd really want a copy of "One Night on Yoshi's Island". I seem to have misplaced my tape.."[/b]

The thought of a Nintendo creature staring in its own porn tape seemed to escape even the grasp of our young villian's strange and distorted brain. He sat gaping at his new acquaintance, though quite unaware that he was doing so. Shinmaru waved a hand before his face. He seemed to snap out of it, for he shook his head and glanced around, as if he'd forgotten where he was.

[b]"Oh writer? Must you make me gawk hopelessly at people in every chapter?"[/b]

Shut up. I've only written two chapters, so it has only happened twice. Learn to deal, whiney.

[b]"Who you callin' whiney?! I'm going to rule OB!"[/b]

I think that's my desicion, smart ass.

[b]"Oh-Oh yeah?! Well... Poop head! Ha! I won. Don't you think I won?"[/b] he asked Shinmaru, who sat, frightened and confused, beside him.

[b]"I'm staying out of this. If I go against the writer, I may end up the next bus driver."[/b]

Good choice. Very good choice.

[b]"Well [i]anyway[/i],"[/b] the hopeful villian coughed, [b]"What if I, Dragon Warrior, promised you, Shinmaru, your very own Yoshi room and copy of.. Yoshi porn.. if you agreed to become part of my group and serve under me as I retaliate against the admins in an attempt to rule OB and yours, and all the other members', worthless internet lives?"[/b]

Shinmaru faltered after hearing the long offer. What would he do? Would he stick with the current peacekeepers of the Otaku[b]Boards[/b], or would he help the mischief maker get to power? After thinking it over for a moment, he chuckled, [b]"Gimme that damn sheet, bitch!"[/b]

Gavin did not, however, give him the sheet. He, instead, leaned over and whispered something in the Nintendo geek's large left ear. Raising an eyebrow expectantly, he now cleared his throat.

[b]"Oh.. I mean.. I'll join your army, oh great.. ruler? Like that?"[/b]
[b]"Perfect! Here you go!"[/b]

Hearing what he wanted to hear, but not in the oh-so-sexy voice he used to hear while practicing that sexylicious line. When his latest Groupie finished signing the liability waver, he stuffed the paper back into his blue robe and stumbled up towards Saishi.

[b]"Oh bus slave, I'd like to get off at the next stop, thank you."[/b]

But instead of having to wait until the next stop, she pulled the bus over and threw him out on his ass and sped away. Dragon Warrior paused a moment.

[b]"How special am I?! I'm no longer limited by even the bus stops! I can get out anywhere I want! Haaaahaaaa! WAIT! That's it.. the perfect laugh! Damn, I'm on a roll!"[/b]

And with that, the oblivious trouble maker strolled down the street towards a large group of people who he would then enlist.

The rest of the day went just like that. He was on a roll indeed, for he got members such as Drix D'Zanth, to members like Zidargh and Treno. And he got them all by promising them the things they wanted most. Of course, he planned to grant their ridiculous desires [i]if[/i], and only if, they helped him get to power.

At the end of the day, he had quite the mini army developing. But he had been also been informed by his informant that a new Site Administrator is still slithering in the shadows, waiting to squash any attempt at a revolt that may rise while the others away on their vacations. Quite the bad news indeed.

[b]"Obviously James is behind this.. Well, I'll think of something. That clever fiend.. [i]I'm[/i] supposed to be the clever one!"[/b] he exclaimed, slamming his sexy fist on his sexy wooden desk in his oh-so-sexyful office in the Arena Underground.

[b]"My name is--"[/b]
[b]"Inform the other Groupies of a meeting to be held at myO at 6 p.m. sharp!"[/b]

Making a note for himself- because he's not perfect; he forgets things too, you know- he sent off the informant, who was still grumbling that he had a name, and prepared to devise a plan so devilish that there would be no Admin left at OB for the next week. And during that week, he would take over OB.

Oh yeah. And he had to get rid of the moderators, too.

[b]"Note to self,"[/b] he read aloud as he wrote on a hot pink Post-It note, [b]"Get.. rid.. of.. new.. admin.. and.. eventually.. get.. to the.. moderators, too. Ah. I love my sexy handwriting."[/b] Placing it neatly inside his 'Note Box' (a small notebook full of Post-Its and notices, which really isn't a box), he pressed lightly on a small black button and said, [b]"Receptionist?"[/b]

[b]"I have a name, you kn--"[/b]
[b]"Send in my womanses. I need to throw a sexy orgy to get my scheming brain going."[/b]

With that, he let go of the button and paced in front of the door for his womanses to arrive.

[size=1][color=blue]Hope you don't mind me giving you womanses, DW. ^_~

And, no. I have no idea if Shinmaru has a large left ear. @_@;;[/color][/size]
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Okay, that was weird. I never thought I would hear someone get angry at D_W. I wonder who the new admin could be... hey, can I be in the story? I wanna join an army and get my greatest desire! I want a 2 year subscripption to X-box live. Oh, by the way, I like when Gavin chews out the bus driver.
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[b][size=1]I'm [i]:love:loving[/i] :love: this story... tee hee![/size][/b]

[b][size=1]His Evil Sexiness will not rule me, though... for he is my prisoner...muahahaha![/size][/b]

[b][size=1](a[/size][/b][b][size=1]lthough the fool [i]did[/i] dare to capture the dreaded Oni Kaizoku- I shall escape soon enough... !)[/size][/b]

[center] [/center]
[center]DW was the only prisoner I took when I boarded...[/center]
[center]spared only on account of his sexy black mage-iness[/center]
[center] [/center]
[left] [/left]
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