Hyptosis Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 This is just a small comic i was thinking about making. I'd love to know what you guys think. I don't know much about manga's honestly so it'd be a huge help, thanks =] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p01.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p02.jpg[/img]
Chikara Kokoro Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Yay! Actual manga pages! Very pretty ones, I might add. I want to know why the characters have blue hair, but not in a bad way, I'm honestly curious. Two things to work on would be dialogue and paneling. Your dialogue is a little bit clunky and unrealistic, but, like most things, that will get better over time with practice. The paneling is way too separated and blocky for my tastes, mainly because of the thick black bars separating just about every panel. The tutorials on paneling that begin [URL=http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1427661/]here[/URL] could be helpful to you. I am very intrigued by this, and I want to know where it?s going. Honestly, I?m kind of worried because this story could be great or poor depending on how you take it from here on out. No matter how it turns out, the way you begin the story is great. Starting out during action can be typical if done badly, but you did it quite well and pulled it off. Your proportions and backgrounds are fantastic too... I'm kind of jealous XD One thing on the art though, the mouths are somewhat distorted, especially in panel two of the second page. I'm not sure if you meant it to be that way, but it kind of takes away from the otherwise wonderful art.
Hyptosis Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 Thanks guys. I don't have plans fo rit at all, and really there is little story. This is it in fact. The characters have blue hair because when their race was created, their god favored blue, and tied them closely with that color, and water, which is why they are called Undine. But meh, I personally don't usually do this kind of art, so I've no doubts stuff looks off, none of it was on purpose that I know of. This is really my first attempt at 'anime' art of any kind. Thanks for the awesome feedback guys. I spent about 6 hours on each page, so I'm sure there is more than enough room for improovement. If I did get good at it I wouldn't mind trying to get it published.
HeartStopper Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 Dude, that is some good art!, and coming from me is a very good compliment because i consider my self a very good artist! I mean really if that is your first time trying to draw "anime" style, then who knows where you'll be with a little practice! The strip is very good and i agree very much with the first post! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
Hyptosis Posted March 28, 2006 Author Posted March 28, 2006 Thanks so much guys. =] This is all I plan to do, and since I'm starting a new job soon I'll have even less time for personal art. But it was fun to play with, and hope it doesn't totally bore all of you. =] If I do somehow find time in the future I might pick this back up, in any event, let me know how you feel about it. [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p01.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p02.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p03.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p04.jpg[/img] [img]http://www.lorestrome.com/weekly/albums/userpics/10001/loa01p05.jpg[/img]
Nomura Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 YES! Keep it up! Actual Comix, and less just telling about the story. Please, go on. This one may be a keeper.
Hyptosis Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Thanks, but i'm not sure how much more i'll be doing. If enough people like it i might keep going on it, or if someone is interested in putting it to print, we'll have to just see I suppose. Thanks a million for the kind words. =] EDIT: I repaired some pages, page 4 espeically, thanks for looknig guys. =] Hope it reads better now. [color=darkblue][size=1][b]In the future, please use the Edit button to add to your posts, as souble-posting isn't allowed on OB. Thanks. ^^ -Lady K[/color][/size][/b]
_Kenshin_ Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I like how the story's going and the design, I think it'd make a nice manga and maybe eventually a anime :animesmil So when's the next one coming up?
Kenshin DX Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Are you planning to turn this into a manga? Or is it going to stay a comic book?
Hyptosis Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 I don't know if I'll have time to continue much more I would very much like too but I'm still waiting to see what people say. Also, isn't this already a manga? Or are you referring to it being in color or something? Isn't manga basically a comic, or 'funny pictures' or sometihng like that? Anyway, thanks guys. =] I don't know when I'll have new pages, maybe soon if I get caught up on my work.
Kenshin DX Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 ^^^ Well mangas are usually done black and white and read right to left.
Hyptosis Posted March 30, 2006 Author Posted March 30, 2006 Well I won't be doing all of that, no =] It'll be in color, and made like this because I read left to right. =] The only Manga I read is blade of the immortal honestly and the american version reads like an american comic. Thanks and have fun. =P
Chikara Kokoro Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 I simply cannot get over your art style! It is such a wonderful fusion of American and Japanese styles that even if I was completely disinterested in the story, I would make myself read it just for the art :D On the bright side, your story is still showing quite a bit of promise, and the characters with orange hair have fun personalities from what I can tell so far. Manga relates to the style of art, and is only created in black and white and from right to left because black and white is cheaper to print and the Japanese language normally reads from right to left. You?re writing this in English, and you?re printing it on the computer. What I?m trying to say is don?t worry about whether it?s defined as a manga or a comic, the terms can get fuzzy depending on who you talk to. Make sure that your life is sorted out before you keep on doing this. It would be great to see more, but personal life has to take top priority. Good luck!
Delta Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 [COLOR=#656446]Whoa... Dang, the painted feel of the pictures are incredible! The style of coloring complements the fantasy theme really, really well! Absolutely brilliant! I love it to pieces! *shakes Hyptosis's hand* Um, ehrm. I agree with Chikara Kokoro that the panelling needs a bit more work. Panels in some pages don't flow properly, IMO. Perhaps it would help if you overlap them, just to guide the eyes to the next panel. Keep up the good, nay, [i]excellent[/u] work![/COLOR]
Soma Cruz Posted March 30, 2006 Posted March 30, 2006 w00t! REAL manga! This is much better than a bunch of text! It doesn't seem half bad so keep workin' at it! BTW nice art!
Hyptosis Posted March 31, 2006 Author Posted March 31, 2006 Thanks a million guys. I'll work on the comic some more and try to make it better. =]
daredevilsdad Posted March 31, 2006 Posted March 31, 2006 hi im new around here i just wanted to say that ur manga is very impressive n i hope u contiune to create manga its just starting to get interesting
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