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RPG A Dude's Christmas Carol

Dragon Warrior

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Hey dudes and dudettes and fans of my dude stories! Here is the brand spankin' new story from Dude Stories collection staring Ebenezer Scrooge! Enjoy!

A Dude?s Christmas Carol

Long ago, when times were tough for some and cars were no more than horse and cart, there was a man. A greedy man who didn?t do anything nice. He paid his employees little and never gave to charity. His name: Ebenezer Scrooge.

?Mr. Scrooge.? Bob Cratchet said from behind the counter.
?Yes, Mr. Cratchet.? Scrooge said, not even looking up from his work.
?I think we need more coal for the fire. It seems to be getting bitter.?
?Bah! Gumsnug!?
?Uhh? I think it?s suppose to be humbug, sir.?
?I know my own catch phrase, Mr. Hatchet.?
?Umm.. It?s Cratchet, Mr. Scrooge.?
?Bah. Dumhug.?
?Humbug, sir.?
?Silence! I will not hear of this nonsense! It?s slumdug because I said so!?
Mr. Cratchet sighed and filled out some more papers in the glow of his only candle which also, might I add, was becoming rather dim. ?Mr. Scrooge.?
?What now, Crapet!?
?Umm? It?s Cratchet and I wanted to know if.. I? umm?could.. how to say.. have Christmas off.?
?Bah! Lumcub!?
?I?ll take that as a yes, sir.?
?Er.. okay.?
Suddenly, Scrooge?s nephew came rushing in through the door, little snow flakes on his shoulders. Wait a minute! Those are not snow flakes! Ewww!!! Gross!!! Erm? uuhh? anyways, Scrooge?s nephew approached his Uncle at his desk to say a big, ?Merry Christmas, Uncle!?
?Bah! chumgug!?
Scrooge?s nephew turns to Bob Cratchet with a odd look. ?What did he just say??
Bob stares blankly at Scrooge, ?Not sure. Lately, he?s been like that. Poke him. He may come around.? The nephew turned towards his uncle and prodded his forehead with his index finger. Scrooge woke with a startle.
?I didn?t want the pacifier for that! I swear!? When Scrooge noticed where he was, and what he had just said out loud was heard by all the towns folk nearby, he began to sweat with embarrassment. ?What do you want, Nephew??
His nephew immediately began to talk like nothing happened, ?I wish to say Merry Christmas, Uncle and a happy new year.?
?Bah! Rumpug!?
?Oh. I guess he wasn?t saying it in his sleep.? Bob said silently to the nephew.
?I heard that, Matchet!?
?Cratchet, sir.?
?Read my lips. Luummmmwwwwuuuuuggg.? The nephew sighed and walked towards the door, but made a quick Merry Christmas to Bob. Bob replied and the nephew was out in the cold once again. Scrooge scowled and looked at his good pocket watch.
?Drats! That nephew of mine! He made me late! I must go, Datchet. Lock up for me.?
?It?s Cra-oh never mind!?
?Right. Don?t lock up any earlier than the right time.? he handed Bob the keys and took his cane and coat and was out the door. Once out side he was greeted by Cratchet?s youngest son, Tiny Tim.
?Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge.?
?Shouldn?t you be in school??
?I have no school yet. Besides, it?s Christmas break!?
?Then shouldn?t you be playing your little hand held pocket games or something?? Mr. Scrooge picked.
?A what, Mr. Scrooge??
?Oh! You know! Mario and all those goofy friends of his. And that hedgehog. I despise that hedgehog!?
?I don?t know what your talking about, sir.?
?Don?t play dumb with me! You know darn right what I?m talkin? about! And when I get through with this sentence, you might as well just-? Mr. Scrooge fell into a deep sleep in midsentence.
?Umm.. Mr. Scrooge.? Timmy poked Scrooge and he awoke in a startle.
?What? Man. Thank you Timmy. You saved me from a nightmare about that hedgehog. I shall turn good now.?
?No! No! That?s not right, Mr. Scrooge!? Timmy cried.
?Your suppose to be evil ?til you get visited by 3 somethings and learn the true meaning of Christmas.?
?But I already know the true meaning! It?s all about family and friends and-?
?No, Mr. Scrooge! You can?t know that yet!? Timmy began shoving Mr. Scrooge along the icy roads.
?I assure you, Tiny Tim, I?m fine. I can walk on my own and nothing is going to change my mind about Christmas! NOTHING!? He was then hit by a speeding automobile even though they hadn?t been invented yet.

Later, after Scrooge got out of the hospital?

?So, Mr. Scrooge, what is the true meaning of Christmas now??
?I?ll tell you what the true meaning is! It?s Jumcug! That?s what it is!? Scrooge marched off to where he was off to and Tim silently said ?hooray? to himself.

?Ah. Mr. Scrooge I presume.? said a man in a black coat and long white beard, ?Shall we discuss further establishments over, let?s say, dinner??
Mr. Scrooge gave him an odd look, ?You coming onto me??
?No no. I?m just reading from the ?A Dude?s Christmas Carol? script. Look here.? Scrooge examined the pages and went wide-eyed. ?Ah. I do believe you understand. So, I say we should dine at Burger King.?
?No. Too kid?s like.? Scrooge argued, ?Let?s go with Pizza Hut.?
?Pizza Hut makes my stomach unsettled. I say Ponderosa.?
?Bah! Their food is cheap, but it costs to much. Bah! Plumchug!?
?But it?s a nice pla-?
?I said, Plumchug!?
?Okay. What do you want then??
?Okay!? And so they frolicked off to Wendy?s Restaurant in town and dined. They talked of such talk as solving world hunger and how did they come up with white chocolate. Afterwards, they walked outside in the bitter cold. ?So, Scrooge, do you agree to giving 4 trillion kazillion dollars to the orphans to they can become filthy stinking rich??
Scrooge thought for a second and immediately said, ?Sure.?
?NO! Not again!? Tiny Tim emerged from a nearby bush.
?How did you-?? Scrooge began.
?No time to say excuses!? Tim interrupted, ?Your suppose to say no and be greedy!?
?But those poor orphans??
?Orphans, smorphans! You?re the bad guy here!?
?But I want to be good for once. I want to change my ways.?
?It?s too early for that! No one?s stopping you from changing your ways except for everyone. Now say no to the man!?
Scrooge turned to the man in the black coat and white long beard and said with a frown, ?No!? and he left stomping off.
Tiny Tim rubbed his hands together, ?Excellent.?

Later that night?

?Ah. Time for bed. I have my teddy bear Mr. Snugglebuggles with me so I?m all set.? Scrooge jumped into bed with Mr. Snugglebuggles and wrapped the blankets around himself. Suddenly, the window?s opened and the sash was torn from the window frames. It seemed to be a man! It climbed through and walked to Scrooge?s bedside, Scrooge hugging his teddy tight with fright.
?A g-g-ghost??
?No. The pizza boy. Is this 247 Shinpark Ave.??
?No. First house on the next block. Big white house. Can?t miss it.?
?Okay. Thanks. Hey, have a good one.?
?You too.?
?And sorry for the mix up.?
?No problem. Crap happens.? The pizza boy was out the window and gone in a flash. Scrooge snuggled with his teddy and was about to doze off when he heard something. He looked over and a ghost flew through the window. It had a strange resemblance. ?Marley??
?No. I?m Marley?s brother. Of coarse it?s Marley! Who else has this handsome face? Huh??
?Umm? right. I thought you were dead.?
?No. I just took a job at Pizza Hut. Of coarse I?m dead!?
?You sure like sarcasm.?
?I?m sorry. I picked it up from the other guys. Ya know. Haunt Co. It?s where I work now.?
?Ah. Good money??
?Yeah. It?s fair.?
?Good good.?
?Anyways, I am here to not pity you, Scrooge McDuck!!?
?Scrooge McDuck??
?Er? I mean Ebenezer Scrooge! I am here to warn you! Warn you about your future for tonight! You?ll be haunted by 3 dudes. Actually, the first one isn?t really a dude. He?s too ?uncool?. His name is Jerry so watch out for him. Later, dogg!?
Marley was out the window and the window shut behind him as if nothing happened except for a hurricane or earthquake ?cause man was that place a mess. Scrooge hugged his teddy tighter ?til it?s eye bulged. ?I?m scared, Mr. Snugglebuggles. I?m scared.?
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1:00- The Dude of Christmas Past

Scrooge snored soundly when he was awakened by a loud crash. He looked at his window and the glass was cracked. He heard someone say ?Ow?, so he got up to check it out. He opened the window and in popped a dude. Actually, he?s not a dude cause he?s too ?uncool?. It was Jerry!
?Ya know what, bub?? Jerry said rubbing his head, ?You rich folks locking your windows at night really make it hard for us dudes and other guys like robbers and murderers to get into your house at night.?
?Sorry.? Scrooge apologized.
?That?s right. Now it says here on my contract that I show you your past and I get a life-time supply of hair gel. Sweet deal!?
?I?ll say it is! And you need it!?
?Yeah! Your right! Hehehe- wait a minute? shut up! Now for your past. C?mon!? In a flash, they were in the past. ?Well, here we are. The stone age.?
?But the script says we must see my past.?
?Script? Heh. Bah! Scripts are nothing?! And besides, why is everything about you? I wanna see Fred Flintstone.?
?No hair gel, though.?
?Oh alright!? They were taken to the time when Scrooge was young. All the other boys were playing with one another and figuring out how to spell and reading books and all Scrooge was doing was playing with the other boys and figuring out how to spell and reading books and plainly doing everything everyone else was doing.
?Why are we here, Jerry??
?I do not know. There?s nothing wrong with it. Let?s go a little further into time.? They were immediately sent to the time Scrooge was older and more hardworking. He was dancing at parties and flirting with ladies. ?What the bloody ?ell is this all about? Scrooge! Didn?t you do anything bad in your younger days.?
?Well there was that one time when I was 3 or 4 and my ma asked me to water the plants and I kinda did with my own water.?
?Good god, man! That?s sick! Well, why am I here then? I better get my gel because I am missing a good show on TV right now.? Scrooge then found himself alone in his room.
?Was it a dream?? He got up from the floor and looked at the window. There was a crack on the glass.

2:00- The Dude of Christmas Present

The clock struck 2 and Scrooge awoke with a jump. He looked around to see if any ghosts were near. None. He calmly laid back in his bed, happy it was all fake. But the window, as usual, swung open and a dude was revealed. He started to float through the open window but tripped on the windowsill and came tumbling down and hit the vanity. Scrooge ran to the dude?s side.
?You okay??
?Yeah. Except for my arm is off, but it?s no biggy. I have a job to do. I must show you what?s happening right now!?
?Oh no. Not again. Help Mr. Snugglebuggles!? he grabbed his teddy bear but all three of them were taken to the Cratchet?s home together. ?Why are we here, dude??
?Please, old dude. Call me Dude 1. Now, this is the Cratchet?s home.?
?I know that!?
?Oh? well? now you know again. Just watch what happens.? Scrooge paid attention to everything. The family gathered around the door as Tiny Tim and Bob came in from the wintery night. They then all sat down to a feast and made grace.
?God bless us. Everybody.?
?What was that, Tim?? Bob said with a mouth full of food.
?I said, God Bless us. Everybody.?
?Oh. I thought he said something else.?
?What did you think I said, father??
?I thought you said mankind may come to a terrible end when Microsoft?s computer equipment stop hitting the markets.?
?Never mind.? Scrooge looked curiously at them.
?What are you guys talking about?? he said.
?They can?t hear or see ya, man.? Dude 1 told Scrooge.
?Oh. Is that right? Well, then I can do this.? Scrooge lifted a piece of the goose and started to eat it. The Cratchet family?s eyes went bloodshot and they all turned pale. Dude 1 took Scrooge away.
?What are you doing, man? They can see you do that! Or at least see the goose leg disappear in midair.? Scrooge licked his fingers.
?Sowwy.? he said with a full mouth.

After the family awakened from unconsciousness and finished their meal, they went into the dining room to sing Christmas carols. Bob stopped his wife and whispered to her, ?Tim seems to be getting stronger. Look!? They turned to see Tiny Tim lifting all his brothers and sisters that were sitting on a bench all at once over his head.
The wife turned back to her husband, ?I agree.? Scrooge watched with a smile.
?Good, Tiny Tim! Live, boy! Live!? Tiny Tim dropped the bench and his siblings fell out the window. He marched up to Scrooge and yelled.
?I thought I told you to be evil! EVIL!?
Scrooge backed off. ?I thought you said they can?t see me or hear me.?
Dude 1 grabbed Scrooge?s arm. ?This one looks like he?s possessed, man! Let?s scram!? They were gone in a flash and ended up in Scrooge?s Nephew?s home. They were having a party with lights flashing and big punch bowls. Everyone was dancing to wild music.
?Ya know. My Uncle Scrooge is a crazy man. No one likes him.? Scrooge couldn?t believe his own Nephew said that.
?Stop this, Dude 1! I want to go home! NOW!? When he opened his eyes, he was back in bed. He felt himself and he was wet. ?Eww? I hope this is sweat. Oh my! The third ghost!? He started to nail boards to the window and the door.

Later that night- The Last Dude

Scrooge sat shivering in his bed with his teddy when he heard a knocking on his chamber door. ?Who?s there??
?PIZZA BOY! OH YEAH!? Scrooge got up and started to take down the boards to the door. The door swung open and there was the last dude. ?PARTY TIME, OLD MAN! OOOOHHH YEEEAAAAHHH!? Scrooge held his side for his heart was pounding madly.
?Cardi? ac? arrest? ack!!?
?Help? me??
?OOOKKAAY!!? The 3rd dude slammed Scrooge?s back and he suddenly felt better. ?ALLLLRIIIIGHT NOW! TIME TO SHOW YOU YOUR FUTURE! OOOHHH YEEEEAAAAHHHH!? Dude 2 brought Scrooge to an old shack out near the edge of the town. An old woman and an old man were sitting over a table, exchanging items. ?Hehee. I can?t believe he?s finally dead.? The woman began, ?and I was able to raid his stuff.?
?She was what?? Scrooge looked at Dude 2.
?Umm? DON?T LISTEN TO HER. C?MON!!!? Scrooge shoved Dude 2 down a hill and off a cliff. ?OOO! OW! PAIN! NEW SENSATIONS! JAGGED ROCK! OOOHHH YEEEAAAAHHH!?
?I stole this pocket watch,? The old woman continued, ?Could I get a pretty penny for it.? The man took it from her hands and examined it.
?I guess I?ll give you this much.? He held out a bag of money and the woman snatched it up. They shook hands and agreed.
?I?m glad he?s gone for good. I never liked him anyway.? She left with the bag of loot and Dude 2 started his way up the cliff. He walked to Scrooge?s side.
?Who?s dead, Dude 2??
?WELL, COME AND SEE!!! OH YEEEEAAAHHH!? There was a flash and Scrooge ended up in a graveyard. He stood in front of a grave and his eyes went wide.
?No! No! Nooooo! Not Gingersnaps, my neighbor?s cat!?
?WHAT? WHOOPS! WRONG GRAVE! OOH YEAH!? Dude 2 zapped them to another grave and Scrooge screamed like a little girl.
?I?m dead.? Suddenly, Scrooge was staring at a wooden plank on his floor of his bedroom. He thought for a moment. ?I?m gonna be dead and no one will care. I must make haste!?

Christmas day? FINALLY?.

?Merry Christmas, sir.?
?Merry Christmas, lad.? Scrooge replied to a boy on the streets. He knocked on Bob Cratchet?s door and Bob answered.
?Mr. Scrooge. What a.. pleasant surprise.?
?Merry Christmas, Mr. Cratchet.?
?Why, Mr. Scrooge, you said my name right. And you said Merry Christmas. It?s a bloody miracle!?
?And here, Bob Cratchet. 4 trunks loaded with food? and hair gel.
?Oh than-why hair gel??
?I do not really know.? Scrooge rushed off to a man in a black coat and gave him 4 trillion kazillion dollars for orphans. He then rushed to his nephew?s. Before he could knock on his nephew?s door, Tiny Tim answered.
?Well, well, well. Look who it is.?
?Why, Tiny Tim. How are you??
?Shut your pie hole. Your evil. You shall carry on with evil deed.? Tiny Tim pushed Scrooge around the yard until they spun in circles 500 times. They finally stopped when Scrooge was in the yard and Tiny Tim was in the road. ?And if you don?t become evil again, I?ll have to-?
?Nephew!? Scrooge?s Nephew rushed out to greet him.
?Hey! Scrooge! No!? Tiny Tim said jumping up and down but he was hit by an oncoming car.
That Christmas, Scrooge was invited to be with his family and friends. He never remembered the visit from the 3 dudes or how to say ?humbug?, but he and his family shared pie and stories and great carols. And most importantly, Gingersnaps was there. ?Meow!?
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Dragon Warrior [/i]
[B]Yes. Listen to the infected and diseased elf known as Britty. Many many stories i have written. My website will soon be up so they'll be on there. Just u all wait. [/B][/QUOTE]

:therock: Infected-diseased-elf??? You little... *whacks him on the head with a holly-coverd sledgehammer*
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