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Vicky

Writing
A Music Project

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'Iya.

I bet you were expecting a piece of written work. Well, not yet. I want your opinions first =).

It's a known fact that a lot of good writers have a keen sense and taste of music. Well, most of them, I have a shamingly mixed music taste. But anyway, I've started a project. My idea is to have the most amazing piece of music, feeling and words I've ever written. I've so far spent 16 hours on 300 words. Insane? Yeah, but it's a learning curve.

Our brief for our 1,750 word personal writing was to 'connect to the reader's emotions through words and any other medium'. Something along those lines.

Here's the idea:

I've written a piece that takes 3:44 to read. This is the exact length of Raindrops by Sash. The piece takes place in a subway tunnel where me and 25 friends had a massive rave with bass speakers to Raindrops and I kissed a girl. Nothing special but when I listen to Raindrops it brings back a flood of emotions and makes me want to jump around everyone. It's hard to explain, near impossible in fact, so I wanted to give the reader the exact same feeling. Through description and words.

The idea is that word follows the beats of the song. For example, when it builds up I build up that exact tension in the piece. When the beat is insane and crazy the words are a mess of excellent insanity (though easy to read) and, with the combination of listening to Raindrops and reading my piece, you should get some kind of brilliant rush. You should start reading the piece when the music begins and finish when the music ends. Can you see what I'm trying to do?

Unfortunately, I ran into a few problems.

1 - I don't know if this effect will work at all, because people read at different speeds.
2 - Can you actually concentrate with the words and music at once?
3 - Is this an absolutely pointless combination?
4 - Can I even DESCRIBE places in detail - I mean, I have to focus on feelings and expression. Sentences like "Bodies in motion moving greeting drinking swinging breathing". Most of the time I'm completely ignoring grammar rules - is this acceptable?

So I just wanted some feedback. Just basically if you think it's a good idea, if it's possible, and whether you'd enjoy reading it. Any tips you might have, maybe you've tried this before. I don't know. I'll post the piece when I get feedback - if any.

Ciao!

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1 - I don't know if this effect will work at all, because people read at different speeds.
2 - Can you actually concentrate with the words and music at once?
3 - Is this an absolutely pointless combination?
4 - Can I even DESCRIBE places in detail - I mean, I have to focus on feelings and expression. Sentences like "Bodies in motion moving greeting drinking swinging breathing". Most of the time I'm completely ignoring grammar rules - is this acceptable?


Okay, first off I think you have a interesting idea. Although I can see how you are running into some problems. As for your first problem I really can't help you there because, yeah of course people read at different speeds! But you are basically going to have to just bet on them keeping up to the pace of the song.
Secondly, if people can drive and put on make-up, text, curl their hair - not that any of those things are good ideas - than I am pretty sure that they could concentrate on music and reading.
Thirdly, I don't think it's pointless! You have a cool idea so how could it be pointless? People listen to music and read at once all the time, so by putting the music and the book in harmony you get a clear picture of emotion and action behind the story the words and the music tell.
As for your last question I really don't know about describing the places. I guess that is up for you to decide as the writer. Also, I don't know what you have written so I really can't say. When it comes to grammar rules I am pretty sure it's acceptable, but I suppose I could be wrong.

Anyway, I hope this helps! Good luck!

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[font="Tahoma"][color="#000080"]I think it's a pretty brilliant idea. I mean, people often mention songs they listen to for inspiration, so it's not so out of the way. It would also make sense if you're building a story around the music, since without that element, the story will feel like it's missing something when someone starts to go through it (though it'd be an interesting experiment to get people's reactions from reading it both with and without music).

As far as ignoring grammar rules go, the entire English language breaks its own rules constantly, so I don't see why you can't. =p But in all seriousness, if you're going to try something like that, I'd say go all out or don't try it at all. Pussyfooting with it will probably make it seem clunky.

Anyway, I hope to see that from you at a future point.
[/color][/font]

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Cheers guys!

Well it's become a full-fledged experiment. I've written the Raindrops piece but it was difficult because I picked the most upbeat and... well basically beaty tune I had. It was difficult because my natural rhythm didn't work. It took a few hours to write and I had to listen to the song about 70 times to get the exact beats.

It works in the way that when the phrase 'encore une fois' is sung in the song you read 'one more time' (the translation) on the page. Hopefully this can keep people in sync with the music and the piece.

I've also found that Barber's Adagio for Strings (William Orbit version) is bloody excellent. Fortunately, we played this at our rave too. No words, just a big long beat.

In a few days I'm going to post (one after the other) both pieces with the music and we'll see how it goes. My Creative Writing lecturer has agreed to read the pieces without the music so I'll see what response I get. If it works then I'm going to look into a full experiment of this - remember, these are only drafts. I'm certainly no musician and I'm certainly no profressional writer.

So keep a look out! I'd love for you both to have a look. When I post them in a few days I'm really looking for comments on:

- How well the piece read itself
- Whether it worked in sync with the music
- Language. How was the piece as a general bit of writing? Too music descriptions, not enough, too many adjectives?
- Did you feel any kind of connection to the piece, or anything at all?

There will also be a picture my friend took a few years ago of that tunnel or some form of the setting. Let's see how it all works, eh?

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[SIZE=1][B]Commentary:[/b] So here we go. Just to let you know the exact video I used can't be embedded... all I can suggest is you start reading when the music begins and don't have it too loud to make sure you can get the picture in your head. I wrote this piece 7 times redrafted to the music - trying to fit in everything that happened so you'd understand.

But then I realised even I didn't understand my memories. They were a blur of random images and random things happening, impossible to imagine all at once unless I sat down and dwelled on it for an hour. So what did I do? I threw away the drafts and I wrote 1 piece to the music, beginning to end. I edited the typos, of course, but that's the only edit. To me the beat works pretty well - encore une fois ties with one more time - but maybe it's because I know the song like breath.

Please remember this is purely an experiment. I know the words are like chaos and a mix of crap adjectives but they all do have meaning (ie: sky lovers - when you dance and you're drunk you look up at the sky). It's not meant to show writing ability, merely experiment with the deepest dimensions of language, emotion, music and memory. The image above the video is the tunnel we had this rave in - that's me drinking the JD.[/size]

[center]-------


[SIZE=3][B]One More Time[/B][/size]



[img]http://a.yfrog.com/img839/7792/bridgez.png[/img]




[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooxiob3pttY&feature=related[/media][/center]


[align=justify][font=lucida sans unicode]These bodies are in motion as they theoretically move; they greet, they swing, they shout and they breathe in that hot claustrophobic air. Our bass speakers start the waves of a beautiful rave motion vibrating the bright green-illuminated subway walls; we crowd around, denim patches and boots a like, in the dark gritty piss-stained tunnel.

You can see the sound waves move over our faces and bring a vibrant smile on our dark filthy features. We begin to move our feet amongst vodka shards that carpet over the concrete, moving, dancing, screaming and showing the world what it's truly meant to be like.

Take a good look at the picture in your head. Of men and monsters who stand waiting for the bass drum kick. Of drunk punks. Of sky lovers in gutters.

Tension rises, breathing shakes. Powerful motives of energy and dance grip the spines. We move like chaos - dancing a dance to the beat with that need to be so free free free. We'll show you life.

And it begins.

(One more time).


We dance to the feel of treble bass running through our blood like a drunk head rush - our eyes are beating with the drumbeat and the heartbeat and the sweat beats down us mixed with beer as our bodies come alive.

I danced with human locomotion - the sonic booms raging through the sub' drowns all reason except that one voice whispering in a husky kindness:

"You bring me alive."

Her hair was drenched with rain water and it dripped off her nose. You could smell the whiskey on her tongue as she pushed her face to mine and I pushed back nose to nose like a bull against the rails. I smiled, smile to smile with her in my face and brought my body dangerously into her personal space.

The chorus rung out in a sob of voices chanting the same phrases over and over again to the melody of a mad man's rave and I held onto her as I bounced back and forth wall to wall falling against her as we laughed against drunkern infinity singing back:

"You bring me alive."

(One more time).

This was righteous and felt damn perfect as we danced like maniacs but I kept myself insanely close to my new niche. I breathed out that single whisper against the harsh screams of the rest who blurted out dynamics of the song but she kept me focused and we brought the music alive with intensely epic directed focus that brought us alive.

Raindrops flew in from the storm outside attacking our basses and faces with sincere effort but couldn't stop that beat in our heads as we danced to the music and blasted out the chorus from cider-filled lungs. Me and this lady we moved in real close together and danced more like a mucky little tango jig but I kept smiling drawn in real close.

I paused at her face... to sigh those words onto her tongue... you bring me alive.

A heartbeat raging bringing me alive.

I paused for a minute. Just to watch her. See her move in. Her hands on my face. I pulled her off, deep deep look in her bright blue bright eyes. I remember the raindrops on her face, the smell of 2005 cider black cider whiskey; I knew where I needed to be.

And the music goes -

(One more time)


A sychronised sing song from our friends came through as the music pelted its ultimate momentum. We chorused the song of whispers and tonight and the thoughts of being with each other, too insane to keep a real beat but flowing with a distinct rhythm in our luxurious mixed up memories.

We screamed and shouted and drunk that beer dry and I remember her mouth (dry) like rough grass when we moved together and brought each other alive in the heat of the moment in the heat of the dancing fire alone at once. We made each other breath we made each other cry we made each other bleed we made each other and each beautiful memory so beautiful so pretty so precious so -

- alive.


(One more time).[/align][/font]

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that was a pretty intense read.
I cant say I am the biggest fan of that style of music (mostly because i usually find it repetitive and meaningless) but with an epic poem that i am going through, i liked it loads more!

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[quote name='CaNz' date='31 October 2010 - 10:02 AM' timestamp='1288519370' post='701419']
that was a pretty intense read.
I cant say I am the biggest fan of that style of music (mostly because i usually find it repetitive and meaningless) but with an epic poem that i am going through, i liked it loads more!
[/quote]

Cheers for the review CaNz =), mucho appreciated.

I'm looking to delve into different music and hopefully break away from phrases and mixed words to give it a bit more 'descriptive' feeling. Adagio for Strings is the next bad boy I'm working on but it's near impossible to do some kinds of music. I'll be staying away from Heavy Metal lol, but Rage Against the Machine and Sigur Ros are a possibilty.

I do have something to say... three people have already said 'I like your [b]poem[/b]'. It's not a poem! It wasn't meant to be a poem! No, I'm kidding, I'm not angry and I don't mind =p. To me it's quite interesting as a poem (a weird form of free verse maybe) and I can see from reading it that it does sound like a poem. I'll have to work on the prose side more to keep away from falling into poetry.

Again thanks for the comment!

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I was kinda afraid of calling it a poem, since what you made seems like a new creation, but the (lyrics maybe?) words are very poetic. :sweatdrop:

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[quote name='CaNz' date='31 October 2010 - 10:24 PM' timestamp='1288563859' post='701431']
I was kinda afraid of calling it a poem, since what you made seems like a new creation, but the (lyrics maybe?) words are very poetic. :sweatdrop:
[/quote]

Hey don't worry about it! I've been told I'd be good at poetry but I've never written a real poem before. Maybe I'm just some kind of poetic word terrorist heh.

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even if you are a terrorist, i would still keep up with your heretical teachings! This was very entertaining and if you ever make another one you already have a reader. :]

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