Writing Teardrops

[Talon]

[i]It's over in five minutes, but it felt like an hour.
I play the scene through my head as I fall.
His rash words flying at her, making her scream.
He pulled the dagger, flashing it in the sunlight
As I ran down the block to see my lover.
Her eyes went cold with shock when she saw the blade.
He grinned evilly, knowing he had her trapped.
He'd tricked her so many times, saying he loved her.
The dagger flew, his arm with it, and I jumped.
He stopped two seconds too late as I felt it pierce.
My blood began to trickle, her scream grew louder.
He pulled the knife from me, hindered by police.
I fell, bleeding, into her arms, her loving arms.
As she cried on my chest, I felt the air leave me.
The blood ceased to bleed, my heart slowly stopped.
She kissed me one last time, no matter the blood at my mouth.
When she pulled away, I saw the last thing I would ever see.
Teardrops.[/i]

I know it isn't as good as my other three, but I had to do something gloomy, yet lightening. So, how is it?

[Trumen]

Nicly written poem, depressing but nicly written.

[Boo]

Good! Really good [I][U][B]Friend[/B][/U][/I] :D As good as the spar :cool:

[Queen Asuka]

[color=crimson][size=1]I actually really liked that piece. Like I've stated in other places, I like sad and depressing things like that, and even though you don't get to hear the background story of what the situation is, you really get to be in the moment. I REALLY liked it. Good job....[/color][/size]

[Phantom]

John, excellent work.. that I KNOW is from the heart... *nods empathically*

I hate to doit but, disection time:

the lack of rhyme could be better made up for using mutiple stanza oriented writing.. and that is the only critisism i can come up with.
the words used to describe the events that took place within that poem were quite well chosen and yet another top notch renderment of your mind and soul...

8/10

[Talon]

Thanks. As for the background Queen... let's just say that in a way, I've given my life to save Artea's, and I was reborn. I'll pu that in another poem or story later on, just not now. If you read this...I love you Artea.

[BearsBaby635]

I love you too *cryies* its great..discribes what happened....exactly.....*screams in pain of the memory* :*(
I love you so much.....

[Mist]

[color=red][size=1] I'm sure I know nothing of this event, but it was simply wonderful. I loved it. Great job![/color][/size]

[Talon]

Umm... Again, let's just say a part of me died. There. The real event will be known only to those in certain circles until the ache in "her" heart is somewhat healed.

[vegeta rocker]

liked it veryyyyyyy much. it reminds me of one i wrote about hiei and his and his twins tears...but urs is much better!

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=crimson]To insert my generic comment; "Sacrafice is good. Sacrafice works". Other than that, my congratulations. Of course, perhaps I'm just too quixotic for my own good. Knife wounds are bad, at least in my experience, so I feel your pain there. At least scars, both in body and heart, fade, or are removed.[/font][/color]

[Shinkoru]

JOHN!! Why do you always write about that?!?! I know its horrible and nice to get out but, that..day..oh John....*hugs you* I know, I write abotu it too.. sorry. Well HEY look at the bright side! Thanks to him were all not GREAT poets. heeh :)....:(
Well I give ya 9/10, although my judgments a little biased. Wouldn't you say. Me knowing what event your decriding. but don't forget... you never did see that all to fimillar shadow looking in the background, ready to give his life for you.. and with him carried my love you know. I was their, as promid. Don't forget john, I swores. And I'm keeping that promoes. You know which. OH Um..sorry.. lol..but yes, poem..loved it...heh...

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=crimson]Hmmm. Most interesting. It seems my lost cathartic friends' pasts have been nearly as...illustrious as mine is. Most interesting indeed.[/font][/color]