Writing My Vision of an Angel

[Talon]

The sunlight glimmered in her soft black hair,
All the radiance shimmering in her crying brown eyes.
I took her into my then-rough arms,
Comforting her sorrowed mind.

She looked at me as if I was a knight
And that's when and where I vowed my heart
To guard, protect, and keep her sane
I became her shining, loving knight.

Her arms locked around my waist,
One of her warm hands found my right one.
She gripped it firmly, cascading me away
Into a realm of dreams come true.

The way she kissed me the day after that
Sent me into a deep, deep trance.
I felt as though she needed my heart
Though hers belonged to another.

He tore her apart with his desperate lies,
Left her lying naked in her own mind.
He forced me to draw my sword,
Forced me to stand in the line of fire.

She held on to me, not letting go.
She wrapped her arms around me.
I took blow after blow,
helping her with the pain.

Her lips met mine once again,
This time we kissed as lovers.
She felt me collapse into her arms.
She is my vision of an angel...

[Phantom]

Separation of the stanza's... each stanza symbolizes one key element... length, care, heart... EFIN SWEEEt.. you have just created by my standards a flawless poem..

Critique: 9.673/10

[BearsBaby635]

I love it! *cryies running to EFK's arms* I love you so much. Its just so sweet!

[Talon]

Thank you, my friend. Yhis is the true story of my life in Jaimie's arms... I felt I had to tell the story. Thank you, my dearest love, Jaimie. I love you, too. *Cries a little, not believing I could show such emotion in public*

[Mist]

[color=red][size=1] Wow...[b]that[/b], my friend, is what we call [i]real[/i] poetry. That was absolutely wonderful. The emotion was painfully present and your wording was fantastic. [b][i]Great[/i][/b] job![/color][/size]

[Corey]

My god...
That's beautiful.

10/10

[Talon]

Thanx, everyone. I thought you would hate it. Oh well.

[vegeta rocker]

thats pretty good. Totally felt each stanza like each one could have existed by itself and still been great.

[Talon]

Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^=

[Dark-Eye]

This is a great poem you should right more. I can never write anything this good. Good job Hunter.

sign,Dark-Eye

[Mist]

[color=red][size=1][QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ElvenFoxKnight [/i]
[B]Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^= [/B][/QUOTE]

:rotflmao: Hehehe! That was funny...:blulaugh:[/color][/size]

[Mitch]

Great! 9/10! And you thought everyone would hate it?

[RicoTranzrig]

That was great! In my mind I think...even though the guy is gone, the pain's still there and...there's not a lot of people out there who can stand up and take a beating just to ease the pain of someone else. But never once did you attack the wrong doer...the gentleman's way. :) You're lucky to have each other.

[Talon]

Thank you. I REALLY thought you would all just aim a gun at me and shoot me...I...thanks...

[The Harlequin]

[font=gothic][color=crimson]You should know better by now. Your poetry is excellent.[/font][/color]

[vegeta rocker]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by ElvenFoxKnight [/i]
[B]Well, uh...no, it wouldn't have. People would just stare at it and say "What the hell is he talkin' about?". ^_^= [/B][/QUOTE]

Well i am a little weird, so i guess it was just me....great poem anyway!:p

[Barra Maral]

John, I gotta admit, that one *I* liked. Bravo. Excelent dude.
I would like to give this poem a 10/10