Writing Poem that was written awhile back

[Vegitto4]

I wrote this awhile back. About 4 months ago, when i was mad at the world. I still slightly am from time to time, but isn't everybody?

This doesn't flow as the next one I will post, once i can find it. However, I like it. it has a Dark morbid feel to it.


Reflection

As I look through the mirror
Into my eyes
All i see
is the hatred Inside.

Hatred for those
That should have recieved
What was coming to them
To Fufill there greed

Little did they know
That the Kid that Liked everybody
Scorned them all in Reality.

If humanity could make up there Minds
And not whine all the time
Things would get done
And those that needed
Dealing with are gone.

Watch your back
For somebody is always standing
Right behind you
Watching.
Waiting.
For the perfect moment
To Start Stabbing......

[Genkai]

it was nice...... i think it could've been better without rhyming.... hmm...:whoops:

[Vegitto4]

thx. I didn't try to rhyme alot of it, because it started sounding bad. I changed a bit though. It's up at otakupoetry.com, but yeah.

I guess I'll post another one, being that I foudnt he one i wanted to post anyway. This one is about 2 girls, but mostly about this one that i have admired for 4 years.


[B]Whisper of Fate[/B]


[I]Listen hard
And you just might hear
The Whisper of Fate
Lightly in your ear

Once you turn
The Sound is gone
You look Frantically
But you it's far from

What did it say?
Could you tell at all?
Or where you to concerned
With who was admiring you
Down the hall

Open your ears
And you just might hear
Your greatest dream
Or your worst fear
[/I]

[Corey]

I absolutely love the first one. It's going in my book of poems for sure.
The second sounds very touching untill the last line when you do a 360 and make it sound evil.

[Vegitto4]

So you didn't like the ending on the second one?

[Raquel]

I like them both... Good job... Keep it up ^^


Siren

[Lady Asphyxia]

I liked them, and I liked the twist at the end of the second...it sounded it little evil, but a little...grrr...I forget my words today(having a bad day) ARGHH! I can't remeber the word Im searching for...well, I liked it.

I really liked the first poem too...

[Vegitto4]

Gracias all of you. now, would any others care to post, before i post the other oens i have written. I have to get them back from my girlfriend before i can post them, seeing as they were all to, and about her. One of them isn't done, it will end when the relationship ends

[Mitch]

[color=red] You have potential as do all writers. I seemed to really like the second one the most of all. It seemed better written, and maybe I could emphasize with it more. Keep writing and one day you'll get even better.[/color]

[zidane11]

The people here at otaku are just simply brilliant.