Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Crazy --- One day you said I was crazy I said whatever, beacause I'm lazy We talked and became good friends I thought about you, to no ends One day I said I love you A while later, you said you love me to Now it's not working out But I still love you without a doubt One day you said I was crazy I am crazy Crazy for you --- By: Taylor Hewitt
Patronus Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [size=1][color=70000][b]No, this isn't flaming whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I browse this forum alot. It made...absolutely no sense, and seemed very, [i]very[/i] forced. Leh[/b][/color][/size]
Raiha Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [color=royalblue]And I am forced, haha haha, to agree. I have no idea why, I just get a feeling of it, aside from my personal vendetta that begs me to rip your eyeballs out.[/color]
Brasil Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Incoherent, forced, blase, uninspired, unoriginal. Hackneyed rhymes. There's a thing called METER. Try using it. Try again. Or hopefully you won't try again.
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 All three of you hate me. Just say it. I know you do. All of you are a bunch of... I can't say it but you know it yourself. Those aren't opinions or even constructive critism. That's flaming.
Patronus Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [size=1][color=700000][b]See? You twist my words around. Listen to us. We all write way more then you do. We know alot more about it then you do. So, if you're smart, you'd take our advice. ;) Leh[/b][/color][/size]
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 It just seems like everyone hates me! I wept about it at night... ok I didn't do that but I thought about it last night and I just don't like how everyone hates me. I don't do it on purpose.
Brasil Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Taylor Hewitt [/i] [B]All three of you hate me. Just say it. I know you do. All of you are a bunch of... I can't say it but you know it yourself. Those aren't opinions or even constructive critism. That's flaming. [/B][/QUOTE] Gee...*******? Like Denis Leary's song... And it's not flaming, either. We know more about writing and have done it a hell of a lot longer than you. My critique was brief because I had to sign off quickly. Though...you're right. I do very much dislike you. You act like a whiny and melodramatic little girl.
SadClown Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by PoisonTongue [/i] [B] I do very much dislike you. You act like a whiny and melodramatic little girl. [/B][/QUOTE] LoL, classic. :laugh: They are right though, you acctually have to know about poerty before you write it, and even though I'll give you an A for effort, rhyming the last words or each line reminds me of something out of Mother Goose, and anyone can write like that. Poerty should have a beat to it, like music in a way. When you read it allowed, you should be able to feel that beat. Thats one reason writting poetry is hard, becuase you have these boundaries to stay within. Try writting something with a simple rhyme scheme like: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Well I'm just experimenting. Just my 2nd. Thank you very much for the input and contructive critism! ^^
XeEmO Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Go read up on some poetry online. Then after you've done that, read it again, and again, and again. You shouldn't post every poem you make, because like you said, you're just experimenting. With [u]a lot[/u] more practice, you'll be able to make [u]much[/u] better poems. I would have to agree with Logan on this one. It [i]doesn't[/i] make any sense. Edit: Also try to use better vocabulary in your poems.
OtakuSennen Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Heh. It's good for a beginner, but the meter is a little iffy and the rhyme scheme is a little plain... [b]7/10[/b] :sweat: And no, I don't hate you. It's constructive criticism.
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 What is a meter? I'm a bit confused. Yes I'm a n00b to writing but I want to be better. Thanks!
Raiha Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 [color=royalblue]The wise refer to it as [url]www.dictionary.com.[/url] But since you probably won't do it yourself because you're too busy being yourself, I'll post it here. Although I doubt you'll understand, you're too young for these large words. Meter: Rhythmical arrangement of syllables or words into verses, stanzas, strophes, etc.; poetical measure, depending on number, quantity, and accent of syllables; rhythm; measure; verse; also, any specific rhythmical arrangements; as, the Horatian meters; a dactylic meter. Now you know. Go forth and do better.[/color]
The Harlequin Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 [font=gothic][color=indigo]Personally TH, I wouldn't give much of a damn about [i]that[/i] particular trio. At all.... The only advice I have to give quatrains and the like a try, rather than just couplets. (Four lines stanzas instead of two. It adds a potential variety for the rhyming scheme, and such.) Other than that, I'll disagree and say that the poem did make sense, to me at least. It simply didn't have a lot of subject.[/font][/color] [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Raiha [/i] [B][color=royalblue] Although I doubt you'll understand, you're too young for these large words. .[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] [font=gothic][color=indigo]Yeah Raiha, you're [i]really[/i] in a position to talk there....[/font][/color]
James Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 [color=#707875]Another thread like this? Logan, Raiha and PT. I'm warning you -- keep to constructive criticism. I'm going to have to block all three of you from this entire forum if you can't remember that. If you're only going to sit here and bash Taylor and his poems, you shouldn't be posting here. As far as the poem goes...I think it makes sense, it's just a bit too rough. So, it needs some work. You could post another draft in this thread (rather than creating multiple threads). [/color]
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 Thank you for your support James and Harliquin (sorry if i spelled it wrong). I will post them in one thread. But the thing is. The only problem is if its been a while and even if i posted last i cant post a new post because it would be double posting. Anyways. Thank you.
Ben Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 Taylor, I'd think that by now you'd have learned that there is an EDIT button for such a problem. Thanks for being so polite and rule-abiding though. I don't particularly think the poem is [I]bad[/I], but I think you would do better to not write about personal things; they seem to cramp your writing ability. I know, I've tried. >_<
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 Thank you for your constructive critism Ben. :) I will learn and grow from it.
Guest dayday Posted August 5, 2003 Posted August 5, 2003 It made plenty of sense to me. I called him crazy and that's how we first met. And I had said in the other thread not to write about personal stuff. What's the main word in there? Person. So you keep it to one person. Get it? Well, that's not true but that's what me and my brother do. We take a word out of another and explain it. In the end it makes sense.
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 7, 2003 Posted August 7, 2003 Thank you dayday! I really appriciate you clearing this up! :) You have inspired me to write those I guess you probably know by now ^^
Ravenstorture Posted August 10, 2003 Posted August 10, 2003 [color=darkgreen][font=gothic]A couple of the people above me would agree that my poetry skills are above average, in fact, I've even had Harlequin tell me that my poetry was - indeed - poetry... and instead of taking it as an insult to all the [i]other[/i] poetry that apparently wasn't poetry, I thought it was a brilliant compliment. Taking into account that he is constantly bitching about how people never write poetry anymore, just string words together... ...Well, what you did wasn't really that good. But it will make you feel better to hear that I've done worse, Harlequin's done worse, in my opinion Raiha's done worse, and there is a 90% chance that your favorite pop star has done worse a number of times and still made **** loads of money out of it. Keep trying, you'll move further down the path. Whether or not it's to poet laureat, or public toilet graffiti, who knows. "The ladder of art lies flat, not vertical." - Margaret Preston.[/color][/font]
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 10, 2003 Posted August 10, 2003 Wow. Thank you so much RavensTorture! I am honestly thankful for your critism. It's much better than that of Logan or PoisonTongue. He's a peach. ^_^ Thank you/
Guest Taylor Hewitt Posted August 10, 2003 Posted August 10, 2003 Now who's spamming? A peach is not a flame. It is a fruit. I am simply using that word because it is so... nice. Think of it as a compliment. Now if you will excuse me I have a life.
Guest Magdalena Posted August 10, 2003 Posted August 10, 2003 Taylor, why does it say banned in your title? Just wondering.. Moving on now, your poetry seems to be a bit elementary. Why not try writing about happy stuff, where you might have a bit more knowledge of vocabulary for? Variety is a good thing and helps writers grow.
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