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Turkey

Kicked out of my own family....

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[COLOR=purple]Wow....I never thought that this would lead me to lose sleep. Maybe letting it all out will help me deal with it.

Many years ago, when I was 5, my parents divorced. Since I was so young, I grew up and got used to this. I always thought that they were still friends, and I never bothered to understand what had happened. But that's another story for another day.

Fast-foward to last Fall. After finally discovering that video game design is what I wanna do with my life, I went to tell my parents. While my Mom has been supportive of my decision, my Dad hasn't. I didn't really mind, since I thought that he would eventually understand, and even grow to respect my choice.

Man was I wrong...

Early November, my Mother gave me the news that he hired a lawyer to get my custody. To this day, he hasn't talked to me abou that. Weeks later, my Aunt confirmed that Mom was telling the truth.

But that isn't the end of it. On December, shortly before I left for San Antonio (where my Mom is moving), she gave me the news of a contract that he made: [i]If my Mother leaves Puerto Rico, and I stay here, the custody is transfered to him.[/i] He has already told me multiple times of his desire of me becoming an engineer, which is not what I want. If he earns my custody, he will make me study to become one. My mom's main reason for moving to San Antonio is because her local contract is about to end, and she has been offered jobs over there. Now she has to wait until May, since I still haven't finished my Senior year.

This leads me to my problem. Ever since I got those news, my whole life has gone to hell. I can't look at him without feeling anger, and a desire to tell him everything. My mother has tried to talk to him about this, but he ignores her. I know that I have to do something, to make him understand.

So please, I'm going crazy over here! I really need some advice before I do something stupid and end up destroying this family. My father is a very brash person, and will probably disown me or something. Yes, I know this sounds exagerated, but I wouldn't exactly put it past him.[/COLOR]

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As simple as this may sound, I'd just tell your dad. I've not gone through divorce, but I lost my father. I wound up with a step dad, and we had quite a few problems like this for years. I don't think a single thing changed until I stood up to him and told him exactly what I expected out of all of this.

I think it's the best thing to do.

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Um.... He can't make you study anything... He doesn't sign you up for college courses... he doesn't pick your major... He can't MAKE you do anything.

And even if he disowns you, which wouldn't matter much anyway after a year when you're 18, it doesn't seem so bad since you feel so much dislike for him. If he loved you enough to fight for your custody, then he should respect what you want to be and not try to raise you to become what he obviously has failed in his own life. People like that are pathetic, and I'm not afriad to say it, but if thats what he's going to do, then he's pathetic... a bad father, someone who shouldn't even have custody of you to begin with.

It's your life, do what you want to do and don't worry about what people think of it. If your father doesn't support you, don't support him... If you really want to be a video game designer, be one... whats he going to do about it? Take you to court and make you change your profession? lol Doesn't quite work that way. Your life, not his, maybe he's having a hard time understanding that.

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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i]
[B] ...whats he going to do about it? Take you to court and make you change your profession? lol Doesn't quite work that way. Your life, not his, maybe he's having a hard time understanding that. [/B][/QUOTE]

I have to agree with him on this one... I have gone through a divorce and this was when i cant even remember. It was all normal for me but my older sisters had a tough time. My mother wanted them to be perfect little angels and my mom would even punish them for stupid little things like leaving papers in their backpack after school and not showing them to her... She wanted us to be the neat, sweet, and kind J Witnesses of all time... Unfortunatly me and my sister Holly dont want that kind of life. Although Heather went for it but did it her OWN way. She was in control... not mom.

My sister Holly is not the kind to take to that... When she stood up foir herself she also moved out. She lives on her own and is doing quite well. (I hate my mother for she isnt even my mother and for the fact that she denies abusing us when we were littler but that has nothing to do with this thread.)

Anyways its your life... do with it what you please. If I want to take classes that have to do with animals I'm going to. No one will stop me from doing that.

And frankly if i were in your shoes i would just stand up and tell him how it is... How just becuase he wants that... that doesnt mean I do. You say you worry about destroying the family... um... Divorce does that no matter what so theres not much more harm that can be done In my opinion.

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These things aren't quite that easy.

Depending on what he wants to do, a lot of money is involved in college. Maybe his dad can't force him to do anything, but there is a large possibility that it will affect his college funding. If my mom weren't helping me, my interest rates on the loans I had to get would be rather bad. Enough that I certainly wouldn't be going where I am now.

Who knows though. Even if he just ignored his father entirely onthe subject, his mom might be plenty to ensure decent help with his schooling financially.

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Guest cloricus
Game designer; are you out of you're mind? Sure it sounds cool but the reality is long nights, lowish wages, crap employers (if there is employment) and all the things that come with being a pro programmer. I honestly would do engineering over it.

Other than that ask you're mother/auntie to help you lodge a personal thing in the case saying you would rather live with you're mother for educational and personal reasons.

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[COLOR=darkred] ah I must say that I hate when parents try to force what they want you to do over what you want to do
my mom always wanted me to become a teacher and is always trying to make me be one even though i've decided to become an artist o.o; for the simple fact i love to draw and i'd like to do something I love then dealing with bratty children who all like me and i dont even like them o_o
but as for my advice i think that you should talk to your dad and explain to him that its your life and it should be what you want and even though he wishes that you become something else that it isnt technically his life and you have no wish to be what he wants you to be and it wouldnt make you happy therefore i think thats probably the wisest thing to do
and if he doesnt listen >>; try and just get your opinion on that whole court thingie majiger, y'know? [/COLOR]

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If your mom wants you to come with her, just tell her you want to and that you will talk to the judge to prove that. Normally if both parents want you and you have a preference, as long as that parent is not considered unfit you can make a choice. They normally do not do this so not to emotionally hurt the child. I went throguh something like this, and it is what I did.

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In some ways I understand your problem given the fact that I have dealt with many problems concerning parents and their descions. This may have been told to you but Simply put "Tell your father. And don't just tell him bits and pieces tell him everything. Tell him that this is your life and that you apperciate his concern but only YOU can decide what to make of your life. Don't do it harshly or he may turn away from you not being able to hear you out because of your hostility. Be sincere with everything you say, and say it from the heart. And one more thing...you are what you are because of the choices you make. YOu wanna be a video game designer..so be that. Even if you are downlooked on upon family friends etc. or whomever may feel that you are wrongly making a descision just remeber this WILL YOU BE HAPPY DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T WANNA DO...BE YOURSELF AND NOTHING ELSE.

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[color=indigo]I assume that Puerto Rican law is similar if not identical to U.S. law. I know that in custody cases children can make an appeal to the judge/court to live with a particular parent. Obviously some requirements have to be met; the parent that the child is making a plea for has to be able to support the child independently, want to keep the child, and prove (through the testimony of others) that they are a suitable parent, and the courts can even take the child?s grades into consideration. If you are unable to rationalize with your father than this is an option you and your mother may want to look into?just remember that if the courts grant full custody under these terms your father is not obligated to pay any child support.[/color]

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[size=1] It's exactly what Tony said. Just tell your Dad. What's the worst it could do? There's mainly two ways he could generally respond to this: A)He understands B)He doesn't. And in due time he should come to understand your decision.

Is a Game Designer really something you want to do with your life? If it is, do it. It sounds more of a "dream" than anything to me, and just as cloricus said, it doesn't sound too appealing to me. Be sure what you're doing is what you want. You don't want to have gone through college-level classes dealing with programming, everything that is generally a Game Designer, and deciding suddenly that it's not for you. It's a waste of money, time, everything really. So be sure that's really what you want, be sure you know what you're getting into by deciding that.

My parents divorced when I was three. My Mom soon thereafter married my stepdad I've had ever since. I got used to him, and you'll get used to your dad. It's not the end of the world, you know.

Do what HC said if it's such a big deal and needs to be taken that far; but every choice has a consequence--the consequence of this one being that you wouldn't be able to get child support.

Hah. Reminds me that my real dad never really paid all of his child support to my mom. The guy owes us thousands of dollars from what I understand.

Anyway, everyone's already given all the advice, I'm just here to cement it more in your brain. It's not as if the world is ending, or your "life is going to hell." Things are just a little helter-skelter. Don't let it get in the way of you fixing it.[/size]

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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Transtic Nerve [/i]
[B] He can't MAKE you do anything. [/b][/quote]
Yes he can. Just because Turkey might be legally an adult doesn't mean that he's free to go. Unless his mom is making big money he's going to require some financial aid from his dad and if his dad says "Not if you want to be a game designer" he's shiit out of luck. If his parents make any decent money FAFSA won't give him much of aid and loans woudl just bury him so far in debt he'll be paying it off for 15 years.

Also cloricus is right, a game designer isn't that great of a job, especially now due to the budget cuts of programmers. Your bosses won't care what you think, they'll just want to make something that guarantees them profit.

Also when do you turn 18? If you're in your senior year I'm assuming soon.

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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Harry [/i]
[B]Also cloricus is right, a game designer isn't that great of a job, especially now due to the budget cuts of programmers. Your bosses won't care what you think, they'll just want to make something that guarantees them profit.
[/B][/QUOTE]

I'm pretty surprised with some of the myths surrounding the video game industry. Is you look for employment in the right studios, you really won't have to worry about many of those problems. Also, there's always a pretty nice number of jobs available at interesting studios...

Anyway, back on topic, I really thank your advice. I'll get my parents together someplace, and discuss with both of them everything.

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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Turkey [/i]
[B]I'm pretty surprised with some of the myths surrounding the video game industry. Is you look for employment in the right studios, you really won't have to worry about many of those problems. Also, there's always a pretty nice number of jobs available at interesting studios...

[/B][/QUOTE]
Myths? My cousins works for a game studio and I hang at SomethingAwful which has a lot of game designers. Also Black Isle studios (one of my favs) just got completely axed. You need to do some more research.

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I think you should tell him exactly what you have to. If he ignores you too then can't you go live with your mom or if not go live by yourself.

I want to talk about something since it's kinda the same subject. Well I lived since I was little with my parents, changed countries and had since then 2 other sisters. But now at the age of 15 my parents started always getting angry on each other. It's not my dad, it's my mom the problem. Lately she started telling lies to my dad about many things. It think they'll finally divorce or at least separate.

So can anyone tell me how they felt when they parents divorced/separated?

Thanks.

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Guest Midnight Rush
look at it this way: your decision is a balance, on one side is your future career education and your mother, on the other is a misguided and domineering father. you must choose between them

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Wow, no offense, but your father sounds like a real ***. I mean even if he doesn't want to respect your choice of profession, he has to accept it. He can't force you to become an engineer, and sure he might be able to put a little pressure on your dream profession by suspending any funds to pay for the proper training, but if you want it bad enough it'll come to you eventually, you just can't give up, and most of all never give in. What business is it of his what you choose as your profession anyway? Just because he's your father doesn't mean he has the right to tell you what jobs you can, and cannot have. It's not his time, it's yours. You wouldn't be earning him money, you'd be earning yourself money. So what does he care? It all comes down to what you want.

Tell him what you're feeling, and if he doesn't understand, then I'd say disown him before he disowns you. Hell, I love my father too, but if he was the same way I'd disown him as well.

Also, Cloricus, Harry, it's not your place, nor is it anyone else's, to question his profession of choice. If Turnkey wants to become a game designer, he should. He should do whatever it takes to become one too. Sure, maybe it's not so glamorous, but if it's what he loves then it's what he should do.

Turkey, confront your father, tell it like it is, and if he doesn't want to hear it. Tell him you don't want to see him again if all he's going to do is run your life, and make you miserable.

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