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Shy's Soapbox [PG]


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[font=trebuchet ms][center][size=6]Shy's Soapbox[/size][/center]

As you may have guessed, this is a blanket thread for my writing on and off of the boards. Rather than create multiple threads for multiple pieces I figure it would be in the forum?s best interest to do this sort of thing. Included here are links to any previous threads containing my writing (at least, the stuff I like) so that it won?t have to be re-posted. Also, contained here will be an index of writings I've done inside of this very thread.

As always, your comments and critiques are what I [I]thrive[/I] on. Comments on other threads should be posted in those other threads (unless they are terribly inactive, or have no Underground thread.) General comments on how attractive I am, or how nice I smell may be posted here as well. Many different writings will be posted over time, so feel free to comment on something even if it is not my most recent work.

Each piece will contain it's own rating, but generally the content in this thread will be rated [PG]

[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=15420]Video Game Inspired Poetry [E][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=16941]The Angry Student [PG][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=20176]More Angry Student [PG][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=24697]Jealousy [PG][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44296]Ice Cream World [PG-LS][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=45474]Coma [PG-L][/url]
[color=darkgreen][size=3][b]Adventure Square[/b][/size]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=14994]Project Gamer [PG-LV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=18461]The Legend of Zelda: World of Ruin [PG][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=24914]Don?t Shoot the Goomas [PG-LV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=33962]Kill Adam: Volume 1 [M-LSV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=43281]Star Wars: Rebel Scum [PG-LV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=41246]hero [PG-LV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44747]Vignette [PG-LSV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=41330]Kill Adam: Volume 2 [M-LSV][/url]
[url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=45628]BeatleMania: Redux [PG-LV][/url]
[color=indigo][size=3][b]Inside This Thread[/b][/size][/color]
The Gorgon [PG-L]
Coma: Part Three [PG]
The Last One [PG-V][/font]

[quote][center][font=trebuchet ms][size=5]The Gorgon [PG-L][/size][/center]

?It was nice to see you tonight,? he kissed me softly on the lips, ?It?s always nice to see you.?

?No, it isn?t,? I shrugged it off, trying not to stare into his eyes, ?But it?s nice of you to say that.?

I had looked into Ryan?s eyes once before, and lost a year of my life in the process. Here I was 365 days later with an empty heart, and whatever it is one could call our relationship. The times had changed, but we had not. I just stood there, waiting, looking into those eyes and ignoring the world around me. To me he was a Gorgon, a monster.

?I wouldn?t say something I didn?t mean,? he reached out for my hand. I pulled away.

?You?ve always done it in the past. I?m not expecting you to change for me? not anymore.?

He smiled.

?Are we really going to have this conversation now? I thought we were happy with how things were.?

?I was never happy with how things were. All I said was that I was willing to wait, and get some sort of definition on what I am to you.?

?And what exactly do you want to hear?? He stepped back, raising his voice slightly, ?Do you want me to say that I?m in love with you??

?I want you to say something sincere. I want you to completely disregard my feelings for once. Just be honest. I want to hear the truth.?

?Now you?re the one saying things they don?t mean??

He was right. I didn?t want to hear the truth.

?Am I--? I took a shallow breath, trying to maintain some sort of composure, ?[i]Was I[/i] ever anything more than an easy fuck to you??

Ryan opened his mouth. The words flowed slowly but surely out of it, but I can?t remember a single thing he said. It didn?t matter, either. No matter what those words were, I knew at that moment we were over. We both knew, although I imagine he figured it out a lot sooner than I did. This was my lot in life.

?I can tell you I?m sorry,? Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, ?You knew what you were getting into??

As he began to trail off, I wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned in closer, giving Ryan our final kiss. It was a sweet gesture, if not one completely devoid of passion. Even after a year together, I doubt that he could tell the difference.[/font][/quote]
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[size=1]Mmm, dialogue... ^_~

Very cool idea. Now I can read everything Shy writes and it's only a click away! This will be very handy, indeed. Especially if you're anything like me and you like to go back and read things that you wrote ages ago just to see the change (and there always seems to be a change). Super swanky.

I liked [i]The Gorgon[/i], too. It was short and sweet but the two characters are still very solid because they both represent two very strong ideas/characters within a relationship. Your style is fluid and descriptive enough without stunting the dialogue at all, which really really works well with this kind of story. In fact, that's something you do pretty well with in all of your stories, I think.

I know we talked about this some last night, too, but it's amazing how much one little writing class can totally change your style of writing. I find it much easier to create little scenes like this one because I feel like I'm approaching them from an entirely different perspective. It's really awesome, and I really like the fact that I'm able to stretch my limits a little more. I feel like the same is for you, especially with these little pieces, so kudos, Mr. Super Shy. ^_~[/size]
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This is a very neat thread. The story you posted is great.

I remember posting in that video game-inspired poetry thread. . .too bad it never even got off the ground, it was a good idea. You have such great ideas, Shy.

Project Gamer. . .wow, that seems like forever ago, and it was. Three years of forever ago, to be exact. Has my writing ever improved since then. . .and even back then it wasn't too bad. PG was such a good time, and I'm sad because I didn't get as involved in it as I could've. I think my parents took away my net, and I was busy with other things. It's been so long since I've been in an RPG. . .perhaps I'll start joining them again. They can be great fun. I actually should've joined your Vignette thread, but never did. . .I'm sure you'll have another RPG idea some time or other. Be sure to tell me, and this time I'll join, hopefully, and we can have a lot of fun.

Also, Angry Student. I had almost forgotten about that, too. . .I really enjoyed your Angry Student.

I feel pretty nostalgic now. I feel like I'm older than I ever thought I was. It seems pretty crazy when I think that I've been at OB for about 3 years now. That's a long time. . .well not really but really at the same time.

I still need to read Ice Cream World sometime, that story was awesome from the first part of it you posted and I read. I also need to read the second part of Coma and any other parts you write.

I think I'll steal your idea and do the same thing. Hopefully I'm not too bad of a copycat.

You keep up the awesome work, Shy.
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[size=1]The third part of my ongoing "Coma" story. The first two portions can be read by scrolling above and clicking on the link labeled "Coma." Geesh.[/size]
[quote][center][font=trebuchet ms][size=5]Coma: Part Three [PG][/size][/center]

?Where are we going?? she asked.

?We?re on patrol, Betty. We?re just looking around the area, making sure there ain?t some kind of suspicious activities going on.?

?Do you ever actually find anything??

?I found a girl on the side of the road today. A suspicious one, too,? he said, ?Seems to ask a lot of questions and I don?t like questions.?

Betty paused for a moment, ??I don?t understand.?

?Of course you don?t, sweetheart. You?re from the big city. But this is the Diamond Pass, and people don?t bother to ask too many questions here? they just know.?

?They know? They know what??

?Everything they need to. They know what it is I do when I?m driving around, they know what their neighbors do for a living, the principal of the schoolhouse. We don?t got Yellow Pages here. No need for ?em. You learn to live right like I have, and you learn a lot more about the people around you than might elsewhere. And these are all good, solid, right people.?

?It must be nice,? she muttered to herself.

?But one thing I?m itching to know is, if you don?t mind me contradictin? myself in such a way; where are you going, Betty? Not many girls are willing to leave their cars in the middle of nowhere like that.?

?It was a crappy car,? Betty traced the title of the photo album, ?Sweet Memories? with her fingertip, and sighed.

Pops the rear view mirror to get a better look at his mustache, ?If you don?t want to talk about it, that?s fine, darlin?. You won?t have been the first woman who ever gave ol? Pops the silent treatment.?

He just smiled, humming a song about someone?s hometown in Georgia, and the young girl who had died there. Pops had never been there before, but held a special affinity to music about the state. When he was younger he had dreamed about finding his own young girl from Georgia, and maybe writing a song about her as well. In his fantasy, obviously, she didn?t end up dead.

Randomly, Pops vocalized his train of thought.

?You know, I read once that Georgia was named after the King of England. But that can?t be right, can it? I mean, you think the Georgians would have renamed the place after we kicked the British.?

He looked over at the girl, who sat restlessly in her seat. Although she didn?t know where she was going, it certainly couldn?t have been any worse than where she had been. Pops continued, ?It?s just I figured I?d ask you, since your eyes looked so tired. I figured it was because you did a lot of reading. Maybe you?d know.?

Betty smiled, ?Maybe they kept the name for George Washington??

?Or, I reckon? after the war they had better things to do with their time than rename the states. Just kind of interesting when you think about it.?

?Get me something from cooler, would ya??? Pops motioned towards the rear of the car.

?Oh, yeah. Sure.?

A menacing set of black iron bars separated the front and back rows; presumably to keep prisoners from maiming the officer who was driving at the time. Behind those dividers sat a simple Styrofoam cooler, comfortably nestled between a bullhorn and a handgun. Betty unlocked the bars, allowing herself to reach a pair of sodas bobbing up and down in the cooler?s melted ice.

She opened up Pops? can of ?Ginger Juice? and handed it to him.

?Thank you, kindly,? he looked over, noticing Betty had grabbed herself a drink, ?Just help yourself if you?d like anything.?

She sunk into her polyester cushion and stared out the window once more.

?His name is Tim,? Betty muttered, ?He was my boyfriend until a couple of hours ago. He?s the reason I left.?

?Well I?m awfully sorry to hear that.?

?It was just? he cared more about his little fantasy worlds than he did about me. He would come home from work, when he had a job, that is, sit in front of the television screen and connect himself to another 15 hours of Oberon, or Coruscant, or something.?

?Everyone?s got their hobbies. I whittle on Sunday afternoons, and the missus can?t stand how I get sawdust and wood shavings all over the carpet??

?No. I tried to be supportive, Pops, I really did. He asked me to join his gaming group, and I came along for every meeting of the Dungeon Master?s guild. I even dressed up in those ridiculous outfits for him.?

Pops blushed, ?I don?t really think that?s something you ought to spread around. We in the Diamond Pass ain?t so progressive as the rest of Oregon.?

?No, it wasn?t like that. I dressed up for his little nerd conventions, because ?all of the other girlfriends were doing it.? I?ve been Wonder Woman, Elvira, Catwoman,? Betty clinched her fist, ?She-Hulk! I still don?t even know what a ?She-Hulk? is.?

The purr of the engine began to soften as the car slowed down. Betty looked at the speedometer of the broken old cruiser, watching it drop lower and lower. Pops pulled over, stopping the cruiser and putting on his parking brake. He exited the car, and leaned over the faded white roof. Betty soon followed.

?We?re here,? Pops took off his glasses for a moment, as if to admire his destination with an untainted view. Betty turned around, noticing a small, rustic, if not completely dilapidated restaurant behind her.

?Pops,? read a neon sign over the diner. Every letter but the second ?P? had managed to burn itself out.

?Is this place yours??

?Yeah, you could say that. I?ve been starving ever since I stopped to pick you up. I figure now?s as good a time as any to grab ourselves a bite.?

Pops closed his door and began to walk towards it.

?You do eat, don?t you? I know how you Medford girls like to look after your figure??

?Actually, eating sounds great,? she grabbed her purse and photo album once more, following her guide into the diner.[/font][/quote]
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[color=#404142]Again, another great addition to the story, Shy. I'm still not sure what to think of Pops, or what's going to happen. Which is great, not knowing. It gets me to keep up and continue to read. There's one sentence that I picked up.

[quote name='Shy']Pops the rear view mirror to get a better look at his mustache..[/quote]

Does Pops "adjust the rear view mirror" or "looks in the rear view mirror"? That's the only problem I picked out. Petty, perhaps. But, it's the only problem I had with this entry.[/color]
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  • 2 months later...
[size=1]Titles are hard, but writing everything else is even harder.[/size]
[quote][center][font=trebuchet ms][size=5]The Last One [PG-V][/size][/center]

It?s been five days and I still taste him. His sweat, his desires, his heart, I feel it all pumping inside of me. For a moment his passion was mine, his love and his desires belonged only to me. Now I sit here, a lonely face with an empty glass, hoping the next drink can dull these feelings quelled up inside.

Every night he walked into this place, smiling at the bartender and giving her just enough of a tip so that she would smile back. One could set their watch to the punctuality of his visits. He was a man with a million places to be, but still found the time to make an appearance. He always wore a suit, the type a man should wear while reading ?The Great Gatsby,? or another arcane novella from days gone by. This most unique style of dress was highlighted by a bright necktie, which changed each night. One thing that never changed was his drink, a shot of whiskey and a glass of ale to wash it down with. He had a million places to be, and whatever those places were, he needed to get there drunk.

The patrons knew him well, some more than others. With his proper manner of speaking, and polite demeanor he had become known as ?The Ambassador.? In our time together I only knew him as ?Walt.?

Walt was quick to tell a joke, or make a new friend, but only rarely took a real interest in someone and for one special evening I was that someone. Although he didn?t remember, we had met before. Twice, actually.

?You bought me a drink once,? I smiled; he let out an uncomfortable fit of laughter. It was charming, and filled the room with an air of innocence I had only dreamed about before.

Maybe it was the girls from the secretary?s pool I had surrounded myself with, or the way I wore my hair that made me stand out that night, I?ll never know. Walt said little to me, and the noise of the bar covered up our small talk like a blanket. What was said carried little weight, we were just two faceless people in a bar sharing an evening of drinks together. Both of us had our reasons for being there, I just didn?t know he would come and make such an impact on my night.

He held my hand softly from behind as I commented on the music being played. Walt agreed, and it was comforting -- he was comforting. He suggested we go outside to smoke a cigarette, I ran my fingers through my hair softly and followed Walt to the door.

We took a few steps outside, and he turned to look me in the eyes. The night was young, the moon was full. We had a lifetime of nights to spend together. There, in that one spot, he kissed me on the lips.

?I?ve been waiting to do that all night,? he grinned, the smile spreading across his face.

?So have I,? I held onto him tightly, resting my head against his chest so that I could feel his heartbeat. His fingers traced their way across my figure, and I raised my toes just enough so that I could reach his neck with my lips.

Walt flinched, saying the touch of my tongue tickled his neck. I held onto him even tighter than before, pushing us against the cold brick wall in the heat of passion. ?Don?t worry,? I whispered, ?It won?t hurt for very long.?

He never made a sound as I bit into his throat. I clenched my teeth, harder and harder, savoring every drop of blood that spilled from my face to the cold pavement. He moaned softly with his last breath, not in pain or desperation, but almost in passion. Within a few moments the body dropped to the floor, cold, dead, only a shell of what been there before. I stood back, looking over my prey a final time before running into the dark city streets for cover.

I turn around, and notice the countless windows that adorn the night?s sky. I find myself drawn to them. For the first time I am thankful that I can?t see my own reflection. It was on that night I truly became a monster.[/font][/quote]
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I really enjoyed that Shy. You know what I'm into when it comes to a story: -

It reminded me of some Film Noir monologue that one could easily fit into... until I found out the protagonist was a vampire.

I would give C and C, but I felt that this post would be more appropriate. In short; Nicely done.
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[size=1]Actually, it reminds me a lot of [i]Sin City[/i]. Definitely the film noir thing going on, just a little more gritty and twisted. Great description of "The Ambassador," too. The imagery matches the whole film noir mood, especially with that Great Gatsby reference thrown in there. Nice touch. ^_~[/size]
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