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Druik the Deviant & The Demonic Sandwich [PG]

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I'm not sure what this is XD

[size=5]Druik the Deviant & The Demonic Sandwich[/size][/center]

[b]Druik:[/b] I, Druik the Deviant, shall rule this Universe and all that inhabits it! Mu-hehehehehehe! >:^D

[b]???:[/b] Okay, okay, shut up. I've been listening to you babble about this for an hour now.

[b]Druik:[/b] Huh?

[b]???:[/b] Why don't you actually go and take over the Universe if you're so evil, huh? Instead of babbling. Sound good?

[b]Druik:[/b] Who dares address Druik the Deviant?

[b]???:[/b] I do, jackweed!

[b]Druik:[/b] What, are you under this sandwich?

[b]???:[/b] No, I am-

[b]Druik:[/b] Because, my God, you must be small...

[b]???:[/b] I am the damn sandwich!

[b]Druik:[/b] That doesn't sound very logical.

[b]Sandwich:[/b] Shut up and listen. My name is Malkore. I can help you destroy this puny planet and rule with an iron fist.

[b]Druik:[/b] I'm listening.

[b]Malkore:[/b] You just let rule one half of the army and you can have the-

[b]Druik:[/b] You're a sandwich.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Yes, well, I-

[b]Druik:[/b] You're a sandwich.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Yeah, I think we discussed that already!

[b]Druik:[/b] How can you command an army?

[b]Malkore:[/b] I just can, alright?

[b]Druik:[/b] Are you olive loaf?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Shut up and listen, jackweed!

[b]Druik:[/b] Whaaaat? ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] I'll command one army, you command the other. Agreed?

[b]Druik:[/b] You're a sandwich.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Will you shut up about me being a sandwich?! >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] I'm afraid you'll get eaten by one of the peasants.

[b]Malkore:[/b] I'll be fine. I have evil powers.

[b]Druik:[/b] A sandwich with evil powers?

[b]Malkore:[/b] A sandwich who can talk?

[b]Druik:[/b] Touché.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Anyways, I have dark and powerful... er... powers. I gained them when I was possessed.

[b]Druik:[/b] What were you possessed by?

[b]Malkore:[/b] I dunno... a demon or somethin'.

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, right. Ever think about an exorcist?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Are you frickin' mad? I wouldn't give up my chance to be a walking, talking sandwich.

[b]Druik:[/b] Walking?

[b]Malkore:[/b] I wouldn't give up my chance to be a talking sandwich.

[b]Druik:[/b] I see. Well, I'm afraid you're of no interest to me. But you amuse me, nevertheless. I shall make your death quick and painful when I take hold of this universe!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Really...

[b]Druik:[/b] Yes. Now I'll be off to start my reign. (steps through a door)

[b]Malkore:[/b] That's the women's locker room.

[b]Druik's Voice:[/b] I know.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Oh my Satan...

[b]Druik's Voice:[/b] Hey there, ladies. I am-

[b]Girls:[/b] AHHHH! Get out, you perv!

[b]Malkore:[/b] ???

[b]Druik's Voice:[/b] Oh, God! Not the-NOOOOO!


[b]Malkore:[/b] I think I heard the sound of someone's lung being punched in. I wonder if that's what normal people hear... I am, after all, a demonic sandwich.

[b]Druik:[/b] (crawls out of the bathroom) Where did they get a grenade?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Will you listen to me now?

[b]Druik:[/b] I can't feel my ears!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Shut up and listen!

[b]Druik:[/b] ;_;

[b]Malkore:[/b] That's better. (clears throat)

[b]Druik:[/b] How can you clear your throat when you don't have one?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Shouldn't you be bleeding horribly? >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, shoot! (begins foaming at the mouth)

[b]Malkore:[/b] Ahem, I shall take command of you and put you under a spell. You shall become my slave, but at the same time you may be the one known as the evil doer. Everyone shall fear you, but I shall really be behind the whole scheme. Sound fair?

[b]Druik:[/b] Will I get private time with my... er.. ahem... "magazines?"

[b]Malkore:[/b] What? You mean your Nintendo Power?

[b]Druik:[/b] Umm... yeah... Nintendo Power >.>

[b]Malkore:[/b] I s'pose. But only a few seconds every day.

[b]Druik:[/b] That's plenty of time :^D

[b]Girl:[/b] You're gross. (punches Druik in the heart)

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhh... I think I'm gonna cough up blood...

[b]Malkore:[/b] Enough of this, fool! (brainwashes Druik) Now you are under my command and I shall have you do my evil bidding.

[b]Druik:[/b] I am under your command I shall do your lottery bidding.

[b]Malkore:[/b] No, evil bidding. Like, evil schemes.

[b]Druik:[/b] I shall fix watch hot girl sports teams.

[b]Malkore:[/b] What the hell... NO! I said you must... oh, forget it. You're a hopeless idiot.

[b]Druik:[/b] Gee golly wiz.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Oh, boy.

[b]Boy:[/b] Oh, boy. A bologna sandwich! (picks up Malkore)

[b]Malkore:[/b] Ahhh! No! Druik, save me, damnit!

[b]Boy:[/b] Gee willickers! A talking sandwich! I'm putting you in the science fair!

[b]Malkore:[/b] Nooo! I wish I didn't use all my powers to brainwash that idiot Druik! I must heal. Druik, get off your lazy butt and save me.

[b]Druik:[/b] Kidney swimming in stomach...

[b]Malkore:[/b] Druik! (girly scream!)

[B]GOD MY OH! Looks like Malkore is in a bit of a pickle. Get it? He has pickles in him? Because he's a sandwich? Hahahahaha... I thought it was funny >:^( Anyways, if you want to find out what happens next to Druik the Deviant and Malkore the Demonic Sandwich, please reply with comments. Because if you don't, Malkore may very well become a 2nd Place science project. That volcano was lookin' pretty sweet.[/b]

[i]NOTE:[/I] Be sure to check out the post deeper in this thread with the character profiles!
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*cough* I, er, enjoyed reading that. Very strange indeed, but you always seem to 'profit', I could say, from the works you seem to have pulled out of your ass. x3

Lovin' it. Write more. *examines a sandwich*[/size][/color]
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I cannot deny my public. I?m having fun with this stupid thing anyways.

[b]Last we left off, Malkore the evil and demonic sandwich was whisked away by a little boy who planned on using him for his science fair project. Druik was too busy bleeding to death to figure this out. But suddenly?[/b]

[b]???:[/b] Hey? HEY! Wake up.

[b]Druik:[/b] Appendix? lodged in? esophagus?

[b]???:[/b] Oh, come off it. You were hit over the head with one of those foam fingers.

[b]Druik:[/b] But?

[b]???:[/b] Oh, for the love of Albert Einstein! (casts a healing spell) There, ye wuss.

[b]Druik:[/b] Powers returning? evil laugh bellowing in throat? MUHAHAHAHA! Druik the Deviant has returned to power!

[b]???:[/b] Oh, no you don?t. You can?t start that crap again.

[b]Druik:[/b] Huh? Who are you and what are you talking about?

[b]???:[/b] I am Furlin, the furry magician, and I just healed you so you could go save your lord and master, Malkore.

[b]Druik:[/b] Mal-who?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Malkore.

[b]Druik:[/b] Who?

[b]Furlin:[/b] The sandwich.

[b]Druik:[/b] Eh?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Made of olive loaf.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhhh? Balkore!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Malkore.

[b]Druik:[/b] Malkore!

[b]Furlin:[/b] God, you?re an idiot. Now listen, your master has been taken by some snot-nosed kid named Charley to the local science fair in Cityville. Go there and save him.

[b]Druik:[/b] Awww? I don?t wanna.

[b]Furlin:[/b] You must. I shall accompany you on your journey.

[b]Druik:[/b] Wait, why are you helping?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Er? umm? I don?t have a dark past of secrets >.>

[b]Druik:[/b] Righto! Onward!

[b]So Furlin and Druik the Deviant traveled onward to Cityville where they could get Malkore back. But little did they know, a bridge was in their way. And on that bridge, a toll was in their way. And with that toll, a toll troll was in the way.[/b]

[b]Troll:[/b] I?m a troll :^D~~

[b]Furlin:[/b] You there! Troll! Let us pass.

[b]Troll:[/b] Or what? You?ll heal my papercut? You?re a bloody white mage!

[b]Druik:[/b] I?ll devour your soul, so it?ll spend an eternity with the other damned souls of this universe and be tortured for the rest of its days.

[b]Troll:[/b] Meh.

[b]Druik:[/b] Meh? Never got that reaction before.

[b]Furlin:[/b] It?s because you suck.

[b]Druik:[/b] ;_;

[b]Troll:[/b] The toll is 2,374,89-7571,85782,7341=4839`484nm,c`1823812,c,m209= dollars.

[b]Druik:[/b] You're lucky I carry loose change >:^o (reaches for wallet)

[b]Furlin:[/b] Druik, no, you fool! Pay this man and maybe the next innocent travelers behind us will have to pay every time they come here.

[b]Darth Vader:[/b] Yeah, I have to destroy Rebel scum, biatch!

[b]Druik:[/b] Awww? but I wanted to use my new credit card :<

[b]Furlin:[/b] We?ll go to the toy store later.

[b]Druik:[/b] Fine. (To Troll) Troll, I challenge you to a duel!

[b]Troll:[/b] Frickin? aweshum! I haven?t had a good fight in a chicken?s age.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Chicken?s age?

[b]Druik:[/b] Meh.

[b]Troll:[/b] (takes his club out of the tollhouse) Here we are.

[b]Druik:[/b] (screams like a girl) Tollhouse?! I love Tollhouse cookies!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Will you shut up and just fight?

[b]Druik:[/b] No, you shut up! You?re not even a main character.

[b]Furlin:[/b] I am too!

[b]Druik:[/b] Why isn?t your name in the title, huh?

[b]Furlin:[/b] The writer didn?t wanna ruin my awesome entrance >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] Dat?s a lie!

[b]Troll:[/b] Uhh? should I come back?

[b]Furlin:[/b] It is not a lie! Your mom lied when she said the milkman wasn?t your daddy!

[b]Druik:[/b] What?! The mailman [I]isn?t[/I] my father? ;_;

[b]Troll:[/b] I could just? ye know? uhh... go over here if you guys are gonna do this.

[b]Furlin:[/b] You also kinda smell!

[b]Druik:[/b] I never take this armor off! What do you expect?

[b]Furlin:[/b] I think it?s about time you did, then.

[b]Druik:[/b] I could be stabbed by a revolting union member at any moment.

[b]Troll:[/b] Just gonna go over here and?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Union member, shmunion bember. I?m going to take you out.

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, no! Don?t cure me of my ailment!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Grrr! Holy! (begins to summon the spell)

[b]Druik:[/b] What the crapple tree? ;_; (hides behind Troll)

[b]Troll:[/b] (looks up from his cookies) Wha? Hey, wait, I was just gonna-(get destroyed by the spell)

[b]Furlin:[/b] Oh, whoops.

[b]Darth Vader:[/b] (crosses the bridge) Thanks a lot, bitches. Hahahahahaha-ack! (uses inhaler)

[b]Druik:[/b] Hey, we did it.

[b]Furlin:[/b] I meant to kill you ;_;

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh wells.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Not, oh wells. You?re going to die! >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] Wha? ;_;

[b]Furlin:[/b] Yeah!

[b]Druik:[/b] Okay, but you?re making the smelliest mistake of your life!

[b]Uh oh? Druik the Deviant VS Furlin the Furry White Mage? things could get smelly :^O You?ll have to watch? er? read the next smelly part to this exciting adventure!

Mmm? Tollhouse cookies?[/b]
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[color=blue][size=1]Feed me cookies, biatch! >:^O <-- Yes, I did steal your face. xD

The troll died. Sad. ;_; Oh well. All now know the secret truth behind Darth Vader! His power comes from an inhaler. Poor guy. And I'd like to place a bet on the sandwich. :D[/size][/color]
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[b]Now, boys and girls, the battle between Furlin the Furry White Mage and Druik the Deviant shall commence![/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Actually, on second thought, I don?t wanna fight :<

[b]Furlin:[/b] What?! You have no choice!

[b]Druik:[/b] Nah, I think I?ll just go.

[b]Furlin:[/b] You can?t just leave the battlefield, especially since you agreed to a duel with me.

[b]Druik:[/b] I?d waste you.

[b]Furlin:[/b] You can?t even cast a spell.

[b]Druik:[/b] I have my sword.

[b]Furlin:[/b] What, that antique?

[b]Druik:[/b] It was my father?s ;_;

[b]Furlin:[/b] That just proves it?s crap!

[b]Druik:[/b] ;_;

[b]Furlin:[/b] I?m sorry :^(

[b]Druik:[/b] (slays Furlin) Ha ha! You?re a big stupid face. You let your guard down. Booyah. Druik?s in the house.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Ow, I?m dead ;_;

[b]Druik:[/b] Now I must? uhh? I forgot what my quest was.

[b]Hobo:[/b] You have to save Mal-

[b]Druik:[/b] Ah, yes! I remember now. I have to slay the evil dragon that lives in that building in Cityville. (wanders off)

[b]Hobo:[/b] No, you idiot! Oh, who needs ye. I?m not even sure why I?m here.

[b]And so, Druik the Deviant traversed into Cityville where he found a large building? for lawyers.[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] What devil?s work is this?

[b]???:[/b] Fullo, Druik the Deviant. This is the evil lawyer?s building.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ho noes :^O

[b]???:[/b] Ho yes? er? I mean, yes, it?s true. (steps into the light) Behold, for I am Lord Lawyerton.

[b]Druik:[/b] What kind of lame name is that?!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] It?s a good name.

[b]Druik:[/b] It sucks.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] My mom chosed me this name.

[b]Druik:[/b] Chosed?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Chose. Sorry. I don?t know where that D came from.

[b]Druik:[/b] Let me pass. I have to slay the dragon.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Dragon? What are you-ohhhh! Right. Yeah, we have a dragon, don?t we.

[b]Druik:[/b] I wanna killerz it.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You can?t.

[b]Druik:[/b] Why?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Because we like him.

[b]Druik:[/b] He?s a dragon.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yeah, and he ate my daughter. So what? I?m not on trial here.

[b]Druik:[/b] Look, I need to slay the dragon to save this world.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Aren?t you trying to destroy the world?

[b]Druik:[/b] Don?t change the subject. You must let me pass? now!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Not without a fight.

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, come off it. I just finished two fights, not including an incident in the girls? locker room.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Good God, man. You didn?t just-

[b]Druik:[/b] I did.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You brave soul. Not many men have frolicked into the depths of the girls? locker room and survived.

[b]Druik:[/b] Well, I am sexy.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Perhaps. I?ll cut you a deal.

[b]Druik:[/b] Aww? I want the whole deal.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Wha?

[b]Druik:[/b] No cutting >:^O

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Er? right. Fine, I?ll make you a deal.

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, so I can?t have an old one?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Will you shut up?!

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, so now I have to shut up, huh?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Be quiet! (sighs) The deal is that you go into our girls? locker room and retrieve an item of extreme value for me and I?ll let you slay the dragon.

[b]Druik:[/b] Sounds fair.

[b]Hobo:[/b] You?re supposed to go save some sandwich possessed by a demon.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Be gone. (casts a fire spell on the hobo, which turns it into a Mountain Dew can) Do you accept?

[b]Druik:[/b] I s?pose so.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Good. Then you best be off. The girls? locker room is on the eight-hundredth floor.

[b]Druik:[/b] Yay! Elevator time!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] O.o

[b]Druik:[/b] Now I can sing the [I]Elevator Song!

Hop in an elevator!
Enjoy the ride up!
Hop in an elevator!
I love Folgers in my cup!

Hop in an elevator!
Havin? fun goin? down!
I feel like pukin?!
I made a mess on the ground!

La la la!
La la la!
Magic pencil![/I]

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] (punches Druik) Shut up and go!

[b]And so, Druik the Deviant leapt into the nearest elevator and went to the eight-hundredth floor. Little did he know, the girls? locker room of the Evil Lawyer Building was filled with a lot more than just girls? it had girl lawyers![/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Girl lawyers? No way am I going in there!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You must. You?re our only hope, Obi Wan.

[b]Druik:[/b] What?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Druik.

[b]Druik:[/b] I can?t?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Then you can?t slay our dragon.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhh? fine. What am I retrieving?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] A sock.

[b]Druik:[/b] Which sock?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] It doesn?t matter.

[b]Druik:[/b] Why do you need a sock?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I HAVE MY OWN REASONS!

[b]Druik:[/b] Okay, okay ;_;

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Good luck, baby ;^D

[b]Druik:[/b] I?m a guy ;_;

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I know ;^D

[b]Druik:[/b] O.o;

[b]And so, Druik entered the foulest place he has entered thus far?[/b]
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[color=blue][size=1]Ah. I look forward to annoying my friends with that elevator song. *commits it to memory*

I'm surprised. O: I didn't think Druik had it in him to actually make Furlin dead. What a delightful surprise! Poor Hobo. Getting turned into a Mountain Dew like that by a lawyer named Lawyerton. What a strange character he is.. As random as this story is, nothing's complete without [spoiler]buttsex[/spoiler]. Remember that. ^_~

Keep the ridiculous stuff coming.[/size][/color]
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[b]There was a dripping from leaking faucets echoing through the what-seemed-to-be deserted locker room. The odor of shampoo wafted through the air. Damn, I?m good at narrating.


[b]Druik:[/b] (girlish scream) Who?s there?!


[b]Druik:[/b] Stand back. I?ve got a? (reaches into his pocket) ? butterscotch candy?

[b]???:[/b] Oh, no, he could give us tooth decay.

[b]Druik:[/b] Eegad! Someone?s there!

[b]Suddenly, numerous hot adult lawyer babes materialized through the mists.[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Sweeeet.

[b]Meanwhile, outside the locker room?[/b]

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I wonder what?s taking him so long.

[b]Furlin:[/b] (crawls out of the elevator) Oh, good God that hurt!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Holy basket-weaving! Who are you?

[b]Furlin:[/b] (stands up weakly) Name?s Furlin the Furry White Mage.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You look awful.

[b]Furlin:[/b] I was killed.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Er?

[b]Furlin:[/b] I?m a white mage. I just resurrected myself.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Then why don?t you heal yourself?

[b]Furlin:[/b] I dunno ;_;

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Do it!

[b]Furlin:[/b] (heals himself) Aww? I should?ve did that way back in the fields before I made the journey here.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Why are you here?

[b]Furlin:[/b] I?m here to sue the person that killed me.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Who might that be?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Druik the Deviant.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Holy Grandma?s Buttered Biscuits! Druik did that to you?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Yes.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] All those maims and wounds?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Well, he did the chest scratch. The rest are from me kinda falling into a rose garden with rabid squirrels.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Oh, those squirrels sure are rabid this time of the year.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Yeah. (clears throat) That?s why I?m suing. Wanna help?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Meh. Okay. But let him finish doing this favor for me first.

[b]Furlin:[/b] He?s here?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yeah. He?s in the girls? locker room.

[b]Furlin:[/b] With girl lawyers?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yep.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Brave soul.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] That?s what I said.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Well, it doesn?t change my mind. He?s still getting sued.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Alrightio.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Good.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yep.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Indeed.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yessir.

[b]Furlin:[/b] ?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] ?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Hm.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Ahem.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Right.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] This is uncomfortable.

[b]Furlin:[/b] The silence?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] No. I?m sitting on the company mascot? a porcupine.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Why?s a porcupine the mascot?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Because we take our business by the horns!

[b]Furlin:[/b] But porcupines have quills.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Ah, but that?s where you?re-wait? damn. (throws the porcupine out the window) He shouldn?t be long now.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Good. I want my money.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I like suing :^D

[b]Furlin:[/b] Think we could win the court case?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] With me, you could win the lottery!

[b]Furlin:[/b] That metaphor sucked.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] It wasn?t a metaphor. I?m serious. I?ve rigged the lottery a million times.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Really, now.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Yes.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Intriguing.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Perhaps.

[b]Druik:[/b] (flushing sounds, walks out of the locker room) Thanks, ladies.

[b]Furlin/Lawyerton:[/b] DRUIK!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You made it out alive.

[b]Druik:[/b] Yeah. I bange-I mean? I killed ?em all. Yep. That?s what I did? in bed.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Well, now I?m suing you!

[b]Druik:[/b] Hey, you?re dead.

[b]Furlin:[/b] I got better.

[b]Druik:[/b] You can?t get better when you die. Once you die, you die.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] He?s a white mage.

[b]Druik:[/b] Even so? a white mage can?t cast a resurrecting spell when he/she is already dead!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Don?t make this anymore confusing for the readers. You?re befuddling them.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I think it?s you, Furlin, who is confusing them. You and your big words like befuddling.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Well, you guys are being stupid.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] There?s yet another big word. Stupid.

[b]Furlin:[/b] O.o

[b]Druik:[/b] Look, there?s bound to be a simple way to solve this.

[b]Furlin/Lawyerton:[/b] DIE! (both jump at Druik)

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, my panties!

[b]Suddenly a dragon comes crashing through the wall and roars.[/b]

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Hubert, I told you not to break down walls. Shouldn?t you be napping?

[b]Hubert:[/b] I want some warm milk :<

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Fine. Do you have your teddy?

[b]Hubert:[/b] I think he fell under the bed.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Get it out.

[b]Hubert:[/b] But there?s monsters under there ;_;

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] You?re a bloody dragon!

[b]Druik:[/b] Dragon?! That must be the dragon you promised to let me slay if I got you this sock! (holds up sock)

[b]Hubert:[/b] You wha? ;_;

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] (grabs sock) Yoink! (runs down an empty elevator shaft)

[b]Hubert:[/b] No one?s slaying anyone! But me slaying you!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Oh, for the love of Final Fantasy?

[b]Sounds like an epic battle coming. Better stay tuned and read the next part. When I bother writing it ;^D[/b]
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[b]Hurbert:[/b] Now we fight >:^O

[b]Uhh? excuse me? I haven?t narrated yet.[/b]

[b]Hubert:[/b] Eh?

[b]I always start narrating before anyone says anything.[/b]

[b]Hubert:[/b] You didn?t in part I.

[b]Druik:[/b] He?s got a point.

[b]Shut up and die![/b]

[b]Hubert:[/b] (dies) Ow :<

[b]Druik:[/b] Good. Now I can hunt down Lawyerton and destroy him for his insolence!

[b]Furlin:[/b] This plot is getting us nowhere. Why, a couple of parts ago we were supposed to save a sandwich that was possessed by demons. Since then, I?ve been killed, you?ve been maimed, we both had to endure the journey here, we?ve almost been slain by a whiny dragon, screwed over by a stupid lawyer with the unoriginal name Lawyerton, and I still haven?t sued you >:^O

[b]Druik:[/b] You have a funny voice :^D

[b]Furlin:[/b] You?re hopeless!

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Druik?

[b]Druik:[/b] God?

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] No, it?s me. Malkore.

[b]Druik:[/b] I didn?t know your real name is Malkore.

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] No, I?m not God. I?m the sandwich, remember?

[b]Druik:[/b] If you can be anything you want, why are you a sandwich, God?

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] I?m NOT God! Okay?! I?m your lord and master, the evil sandwich?

[b]Druik:[/b] Uhhhh?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Paper cups.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhhh? Malkore!

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Oh, boy? ahem? WHY HAVEN?T YOU SAVED ME YET?!

[b]Druik:[/b] I?ve been playin? :^D

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Well, stop playing and get your bloody ass over here.

[b]Druik:[/b] My ass is bleeding? :^O

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Oh, for cryin? out? grrr? just come to the school.

[b]Druik:[/b] Otay. Maybe I can check out the cheerleaders.

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Whatever you want. You can see all the girls you want, just get over here.

[b]Druik:[/b] Girls? They have girl cheerleaders?

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] O.o

[b]Furlin:[/b] o.O

[b]Druik:[/b] :^D~~

[b]Malkore?s Voice:[/b] Riiiiight? get over here and save me.

[b]Druik:[/b] Cool. I like telepathy :3

[b]Furlin:[/b] You?ve gotta be the stupidest guy ever.

[b]Druik:[/b] Thank you!

[b]And so, the two left the building and traveled to Cityville?s market place where who should they bump into at the ?magazine rack? but?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] There you are!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Uhh? I wasn't reading naughtiness?

[b]Druik:[/b] ? :<

[b]Furlin:[/b] I still wanna sue Druik.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Too bad. I stopped being a lawyer.

[b]Furlin:[/b] What in God?s Green Goodness are you talking about?!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Now I sell cocaine :^D

[b]Druik:[/b] Will you change your name to Cocaineton?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] No. But maybe. Nah. Perhaps. No way. Meh.

[b]Furlin:[/b] So? I need a new lawyer?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I?d assume so.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Fine. I?ll be back with a lawyer then! (runs off into the porn store)

[b]Druik:[/b] Uhh? that?s the-

[b]Furlin:[/b] I know.

[b]And so, Lawyerton the Cocaine Dealer and Druik the Deviant traverse to Cityville?s local high school ?STDs High.?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Ahhh? I remember my school days in? er? school.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Oh, damnit! Here comes a flashback!


[b]It?s the 80?s and everyone?s lookin? good? aside from that loser Druik.[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Fear me, my peers! For I am Druik the Delinquent. Mu-hehehehehehehe!

[b]Bully:[/b] Shut up, loser. (kicks Druik in the shin)

[b]Bell:[/b] Ringing sounds!

[b]Druik:[/b] Excellent. Time for first hour. I can have an evil moment in there, for it is chemistry!

[b]Later, when Druik got into Chemistry?[/b]

[b]Mr. Pierce:[/b] And so, you pour the demon ashes into the sulfuric acid and voila! (an explosion) You have now resurrected the anti-christ.

[b]Druik:[/b] Sweeeet.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Hey, Druik. You got the answers for the math test?

[b]Druik:[/b] AHEM?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] (sighs) Do you have the answers for the EVIL math test?

[b]Druik:[/b] No, but join my army of the damned and you?ll never take another math class again. Mu-hehehehehehe!

[b]Bully:[/b] Dude, shut up! (punches Druik)

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhh, mother of?

[b]Mr. Pierce:[/b] Attention, bitches? I mean, class. We have a new student today. Her name is Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott.

[b]Druik:[/b] (love) Love :3

<3 <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3v<3v<3vvvjfisfeiofoieu!!!!1!1!!!1oneone

[b]Mr. Pierce:[/b] Druik, you?re drooling into your demon resurrection passage!

[b]Druik:[/b] Huh?


[b]Later that day?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] I tell ye, Oblivior, I wanna shag Sally like a? well? something you shag.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Sounds like puppy love to me.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ahem?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] (sighs) Sounds like EVIL puppy love to me.

[b]Druik:[/b] I know. I might as well just kill her and keep her corpse in my closet for all eternity.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Dude, that sounds sick.

[b]Druik:[/b] AHEM!

[b]Oblivior:[/b] WTF? Why do I always have to say evil and you don?t?

[b]Druik:[/b] Because I am superior.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] I?m the class president.

[b]Druik:[/b] So?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] You?re even wearing one of my shirts that say ?Oblivior is Superior To Me. I am primitive. I am an inferior scum-sucking maggot.?

[b]Druik:[/b] It was laundry day.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Why did you even buy it?

[b]Druik:[/b] I?m not on trial here!

[b]Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott:[/b] (walks by) Hey, boys? (walks away)

[b]Druik:[/b] Tomorrow, Oblivior, we put my EVIL new plan into action.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] What evil new plan?

[b]Druik:[/b] The evil new plan that gets me Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott?s heart. Mu-hehehehehehe?
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[color=blue][size=1]As wonderful as his intentions may be, Druik is a real ass. xD Still lovin' the story, though.

But.. I really hope any "shag scene" between Druik and Sally I'm-Frickin-Hott is cut out. That would scar me horribly forever.. <<;;[/size][/color]
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[b]Oblivior got his lunch from the blob monster lunch lady and had a seat next to Druik.[/b]

[b]Oblivior:[/b] So, did you shag her?

[b]Druik:[/b] Who?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Sally.

[b]Druik:[/b] Who?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott.

[b]Druik:[/b] Who?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Paper cups.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhhh, Sally! Right. No, no, I didn?t.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] When are you?

[b]Druik:[/b] When I put my evil scheme into action, damnit!

[b]Oblivior:[/b] When is that?

[b]Druik:[/b] In good time.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Dude, we?re in last hour right now.

[b]Druik:[/b] No we?re not. We?re at lunch.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] We just came back from our field trip to the EVIL CARDBOARD BOX FACTORY? and we had to eat lunch late, so they gave us this hour to do it. If you?re gonna shag her, you have to go to her now.

[b]Druik:[/b] Hmm? you talk crazy, but I like crazy talk because that?s what I was born for.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Eh?

[b]Druik:[/b] Watch me! (flies over to Sally and her boyfriend) Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott, I?m gonna shag you.

[b]Sally:[/b] I?m with my boyfriend.

[b]Druik:[/b] Fine. I guess I can bend a little. Besides, threesomes are hot.


[b]Oblivior:[/b] I don?t care what they say? this mystery meat is yummmm-y!

[b]Druik:[/b] (stumbles over all beaten and bloody) Ohhh? where?d she get a missile?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] (looks in Druik?s direction) OMG! (knocks Druik over and runs to the poster on the wall) N?Sync is in town!

[b]Druik:[/b] Umm? hello? Bleeding to death here. And N?Sync doesn?t exist yet. These are the 80?s.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Oh, right. (kicks Druik) Whaaaaat.

[b]Druik:[/b] I have ouchies ;_;

[b]Oblivior:[/b] What happened? Was she really rough or something?

[b]Druik:[/b] Her boyfriend was.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] DUUUUUUDEEEE! Sick!

[b]Bully:[/b] Fag! (punches Druik)

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhh? my poor kidney.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Dude, you didn?t?

[b]Druik:[/b] No! Her boyfriend beat me up for trying. That?s it. I?m not trying for girls anymore.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] (covers himself) You?re not flipping the line are you?

[b]Druik:[/b] Flipping the line?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] You know? changing? sexuality.

[b]Druik:[/b] NO! God, what?s with this story and gay jokes?

[b]Bell:[/b] Ring sounds! Druik?s Gay!

[b]Later, on the bus?[/b]

[b]Oblivior:[/b] You should get revenge on Sally.

[b]Druik:[/b] Yeah. She hates beetles. I?ll send her a box of beetles.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] You can give them to her at that one concert. I hear she?s riding the tour bus there.

[b]Druik:[/b] No, she?s riding the yellow submarine.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] She?s got a ticket to ride?

[b]Druik:[/b] And we don?t care.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Whose concert is it?

[b]Druik:[/b] Sgt. Pepper?s Lonely Heart Club Band.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] O? kay.

[b]Druik:[/b] Yep. They?ll play while my guitar gently weeps.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Can we please stop with the Beatles jokes?

[b]Druik:[/b] Fine.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Some of them the readers might not even get.

[b]Druik:[/b] I like the Beatles.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Because you?re gay.

[b]Druik:[/b] What?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] I dunno.

[b]Bell:[/b] Druik?s Gay.

[b]Druik:[/b] There?s no bell on the bus. That doesn?t even make sense.

[b]Later, when Druik got home?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Phone :^D (calls Sally)

[b]Phone:[/b] Ringing sounds? ringing sounds? Druik?s gay?

[b]Druik:[/b] OKAY, STOP IT ALREADY!

[b]Sally:[/b] Like, hello?

[b]Druik:[/b] Hiiiii.

[b]Sally:[/b] Erm, hi.

[b]Druik:[/b] My name is Druik and I like gay porn.

[b]phone:[/b] Hung up sounds?

[b]Druik:[/b] I think I went about that the wrong way.

[b]We?re ending this part because it?s getting? too? creepy?[/b]
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Who WOULDN'T get the Beatles jokes?! Evuu. Me likey the Beatles. :^D I liked how everything was calling him gay. xD Even though.. yes. It did get a bit creepy. <<;;

Oh. And damn you for getting "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" stuck in my head. Now it'll never come out of there. ;_;[/size][/color]
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[b]The next day at school?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] (sits down with his lunchables) So I called Sally last night.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] What?d she say?

[b]Druik:[/b] I?d rather not talk about it.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] What? You were the one who brought it up!

[b]Druik:[/b] I?d rather not talk about it.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] Whatever. Are you still gonna attempt to get with her?

[b]Druik:[/b] I?ll give it one last go.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] She has a boyfriend.

[b]Druik:[/b] And you have an ugly face.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] O.o

[b]Bell:[/b] Ringing sounds! Time for 5th hour, fat asses!

[b]Later, in 5th hour?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] How come you?re in all my classes?

[b]Oblivior:[/b] I dunno.

[b]Mr. Mathe:[/b] Today in math class, we?ll do some stuff with numbers and I?ll play with my earlobe. Any questions?

[b]Boy:[/b] Are you actually Satan?

[b]Mr. Mathe:[/b] Yes. Very good. You?re the first to notice. As a reward, I get to eat your soul.

[b]Boy:[/b] AHHHH! (dies)

[b]Druik:[/b] Sally?s in my last hour. I think I have an idea of how I?ll get her.

[b]Oblivior:[/b] How? Her boyfriend?s in there too.

[b]Druik:[/b] I know >:^D

[b]Oblivior:[/b] O.o

[b]Later, in last hour?[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] La la la? last hourness?

[b]Fat Teacher:[/b] Okay, class. Shut the hell up and read your story, please.

[b]As the class begins to read the assigned book, Druik puts his evil plan into action.[/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Hey, Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott?s boyfriend.

[b]Sally I?m-Frickin-Hott?s Boyfriend:[/b] I have a name, ye know.

[b]Druik:[/b] Mark?

[b]Steve:[/b] Steve.

[b]Druik:[/b] Eric, how would you like to be class president?

[b]Steve:[/b] But Oblivior is.

[b]Druik:[/b] Let?s just say I have a squirrel in my pants.

[b]Steve:[/b] Is that code for something?

[b]Druik:[/b] No, I really do have a squirrel in my pants.

[b]Steve:[/b] O.o

[b]Druik:[/b] What would you say if I told you I could make you president?

[b]Steve:[/b] I?d say ?SHUT UP!? and then I?d realize it wasn?t an insult and say ?Okay.?

[b]Druik:[/b] Excellent.

[b]Druik?s Thoughts:[/b] Excellent. He believes I can make him president. Now I?ll just go along with the second part of the scheme.

[b]Druik:[/b] Otay, follow me.

[b]Steve:[/b] Okay. (stands up)

[b]Druik:[/b] (knocks Steve out) I?m not entirely sure what the rest of the plan had to do with me just knocking him out, but it was sounding catchy.

[b]Fat teacher:[/b] Druik, I?m fat! Now sit down and stop maiming people!

[b]Druik:[/b] Sorry. (sits next to Sally)

[b]Sally:[/b] Hey, what happened to Steve?

[b]Druik:[/b] Steve?

[b]Sally:[/b] My boyfriend?

[b]Druik:[/b] Eh?

[b]Sally:[/b] The big jock guy.

[b]Druik:[/b] Eh?

[b]Sally:[/b] Paper cups.

[b]Druik:[/b] Ohhh, Steve. He died. Wanna go out?

[b]Sally:[/b] No! Now die! (kills Druik)

[b][I]Flashback ends!!![/I][/b]

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, wow. I don?t like that memory at all.

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] If you died, how are you here today?

[b]Druik:[/b] Well, that?s a funny story really?

[b]Malkore:[/b] (hops over) No! No more flashbacks! I?ve been waiting to be saved for the past six parts! You better get your metallic, armor-wearin? ass in there and save me!

[b]Druik:[/b] Shouldn?t you be inside?

[b]Malkore:[/b] I?m gettin? there! (leaves)

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Well, now that the flashback has ended about your miserable high school days, what shall we do?

[b]Druik:[/b] The only thing we can do? save Malkore!
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[b]In the school?s science fair?[/b]

[b]Nerd:[/b] I?ve made a solar-powered cotabulator-tron 5000 with paper clips and bubblestring.

[b]Jock:[/b] I?ve made my foot go in your ass! (kicks Nerd)

[b]Nerd:[/b] Ow, my rectumarian contabulous.

[b]Jock:[/b] ?

[b]Nerd:[/b] My ass?

[b]Druik:[/b] (enters with Lawyerton) Here we are, Lawyerton! Time to slay some innocence! (unsheathes massive sword)

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Hold on, Druik. As a drug lord, I have realized you can?t charge into battle swinging your sword before you figure out your enemy?s stats.

[b]Druik:[/b] What?s that have to do with drug dealing?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] I don?t know.

[b]Malkore:[/b] Over here, you imbecile!

[b]Druik:[/b] WHAT? OVER HERE? (points the other way)

[b]Malkore:[/b] No, over he-

[b]Druik:[/b] OKAY! (goes in opposite direction)

[b]Malkore:[/b] WTF?!

[b]Druik:[/b] Oh, wow? look at this science project, Lawyerton. What do you think it is?

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Uhhh?

[b]Nerd2:[/b] It?s my Gay-Dar. It can track down someone who is gay.

[b]Gay-Dar:[/b] Beep, beep, beep! Strong gay force nearby!

[b]Nerd2:[/b] That?s funny. I didn?t even turn it on yet.

[b]Druik:[/b] Heh, heh? right. >.>


[b]Furlin:[/b] Here we are? the Evil Lawyer Headquarters. I?m bound to get a good lawyer.

[b]???:[/B] Did you call for a good EVIL lawyer?

[b]Furlin:[/b] Why, yes, yes I did.

[b]???:[/b] LOL! Good! I can help you out then.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Good. But how ?bout you come out of the shadows. I can?t make out your face.

[b]???:[/b] You can?t make out with my face! I?m not gay!

[b]Furlin:[/b] That wasn?t what I meant -.-

[b]???:[/b] LOL!

[b]Furlin:[/b] Look, who are you?

[b]???:[/b] I am? er? umm?

[b]Furlin:[/b] You forgot? O.o;

[b]???:[/b] No >:^O I just can?t recall right now.

[b]Furlin:[/b] Oh, good God?

[b]???:[/b] My name matters not. (walks out of the shadows revealing a pink dinosaur)

[b]Furlin:[/b] Sweet passionate oyster love! WTF ARE YOU?

[b]???:[/b] Ohhh? that was my name :^D My name is Ferk. Ferk the Pink Dinosaur.

[b]Furlin:[/b] You?re hideously cute!

[b]Ferk:[/b] Thanks :^D But that?s how I seduce them.

[b]Furlin:[/b] What, little children?

[b]Ferk:[/b] No! And yes. If they?re on trial. Muhahahaha.

[b]Furlin:[/b] I?m listening.

[b]Ferk:[/b] With my help, you can sue that crazy Druik guy?s ass big time.

[b]Furlin:[/b] How did you know I was suing Druik?

[b]Ferk:[/b] With my superiority in the court, there?s no doubt you will win. I have a way with judges.

[b]Furlin:[/b] What do you mean?

[b]Ferk:[/b] Did you know Arnold Schwarzenegger was a tap dancer?

[b]Furlin:[/b] He?s an action star and now a governor.

[b]Ferk:[/b] Ah, because I brainwashed him for the better ;^D

[b]Furlin:[/b] Hmmm?

[b]Later? in the science fair?[/b]

[b]Judge:[/b] Otay, time to judge your science project. What is it?

[b]Boy:[/b] A talking sandwich named Malkore.

[b]Judge:[/b] Do you really talk, sandwich?

[b]Malkore:[/b] Hell no, ma?am.

[b]Judge:[/b] You lose. Sorry, little boy. But I will eat your sandwich.

[b]Druik:[/b] Not so fast! (slays judge with his sword) I?m here to save Malkore.

[b]Malkore:[/b] It?s about crappin? time!

[b]Druik:[/b] I?ll slay you for him, you little nerdy boy!

[b]Boy:[/b] Ahhh!

[b]Bully:[/b] Oh, no you don?t! If you kill off the nerds, I?ll have no one to pick on. You?re gonna have to fight me!

[b]Druik:[/b] Ahhh!

[b]Lawyerton:[/b] Just fight him, Druik.

[b]Druik:[/b] But he?s like the bully from my high school years. My kidney still hasn?t fully healed.

[b]Malkore:[/b] You have no choice, fool. But since you?re such a pansy, I?ll transfer some of my strength into you. (uses magic on Druik)

[b]Druik:[/b] (becomes frickin? sweet) Let?s rock and roll!
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