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The boy that cried "wolf"...


Bloodseeker
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There once was a shepard boy that lived in a small village. One day, he got bored on his shift and decided that it would be funny if he got his fellow shepards into a false panic. "Wolf! There's a wolf attacking the sheep!" The other shepards came running, ready to drive the wolf off. But all they found was the boy laughing. They scolded the boy and made him go without dinner for the night. About a week later, the boy got the same idea again. "Wolf! Its a wolf! Come quick!" Again, the villagers came running. And again, the boy got scolded and deprived of dinner for the night. The next week came, the boy was dozing off in the middle of his shift when he looked up and saw a wolf aproaching the sheep. "WOLF! Guys, I'm serious this time! There really is a wolf attacking the sheep!" But the villagers shrugged it off as another one of the boy's pranks. Nobody came. Faced with no other choice, the boy went to defend the sheep. And that was how the boy met his end.

The moral to this story? Never complain about a false threat, because when it actually happens, people might not take you seriously.

I have a family member that this holds true to... my grandma. Don't get me wrong, my grandma is in her mid 80s, she has every right to be a little worried about her own health, but she's taken too far. She's been having false heart attacks and various unidentifiable illnesses for as long as I can remember. She's made us cancel our day trips because she got scared over a rash. When we shared a room at the hotel, and she had one of those false heart attacks, she panicked her way over to the cabinet and started waving her hands around while looking for asperin. She tried to stop us from moving to our current home because she was scared that we'd live too far away, despite the fact that my mom had to move because of her job. Now she's trying to stop our trip to Japan in a few weeks because she has a "funny feeling". Coincidentally, we've been getting a lot of calls recently over how she's "so sick and so nervous". Dammit grandma, can't you think of somebody but yourself for more than five minutes?! One of these days, maybe even sometime soon, she's going to have some kind of legit emergency, my mom is going to roll her eyes and tell her to call one of her friends, and the hospital is going to schedule her an appointment with the doctor three hours from then because she's been to the hospital over too many false alarms. My suggestion to grandma: quit now, and people might actually take you seriously when something major happens. (In all honestly, I think that 3/4 of those illnesses are caused by my grandma's paranoia, including all of the false heart attacks... that would explain why her heart hurts, she gets scared and her heart beat goes up.)
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I know what you mean. But for me it's my dad. He sprained his ankle and had to go to the hospitle. He makes everything worse for himself. Think somes always wrong. Like when he gets sick he makes a really BIG deal about it. Sometimes I just want to smack him. All he does is think about himself as well. Sure he works really hard but still. Back to when he sprained his ankle, everytime he took a step as oh my god I must have broking it. It hurts SO much. In my head I was like dude all you did was sprain it get over yourself. As he was doing that it was 10 at night and my brother and I still hadn't had dinner. As you can see all he does is think about himself all the time. GOD I hate that. :D
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[SIZE=1]You should be glad you got that off your chest Bloodseeker, but there is little that I can tell you. You ought to discuss this with your parents and grandman, too. And be patient. She's old, and the sad truth is she probably won't see another twenty years of life.

So enjoy the time you have now. Think of the good, not the bad. And imagine how your mom or dad would be if she died.

[/daily good deed][/SIZE]
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She's an old woman. She's not "crying wolf." She's lonely and looking for attention. I know it can be annoying but it's understandable. Her child(ren) are grown up and have lives of their own and she obviously doesn't want to be left behind to die alone. What's left in her life to make her important? She's not needed by her kid(s) anymore. It's depressing to think about. Also, it's a horrible fate to grow old and be pushed to the side like you're nothing but a problem until you finally pass on. In other societies, like Japanese society, for example--the one you're visiting-- the old are revered and shown great respect. Maybe you should show some sympathy instead of complaining about her like she's some nuisance. As it stands, your lack of compassion and understanding, in reducing her to the equivalent of a foolish child, is astounding.
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[COLOR=SeaGreen]Your grandmother probably suffers most from a fear of dying alone. Is she very independant at all? does she live by herself? It's a common fear, I don't want it to happen to me.

I understand being angry about the manipulation,and it is selfish of her to try and stop your trip, but look at things in her light, she's old and alone, especially if your family leaves. I'm not saying to give in to all her whims, but be compassionate.[/COLOR]
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Lumpy... your dad sounds pretty similar to my grandma, plus the working hard part. Tell him to stop being so paranoid about it... the only reason that I don't tell my grandma that is because she's an old fasion idiot that would blame my mom for raising me wrong if I did.

As for my grandma's relationship with the rest of my family, lets just say that my grandma has burned so many bridges with other members with her selfishness and whining that my mom is just about the only one left that's really going to be heart broken when she dies. I have a hard time feeling compassion for somebody that missed my mom's graduation ceremony (for her MBA) because she was "too sick" and then got mad at her when she didn't come over afterwards. And you can't tell her otherwise... there's been a few times where I've told her that she's stepped over the line, and that's when she starts crying and nothing gets through. "I try so hard to be a grandmother!" Shut up, you don't try to do anything but help yourself. She's going to be all but alone when she dies... She's apparently been a selfish manipulative b*tch that whines about everything her entire life, I hear that she's been doing this "I'm so sick and so nervous" and the "I'm not going tomake it to next Christmas" thing since her early 50s, and now she's paying the price. I don't feel sorry for people that bring their problems on themselves and don't do anything to fix them. If she wants my sympathy, she's going to have to earn it by putting on a brave face and thinking of people other than herself for once.
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[quote name='Charles']She's an old woman. She's not "crying wolf." She's lonely and looking for attention. I know it can be annoying but it's understandable. Her child(ren) are grown up and have lives of their own and she obviously doesn't want to be left behind to die alone. What's left in her life to make her important? She's not needed by her kid(s) anymore. It's depressing to think about. Also, it's a horrible fate to grow old and be pushed to the side like you're nothing but a problem until you finally pass on. In other societies, like Japanese society, for example--the one you're visiting-- the old are revered and shown great respect. Maybe you should show some sympathy instead of complaining about her like she's some nuisance. As it stands, your lack of compassion and understanding, in reducing her to the equivalent of a foolish child, is astounding.[/quote]
[SIZE=1]!?

Alright, I can see what you mean to a certain extent, however, I don't think they were reducing her to the equivalent of a foolish child. I think Bloodseeker was more frustrated, that their grandmother is acting the way she is. In reality, he/she has a right to be frustrated. Postponing trips, canceling dates you had something to do, rearranging entire schedules around an "I have a rash. Come check on me. Now." Besides, the whole crying wolf thing is actually dangerous for her. One day Bloodseeker's family might say "I'm sure you'll be alright - we're going out of town for a few days. See you then," and she'll actually have something serious, instead of a rash or a cough or a cramped foot.

What sympathy should Bloodseeker show? Sympathy that his/her grandmother is old and ailing in health? I'm sure their family already does that, you know, dropping by every so often, a phone call here and there. Aside from that, there's nothing more they should do. Be warm with her, but you can't structure your world around cries for attention.[/SIZE]
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[quote name='Charles']She's an old woman. She's not "crying wolf." She's lonely and looking for attention.[/quote]
Yeah that makes sense but MY grandmother is a whole other story. Or at least the same but she does alot of stuff.

She will call my dad and be all like "call me i need to talk to you" in a sickish voice and then five minutes call his sister (my aunt) and be all cheery. Or she reverses it and is cheery with dad and gripes about my aunt and acts whiney towards her.

She literally calls up in the middle of the night, "Im sick and I need my meds! The people here wont give them to me!" Or "They are mistreating me!"

Seriously she will do this call and call someone after that and be all cheery and normal OR she will call someone nad be happy and everything before and after the whole "emergency".

My dad went to California for a vacation and it was me and My mom (who decided to spend a week with me instead of washington where she lives) and dad told grandma not to call us ever day and to just leave us alone. We would bring her her mail when we got it.

The next day she calls THINKING that dad is already gone but when he answered she got all "well i uhh *click*" and hangs up. AND SURE ENOUGH! She called every day. I got to the point i just turned off the ringer and ignored her calls. She is in a safe place full of friendly helpful people. If she needs help there is always several people there to help her butr she insists they mistreat her and are mean to her and that she cannot stay there.

Seriously no wonder my dad is almost psychotic. She calls almost every day and either gripes about her money. She needs to go to the bank and dad has to argue with her about how she HAS no money because the state is in control of all that stuff. And she wont leave my aunt alone either. Accusing her of stealing the money. She drives me crazy.

Now yes she is very old and is doing it for attention or to just have things done the way SHE wants them. She is 94 or 95 i cant remember. She is missing a hip and cannot "go to the bank" or "get out and about" and she knows this but continously gripes about it and insists she can and other times she will be like " i cant even go anywhere" Honestly though she is very old and none of us expect her to live much longer. My dad seems annoyed that she is still alive. He says she is a mean old nasty ***** and that he hates her... I bet he will be saying otherwise at her funeral...

So perhaps she isnt "crying wolf" when she calls and says they are mean... they have to be to get her to listen to instructions. Perhpas shes actually forgetting this and that and that is why she acts different each time she calls but not after two seconds. (THIS has happend. She called and talked to me and then got ahold of mom and said the complete opposite.) She has even accused ME of abusing her... She does alot for attention and to get things done her way but one day (now mainly) she will realize it isnt working... no matter how hard she might try it doesnt phase me and dad anymore... and my aunt tries to ignore it or drinks it away.

All in all it depends on age and mind. My grandmother listens to what she wants to hear and hangs up when people try to tell her the truth or what is right. Old age does change some people... my grandmother especially.
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[quote]Alright, I can see what you mean to a certain extent, however, I don't think they were reducing her to the equivalent of a foolish child. I think Bloodseeker was more frustrated, that their grandmother is acting the way she is. In reality, he/she has a right to be frustrated. Postponing trips, canceling dates you had something to do, rearranging entire schedules around an "I have a rash. Come check on me. Now." Besides, the whole crying wolf thing is actually dangerous for her. One day Bloodseeker's family might say "I'm sure you'll be alright - we're going out of town for a few days. See you then," and she'll actually have something serious, instead of a rash or a cough or a cramped foot.[/quote]

Of course it does. The thread directly compares her to "the boy who cried wolf." Don't be mistaken; I understand where he's coming from and I understand that her behavior is annoying. I'm not saying that they should go ahead and cancel trips because of her. But, it's important to understand why she's acting the way she is and not abandon her altogether because of it. She's just afraid of being alone so she's reaching out for attention. Just deal with it. We all grow old someday. I'm sure many people will go through a phase where their children are grown up with families of their own. Meanwhile their widowed elderly parent is left to feel like they have nothing left to do in life except die. There are no children left to raise and they can no longer work. Maybe she is a bad person. I don't know; I don't know her. But the initial post just portrayed her as a typical elderly individual crying out for attention.

[quote]What sympathy should Bloodseeker show? Sympathy that his/her grandmother is old and ailing in health? I'm sure their family already does that, you know, dropping by every so often, a phone call here and there. Aside from that, there's nothing more they should do. Be warm with her, but you can't structure your world around cries for attention.[/quote]

The kind I described above. Simple understanding. Respcet for the fact that she made their family possible in the first place. She's an old lady--that's all we're talking about here. Some people don't take aging as well as others. Maybe this woman isn't even manipulative as far as her suffering is concerned. Perhaps she truly convinces herself that she's suffering from heart pains and such because she's so afraid of age and death. Her behavior during her fifties is a good sign of that.

There's nothing he's going to accomplish through talking with her or yelling at her. It'll only make things worse. Now, Bloodseeker's family shouldn't live on her every whim but goddamnit just be respectful to her and check on her every so often instead of whining about it. Listen to her complaints patiently and don't dismiss them even if you know they're false. Because that's all she probably wants--just someone to listen to her to make her happy. Take her go to a doctor routinely even if she doesn't want to go--and then they'll know the state of her health so that "crying wolf" won't be an issue.

That's all I'm saying. It's simple. It just saddens me when I see people talk about the elderly like they're nothing but a bother.

As for you Frankie, I understand that she's annoying but again--we're talking about a woman who's ninety-four years old. It may be hard for you to understand this, but she just doesn't want her family to forget about her. She still wants a place in the family--and she wants to exist. That's why she's constantly pestering them. Also, she wants to do these things that she cannot because it's hard to be completely stripped of your independence and rights as an individual. It's hard to be an adult and then become something like a child.

I'm not saying that you or your family don't have a right to be annoyed but personally, I'd just grit my teeth and bear it because it's the right thing to do.
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Well, after seeing my great-grandma (grandpa's mother) i understand what you mean perfectly. She was the perfect proof that mollier's plays can actually be true (both in terms of money and sickness :) ) But she was really old and i was really small so all her complaints and orders (bring me water, it is time for my pills, clean my glasses etc) used to make me feel as if she was born to torture me as all i wanted was her to shut up for a while (at least till thundercats or sesame street ended)
But one day we got a telephone, and she was dead. Now more than 10 years have passed and i feel kind of ashamed for thinking like that, as i never listened to her, not even once. We lived together for some time and i knew nothing about her life, except for the fact that she refused to sell her house just because she knew how much we loved the mulberry and cherry trees in the garden.
It is in our tradition to respect the elders as well, but holding yourself not to shout or speak badly is not respect, first you've got to try to understand each other and really try to talk. It is really hard as it feels as if different cultures are clashing, but now looking at my grand-parents i believe it's worth the effort.
I should also add that no matter at what age a really sellfish person is forming a relationship with them is so hard and most of the time sort of a "waste of time" as it takes too much and gives too little. But family is family and you cannot throw them away. Empathy can work miracles sometimes though...
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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Your grandmother sounds very much like my late maternal great-grandmother, and I'm going to say right now that you're very wrong in the way you're treating her. My great-grandmother lived with us for the last few years of her life, I was much younger at the time maybe sever or eight, and at the time I found her constant demands, requests and aches & pains to be annoying because I was small and I didn't realise that her being old meant that certain pains and aches were in her mind only. One of my most vivid memories of my great-grandmother is her telling me stories of her encounters with the British soldiers known as the Black and Tans, and being absolutely enthralled with the story and how she seemed much younger, I suppose would be the best word, in telling her stories.

Many of the pains old people have are in their mind, because simply their mind begins to fail them and every pain and ache in their mind seems absolutely real to them, my great-grandmother was a perfect example of this, she'd swear her legs hurt when there was nothing wrong with them as confirmed by a doctor, she'd swear she had pains in her chest, again nothing physically wrong with her as confirmed by a doctor. My great-grandmother was convinced by her mother at a young age that she had a bad heart and for her whole life she was sure she was going to die because of it, she had a perfectly good heart but it was all in her mind and not a specialist in all of Ireland could convince her otherwise.

I'm not saying it isn't annoying, at times you'll be just grinding your teeth over the constant barrage of requests, but until we are elderly ourselves we will have no idea what it is like. I think Charles is almost certainly right, your grandmother could be absolutely terrified of being on her own in case something happens to her, she could be afraid of dying along, a death I'm sure none of us would want for ourselves. His example in Japan is very accurate in pointing out the differences between the treatment of the elderly there and in the "west", in Ireland most grandparents and great-grandparents if there are any live with their eldest child but there is a growing trend of just stuffing them into some old folk's home where they won't interrupt our busy lives or irritate us.

Perhaps it is all a facade and your grandmother is a manipulator, but perhaps it isn't a facade and she's a lonely sad old woman who uses her pains as excuses to get some attention from her family and feel like you haven't forgotten about her and swept her under the carpet. She's an elderly person and deserves respect not only because she is but also because she's your grandmother, without her you wouldn't be around. She may be annoying, I've got a really annoying (a fair bit of the time) sister who drives me up the walls but as part of my family she deserves respect and compassion. Imagine how you'll feel in seventy years when you're in your mid-eighties and your grandchildren/great-grandchildren are thinking the exact same things about you. [/SIZE]

[quote name='Bloodseeker']The moral to this story? Never complain about a false threat, because when it actually happens, people might not take you seriously.[/quote]

[SIZE=1]Or if I was to quote Garak from Deep Space 9, the moral would be "[I]Never tell the same lie twice.[/I]"[/SIZE]
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Charles, Gavin, empathy is looking at things from all sides. And from the sounds of things, neither of you are even trying to see things from my point of view and are only trying to get me to see things from grandma's.

You guys seem to think that I'm some cynical bastard that can't see and couldn't care less about the suffering of others. You couldn't be more wrong. I consider myself to be compassionate guy when someone is going through legit problems. I could start naming off examples, but then I'd sound like some arrogant self-appointed saint with no proof and I don't want that.

You have to understand, this is the only grandma that I've ever known. For the past 18 years, she's whined, she's complained, she's manipulated (I've heard from her brother that she's done that her entire life), and she's done next to nothing to remedy it. Imagine spending 10 years (we'll just say the eight years old is when I really became aware of it) living close to somebody that acts like she's going to die at least once a week, someone that uses that false illness to get out of going to events that are important to the rest of the family, someone that uses those same illnesses to try to force you to follow her selfish will. I'm wrong for being angry at her... for not caring when she continues to whine about nothing? I'm wrong for disliking her for being a constant thorn in my family's (and my) side? I'm wrong for being mad at her for killing my fun and disrupting my life with her crappy attitude? What am I supposed to be, Jesus Christ reincarnated?! I can guarantee you that all of you would hate my grandma if you were in my shoes, hell, 25% of you would probably want to gut her yourself. Frankie sounds like he can vouch for me on that one.

Would my anger make more sense to you if I told you that grandma is in superb health for someone of her age? She's never had cancer, her memory is near perfect (my mom calls it a steel trap memory), she's never had a [i]real[/i] stroke or heart attack, and while her bones are kind of weak, they're still strong enough that she can still go places and do things. The only real problem that she has is bad skin. It gets rashes and is really thin... I'm sure that's irritating at the very least, but she makes it sound like she's about to die! And like I've said in past posts, I hear that she's been doing this for 30 years now!
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[QUOTE=Bloodseeker] Frankie sounds like he can vouch for me on that one.

I hear that she's been doing this for 30 years now![/QUOTE]Damn right I could... My grandmother has used manipulation for many years even when my father was just a young boy. She hasnt changed. I honestly doubt shes lonely when she has several people around her each day from workers (at the old folks care center) or random family members who are to nice to say "shut up old witch"

She wants it her way only or she gets all mad, hangs up, and whines to other people on how mean you were to her... how savagely crule you are and soaks it all in when people just nod and go along with what she sasy like she is the all knowing master of the world.

So yeah gutting sounds nice sometimes.

Ps: funny thing... I'm a girl... (the name throws people off... but frankie is my legal first name... go figure lol)
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[quote name='Bloodseeker']Imagine spending 10 years (we'll just say the eight years old is when I really became aware of it) living close to somebody that acts like she's going to die at least once a week, someone that uses that false illness to get out of going to events that are important to the rest of the family, someone that uses those same illnesses to try to force you to follow her selfish will.[/quote]

I've lived with someone exactly like that that for twenty-three years--[I]my[/I] grandmother. lol

That's why I'm speaking in my official capacity as someone who's experienced what you have. There are times when I'm about to go to work only to be told by her that she's probably going to be dead by the time I return home. I try to encourage her to get out of the house and spend the day with her children. What does she do? First she accuses me of trying to throw her out of the house and then she grabs her chest and tells me she's going to die and that it's my fault. Is that stuff right? Hell no. But, what am I going to do? I don't want to leave her alone until I can make sure she's supported and if I went out on my own it would become incredibly difficult to finish up college. This behavior is just something I've had to grow accustomed to. When I begin my career and move out, is she going to lay a guilt trip on me? I'll bet my life on it. But, I'll deal with it.

I'm not trying to portray you as a bad person. I just want you to understand that old women can inherently be annoying with no other motive than to seek and gain attention. It's just something that you have to grit your teeth and bear unless you're willing to dump them into an old folk's home.
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[quote name='Charles']It's just something that you have to grit your teeth and bear unless you're willing to dump them into an old folk's home.[/quote]
[SIZE=1]Ehh... dump? Sometimes people 'dump' their grandparents into an 'old folk's home,' but other times, people who cannot care for their parents must put them in a retirement home. Granted, I'm sure it happens that people go "screw you, ma, you're going to the retirement home. I'll write. Later." But many other times, people cannot structure their lives around dealing with such a person in their household, and must simply put them in a retirement home.

I certainly would put my parents in a retirement home if I could honestly not care for them properly, and they were in turn making my life miserable. Sometimes they can care for them better than you can, too.[/SIZE]
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[QUOTE=Retribution][SIZE=1]Ehh... dump? Sometimes people 'dump' their grandparents into an 'old folk's home,' but other times, people who cannot care for their parents must put them in a retirement home. Granted, I'm sure it happens that people go "screw you, ma, you're going to the retirement home. I'll write. Later." But many other times, people cannot structure their lives around dealing with such a person in their household, and must simply put them in a retirement home.

I certainly would put my parents in a retirement home if I could honestly not care for them properly, and they were in turn making my life miserable. Sometimes they can care for them better than you can, too.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

Use common sense. This thread is mostly aimed towards the annoying behavior or an elderly woman. In the context of my post, I obviously used the term "dump" exclusively in the instance of people relieving themselves of the bother of dealing with an annoying old person as opposed them putting a legitimately helpless elderly person into a home for the right reasons--so that they would receive proper care. I'm not in any way arguing that retirement homes are completely evil and should never be an option.
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siren has a point, and i agree that retirement homes are not that bad. But for some reason elderly people have a tendency to think of them as some sorf of a jail. That is so wrong, most of the people that started to live there did not want to go back to living with their families later on, because of the friendships and the comfort they found there.
One should make them understand that they are not thrown away once put in a retirement home, and they shall not be forgotten. Daily calls and weekly trips would make it sure, i believe.
After seeing things in my family and hearing things from you guys i started to believe that when i age instead of living with my son or something, i should fix a nice place to stay. I don't want to be a burden on my family, i just want their love and respect and of course to see/feel that as well. I wonder old people get selfish without even realizing it ( by the way for your grandma i see that she was an expert to ruin things all the way long, so i was asking in general)
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I suppose the way i said it did make me out to be the meanie but honestly she is in one because one day her care taker took advantage of her or so the story goes so she had to go into old people foster care as i put it... but they couldnt handle her witch like attitude and moved. No where else for her to go but Life Care Center.

Dad made sure we all knew she was not to even set foot in his house. He was NOT going to take care of her. As for me I live with him and not only that but she never has been in my life enough for me to really care. I sound like a jerk now do I? Well sure why not iv been called worse.... its just whenever i was there (her house before she had to leave) all she did was put me down for my lifestyle and so on... Being Bisexual was a horrible thing to her... old fashioned she is. And my grandfather died when iwas to young to remember him so when it comes to grandparents its not my thing.

Course I WAS adopted so i am not really related to her anyways but that is beside the point.
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[COLOR=#E62E8C][SIZE=1]The old folks' home over here is quite spacious. We people have this tradition of keeping in constant touch with our parents (and distant relatives, for that matter) even after we've built a family of our own. In a way, we're repaying our debts to them by taking them in once they retire. It's a bit logical, really; my old man could've just left me in some trash bin to be picked up by God-knows-who but instead they took the chance of raising this diva. Gotta reap what they've sown, yeah?

Plus them old people dote on us like we're their children. Which is kind of fun really, especially during Christmas.

The idea of gratitude is deeply ingrained into our society that it's probably second nature to us to take them in without question. It's a tradition that's been going on for hundreds of years now, treating them like they're still part of the nuclear family. Perhaps you guys should try it; makes them elderly people happy.[/SIZE][/COLOR]
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You guys seem to think that I'm some cynical bastard that can't see and couldn't care less about the suffering of others. You couldn't be more wrong. I consider myself to be compassionate guy when someone is going through legit problems. I could start naming off examples, but then I'd sound like some arrogant self-appointed saint with no proof and I don't want that.

You have to understand, this is the only grandma that I've ever known.

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I understand what your going through. My grandpa was never like this even when he was sick. But his son, oh boy. My dad seems to be just like your grandma, sad to say. What you said before with I should tell me dad yeah right. I said one thing to him the other day and he took a fit. Saying how hard he works and that me and my brother just ******* all over him. Just this morning he got up and wounldn't shut up about how hard work was and how tried he was. I think you need to talk to your mom, tell her what's going on, because she's blindly falling for it all. Tell her that all your grandma wants is attention, that if the doctor says she's not sick she's not sick. Let your mom know and if she doesn't believe you, witch is a common thing. Prove it to her somehow. Right know I'm not sure how you could do that because it's 10:00 in the morning.Lol ^^.
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