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Writing The Tragedy of Mitch and Alex [PG]

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I've been working on this for a while. It's been difficult due to time constraints but I figured the ideal way to send off both Mitch and Alex would be to provide this epic tale. I've shown an earlier version to them both and they loved it. So, I see it as a way to put a positive spin on a negative situation by objectively retelling their story in the form of a tragedy.

This is the first of three acts. The cast list will be updated each time I post a new act (to reflect the introduction of new characters). This should be fun, easy and fast to read through, so even the laziest of Anthology lurkers should give it a whirl.

I've integrated a lot of little touches into the dialogue, such as actual poems and blog entries from Mitch and Alex among others (albeit modified to fit my structure) to lend some more authenticity to the proceedings. Of course, this is a tragedy and there is drama but it's naturally going to be comedic due to the nature of the piece.

I'll probably update myOtaku when I get the chance and use it as a venue for "bonus content" (i.e., pointing out which pieces of dialogue were inspired from actual posts or poems and giving links to each example to see how it was modified to work here).

Have fun!


The Chorus (the general OtakuBoards public)


Heaven's Cloud
Lost Prophet
King James


Lady Asphyxia

Scene 1. [Alex and Mitch are sword fighting atop a mountain peak]

Chorus: The clashing of their swords in the distance,
Defies everyone?s wishes for their quarrel?s subsistence.
Hear their hatred rising relentlessly so
As they deal yet more verbal blows.
Two word smiths always entangled in battle
Fated to the cost of their venomous prattle.
Friends and foes alike implore them to make peace
But only in death can their dispute cease.
One once a moderator so gifted with bliss
The other a respected member full of promise.
Their futures now coalesce, leading to dismay
They drink from the poison chalice of hatred to their last day.
They enter the winter of their lives so cold
Now we witness one of the greatest tragedies ever told.

Alex: Wretched fool, you have no talent or taste.
Each drop of ink you use is a precious waste.
Your comedy?s tragic, your tragedies amuse.
All who read your writing are subject to your abuse.

Mitch: Villain! I shall separate you from your
poison tongue!

Alex: You are nothing but a hack.
And I shall hack away at your limbs to
Prevent you from further embarrassing
Yourself and my time.

Mitch: Oh, how my blood boils!
Stay still, why don?t you, you pompous wind bag?

Alex: Mitch, your fighting technique is just as weak
And sloppy as your writing. Here take this!

Mitch: Is that your best? You should stick to verbal

[Enter from the right Annie, Alan, and Heaven?s Cloud]

Alan: Oh, miserable day, they are
at it again!

Annie: Quickly, we must fast pull
them apart!

Heaven?s Cloud: Come now! Why bother? Should one
Attempt to separate the heavens from
the stars? Or offer a gracious hand of
peace between two naturally warring
beasts? T?would be just as easy to let one
vanquish the other. Their quarrels never
cease. They only spread like a disease and
become volatile and more dangerous!
Leave them to it now, let their bloodlust be
Their peace meal. Leave them to it now, I say
So that we may go back to my place and
get blazed.

Alan: I don?t interpret the problem
that way.

Heaven?s Cloud: There is only one way to look
at this situation.

Annie: Shush, Heaven?s Cloud!
It?s Alan?s interpretation! He is
allowed to it. And I also share it.
We must do what is right. I loath to see
These two, whom I consider good friends fight
While we hesitate their battle worsens.
The venerable OtakuBoards staff
Is likely to notice this disturbance.
We must quell their rage immediately!

Alan: She is right. At any rate I have now
Witnessed enough to gossip about on
this night.

[They approach Alex and Mitch]

Alex: But soft! Who dares to disturb my
most glorious critique?

Mitch: Just when I was
About to loose your blood upon this fair

Annie: Mitch! Alex! Please! I beg you both to stop!
You have both been warned more times than I can

Mitch: You fretful creature. Keep your numbers.
Can a number show me the root of a tree?
Can a number measure what it is to be free?
Can a number subtract all the losses in my life?
Can it add all the beauty that's in my sight?

Alex: Do you see what I mean? His poetry
Is More painful to endure than any
physical wound he could hope to inflict
upon me!

[Alex charges at Mitch. They swordfight until Alex disarms Mitch]

Alan and Annie together: Alex you must stop this now!

Heaven?s Cloud: Alex you
Have gone too far. Withdraw from here right now.

Alex: If you were smart Mitch you would throw yourself
Off the mountain with your sword. End it now.

Mitch: I regret nothing but I do agree.
This must end now. Perhaps it's only a
matter of time before it manifests
itself -- again. But with will alone I
will be sustained. And here I am, in surreal survival.
I used to devour the greatness of this land
Now, instead, I cultivate the fields
That i used to lay in ruin
And instead of dancing to thanatos
I dance to dance alone
Living life with dark shades between

You all must dance, dance and see
This is the dance of survival
This is the dance that is the essence
That is what human is
Do not be afraid, and open your eyes

Fear makes us tremble, and to shake is ruin
Trembling without fear makes mountains, oceans
And a life so endless and new.
Now, poison-tongued villain, have at you!

[Mitch and Alex begin to wrestle]

Annie: Oh, this will surely be the end of them
both if we fail to intervene this time!

Alan: But they still do cling to that deadly sword.
Surely its edge will wet the earth with blood
And whet their appetites for destruction
But I risk not my blood or destruction!

[Enter Lady Asphyxia from the right on a horse.]

Lady Asphyxia: Alex! Mitch! Settle your warring spirits!
Mitch, who was once as gentle as a lamb,
Alex who can be meek and brilliant too.
I have appealed to your better senses.
And yet, temper still gets the best of you!
Alas, each time your quarrel?s quieted
Each time peace is settled, anger?s renewed.
You recklessly wrestle on a rampage
Like two wild creatures lacking all culture.
I have consulted the staff countless times
In regards to finding a permanent
solution to your hot-blooded tempers.
But if you don?t cease this disturbance at
once, then I promise a solution will
become apparent sooner than later.
And it will be an outcome neither of
you will appreciate.

[Alex and Mitch release one another]

Mitch: I am ashamed.
Ashamed of what?s become of Otaku

Lady Asphyxia: Oh? What do you mean by that my lord?

Mitch: My complaint will surely strike the wrong chord.
Regardless it is for your ears to hear.
I?ve grown tired of posting written work
That I put a lot of myself into
And visiting there and listening to
Alex always finding fault and never
Commenting on the good aspects of my

Alex: Thou must provide good aspects for me to comment

Lady Asphyxia: Silence. Let the poor boy finish, please.

Mitch: I?ve grown very tired of OB and
It is a much more hostile place due to
people like Alex and so now I go.
Now I go away from Otaku Boards
because it no longer brings happiness.

[Exuent Mitch]

Scene II. [Lady Asphyxia stands before Alex while Alan, Annie and Heaven?s Cloud look on.]

Alan: Tell me right now, what were you critiquing
with Mitch there? Oh vile cousin of mine you,
like a dog, attack his viewpoint, his own
fundamental philosophy. There's no
critique here today. Critique you maintain,
is just ?being realistic.? Nay it's
you, being Alex, attacking Mitch no
matter what he says or where he says it
every step of the way. God, only
God knows what drives the madness in your breast.
Tough love with writing intended for the
public is fine. Mitch has even said
that to me - what you did there was not tough
love, and it wasn?t even on writing
intended for public viewing. T?was just
you being argumentative!

Alex: I am a villain? Then by whose standards?
What a standing honesty earns for us!
To be sure--I a villain? I ask you
Is the sun which weans the earth we live on
contemptible for shedding light on a
desolate landscape? Or is it the night
meek for hiding it? Alan does either
change reality? Is this sad landscape
any the better regardless of the
light it?s cast in? No, for the truth remains

Lady Asphyxia: Alex, please to stop this now.
The foundation of this site has been rocked
Our rules and regulations have been mocked.
I say to you, this discussion is locked.
Those who read this thread will bear the sad news.
This will be the last time a thread by Mitch
receives views. Now, I order you all to part.

[Exuent, to the left, everyone but Alex]

Alex: I think--I think I want to maim people.
Yes, it sounds interesting. The word "maim"
is a very catchy word. It plucks the
broken strings of my heart. If only they knew
how the foundation of my being is
slowly crumbling apart. ?Maim,? yes. It sounds
nice. I want to maim people because I'm
sick and tired of being who I've been
for the past twenty-two years. My own eyes
Now betray me as they succumb to tears.
I hate myself. I do. I hate nearly
everything about me. I hate how I'm
manipulative. I hate how I'm a
doormat sometimes, and a monster others.
How quickly they are to betray those who
claim to be my brothers. They can all rot.
I just want to be a monster all the
time--but alas Alex is too polite.

[Drix enters from the right unnoticed]

Alex: I hate being polite. It is a curse.
Introspectively I want to see night.
Why do I always feel compelled to be
pleasant to even those who lionize
mediocrity? I choose to speak truth
when I do for the better of others.
And yet, I am the one called villain? Ha!
So they don't like what I say. I care not!
So they?re upset. From now on, I care not!

Drix: Alex, friend, I can bear to hear no more!
The pain that pours fourth from your heart is more
than I can endure. Friend, please take some rest
Each syllable you sling is an arrow
That pierces my breast.

Alex: I did not see you.
But, perhaps it?s better this way Jordan
Let me ask you, have you ever felt so
dead inside that you couldn't imagine
why anyone would want to spend time with
you, and then you feel so awful about
yourself and what you've become that you just
don't deserve company. You tend to just
not mention things.

Drix: O worthy cousin, this
Conflict has drained your spirits. Please
rest now and regain your bearings. Let?s go.

Alex: There is something to what you say my friend.
I will be with you in just a moment.

[Exuent Drix to the left.]

Alex: Bless you for trying to make peace within
me. But even you cannot my anger
distill. After today, everyone will
know the endless rage of Lord Brasil.
For we cannot mend those broken dreams and
tears, of a society now shredded
at the seams, when blood and sweat flow down this
boulevard of disease,through this land of
broken dreams. It carves a path where we once
went, revelry and joyful pleasure long
since spent. For now that fetid, putrid stream
has transformed our love into that land of
broken dreams. They have trampled on a young
man's heart. Now I will tear them all apart.

Scene III [Enter Mitch, from the right, who is wading through the dark wood of error. The Chorus enters from the left.]

Mitch: The sky is especially dark tonight.
Heaven is as bleak as my intentions.
Now I wander these unfamiliar woods
Left to enjoy the discourse of branches
That quiver in the cool breeze that stills my
heart. All because of Alex, the author
of my sorrow. Now, where do I go?

Chorus: Mitch,
OtakuBoards' son, lost in vertigo!

Mitch: That I am. A dizziness seizes me.
My happiness has thinned and waned.
What once brought me happiness, now just pain.
Presently just my gravest passions soar.
For, I, Mitch, have resolved to post no more.
I'll uphold my promise and walk away.
I'll allow criminal behavior to seize the day.

Chorus: You know not where to go. You
Have lost your way.

Mitch: Otakuboards has injured me with its

Chrorus: Alex may still be a friend yet.
People change, just like the seasons.

Mitch: Not him.
Hope for reconciliation has flown.
He speaks to me like I don't have a clue.
I write from my heart. What can be more true?
Yet he criticizes me, makes me feel insignificant.

[Enter Lost Prophet from the right.]

Chorus: For that he is wrong.
Your writing is beyond comprehension.
It is magnificant.

Mitch: Such true words friend.

Lost Prophet: Yet, your days of posting are at an end?
Mitch, this plan will fail you. Please, I implore
If his replies bother you so, just place
him on ignore.

Chrous: Listen Mitch, he is wise.

Mitch: Enough! Rather than view that site I would
put out both my own eyes!

Lost Prophet: Thou speaks falsly.
Thy fate is rooted with that fair forum.
Former mod, adopt better decorum.
Mitch, thou will return to OtakuBoards.
It is a destiny you can't resist.

Chorus: Please, listen to Lost Prophet, we insist!

Lost Prophet: If thou returns and engages in yet
more of the trouble with Alex at hand
Brave, noble Mitch, you will surely be banned.
Thy nerves are rattled, thy judgement is weak.
For just a moment, let noble Mitch speak.
When regret has made malleable thy
iron-clad resolve, the permanence of
thy decree will dissolve. So be warned Mitch
once banned, thou will surely be sorry, yes.
Consider my warnings or suffer a
tragic fate. Place him on ignore before
it is too late.

Mitch: Thou has no right to speak to me because
I am no longer lost. I've found my way.
My joy is true. Leaving OtakuBoards
was the cure.

[Exuent Mitch to the left.]

Lost Prophet: Then thou is lost all the more.

[Exuent Lost Prophet to the right. The curtain lowers. End of Act I]

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[size=1]I have never been more in love with you than I am right now Charles, and that says a lot.

Moving on, I thought it was a brilliant piece of work. As much as I dislike OtakuBoards Fan-Fiction as a whole, your piece really stands out for being so inventive and hillarious. Is this supposed to be based on any work in particular? The whole thing just feels really familiar, and not because I was there every step of the way for their stupid arguing...

Well done, and I look forward to reading the next two installments. As far as I'm concerned this first entry is your magnum opus.


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Thanks, Shy.

I really despise OtakuBoards Fan-Fiction as well. It held its charm back when it was something new and fresh but none of it is really unique anymore. No offense to anyone who posts that kind of stuff, but it's generally so nonsensical that it's unenjoyable rather than funny. It also panders to people by using nothing but very obvious jokes without much wit added for good measure. Either that or they're inside jokes that no one is really going to understand with the exception of two or three people. With this, there are going to be obvious jokes but I want to include a lot of clever wordplay and subtle touches to make them more satisfying.

If it's familiar, it's because you have very good taste in literature or you were forced at one point to read what I consider to be very good literature. I sort of wanted to parody the entire situation by loosely modeling it after Shakespearean tragedy. I've even included an imitation of blank verse to an extent (since I rhyme it's hardly "blank" verse, but given the poetic characters I had to adapt it so). In any case, that's probably why it's familiar. I've read a lot of drama and a lot of Shakespeare over the last couple of years and I've used that form as a foundation.

Anyway, thanks for that closing compliment. Something like that isn't handed out so it means a lot. Especially when it comes from a Parappa fan!

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[color=indigo][size=1][font=arial]This is amazing. This is more like an OB fan-epic than a fan-fiction - I mean, seriously. You're the only person who could've possibly pulled this off, out of the whole boards. lol I mean, with a few modifications you could turn it into a proper Shakespearian-esque play, for performance, it's that good. Like Shy, I wait for the last two acts.

(Note that this is the first OB fan-anything I've commented on since... a long time ago, which means I'm pretty impressed.)[/font][/size][/color]

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[quote name='Charles']I sort of wanted to parody the entire situation by loosely modeling it after Shakespearean tragedy... I've read a lot of drama and a lot of Shakespeare over the last couple of years and I've used that form as a foundation.[/quote]
You pulled it off beautifully. The puns in particular are very Shakespearean--that's the first thing that struck me as I read this. The level of language (I mean, its formality and so forth) is fairly consistent as well, which must have been difficult to arrange if you were drawing on or being inspired by blog entries and poems, as you mentioned in your first post.

At times it becomes more personal than I had expected when I went into it--particularly in Alex's soliloquies. But that's a good thing, I think, because the end result is that the content and the form complement each other well. I mean, the way their lines are written doesn't detract from or distract the reader from what they're actually saying, which is probably the biggest danger with stuff like this.

I feel like I'm not expressing myself too clearly, so I hope that made sense, haha. In any case, nice work. I'm going to enjoy reading the second and third acts.


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[CENTER][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=Red]I present to you the Thumbs up Award for your beautiful and moving portrayal of an Otakuboard tragedy. I commend you. Anyone who does not reply in kind is a douche bag.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[IMG]http://www.crystal-fox.com/webart/products/731_b.jpg[/IMG] [/CENTER]

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[font=Arial][size=2]Ah, finally an OB-fanfic-thing that fully includes the most glorious, wonderful character of all -- me, of course! :rolleyes: And a truely [i]marvelous[/i] representation of my amazing self it was. [/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]All arrogance aside, I really got the Shakespearean influence -- and recognised it. One monologue in particular reminded me of [i]Hamlet[/i], so I'm very impressed with this. I think that's what has impressed me most with this -- while you have the interaction between the characters, there's also that bit of talking to the audience that Shakespeare is always tinged with. For instance, in Heaven's Cloud's "Leave them to it" monologue, he's talking to Alan etc. but you can [i]imagine[/i] him saying it in front of an audience and warning the audience of the consequence --- and in front of the audience is the way Shakespeare should be. [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=2]So yes, I'm very pleased with this. You've done a fantastic job.[/size][/font]

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[FONT=Arial]: D

I'm in drama, and we just finished with Greek theatre and everything that came after it during Winter (thank God, it's somewhat interesting but overall rather boring). Even though I didn't really have time to actually read the whole thing (I skipped just a few lines) but what I could read was amazing. It's probably just that everyone who has commented has seen what spawned this extremely well-written play, but as most, I would adore to perform in something such as this. I just don't think my high school would do it--high schools aren't always the most cultured people. :'( at least there are a few who are.

Bravo, Charles, Bravo. Hurry up with those next two acts!

(I was reading it as a musical, too. xD)[/FONT]

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I bet you thought I forgot. Well, here's scene 1 of the next act. I haven't been able to proof read it yet, and I know there's at least one mistake in there, that I can't find anymore so feel free to point out anything that should be cleaned up or corrected.

Act 2 scene I

[The OtakuBoards Imperial Throne Room]

[Enter King James, Shy from the right]

King James: So, they have broken the peace ordinance

Shy: Aye, my lord, they have. Their appetite for
violence seems boundless. With each stroke of
their busy blades, they attempt to paint one
another?s Godless demise. Their silver
tongues, meanwhile fight another more painful
battle, in which each verbal parry and
thrust does irreparable damage to
the bonds of friendship that should bind them. Each
verbal volley is more barbarous
than the last. Where is the humanity?

King James: Gentle cousin, my heart is heavy. I
know not what to do. Hatred consumes these
otherwise constructive gentlemen like
a plague. Mitch and Alex contribute much.
They are like a limb of my very own,
infected by disease. To sever them
would be to cut off my very own arm.
Is the end worth the means? Must we seek such
a drastic cure? I value my arm but
not when its sickness becomes contagious
and harms those in its presence. Ay me, Shy
I know not what to do. I must be sure
that these men are truly infected through
and through.

Shy: Laws are laws, they are what make us
men. Let it not rest on your conscience if
their animal abandon leads them to
the lion?s den.

King James: More intelligent words
were never spoken. I value this bit of
wisdom, but here comes my very own flesh
and blood. A consult with them will make clear
what was once mud.

Shy: Peace be with you my lord.

[Exuent Shy to the left. Enter Desbreko and Dagger from the right.]

King James: Arise my fair children. You need not kneel
before me. Raise thine eyes, look at me in

Dagger: We but pay what respect is due.
At least we attempt to. For, no one has
an allowance expansive enough to
tender the respect thou deserve?st, my
dear father.

King James: Oh my precious daughter, it
swells the hallowed chambers of my heart to
hear you speak?st so. Although strands of silver
furnish my brow and age creeps into the
very marrow of my bones, my eyes still
glitter like untarnished jewels because
you, my children are my lasting spark of
life. Although my youth has expired, the fire
you fan within me is everlasting.

Desbreko: Please, please, say no more, my liege. We are but
shadows cast in thy presence. There thou sits
clothed in the robes of the ages. Thou art
brave and enduring. Thou has carried a
heavy burden upon thy back. Now we,
thy loyal subjects, shall pick up thy sword
and plunge, without hesitation, into
whatever troubles besiege thee. Thou has
pulled a heavy wagon, a wagon of
responsibility. Now we shall pull
it with thee.

King James: Your words bring me much comfort
in this time of need. It seems as if Mitch
and Alex are once again breaking the
rules we have decreed.

Desbreko: Father, all troubles
seem especially dark at such a late
hour. Please rest. In the morning we
will contemplate recent events and they
will not seem so dour.

King James: You have grown so
wise my valiant son. Shy, please escort
me to my chambers.

[Enter Shy from the right]

King James: The moon seems so bright
and full tonight. I have taken little
notice of heaven?s beauty in my plight.
Fare thee well my precious children. I shall
sleep easy on this night and suffer my
kingly responsibilities by the
sun?s light.

[Exuent King James and Shy to the left]

Desbreko: It will not be long now, sister.
Father is a fool, whose mind and time have
expired. Soon his soul will take leave from this
mortal coil and we shall consummate our
incestuous love. Reveal thyself, rougue!

[Enter Charles]

Charles: Drake Desbreko, why chance would have it! Thou
must be desperate and mad to employ
my help in these royal affairs. But you
have compensated me well. In a day?s time
I shall render thy father dead and thus
deliver his divine soul straight to hell.
I am a godless, pitiful man with
no conscience to haunt me after the
deed is done. I am an angel of death,
I cannot return the life once taken
. I ask you one last time before you are
God forsaken: Do you truly wish for
me to let your father?s blood with my knife?
Do you truly wish to make your sister
both orphan and wife?

Desbreko: Silence! Enough of
your rambling, fool. You were nothing, a
mere outcast before I brought you back
from the depths of obscurity. Now you
will be Thane of Hardwired if you complete
the task I desire.

Charles: Then it shall come to
pass. Your father?s celestial soul shall
soon part from his flesh. But Shy must be dealt
with too, for his loyalty is pure and
true. I am not sure I can best him in
physical battle. But I know of a
deadly snake with a poison tongue and
a deadly rattle.

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[color=#4B0082]Oh snap! Our secret love affair has been revealed! . . . Oh well, I guess it will be a simple matter to ban you all. :shifty:

Awesome job on this whole thing, Charles. I remember reading Act I when you first posted it, but I guess I never got around to commenting. I also remember thinking, "Whoa, this reads eerily similar to Shakespeare." Which, I gotta say, seemed funky at first due to it being an OB-themed piece, but it's turned out to fit exceedingly well.

More incest plz. :animenose[/color]

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[COLOR=#038000]Mmm hmm, that revelation was surely something to write home about. With every post of yours Desbreko that I will read from hereon, little voices in my head will automatically perform a frenzied dance shouting "Incest!"

The second act, though shorter, is worded more beautifully than the first. The shorter lines also made it an easy read. Easy enough to understand, although I think I caught an intimation of satire (or two) in there. *shifty eyes*

I like where this is going, Charles. Will we see an adaptation of [i]Canterbury Tales[/i] in the future?[/COLOR]

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[quote name='Delta][COLOR=#038000]I like where this is going, Charles. Will we see an adaptation of [i]Canterbury Tales[/i'] in the future?[/COLOR][/quote]

Haha, I'd love to at some point but hopefully I can keep this timely instead of taking months to update it again.

Keep in mind though that the second act is actually going to be significantly longer than the first. This was only the first scene, whereas the first post contained several scenes.

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About damn time. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Let me amend my signature by saying that this is the only current OB fanfic I'll willingly tolerate (and I would've sworn that I had posted a reply to that effect after the first act...).

The whole Mitch-Alex fiasco may be long worn-out by now, but I think that instead of ruining your tragedy, that just turns it into a history. :P

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[font=Arial][size=2][quote name='Charles'] Reveal thyself, rouge![/quote]
Either I'm missing some obscure reference or I'm just not getting it... [I don't know, Charles is rouge because he likes to paint his face?...Because he's red with blood?...], or this is supposed to be rogue. :p

[quote]Now you
will be Thane of Hardwired if you complete
the task I desire.[/QUOTE]
[i]Love[/i] the Macbeth reference, hee. I'm taking it as a personally inspired nod because of our conversation the other day.

Cause that's the kind of girl I am.

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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Given we're studying The Tragedy of Othello for Leaving Cert English at the moment, I must admit that has my interest rather piqued. Taking John's last sentiment into account, despite the fact that this is loosely based on actual OB history, I think that "Tragedy" bit in the title sort of gave us an idea of how the ending was going to go.

Nevertheless I'm definitely keeping my eye on this fanfic, and wonder exactly how the villainous Desbreko shall strike against those around him, or if our dear Event Master shall have servants as loyal as he is to James. [/SIZE]

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I think i was starting to think you had forgotten the entire thing; well i am very glad you didn't.

I think even though it was quite a while back by now it's still hilarious, maybe for newer members you should add a link to the thread that held the fiasco in one of the posts?

just a thought.

again, great work, its not a fic; its an epic!

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Thanks, vegeta rocker. I especially appreciate the last part of your comment since it brings up a good point. This is really more of an epic than an OB fan fic since it could actually be performed. John also mentioned how this pays homage to history, which Shakespeare also did--so I'm glad to see that that was picked up on.

Oh, and Lady A--I appreciate your correction. I knew there was a mistake in there. It's always good to know that I can rely on you to find mistakes that need to be resolved--as long as I'm not asking you about commas!

Anyway, on with the next scene! This one is pretty long, so I hope you don't mind!

Act II Scene II [The Otaku Lounge Saloon]

[Enter Chorus from the left. Enter Chibihorsewoman, Adahn, and Retribution from the right]

Chorus: Terror is now upon us. When the mods
created Alex they gave him the gift
of intelligence. The glorious sun
mod made his mind bright. The great mod of wit
gave him insight. They great mods, they made the
beauty of all his words exceptional
surpassing most others. Or so he?d say.
For arrogance brought on his great decay.
The Internet can be more serious
than the logical-minded would ever
believe. But the anonymity it
grants can transform the most amiable
person into a monster. Show me a
world separated from consequence! This
is that world. A world where we create our
own identities, detached from any
inhibition. Such freedom has removed
young Alex from the human condition.
He has become an abomination.
a beast that takes license in devouring
others for his own twisted pleasure.
The world wide web was once a safe place in
which we could meet and talk. But now across
the kingdom of OtakuBoards does this
dangerous predator stalk. All threads on
OtakuBoards proceed warily for
fear that he?ll violate them unwanted
and devour their participants in his
slobbering jaws.

[Exit Chorus to the left]

Adahn: Food and drink has made my belly full and
this fire warms my spirits. Its dancing flame,
hungry for words, laps at the discussion-
starved air. I am here to satisfy its
hunger with words full of enough substance
to keep us warm for many days to come.

Retribution: What thoughts have you for us tonight?

Adahn: My friends,
methinks thou will be impressed. I will pluck
the strings of thy deepest thoughts and produce
a music that appeals to thine finest
senses. I recognize myself as a
philosopher with much authority.
Soon thou will too.

Chibihorsewoman: Are we to talk about
socks? Strange things are the harpsichord of my
soul. Will thou pluck my strings?

Adahn: What? Art thou mad?
We are not to discuss socks. We are to
discuss God!

Chibihorsewoman: We have done so before. What
makes this time any different? Instead
I offer to bare my breasts and provide
the Lounge with nutrition. Men like to think
they have answers to all of life?s riddles.
Thinking beyond one?s place in the order
of celestial things only makes one
uneasy. As a mother I instead
will coddle members with simpler issues.

Adahn: Put away thy meddlesome breast for I,
glorious Adahn have the answers man
and child alike desire. What makes people
sure of an afterlife? Obviously
we cannot experience it. Those who
have, have not been considerate
enough to return with a description
of their accounts. Maybe because there's just
life. There is no after, no before, just
different stages.

ChibiHorsewoman: Then what happens to
us when we expire in our old ages
Mr. Adahn?

Adahn: Well, what happened to thou
the last time thou died?

ChibiHorsewoman: I have never died!

[Enter Alex, unnoticed from the right, who lurks in the shadows.]

Adahn: How can thou be so
sure? Can thou gaze into the past beyond
thy conception? Would thou have any way
of knowing?

Alex: [aside] Soon your pathetic gospel
will cease flowing.

ChibiHorsewoman: Adahn, like a preacher
you wish to seduce me by means of fine
rhetoric. But you are not as artful
as you pretend. Life that has beginning,
too must have end.

Alex: [aside] With this stupidity
my patience cannot contend.

Adahn: I am well
versed in the mysteries of life. I have
traveled countless web pages and assumed
much about the world?s religions to find
answers that have eluded man until
now, until me.

[Enter Fasteriskhead from the right]

Retribution: Oh, what a gentleman!
Wait, what intrepid figure comes this way?

Fasteriskhead: Blast this confounded weather! Blast it all!
Ah, my friends! At last I have arrived in
defiance of the tumultuous storm
raging on outside! By the by, I am
lucky to have survived! Hold on,
allow me to wring out my poor coat. The
fire, she will dry it nicely.

Retribution: Take your time.
Pull yourself together, man.

Fasteriskhead: Oh, my my.
That will do quite nicely. What a horror
waits outside those doors. Never, have I seen
such an odious downpoor. Howling winds
weather earth's clay. The sky is emblazoned
crimson red; it is nigh impossible
to distinguish between night and day. Walls
of rain have left me both disheveled and
annoyed. It's as if Poseidon himself
has Mother Nature employed.

Chibihorsewoman: I notice
thou art wearing thy favorite pair of

Alex: [aside] My patience wears thin because of these--

Fasteriskhead: Stupid cocks--to make matters worse, kept me
up for a fortnight, crowing as if they
too were confused by these blood-red nights. In
these trying times, I often wonder if
the Apocalypse draws near. Nevermind that.
Now I am in the company of friends.

Adahn: A bit of philosophy will ease our

Fasteriskhead: My dear Adahn, pick my brain, sir.

Adahn: Last week, a dear fellow, a nobleman,
no less, named Anti, was visiting my
home. We often revel in our genius
together. Yes, I was reminded by
your admonishment of the weather. There
was a particularly fierce storm on
that night. So, he stayed in my guest chambers.
The next morning he returned to his home.
Lo and behold, a bolt of lightning, by
Zeus's hand had split a venerable
old oak tree on his land.

Chibihorsewoman: How terrible!

Adahn: Yes indeed but in its demise the tree
did bear fruit.

Chibihorsewoman: I love fruit. Let us discuss
our favorite kinds of fruits.

Adahn: No. Not that
kind of fruit. It bore the fruit of thought! Now,
no one was present to hear the poor tree's
untimely end. So did it make a sound
when its splinters burst and it fell upon
the earth?

Retribution: Surely we could ponder this for

Chibihorsewoman: I would like to taste this fruit of thought;
it sounds exotic and I have never
tasted it before.

Alex: [aside] I wonder if I
will make a sound when I empty the sparse
contents of their skulls on this floor.

Fasteriskhead: This is
a deep question thou has posed. We need
to consider if sound might be something
other than the apprehension of an
objective sensory experience
by a subject. If I am not around
to hear a tree fall, how do I know what
the tree is going to sound like at all?
I cannot, not directly; I'm making
a reasonable induction based on
other past experiences I've had.
But I wonder: is it possible that
this tree in particular may make a
totally different kind of sound than
normal? Or even no sound at all?

Alex: Enough!
I can take it no more! You're asinine
and annoying too. Your irrelevant,
philosophical, long-winded posturing
means absolutely nothing.

Adahn: Tis Alex!
Look how frightful he appears! His skin has
turned veiny and blue. A, white tangled beard,
as unkempt has his personality
twists past his jawline and breaches his chest!

Fasteriskhead: Watch thy tongue, devil. In this saloon
we respect one another.

Alex: You're making
a simple question complicated for
the sake of making it complicated.
Don't be so useless.

Fasteriskhead: [draws sword] We were enjoying
a private discussion. Sir, you were not
invited. Leave, or face the repercussion.

[Charles enters from the right with three Imperial soldiers.]

Charles: What's this? Breaking our peace initiative?

Fasteriskhead: No! It is not what it appears, Charles.
This villain disturbed our once peaceful talk
with unwarranted insults.

Charles: But you are
the one with sword drawn. Men take him away.
Take Fosterkid to the gallows at once!
Power has been returned to my hands. An
example needs to be made. Tomorrow
we will hold a public execution
in the town square. Thy head upon a pike
will serve as ample warning to hostile
brutes. Although thou suffers a damned demise,
tomorrow morn thy lifeless gaze shall
discourage busy hands that act by scorn.

Adahn: No, this is not fair! This is not right! Sir!

Charles: As for this saloon, I am closing it
for the night. Now, all of you leave at once.
Men, do not let the boy struggle. Subdue

Chibihorsewoman: Thou are hideous as much as he. [Points towards Alex.]

Charles: Tis not a good idea to put your head
in the mouth of the lion. Men take her
as well. We shall need two pikes to support
the weight of her head. Now, will you two leave
or will you join your friends, swimming laps in
the River Styx? Now, what say ye?

[Exuent Retribution and Adahn to the left. Exuent troops with Fasteriskhead, and Chibihorsewoman chained in front of them.]

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Sorry to be commenting kind of lamely, but that was great. Almost as awesome as the hot incest. :animesmil

I think what I really like about this is that you're don't make any compromises about portraying people's online personalities. Obviously, there's a certain degree of exaggeration involved, but that doesn't obscure the fact that your jabs are mostly rooted in reality. Though that's what makes the story funny, the nature of your comedy is illuminating rather than cruel.

Anyway, this part had me in a fit of giggles:

[quote=Charles]Chibihorsewoman: I notice
thou art wearing thy favorite pair of

Alex: [aside] My patience wears thin because of these--

Fasteriskhead: Stupid cocks--[/quote]
I also loved the bit about becoming Thane of Hardwired.

[QUOTE=Charles]Now, will you two leave
or will you join your friends, swimming laps in
the River Stix? Now, what say ye?[/QUOTE]
x Stix
o Styx


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