My friend has problems, any advice?

[Elk]

Okay, first let me start off that my friend is not me, as some people might think. My friend is a girl named Jordan. She has recently started scratching things into her arm for attention from her latest crush, Ruben. Ruben has a girlfriend and is also in love with another girl, so Jordan thinks that scratching herself is the only way that she can get attention from him. She has also been telling me and her other best friend, Mark, that she is planning on commiting suicide. Mark and I have tried to talk it out with her, but she said, "Ruben is the only one who can talk it out of me now. Only he can change my mind." Which further proves that she is desperate for attention from Ruben. They are already best friends, so she gets a good amount of attention, but she wasnt him to feel pity for her and go out with her. Getting a guy out of pity is one of the worst things a girl can do because as soon as he sees her happy, he's going to think that she doesn't need him anymore and they can go back to being friends. I just want some advice as to how to address the issue and make Jordan see what she is doing wrong so that she doesn't hurt herself. If I am too harsh with her, she will hurt herself more. She has very sensitive feelings and she has some problems at home and that is just feeding the fire. Please, I need some advice on how to counsel her so that she doesn't do anything to herself. She is causing some stress in my life that I can't handle because I have enough stress with school and summer programs, and trying to find a new Karate shcool. I'm going to end up in the insane isulum (sp?) if people don't stop pileing problems on me. Thank you in advance for any help/advice that you have given.

[PaganAngel]

[quote name='Elk']isulum (sp?)[/quote]

Asylum.

And as insensitive as it may sound, do nothing. Don't try to comfort her or anything because she's doing this for attention. She wouldn't do anything too drastic. Let her figure out on her own that what she's doing is, frankly, dumb. She'll realize that she's getting no more attention from Ruben than she would if she wasn't hurting herself. She needs to realize on her own that this guy's not interested. It's not your job to open her eyes.

[Sara]

[color=#b0000b][size=1]Talk to a teacher, parent, or other adult that you trust.

Your friend needs help, and trying to deal with her issues on your own won't help her or yourself.

If you would like to talk, I'm on AIM as Stendahl405. (An away message does not necessarily mean that I am away, so feel free to message me to make sure.)[/size][/color]

[Elk]

[QUOTE=PaganAngel]Asylum.

And as insensitive as it may sound, do nothing. Don't try to comfort her or anything because she's doing this for attention. She wouldn't do anything too drastic. Let her figure out on her own that what she's doing is, frankly, dumb. She'll realize that she's getting no more attention from Ruben than she would if she wasn't hurting herself. She needs to realize on her own that this guy's not interested. It's not your job to open her eyes.[/QUOTE]

I think you're right. We should just ignore it and not treat her any different. This is to big for me to handle by myself, and as a friend, I'll be there for support when her eyes are opened.

[Sara]

[size=1][color=#b0000b][quote]She wouldn't do anything too drastic.[/quote]Maybe not. [i]Probably[/i] not. But what if she does?[/size][/color]

[lumpy3922]

[QUOTE=Sara][color=#b0000b][size=1]Talk to a teacher, parent, or other adult that you trust.

Your friend needs help, and trying to deal with her issues on your own won't help her or yourself.
size][/color][/QUOTE]



~ This is the best thing to do in my eyes as well. Helping your friend on your own, might just make it worse. For you and for her. I think the best thing is for all of you to sit down with her parents, and explain what's going on. The things that she's been saying, and so on.

[Elk]

That's why we're going to be keeping an eye on her. My friend Mark and I are at our mental limits, we're on the brink of sane, so we're going to do our best. All we can do is hope that she realizies that Ruben wants to keep her as a friend.

[Kurama + Hiei]

[quote name='Elk']Okay, first let me start off that my friend is not me, as some people might think. My friend is a girl named Jordan. She has recently started scratching things into her arm for attention from her latest crush, Ruben. Ruben has a girlfriend and is also in love with another girl, so Jordan thinks that scratching herself is the only way that she can get attention from him. She has also been telling me and her other best friend, Mark, that she is planning on commiting suicide. Mark and I have tried to talk it out with her, but she said, "Ruben is the only one who can talk it out of me now. Only he can change my mind." Which further proves that she is desperate for attention from Ruben. They are already best friends, so she gets a good amount of attention, but she wasnt him to feel pity for her and go out with her. Getting a guy out of pity is one of the worst things a girl can do because as soon as he sees her happy, he's going to think that she doesn't need him anymore and they can go back to being friends. I just want some advice as to how to address the issue and make Jordan see what she is doing wrong so that she doesn't hurt herself. If I am too harsh with her, she will hurt herself more. She has very sensitive feelings and she has some problems at home and that is just feeding the fire. Please, I need some advice on how to counsel her so that she doesn't do anything to herself. She is causing some stress in my life that I can't handle because I have enough stress with school and summer programs, and trying to find a new Karate shcool. I'm going to end up in the insane isulum (sp?) if people don't stop pileing problems on me. Thank you in advance for any help/advice that you have given.[/quote]

I know what trouble, you are having now because my BEST friend in the whole entire world, used to cut A LOT! My friend only cut because she was sad and hurtting inside, not for attention, so I'm going to try my best to help you in anyway i can.
1) if your friend is just cutting so her exboyfriend can have pitty then you should tell her it's wrong. Just don't say it to harshly
2) TELL SOMEONE!!!!! that's the most helpful thing yuo can do to help your friend!
3) If she really is going to commit suicide then suggest a mental institution, believe me, it's not a pretty place there (I've been there 2 times)
4) Suicide is NOT something to joke about,people WILL freak out and it will be just a mess
5) Just tell her how many people she is hurtiing and how much you care about her, it's not a good idea to TELL her to stop

I hope I helped!! :catgirl: :animeswea

[Derald]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=1][COLOR=Sienna]Honestly, I can't see this Jordan as a person of very strong character.

So, she's considering suicide? Go through a long list of things she likes, and then explain to her, in an cold fashion, that if she goes through with it, she will never feel the joy of a life with these things ever again. That, and explain to her that she has a better chance of getting this "necessary" attention while she is alive.

Also, by entering a person in an asylum there is a chance that their mind will become ever more damaged by the very acknowledgement that she is treated in a "special" way and looked upon as unstable, distancing her from others, thus making her more unstable. It's not pretty.

Really, she needs a strong character, if any, if she truly wants to feel joy in her lifetime, and you need to make her realize that. Do not be afraid to "smack" some sense into her, both literally and figuratively.

Regardless of this, I honestly feel that a human this weak should not impede on the joy of others, and she should figure things out herself. If this never occurs, then she no longer has the will to live a happy life, and what's the point of living if you never allow yourself to feel joy? [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[Touchstone]

[FONT=Georgia]As others have said, I wouldn't deal with her problems by yourself. That won't help her get better, because you're not sure how to even do that. Cutting yourself is not a light thing; when you cut yourself you are basically saying that your body, your self does not matter, and that you need help. And suicide really isn't funny; that is totally irresponsible of her to do that. I would find out if that was serious or not. If there is a counselor at school you trust or some other adult qualified to handle this I would tell them. What she's doing isn't healthy for herself or you, and it would be best if she got the help she needed and you got some rest from worrying. One guy isn't worth wasting her life over.

I hope I was helpful :animesigh

Oh, and I wouldn't suggest a mental institution, only if you are [i]absolutely sure[/i] it is good. A lot of these places for minors just lump everyone together, and you really don't get the help you need from qualified people. It's mainly just a place where adults can make sure you don't do drugs or hurt yourself.

Anyways, I hope she starts feeling better :animedepr [/FONT]

[Guest SeraphimRei]

I'm sorry, but a person that says they will commit suicide, just because one special person won't pay attention to them is crazy. Nobody pays attention to me and I don't feel emotions, and yet I ahven't seriously thought of commiting suicide. This person seems quite strnge to even me. Sorry, if that sounds harsh.

I think you and your friend should take this seriously. I myself [B]don't[/B] think you should tell her parents or regular teacher, possibly tell a guidance teahcer(whatever you call them), because parents will most likely yell at her; and teachers will tell the officials at school, the rest of her teachers, and her parents, even if told not to.Taking her to an aysilum might just put her over the edge or help her( alittle risky).

People don't bug me on my grammer or spelling, get a life. :animeangr

[CENTER]----------------------------[/CENTER]

Oh yeah, I hope she gets better.

By the way are the cuts visible and who knows about the cuts?
Because if anyone can see them she very well could be serious.

[INDENT][SIZE=1][COLOR=RoyalBlue][B]SeraphimRei[/B] I merged your two posts together. Please do not double post. If you wish to add something just use the edit button in the lower right hand corner of your post. If you have any questions feel free to pm myself or another member of the staff. ~*SunfallE[/COLOR][/SIZE][/INDENT]

[Ikillion]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Her words sounds like they are contradicting each other.If this guy is in it for her looks than wouldn't cutting herself let her beauty fall? And if she really does "Love" this guy so much why is she about to kill herself? Just so that he would go to her funeral and be able to forget about her forever eventually? But don't look to me for answers. I would probally guess thats its probaly another teenage relationship gone ary.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest Gun Preacher]

Dont tell a teacher all they'll do is make it seem worst than it is and dont talk to she wants attention see who far shes willing to go to get sooner or later she'll stop

[Funny Girl]

Well I see that you have a crisis and I maybe the one to help.You see I know what your friend is going through and at my school my friends and I call it desperation.I can see how a girl like her could be in such a delema.Of course you could always try to talk to her and figure things out.It would be a lot more helpful to you and would be less stressful on the whole problem.What you should do is talking to Ruben and tell him how she feels about him.If you need anymore advice just PM me and be glad to help. :D

[Horendithas]

[QUOTE=Derald][FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=1][COLOR=Sienna]Also, by entering a person in an asylum there is a chance that their mind will become ever more damaged by the very acknowledgement that she is treated in a "special" way and looked upon as unstable, distancing her from others, thus making her more unstable. It's not pretty.
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE][COLOR=Sienna]Not nearly as damaged as committing suicide. There?s a big difference between being admitted for suicidal tendencies and being admitted because you have a serious mental disorder. Most places keep the patients who are truly committed in a separate part of the hospital or in a different location all together.

If your friend really is serious about committing suicide then definitely inform someone. Whether it's a teacher, parent or someone else.
[/COLOR]

[The13thMan]

[FONT=Century Gothic] [COLOR=DarkOrange]Definitely tell an adult, teacher, or guidance counselor. She needs help. Even just kidding about suicide is ridiculous and she needs to know that. Because if she's joking about it now, when something really bad happens to her suicide might be the first thing that pops into her head. And also, if you don't want to tell someone think of how much you would regret it if she did do something and you knew that you didn't do everything possible to stop her. I'm not saying it would be your fault, i'm just saying you'll know you could have done a bit more to help her.

Anyways, i've dealt with people like that before...and i'm quite sorry for you. It's never easy on the person that has to deal with the suicidal friend. Of course it's not easy on the suicidal friend either....blah, you know what i'm saying.

Later.

[/COLOR] [/FONT]

[Yukina123]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid]Having been on both sides of the situation, I can deffinately tell you that you hit the nail right on the head. It's a cry for attention. This, you have probably heard many times before. Recommending her to a counselor is truely the wisest action to be taken. But it IS up to her to decide if she wants to change. Without that will, counseling will do nothing for her. It's not considered a disease, so she can't be admitted to a mental institute or hospital unless she nearly kills herself or someone else. You've most likely fixed the problem by now and I am no use at all, but just you being there and counseling her yourself, I am betting makes her feel a lot better although she doesn't show it like she wishes she could. It's great of you to be there for her. Pleasant waves and good luck.[/COLOR]

[Maneki Neko]

[COLOR=DarkOrchid][SIZE=1][FONT=Verdana]Although your friend is dying for attention and she thinks this is the way to do it, she is really, very wrong. If your friend is cutting herself, and a guy is involved, then it is for attention and she will probably not commit suicide. But, she [I]is[/I] getting people to try to notice that she is on the brink of getting to that point where, most probably, she very well might kill herself in the near future. She is trying, in a way, to manipulate things in her favor. Whether it is consciously or subconsciously.

I have done and been through exactly what is going on with your friend. I know the psychology behind it. With the cutting, deep down and probably not even known to her right now, she is trying to see if she is still alive or not. [basic psychology, I'm a psych fanatic.] But, the attention is her main focus at the moment.

It could go either way though, she may not get attention for the cutting and realize it's stupid, or she may think no one cares that she is hurting herself anyway and she might take it farther. It's a sketchy situation, and once again, the best info is probably to talk to an adult or a professional about it.

But, trust me, she will regret any scars she gives herself for the rest of her life, and they can stay very visible for a long, long time.
[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest Metal Dragon]

This is one serious problem. You really have to do something about this and quick, you never now how fast these type of situations can worsen. At first my advice was to let things run their course, but as I read on, I changed my mind. You should confront her about this in a way that it won't make her feel bad and encourage her that eventually he'll get with her. But you must tell her to stop scratching herself. I have an idea, but I don't want to post it hear since I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, but if you want to hear it, pm me and I'll tell you.

[Elk]

I have told my mother because she is someone I really trust (now). And my mother is going to tslk to her and say that she found out because a letter fell out of my backpack.

[eyesofthedemon.]

i know this a really late to be saying, but yes adults will help. yeah, ur mom's done it anyways, so step one done! but my friend used to cut because of depression, and she acts like an emo. but ur friend will rpobably get angry at u, because they trusted u.But that was only my exprience when i told my mom about it. but hey, hope the best of the situation comes out.