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[COLOR="Black"][B][SIZE="4"][U]A Letter From the Editor[/U][/SIZE][/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR="Black"]Welcome to the first edition of [I]The Daily Jihad[/I]. We are edgy, we are raw and [i][b]we are taking over[/I][/B]! We are now in control of the media on OB, so sit back, relax and enjoy the news--or else!

In this week's edition, I would like to look back at an announcement James made last month, letting us know that it was all right to have some good ol' Ultra fun. But, after the announcement several members were left scratching their heads wondering what exactly is this new brand of entertainment known as "ultra fun" is, exactly. Specifically, what is the difference between "fun" and "ultra fun?" Many instances of OtakuBoards have been fun in the past--but have they ever been [i]ultra fun[/i]? Or is ultra fun a level of entertainment that can only be unlocked through the technology of OtakuBoards Evolution?

Do [B][I]you[/I] [/B] know the difference? Do you know what James was eluding to? Send me a private message describing the difference and your letter could be featured.

Also, more articles should be submitted shortly.[/COLOR]



[COLOR="Black"]Praise Allah! Welcome to the first article of many to come to satisfy the terrorist in you. I am the all mighty Fu--er...Terror Stick, and while I am to be feared by my enemies and praised by my allies, I also have a soft spot for the culinary arts. After all you can't carry out your acts of terror on an empty stomach. So today I'm going to share with you, the Infidel Buffet!

[B]What you are going to need:[/B]

1 Infidel
2 Ginger Snap
1 Pinch of Parsley
8 oz. of Camel's Milk
3 Eggs
1 Pinch of Salt
1 Pinch of Pepper
1 container of Honey

First, what you need to do is find yourself a nice plump infidel. If it's an American, don't worry there will be plenty of plump infidels to find. Spend an hour or two beating it, tenderizing it, so that when you're ready to start he has plenty of hatred for you. It adds flavor to the overall meal. Don't forget to bring your camera and video tape the entire thing so that you can send it back to his or her home country.

Once you have your infidel ready to begin, start by first taking out a sharp blade and severing the tendons to his/her feet. This will help keep them from running should they actually find a way to get away from you. While he is still alive, cut into his chest, once you hit bone crack open the rib cage with a hammer and a chisel. Take a pinch of salt and sprinkle it in and around the wound. This does add a small amount of flavor, but I prefer to do it mostly because it hurts like a *****. Remember, you can have fun while cooking, it doesn't have to be dull or tedious. Add in a pinch of pepper, drop in your ginger snap, crack open the eggs and pour them in as well. Then take you 8 oz. of camel's milk and pour it in as well, grab a stick and poke around in there to stir it up but try to avoid killing your infidel just yet. Then re-close the wound in which you added you ingredients, safety pins will do if you have them.

Then take your large skewer and slowly insert it rectally and push it in gently as to savor the pain of the inferior one. Push it up through the mouth or the back of the neck if you wish to add an apple for appearance sake. By now you should have a large fire burning in a pit, do not allow it to get too high otherwise you will burn your infidel. Place your infidel over the flames and let them cook for a couple hours while every so often turning them to even it all out. Make sure to baste your infidel with the honey to let the flavor seep into the skin.

Remove your infidel from the fire when you feel he/she is adequately cooked, for the pale skinned ones when they're bright red, for the dark skinned ones their skin should be loose from the bone. You can go ahead and remove the skewer, add a little parsley and bon appétit!

Afterwards, remove the head and put it in a package along with the tape you've made and send it home to his or her's loved ones. Terror has never been so delicious.

Next time in Terror Stick's kitchen Roast Camel's Hump! See you then![/COLOR]


[COLOR="Black"][I]"What are your thoughts on beast/girl love?"[/I] - [B]Dead[/B]

Beastiality, while legal where you live most likely, is not legal where I live. So, I believe I’m not actually allowed to express the thoughts I do have about it, at least here. Honestly? I don’t care for it personally, although if it works for you and nobody is getting maimed, or killed, or permanently damaged, including the animals... ...Why not have fun? Now I knew this girl once that we all said was sleeping [so to speak] with her horse, but it was never confirmed and to be honest, I didn’t want to think about her and her champion barrel runner... ...so perhaps my thoughts on beast/girl live are not as positive as you’d like them to be honey.

Of course if it’s hentai beast/girl love, then I’m all for it. No questions asked.

[I]How do I get my girlfriend to let me cum inside her mouth?[/I] - [B]Garshaw[/B]

Well, it would help if she was a porn star, but knowing you, she probably isn’t. Your best bet is to watch some porn with her, gauge her reaction around the blow job portions and then the end, then casually bring it up with her after you two have some normal, conventionally earth shattering sex. If she’s completely opposed to it, say that you’d let her cum in your moth, and see what happens from there.

[I]What do I do to get my girl to go anal?[/I] - [B]The Boss[/B]

Method One: Wait until she’s very drunk and thus feeling pain far less than usual. Then ‘miss’ when you two are having sex. As for positions, on the back or on her knees are the best. Of course if she’s really drunk, you might want her on her knees so when she eventually does throw up, she doesn’t get it all over you. There is a chance she’ll retch before you finish, so beware.

Method Two: Stimulate her ass with your fingers during vaginal sex and then rub your cock against it when she doesn’t stop you. If you are armed with plenty of lube, ask her if she’d like to do it, sound like you know what you’re doing, and remember to take your time. Expect her to feel no real pleasure at first, and if in possession of a vibrator, use that first. Be sure to warm her up to the idea, and be sure to communicate with her the entire time, provided she can speak.

[I]How do most women feel about going from ass to Mouth?[/I] - [B]Ikillion[/B]

I’d like to think I’m most women, at least most women who do enjoy anal sex, or at least anal play. So I’ll be quite serious when I say that I do not think it’s safe. It’s actually an easy way to get a horribly embarrassing and unfortunate disease, so whenever I’m with my partner at the time, I don’t do it nor do I let them do it. Don’t even think I’ll suck anything that was just in my ***, even though I keep mine completely clean. Life is not a porn vid no matter how much you’d like it to be.

[I]Why's the girl I keep asking on dates avoiding me? Why is she always busy when I suggest we hang out, or go to movies, or lunch or something?[/I] - [B]Matchta[/B]

Perhaps she’s secretly a male and it’s all just one elaborate set up. She’s probably legitimately busy, but in the event that you are physically unattractive or too persistent in your asking for dates, she’s just annoyed by you. Additionally the more you ask her, the less likely she is to accept your invitation. Expect her to flake if she does in fact accept your offer and expect her to have a billion more good excuses up her sleeve for when you don’t listen to this advice.

[I]What's the best way to stimulate the g-spot?[/I] -[B] Malkav[/B]

Approach your female partner from behind, and have her sit down in your lap, legs spread. Slide two fingers [if possible] into her vagina and curl both of them upwards, rubbing against the top of her. When she starts to shake and moan and grab your arms, you’ve found it. If not, keep trying.


[quote name='Alan][SIZE="3"][B]Go fuck yourselves[/B][/SIZE'].[/quote]

[COLOR="Black"]Otakuboards' talented (and controversial) technical programmer is never short on words. Recently, I was able to catch up with the always-canded DeadSeraphim to ask him about OtakuBoards Evolution, steroids and a host of other hot-button issues. Here is the interview that he insisted remain uncensored.

[B]Charles[/B]: Tell me what sort of impact OtakuBoards has made on your personal and professional life.

[B]Alan[/B]: Since I've joined OB I've taken up smoking and drinking.

[B]Charles[/B]: How often do you find yourself thinking about OtakuBoards throughout the day?

[B]Alan[/B]: Only when the NyQuil isn't working.

[B]Charles[/B]: How does it feel to have achieved your life-long dream of becoming the lead programmer for OtakuBoards Evolution? It's almost like you're a father about to create this wonderful child that will be shared with everyone!

[B]Alan[/B]: To be honest, I'd prefer slamming my cock between two bricks. vBulletin is shit.

[B]Charles[/B]: Now, over time, I know it's hard to believe, but there have been some Alan naysayers. Some individuals who thought that Alan was too controversial, too blunt--that Alan should perhaps even be banned from OtakuBoards. What would you like to say to those indivduals, now?

[b]Alan[/b]: Go fuck yourselves.

[B]Charles[/B]: There have been rumors of steroid abuse among OtakuBoards staff members. Have you heard anything about roid rage amongst the staff? And have you engaged in steroid abuse?

[B]Alan[/B]: I heard Sandy is taking steroids daily, through a syringe jammed right in his ass. And no, I don't take steroids or my massive penis would shrink.

[B]Charles[/B]: Interesting; only a couple more questions. If OtakuBoards was a woman, what kind of woman would she be and where would you take her out on a date?

[B]Alan[/B]: She would be an uptight librarian, and I wouldn't take her out on a date ever. Group Sounds, on the other hand, would be a party girl that drops her pants at the slightest smell of cock. That date would be held in a burning church.

[B]Charles[/B]: Right. Last question. OtakuBoards has been around for several years now and has undergone various changes. What is your opinion on black people?

[B]Alan[/B]: Slavery's back, catch yourself a strong one!


[COLOR="Black"]Long-time OtakuBoards member, Mitchell Grant Smith, recently received his third permanent OtakuBoards ban. The ban came after a series of thoughtful posts where Mitch sought to share his philosophy. In the thread entitled, “What is Beauty?” Mitch wrote several paragraphs in answer to the question. Retribution responded: “You..just need to make...a bunch of nonsense tossed in there too...to talk above everyone.” The Moderator of the Art Studio then proceeded to call Mitch, a “pseudointellectual.”

[quote name='Mitch][B][SIZE="3"]The facts are that cannabis is better than alcohol in every way[/SIZE'][/B][/quote]

Mitch answered “I am what I am...I'm sorry that I actually put some thought and depth into my posts,” to which Rachmaninoff replied, “...Windbag...if someone has..Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder...that‘s your problem, not mine...*tags the ignore button*.”

Category Moderator indifference, said of Mitch’s posts, “You...want an in-depth discussion, but others do not. Accept it and move on.”

But, Mitch isn’t moving on yet. I managed to catch up with the former OB Moderator and he agreed to a sit-down interview in order to give us his thoughts on what went down.

[B]Mitch[/B]: They didn't give me a reason for the ban. And obviously, I shouldn't have been banned; I might have stretched or messed around with the rules a bit and all, but you know, I was merely trying to say some true things about the place. And the whole time, I was really having fun. Because that's what it was about, I thought. Fun.

[B]Charles[/B]: What exactly is your definition of fun? And well, how does it figure in with OtakuBoards?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Well, OB's definition of fun is a herd mentalist type of one; it's a patent and sure type, which is as droll and denatured as censorship. My idea of fun is very free, but it also respects others.

[B]Charles[/B]: I noticed complaints about you insulting others though? Any truth to this?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Not necessarily. . .that's more or less me pushing the boundaries. That "insulting" was actually just a technique of crassness more or less. I did it to basically slap the man awake.
Because violence is...the answer.

There's many ways you could look at it. But yeah, my main point was to...consider letting it resort to violence...whatever the case.

[B]Charles[/B]: Do you think that there was any sort of conspiracy involved with the banning? Like, you could see it coming before it even happened?

[B]Mitch[/B]: ....there is...favoritism and there is a type of conspiracy there in a way.

[B]Charles[/B]: You have a very distinct posting style. You often write paragraphs fleshing out your thoughts. Do you think that people discriminated against you from the start because of that?
Like, they couldn't wrap their heads around what you had to say so they just lashed out?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Yeah. Well, there's a kind of prototypical way of posting. It often involves a few paragraphs written in a very obviously memeated style, that is memeated at the site; and especially modeled in how James posts.

[B]Charles[/B]: So, you think that if members don't post like James, they're in for some rough times?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Or don't post in that kind of way, yes. Yes, I was discriminated against. My problem was I'd read the thread, and it was as if no one had read my posts, which I usually take a lot of thought in making, and don't just completely throw it on the page. But yeah... I indeed was trying to implicate more quality to the discussions at OB.

...Because everyone posts in this entirely predictable way, which warrants next to no discussion of anything worth a damn half the time.

[B]Charles[/B]: It's interesting. In the "What is Beauty?" thread, Rachmaninoff said, " Windbag...if someone has..Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder...that‘s your problem, not mine." What do you make of that?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Well, that is kind of a personal quip against me. I'm not sure if Rach knows, but as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. So I know firsthand more about it than he ever will. Also,
he's apparently saying I'm long-winded in my posts.

[B]Charles[/B]: So there's also a bias against handicapped people at work here.

[B]Mitch[/B]: I'm just about being sure and careful in what I’m saying. I don't think wind bag really applies.

[B]Charles[/B]: I had a recent discussion with an anonymous source and they claim that steroid usage has become rampant among OB staff due to the constant grind involved with being a messageboard moderator. Do you think that "roid rage" could have attributed to the way they acted?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Yep. As moderators, they often in very impersonal, and testosterone-imbued ways; they read what I write, and since it's challenging the norm, they read it as apparently something completely mean or written in a way that is insulting to everyone.

[B]Charles[/B]: Is it your dream to return to OB someday?

[B]Mitch[/B]: (laughs) It's my dream to become an artist, a philosophy, a chemist, and a poet, and also to marry a beautiful woman--and that too.

[B]Charles[/B]: So, realistically, do you think that you will ever return to OB? After all, this is the third time you have been banned. Are you going to continue going against the grain or just move on?

[B]Mitch[/B]: If I wasn't banned I'd still be there in my ways. I think the ban was completely unwarranted. Especially because I was not told why I was banned.

[B]Charles[/B]: You could always just log out and view the post.

[B]Mitch[/B]: I wasn't aware that they posted and gave reasons why they banned me.

[B]Charles[/B]: James did.

[B]Mitch[/B]: I see.

[B]Charles[/B]: He essentially said that if you hate the place so much, he'll help you move along.

[B]Mitch[/B]: Ah. Well, I don't hate the place. I was just trying to change it in some way. Often, you have to assume the side of the one who is hated, or seems to be completely detrimental to a place. Especially in how that place is, in order to change it.

[B]Charles[/B]: So you were trying to "act?"

[B]Mitch[/B]: It was always an act, for the most part. I'm an artist in many ways. . it's about creating an image.

[B]Charles[/B]: Well, it is the Internet. Any plans on visiting Australia to exact revenge on James personally?

[B]Mitch[/B]: James knows who I am. I was once a mod there.. You hide...James. He just needs to loosen or change how OB functions in certain ways. Otherwise the place is just going to stagnate as it has been doing for so long.

[B]Charles[/B]: Do you kind of view yourself as Old Yeller in this situation and James sort of just took you out behind the barn, or do you think that you still had more to offer?

[B]Mitch[/B]: I always had more to offer.

[B]Charles[/B]: I know that you made a lot of contributions to the poetry forum...

[B]Mitch[/B]: Yes. . .I'm mainly a writer, I guess It's what I do best. You can see this even in my posts in the lounge.

[B]Charles[/B]: If you could make a haiku about this situation, how would it read?

[B]Mitch[/B]: herd mentality of bees/ stung the chesire cats with ease/ to wither their honey leaves

It still rhymes, which isn't of the convention of the haiku necessarily. But form is meant to be melded.

[B]Charles[/B]: Did you ever receive any threats, via PM?

[B]Mitch[/B]: About my poetry? Or in general?

[B]Charles[/B]: In general. Life threats. Account threats.

[B]Mitch[/B]: Yeah. Mods.

[B]Charles[/B]: Recently?

[B]Mitch[/B]: "Hey you! You're being out of line!"

[B]Charles[/B]: Intimidation, so to speak?

[B]Mitch[/B]: When they deleted my posts on OL, and in the suggestion and feedback thread. . .yeah. I guess from my position it never really scared me. . .but yeah, they were trying to make me back down so-to-speak.

[B]Charles[/B]: Do you think that there was some sort of jealousy involved due to your way with words?

[B]Mitch[/B]: ...it's obvious when James suddenly changes the rules like that. . .in the Fish thread, where Tony and I asked why they weren't closing it, since it was an introduction thread. . .You really start to wonder what the rules are and how much they ever stay the same from moment-to-moment.

[B]Charles[/B]: So, if you were someone like Fish, you'd probably still be around...

[B]Mitch[/B]: I don't know...I was just getting tired of posting and it not going much of anywhere for the most part. But I have to say Rach and Sess in the "What is Beauty?" thread surprised me, and it's obvious had I not posted how I did, they wouldn't have posted such in-depth philosophic posts.

[B]Charles[/B]: So in a way you did change things? You raised the quality on the boards?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Yes.

[B]Charles[/B]: You were almost like a coach. They were the high school football team and you wanted them to do a few more push-ups despite their complaints.

[B]Mitch[/B]: . . .Sara makes little quips at lesser members there. . .And often the newer members are treated harshly.

[B]Charles[/B]: Rumor has it that you hated Shy for various reasons, one being his discrimination toward you over your coke problem. How do you respond?

[B]Mitch[/B]: Coke problem lol? I don't use coke. I was prescribed ritalin. Legally. For my ADHD.

[B]Charles[/B]: He tried to entice you from what I hear...and you refused, thus causing him to tease you

[B]Mitch[/B]: I...hate Shy. I...hate anyone there.

[B]Charles[/B]: But Shy does have a coke problem?

[B]Mitch[/B]: I don't know anything about it personally. . .He might drink too much...I guess.

[B]Charles[/B]: Just as I thought!

[B]Mitch[/B]: The facts are that cannabis is better than alcohol in every way. It's less hard on your system, it doesn't make you mean. They've done prelim studies that show it can combat tumors in mice. It's the best cure for MS we have yet it's banned for that purpose in most places, though it's loosening. And it just makes people docile, relaxed, and in a way. And you don't get a hangover the next day. The facts are just there, and no one wants to fess up. They aren't even justified in trying to say it's bad any more. They can no longer appeal to scientific facts.

[B]Charles[/B]: Right. Well, thank you for your time, Mitch and for shedding light on your situation.

[B]Mitch[/B]: I'm just tired of lies. We currently put cannabis. . .in our schedule system. . .saying it has little to no medicinal potential. Which is bullshit.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="Black"][center][B][SIZE="4"][U]An Interview with Naps[/U][/SIZE][/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]


[quote name='Naps][SIZE="3"][B]Meeeeow rar moewr mow mow![/B'][/SIZE][/quote]

[COLOR="Black"][B]The Daily Jihad[/B]: Naps, as OtakuBoards' first posting cat, you must not have been pleased with your quick dismissal from the site.

[B]Naps[/B]: Mow meow mowr rowr. MOW!

[B]The Daily Jihad[/B]: Wow! Harsh words, Naps. Rumor has it that it took you several weeks to learn how to type effectively on a keyboard. How rigorous was the training?

[B]Naps[/B]: Meeeeow rar moewr mow mow!

[B]The Daily Jihad[/B]: Despite your banning, you seem to have become the official mascot of the terrorist unit. How does this make you feel?

[B]Naps[/B]: Mow mow!

[B]The Daily Jihad[/B]: Rumor has it that steroid abuse has played a part in your banning. Is it true that you in fact have experienced roid rage?


[B]The Daily Jihad[/B]: We apologize! Of course we know that you would never take steroids Naps! Thank you for the time you took to sit down with us![/COLOR]

[COLOR="Black"][center][B][SIZE="4"][U]OtakuBoards Classifieds[/U][/SIZE][/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]


[COLOR="Black"]Also, check out [B]Knightmare Awakens[/B] by Knuckles' Girl and [B]Heroes: Volume 2 [/B]by The Pr0 in Adventure Inn[/COLOR].

[COLOR="Black"][center][B][SIZE="4"][U]Member of the Month[/U][/SIZE][/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]


[COLOR="Black"]For being an outstanding member and raising the overall quality of posting on OtakuBoards we are [B]privileged[/B] to honor 2007DigitalBoy with [I]The Daily Jihad[/I] coveted "Poster of the Month" award.

2007DigitalBoy continues to inject life into OtakuBoards with thoughtful topics. God bless you, 2007 DigitalBoy! You can play the moderator of our hearts anytime![/COLOR]


[B]Forza Motorsport 2 (Xbox 360)[/B][/center] by [B]Semjaza[/B][/color]

[COLOR="Black"]I'm very happy with Forza 2. Much like Gran Turismo (although at least at this stage, I think better and more realistic than what has been offered thus far in that series), I suppose it's far from a true sim, but it's a nice mix of simulation and slightly "arcadey" forgiveness that that I think more people will find approachable and potentially enjoyable.

The damage model is nice, but you can't really blow out tires or ever completely decimate your car. It slows down a hell of a lot and often veers off the track, but that's about it. The physics model isn't perfect, as I'm sure it isn't in really any game, but it's still damn good. There's fake tracks mixed in with real tracks.

I don't personally think any of these things are downpoints, but if you ARE someone who cares about a crazy, true sim (which seems to be very unlikely here) Forza 2 isn't going to suddenly fulfill this need. You're better off sticking with more obscure PC racers such as GTR (which is arguably even the most popular of those lol). It's sequel was coming to 360, but unfortunately was put on hold (and maybe canceled).

I just thought this was a point worth making. I think as far as the average person is concerned this will still be a "sim" to them. It's certainly probably the best example of it I can think of on consoles, aside from maybe some of the heavier Nascar titles. To someone like me, I think it's probably more fun as well... but that's a matter of opinion that I can't really debate.[/COLOR]


[COLOR="Black"][b]Mitch aka CopyCatalyst (age 20)[/b] was found banned in his "What is OB?" thread late Friday night. The cause of death is believed to be blunt force trolling at the hands of several unidentified members. Mitch supposedly suffered severe head trauma due to repeated blows to the ego and had to be put down by OtakuBoards Chief of Security, James Burns, who referred to Mitch as "the biggest jerk under the sun."

[b]Naps the Cat (age 27 in cat years)[/b] ran out of lives last month when he was murdered with a severe ban to the chest after trolling several threads. The murderer has yet to be revealed, but we are sure that Naps has landed on his feet somewhere in cyber heaven. He is survived by a litter of kittens.[/COLOR]
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[b] Fuel-Saving tips with Jeremiah[/b]

Here's how to get the most mileage out of your petroleum, use these tips and beat the next oil price hike which will only serve to make petrol more of a luxury than an affordable living expense.

Firstly, it's best to have a manual, or stick shift, transmission when trying to conserve fuel. Manual transmissions allow you to be in control of when and where you change the gears, a human can scrape by on a higher gear for a slower speed, while a computer brain cannot comprehend this at all.

Always try to change gears up before the revs start to get too high. Less revs = less fuel. When changing up gears, it's always a good idea to change gears before you hear the enginge struggle, but not too soon that the engine struggles to find grip. In the right zone, you may find yourself a little bit slower on the take off from gears, but the savings in your wallet will soon overpower the feeling of "tortoiseness."

Now, ket's adress the mis-information and urban legends out there concerning fuel saving tips.

DO NOT: Put sugar in the tank to make it taste nicer for your car. The car will not thank you for your consideration. An honorable car will spit you out before it explodes, but a good, self-concious car will lock you inside for your stupidity.

DO NOT: Dilute your petrol with water to make the gas go further. This isn't cordial, people. All you will serve to do is wreck your existing petrol by reducing it's combustion factor. The car will struggle, drown, and blow up. Again, a self-conscious car has every right to take you down with it should you cause it's destruction.

A car will not run on dishwashing liquid, soap, play-doh, wine, vodka, beer, pat'e, pasta, noodles or anything else you can shove down into the tank. Awlays remember that your car is not a garbage disposal.

Contrary to rumors: You cannot "Flintstone" the car and goofily run it on foot power! A pelican won't sit still as your car aerial and rocks don't necessarily make for good tyre choices.

I guarantee that if you follow my easy steps, as a fuel miser, you will become rich beyond your wildest dreams and eventually own an island complete with luxury cars, swimming pools, a five-star hotel and personal servants.*

Happy scrimping!

*[size=1]subject to the scrimpers original income. Individual gas savings may vary. [/size]
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[COLOR="DarkOrange"]I would like to thank the following people.

[B]Charles[/B], who's rp and kindness made it all possible. Terrorism forever! DURKA DURKA MUHAMMAD JIHAD! [B]Mitch[/B], who made me look better in comparison. [B]DeathKnight[/B], who birthed my infamy. [B]God[/B], for making me a jackass, and my beautiful like [B]Fyxe [/B]who kept my on OB.

Thank you all![/COLOR]
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[COLOR="DarkRed"][CENTER][SIZE="3"]Charlie Bin Laden's Autobiography![/SIZE][/CENTER]

Charlie Bin Laden is a very interesting person indeed. There is a reason for his madness and lack of concern for Otakuboards. He was just a normal boy, living the usual life of any boy in Otaku City. Everything that Charlie knew went upside down one night. It was a cool that night in 1985. Charlie was only four years old. His parents were brutally murdered. Confused and shocked as he ran out of the house. He bumped into a very handsome man who immediately tried to comfort him. This man introduced himself as Rick Hunter.

Since then, Rick Hunter became a father-like figure in Charlie's life. Rick raised him up to take revenge on those who disliked him in Otaku City. Rick told Charlie once that they will find hid parent's killer one day, but in the meantime Charlie had to use his cleverness and wit to become an infamous poster. Charlie was once again, happy.

The day of Charlie's seventh birthday, Charlie decided to surprise Rick while he was in his office working. Creeping up to the door, Charlie heard Rick growl. Instead of surprising Rick, he leaned against the door, curiousity taking over. What he heard was very disturbing.

[I]Rick....killed my parents?[/I] Charlie thought to himself. Charlie, distraught and going mad, rushed into the office. Rick Hunter was sitting in his chair. Charlie started to punch Rick Hunter in the stomach. Rick stood up easily and threw Charlie across the room almost knocking the boy unconscious. Rick yawned and sat back down and continued his phone conversation with his collegue. A minute later, there was a ding from the elevator as the elevator stopped. The door opened and several cats piled high poured out.

[B]Meeeeeeooooooooooooooooow![/B] They chanted. As they started to attack Rick Hunter. Several bites, scratches, pisses, and hisses later, Rick Hunter was dead in a pool of blood. The cats approached Charlie cautiously not sure if he was dead or not. Once they heard a moan from the boy's throat, they purred and rubbed against him. After a while, the cats finally got him to stand up. They walked out and continued to walk to the hills on the outskirts of Otaku City.

It was an odd sight to see. A young boy, bloody bruised walking up the street, and about one hundred or so cats following him.

The rest is history.[/COLOR]
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  • 2 weeks later...
[size=4][b]OtakuBoards Terrorist Con[/b][/size]

[size=1][b]THE CAVE - It was that time of the year again. The OtakuBoards Terrorist conference (OBTC, for short) was once again an amazing succes. The amount of visitors was recordbreaking as was the amount of activies this year. All in all, a guarantee for a great time.[/b][/size]
[size=1][color=#EDEDED]____[/color]- by Boo[/size]

[size=1]A few years back the first Otaku[b]Boards[/b] Terrorist meeting ever, located “somewhere in Afghanistan”, was held, called The secret Otaku[b]Boards[/b] Terrorist meeting. It was almost revolutionary. The first time the real Otaku[b]Boards[/b] Terrorists could come together and celebrate their terrorist existence. Now, years later, after a namechange (it is now officially the OBTC) and an a lot bigger advertisement campaign, it was held again, and it was bigger than ever.

The visitors were very excited, even before the conference “hall” opened up for the public. ‘I can’t wait to see the new design tripwire that are said to be revealed today, by Attacki!’, thus a very terrorist that would like to remain anonymous. It was followed rather quickly by a lot of excited shouts about some of the famous artists and experts that would visit the con this year, plus some inappropriate remarks by an other person that would like to remain anonymous.

As soon as the hall opened, people rushed in, mostly ignoring the startled dressed up people that were to welcome them. Apart from the one individual who went to see the tripwire, all the stands were pretty much mobbed by the crowd, paired with a lot of shouting. There were a few times that the security had to step in, but most of it went peaceful enough (as far as the word peaceful can be used at a Terrorist meeting).

One of the most visited stands was the stand where Charlie Bin Laden was signing, but also the ‘Bomb The CTU’ videogame stand was very crowded. However, the tripwire stand didn't get more than 3 interested visitors and the new [i]Car[/i]alyst carbomb was a slight failure - it's destructive power was not more than 3 blocks. The majority of the stands got a lot of positive reactions, though.

When the fashion show catwalk was revealed to the public, the crowd went nuts and all attention went to the new styles of fashion displayed there. Of course, everyone wants to know how to look regular, but as fashionable as possible. A big success was the new complete Western European bureaucrat outfit, designed by Armani Jihad.

Afterwards we spoke with the organisation’s director, who was very satisfied about how it all went and he told us that ‘the OBTC would be even bigger next year’. Well, we are already looking forward to it![/size]
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[U][CENTER][FONT="Times New Roman"][SIZE="4"]Arts and Crafts with Phoenix[/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/U]

[FONT="Times New Roman"][COLOR="DarkRed"]The 4th of July season long pasted, but there is still time for your treats to be a real blast for that person you had your eye on. You will leave a lasting impression on them. Today I?m going to tell you how to make my signature surprise cake. What makes it my signature is not the cake itself, but the surprise that I learned to combine with cake. You can actually safely bake a gift in your cake! This recipe will require a cake batter and instructions that will allow you to submerge a pineapple size object, and some everyday war zone materials will be needed.

First, get a round plastic casing. This is where you can get really creative. You can fill it with a whole bunch of goodies, fertilizers, saltpeter, nitroglycerin; even gasoline makes a wonderful gift. The plastic casing should come with a lid and a lid and a pretty sleek fuse disguised as a birthday candle that opens up the casing along with the gifts. Before you even put your surprise in your cake, I suggest dressing it first. Here I use my homemade mango icing and light fluffy milk chocolate.

But, you cannot go wrong with classic dark chocolate. Note: this one is being lit for a test demonstration. My instruction require you to lite the fuse after you complete your cake.

When you are done dressing the surprise, you can now submerge it in the cake batter. Be careful to hide the fuse from the open flames or iron coils of your oven as you follow the baking instructions for the cake. A good fuse should not ignite in the pure heat of the oven. Don?t be put off by the expertness of this cake.

They all give the same results.
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