Writing The Otaku Prose Contest Round 1.2 (Chibi-Master VS. Anomaly)

[Mykul]

[CENTER][SIZE="4"]THE GREAT OTAKU PROSE CONTEST[/SIZE]

Round 1.2

[SIZE="4"][B]CHIBI-MASTER [/B]VERSUS [B]ANOMALY[/B][/CENTER][/SIZE]


[CENTER][SIZE="1"]Voting is open to all Otaku members except Chibi-Master and Anomaly. Voters, please state your vote clearly. Also, please provide information that shows why you voted the way you did. [COLOR="Red"]The deadline for voting is Friday, February 6.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]

[FONT="Courier New"][B][U][SIZE="4"]The Challenge: Say That You Love Me[/SIZE][/U][/B][/FONT]
Valentine's Day is fast approaching, friends. Write a short story between [SIZE="3"]100[/SIZE] and [SIZE="3"]500[/SIZE] words that deals with love. Any kind of love. Brotherly love, tough love, romantic love, the love of money. Take any spin on it that you want.

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Red"]All submissions should be in by Thursday, January 29.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[chibi-master]

"Mommy, I love you!" That is the thing that every child will tell their parent(s). But I did it every single day, every time I saw her. She told me to.

I had spent all my life in a filthy basement, chained to the wall. I knew nothing else. And I knew only four words. One sentence. It was the setence that my Mommy had taught me. The only one. The one she made me say every day. Mommy was always sick. She was sick in her heart. And it seemed that she was only getting sicker. Daddy had died on the day I was born. I think that's what caused it.

And one day, when I was ten years old, Mommy came down to see me, just like she did every day. It was a day that she had always seemed sickest. The day was Februaury 14th. I don't know why, but she always hated that day. Every year, on that day, she would come down and hug me, crying and sobbing. Mommy would say "You love me! You won't leave me like Stanley did! Right, Kerry?!". But I didn't know what she was saying. I had no knowledge of sentence and words. I only knew my one, special sentence. I would hug her back as she drenched me with her tears. And I would cry too. But this time, it was different... This February 14th, Mommy came down with a shiny thing in her hand. It was the loveliest thing I had ever seen, besides Mommy, of course. It was a knife, and it was beautiful.

I looked up to my Mommy with my most loving eyes. And I said my sentence. My special sentence... [B]"Mommy, I love you."[/B] I said. Mommy looked back at me with wide, scary eyes. She started to cry, lifting the lovely, shiny knife with her trembling hands.
"I love you too, Kerry!" she cried as she knelt down in front of me. Then, she plunged the knife into my chest. I gagged as blood flowed out of my mouth. "I love you so much! Don't worry, Kerry, I'll make sure that we're together forever! We're going to see Daddy soon, too! Happy 10th birthday, sweetie!" she sobbed. She ripped the knife from my chest and plunged it into her own.

We both died. But something happened. Mommy went to see Daddy, but I couldn't. I was not ready to die, and so I stayed in the basement. I waited for Mommy and Daddy to come and save me, but they didn't come. I stayed here, in this house. Many things happened. Police came. People moved into the house. I learned words and sentences and many more things from the people that lived in my home over the years. But they all went away... So please, will you love me?

[OMNOMNOMALY]

[FONT="Garamond"]Do you know what my favourite memory of you is? Probably not. We never talk about shit like that.

It might seem silly, but my favourite memory happens to be of a night similar to many others. The equation starts off the same; me, my favourite liquor and the usual binge drinking I was accustomed to when you weren’t at home to monitor my “progress”. But then we factor in you coming home early.

I remember you quietly opening the bathroom door and just standing there in the doorway as I stayed knelt down in front of the toilet, emptying out the contents of my stomach. The bathroom smelled so strongly of alcohol and bile, which only made me vomit more. You took off your jacket and tossed it onto the table in the hall and, rolling up your sleeves, shuffled over to me. You sat diagonally from me, perched on the edge of the bathtub.

“Hey…” I started off. No answer, but I could feel the disappointment in your eyes drilling into me. “You’re home earlier than I was expecting…” I half slurred, half mumbled.

“Obviously.” Was all you offered in return. We sat in silence for what seemed like hours.

“My client cancelled. Something came up… I thought we could spend the evening together…” You finally added. It was all you needed to say. I started to cry. I was so ashamed; so embarrassed. It only took a moment before you were kneeling down next to me. I felt you gently pull my hair back, out of my face. Simultaneously I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and stop myself from puking again. You rubbed my back as I continued to struggle against the sobs and the waves of nausea gripping me.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” I remember repeating that, over and over. You kept telling me that it was alright. It was all going to be okay. I knew better, but it was nice to hear you say it anyway.

When my stomach finally felt calm again, you helped me up and let me lean on you as you cleaned my face with a warm cloth. You carried me into the living room and sat me on the couch. You eased yourself down next to me. I drifted in and out of consciousness and you simply stared at me with that far off look you sometimes get.

“You know I love you.” I managed groggily, eyes not even half open.

“That’s just the liquor talking.” You replied softly, as you smoothed my hair again.

“Maybe. But I doubt it. I think I just puked all of it up. I don’t think there’s a drop left.”

You continued to absentmindedly smooth my hair, and you smiled that sad smile that breaks my heart so much. But it was the first smile I'd seen in such a very long time.

And that is my favourite memory of you. [/FONT]

[Drizzt Do'urden]

Both of you did a great job in this one.

Chibi, your story really tugged at my heart strings. A poor sad little girl, trapped for eternity, never knowing life until she died and saw others live it.

Anamoly yours ripped my heart out, I couldn't help but feel a [I]real[/I] saddness for both characters. A sort've....failed relationship that is being held together by love itself.

My vote for this round has to go to [B]Anomaly[/B]

[Vicky]

[size=1]Both of you did a really good job.

Chibi-Master, yours was a really good concept but could have been executed better. It seemed a little rushed and pushed along; you could have built things up better. Also, there seemed to be a lot of description missing, such as feelings, which would have made the story more masterful. Like I said, it was a very clever concept but could have won my vote if you played it out a bit more (such as the end scene with the knife. A little more detail here and there or a bit of word play, perhaps, might have improved it or made it seem less rushed). You definitely get extra points for the idea though, I loved that.

Your concept was also very entertaining, Anomaly, and actually a similar thing happened to me once >_<;; nevermind about that. Your characters felt very real and the writing was excellent. The ending is my favourite bit because I think it left a lot open though not too much for the story to seem pointless - well done.

My vote goes to [B]Anomaly[/b].[/size]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

[B]chibi-maste[/B]r, you have an excellent concept and though it lacks in execution, the emotions to it are still quite powerful and downright shocking. Putting the grammar issues aside, I think you got the childlike nature of how such a world would be seen from the little girl's eyes down rather well.

[B]Anomaly[/B], your story was equally as sad in a different manner. Two people in a failed relationship that in many ways was going no where. You executed it rather well and brought both characters to life, even the ending left you wondering what would happen next.

Both stories were quite sad and though I think Anomaly executed it better, I also felt more emotion from chibi-master's story. Making the choice a little harder in my mind. For being a bit more startling and therefore standing out more in my mind, I vote for [B]chibi-master[/B].

[Haku877]

Chibi- I really love it. it really seems realistic because of psychos nowadays =/ I thought it was very well planned out

Anomaly - Its very artistic and kinda of suspending. i really enjoyed reading it.

But my vote has to go to Anomaly

[Mewmewlover55]

Chibi-Master- I really liked your story. I could feel the emotion from the characters you created. I was really surprised at the end. . . I wasn't expecting them to die :animecry:. But anyway, I like how you have the child's spirit still somewhat floating around in the house (I think you meant for it to be like a ghost kinda thing?). I really liked your story overall :D.

Anomaly- Your story was so awesome too!!O_O. I really liked the way you wrote it and your descriptions were amazing. I could picture the whole thing from beginning to end. I twas really well written.

I'm going to vote for Anomaly. I really liked both stories, but Anomaly's stuck more in my head.

~Rachel

[DeLarge]

[SIZE=1]Both stories were really entertaining and moving, but my vote goes to Anomaly, simply because the story struck a chord with me. The descriptions of the failing love and the vague sense of despair were excellent, and I felt it flowed a little better than chibi-master's.

One vote for Anomaly.
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[Mykul]

[FONT="Courier New"][SIZE="3"][B]After a splendid match, the victor is[/B][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT="Impact"][SIZE="4"]ANOMALY[/SIZE][/FONT]