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Life's Lovely Little Lessons


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[font="Book Antiqua"][color="#0000ff"]This lesson I learned the hard way... Do not hold a small cast rehearsal for a play at your house and invite your significant other to watch if there's even a [b][i]remote[/i][/b] chance that you'll end up working on the kiss-scene. DON'T DO IT[/color][/font]
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
[quote name='oxic_berry' timestamp='1287673483' post='701212']
never try to offroad when you're drunk >.>
[/quote]

I think this should be, "Never drive when you've been drinking period."

My number one life lesson is probably: Do not assume that oncoming traffic will stop for you just because you're a pedestrian and you have the right of way. Especially when you're in Britain. Edited by Mistress Duck
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[font="Comic Sans MS"][color="#000080"]If your trying to lose weight...don't spend a week eating junk food, you'll go from 160 to 173 faster than you think...this is based on a true story...sadly. >.<;

If it happened once, it'll mostly likely happen again. If it happens twice...well you know the routine.

Never drink cranberry juice with a white shirt before a job interview. It'll end up on your shirt.

A ceiling fan does not support a 3 year old wearing a superman cape...it does however support the cat...

The dryer will not make the goldfish dizzy...it will however make the cat dizzy.

Watch your language around little kids, you'll be surprised how much they hear and the last thing you need is to be at your in laws and hear one of your children say something you really don't want them to say.

When pulling something from the oven and setting it on top of the stove, make sure the burner on the stove has been off for at least 20 minutes...if not there is a likely chance your glass baking dish will shatter...another sad, but true story....actually...all of these are... >.<;[/color][/font]
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[quote name='Inuyasha Fandom' timestamp='1292615568' post='702873']
Diet coke will not settle an upset stomach when feeling like you're going to puke. It will, however, make for fizzy vomit. [/quote]

[font="Century Gothic"]I actually have to disagree with this one, sadly. I have bronchitis and im drinking Dr. Pepper, the fizzyness really helps my tummy feel better. I know you can say why not drink ginger ale or 7up? but it always makes me more sick when I'm sick. IDK...just from personal experience.

Life Lesson.

I'm sure you've heard the sayin cats have feelings too. They do. So don't piss off your cat and take away their toy/food and expect no consequences cause they might just take a sh*t in your bed.
[img]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/3/1/6b3075fe-bc91-4a25-ae9a-98778c520ec0.jpg[/img]

[/font]
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Lesson #2,000 and something...

After playing D n' D you may get hammered, but don't act like your character because when you go around running on nothing but ice with two bottles of booze in your hands both being glass and you suddenly yell, "I'M AN ASSASSIN!" you WILL friggin' bust your ass and drop both bottles.

Oh, and don't tempt your black-out barrier. It will screw you over wonderfully.
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[color="#000080"][font="Comic Sans MS"]When drinking mixed drinks, make sure to count, you might not be able to taste the liquor but you WILL feel it before long. This may sometimes end horribly.

When taking a shower, always be aware of how much room you have, last thing you need is to crack your head on the wall and need to be rescued from the now cold water.[/font][/color]
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When getting undressed it is not a good time to let go a fart. Taking off your pants will simultaniously release the fart and bring your nose to butt level. It will be deadly.

If you get mad at video games and feel like screaming at it, make sure your window is closed. Your neighbors will think somebody is being murdered

Here's a lesson for anyone with a child, or anyone who has to change a diaper: If you have a child who still wears diapers, think twice about licking off that brown smudge on your hand. Chances are it ISN'T melted chocolate from that candy bar you just ate.

And here 's a lesson learned by me personally: When you leave your car in the parking lot, make sure that not only did you not lock the keys in your car, but make sure you didn't lock your car while it's running.
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