Writing First poem...

[Balthasar]

~I've never writen a poem before, but I thought I'd give it a try. The 'I said' is me, but the 'she said' is a secret ^_~. I'd be [I]very[/I] suprised if you guessed it though...
here goes:~

I said:
Look at this world, its tumbles and turns,
People push by, not care for each other,
How can this be? All these pains and hurts?
Has someone forsaken us?

She said:
Think my child, it?s not all so bad,
Take yourself, an example of kind,
You see the fault, the rhythm and rhyme
Aren?t you part of the fixing?

I said:
Ah, I forget, the guidance you give,
It leads me like light, away from my grieve
But sometimes I?m lost, lost from your love,
Can?t you stay with me forever?

She said:
Oh, my poor little dove,
Its compassion you need, not me to show you
Take that away, it?s all that you need, you loving touch,
Its what keeps you on top.

~Luv Balthasar~

[Pyrophobic]

Hmm - confusing. But very elaborate.

[Mist]

Not confusing at all! Very unique and dramatic and I loved the way you ended it. It was a very well done piece of work and you should be proud! So, pat yourself on the head for me, kay? :D

[Sui Generis]

*claps* I agree with Mist very good!

[Pyrophobic]

Ai-ai - I read into these things too much...

[Boo]

*Claps with Duo*

[Raiha]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Pyrophobic [/i]
[B]Ai-ai - I read into these things too much... [/B][/QUOTE][COLOR=royalblue]You must "read between the lines." To be literal in poetry is to fail. Well, at least in this case.[/COLOR]

[Pyrophobic]

Hey! I love to analyse poems! I'm the most literal girl I know.

Oh - why does everybody always yell at me ... sob ... I'm starting to think this signature is becoming of me.

"I could just go live in the mountains if you don't want me, George. I could just as well go live up in the mountains with nobody to steal none of my mice. And if I saw a mouse, I could keep it."

[Raiha]

[COLOR=seagreen]Of Mice and Men.....one of the most sorrowful books I've read in a long time. You read it, then you either laugh or cry.[/COLOR]

[Balthasar]

Everyone in my English class thought 'Of Mice and Men' was rubbish - but its so wonderful, I cried at the end.

Pyrophobic knows what a big softy I am...

Luv Balthasar

[Pyrophobic]

Well, everybody in your class was stupid. "Of Mice and Men" is one of the most beautiful books ever written. Steinbeck is by far the cleverest of authors. I'm a great softy too - I almost cried during the film.

Yeah, your class are gits. Do me a favour and give them all a systematic kicking.

[jupitersun]

its a great poemno vclue who the girl is.....

[Raiha]

[COLOR=seagreen]Well, you have to understand where John Steinbeck's works are coming from. When I saw the ending of the movie, I bawled my eyes out, along with my friends and my dad. [He's a softy too.][/cOLOR]

[Balthasar]

jupitersun - thanx for the comment, hehe, the woman shall remain a mystery...

Raiha - I know what you mean, our class watched the movie. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I still cryed ;_;. If you think about it, 'Of Mice and Men' is a very inspired book, have you ever read the poem which Steinbeck based it of?

Pyrophbic - I'm guessing you've read the poem, 'casue we had to answer a question about it in the exam ^_~

Oh, does anyone think I should write another poem? Or is this one so bad it would just be best if I didn't ^^;;;;

Luv Balthasar

[Pyrophobic]

No, I chose the other question. As I remember:

"The Best laid plans o' Mice of Men,
Gang aft' agley.
And leave us nought but grief and pain,
For Promised joy."

I forgot to write about the title in my essay - didn't have the time. Oh well. I wrote enough (I don't know - is 10 sides enough in an hour?) After all, on the media essay, I wrote around 30 pages! Ow!

Raiha - do you want to kill me or something? In cold blood? I always look beyond things, so there's no need to tear my throat out because you think I don't. If you want that done, I'll do it myself. A small word: as a kid, I used to play with knives - yeah, in the bad sense. So please watch what you say about my ignorance. Please, I'm begging you! I don't ever want to fall back into that pit - I get depressed really easily, particularly about writing (I could be an author one day!)

Yeah, Balthasar - write more. Just please don't push me, anyone.

[Na'dou]

I like the poem, better than anything I could do. Although I am good for 13, read my siggy to see what I mean. Look there I go again with the rhymes, I seem to do that all of the time. Oppps....!