Vegitto4 Posted September 27, 2002 Posted September 27, 2002 As I lie here Battered and broken All I can do Is think of you I look up to see A horrible thing You in his arms Both of you smiling Then you look down And see what you left All of a sudden A look comes Across your face A look of scorn Regret And pain I try to stand However To much pain courses Through my body I will never forget The good times we had Nor will I Forget the bad I hope your happy With what you?ve destroyed As I lie here Battered and broken All I can do Is look at myself, And think of what?s left Lying here on the floor I?ve been broken? I need to be fixed? If you can?t fix me Who can? what does thou thinkest
zidane11 Posted September 28, 2002 Posted September 28, 2002 It's a good poem but it makes me to depressed when I read it. But that's good, it brings out a lot of emotion.
Corey Posted September 28, 2002 Posted September 28, 2002 Beautiful. I love it. Checkboxed for the OBOP.
Vegitto4 Posted September 28, 2002 Author Posted September 28, 2002 why thank you. I wrote it 30 minutes after i got dumped yesterday. So, yeah.Needless to say, it's about my ex.
Mitch Posted September 28, 2002 Posted September 28, 2002 [color=red] Very melancholy. It's a pretty nice poem. It could be better, but eventually you will become more better, I'm certain ;) just keep writing.[/color]
Vegitto4 Posted September 28, 2002 Author Posted September 28, 2002 You act like I suck. But w/e. I know it's not to great, but it was the best way to convey my emotion at the time. I like getting very descriptive, and someties it doesn't flow, but oh well. You win some, you lose some
Corey Posted September 29, 2002 Posted September 29, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]It was the best way to convey my emotion at the time.[/B][/QUOTE] Precisely. I could tell that you had something serious behind that poem because I do the same thing. I write when I'm emotional.
Mitch Posted September 30, 2002 Posted September 30, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]You act like I suck. But w/e. I know it's not to great, but it was the best way to convey my emotion at the time. I like getting very descriptive, and someties it doesn't flow, but oh well. You win some, you lose some [/B][/QUOTE] [color=red] Let me tell you this: No one sucks at writing. Any work of writing is wonderful, no matter how bad it is. As CWB said [b][i]"You have to write bad before you can write good."[/b][/i][/color]
Boo Posted September 30, 2002 Posted September 30, 2002 nice. I dont like the rhytme so much, but the poem itself is good
Vegitto4 Posted October 1, 2002 Author Posted October 1, 2002 I didn't try to rhyme it that much. Thx though. Wouldn't it be write well?
Rancid Posted October 4, 2002 Posted October 4, 2002 [COLOR=darkblue]Nice poem, reminds me of my old girlfriend....[/COLOR]
KittyLynn Posted October 4, 2002 Posted October 4, 2002 that poem is very emotional, i loved it...keep it up!!!
Makai Kite Posted October 13, 2002 Posted October 13, 2002 That's a very good poem. I could really feel the emotion behind it. Thank you for bringing that moment of emotion to all our lives. Have a Vampire Hunter D plushie. No, not that one. That's the one.
LostProphet Posted October 25, 2002 Posted October 25, 2002 It's an excellent poem Ryan. But which ex-girlfriend? I've seen you with a couple, just at different times. Don't get me wrong, I may have said that differently than I meant.
Boo Posted October 25, 2002 Posted October 25, 2002 [QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Vegitto4 [/i] [B]I didn't try to rhyme it that much. [/B][/QUOTE] no matter. Good poem though.
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