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Price Check for a Duel (A Yu-Gi-Oh Comedy)

Bandit Joeykuba

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Author's Note: Eeeeeee, the great Bandit has started another YGO humor ficcy. This one, unlike the Cast Interview, is written in paragraph form instead of script. I spent quite a bit of time on this and I only have part one done so far. ^^; So, don?t expect me to update the story everyday.

Title: The Lost "episodes" of Yu-Gi-OH: Price Check for a Duel Part One, aka Bagboys Are Evil

Rating: PG, I'm trying my best to keep it clean.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Period. But I do own the idea to this story. ^^ And I own Fred and Eric. ^^ Yay me!

Other Stuff: -Text- Switching Scenes


"Yugi, why must we continually come to this..." Yami paused as a nearby person coughed. Without covering his mouth, mind you. The pharaoh cringed as if the germs were suddenly going to attack him, giving him some sort of life-threatening disease! Or worse... a cold! "...this petri dish of modern day germs?"

Yugi sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you? Grandpa has a bit of... a memory... problem."

Grandpa walked into the living room, noticing Yugi laying on the couch.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" The old one picked up his shotgun, which laid beside the door. He then noticed the 'stranger' was eating cheese... HIS CHEESE! "AND WHY ARE YOU EATING MY CHEESE?!"

Yugi, now wide-eyed, stood, prepared to run at any second. "I'm your grandson!"

Grandpa shot a warning-bullet into the ceiling. After the rain of plaster ended, he looked at the boy suspiciously, "I don't have a grandson."

"Yes you do!"

"...Oh... Oh yeah!" The senile one smacked his forehead, set the gun down and walked out of the room.
-End Flashback-
Yugi sweat-dropped at the memory. "Note to self: get rid of that gun."

"Still, why do [i]I[/i] have to come with you? I have more important..." He thought for a moment, "Pharaoh-y things to do!"

Yugi sighed, "...because you're connected to the puzzle."

"Oh." The spirit shifted his eyes and chuckled nervously, "I knew that."

Yugi sweat-dropped. "Well, we're almost through. Just got to get the ice cream and check out."

"Then we can go home?"


"Well, let's quit dawdling around!"

The pair walked up to the freezer, "What kind do you want Yami?"

"Well, the one you call 'chocolate' is good..."

"Strawberry it is!" The short one grabbed a carton of strawberry-flavored ice cream.

"But... I said... Ah, never mind..."
-A few minutes later-
Yugi and Yami stood in a seemingly unending line.

"Are we ever gonna get to the end?" Yugi tried to peek over the giants.

"Patience is a virtue, aibou." Yami closed his eyes and nodded.

"Oh, hush Yami."
-Meanwhile... dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun-
"Let's take a look through my 'Mind Slave Vision 3000.'" A familiar voice stated as his Millennium Items began to glow. "Hmmm... oh, pharaoh, where are yooooooou?"

"Master Marik! Why must you continuously, almost obsessively, search for pharaoh?" Odion asked, bowing slightly.

"...You don't expect me to answer that, do you?" Marik gave Odion a moment. Upon seeing his servant's headshake, the evil one turned his attention back to his Mind Slave Vision 300. "Nope. Nu-uh. Next. Go on. Wait! Go back! There we are... shopping?"
-Meanwhile, back with Yugi-
"Yay! We finally made it!" Yugi did a little victory dance as he and Yami reached the cash register.

His dark-half sighed, wishing he could some how disown his aibou.

"Your total is $8.70." The cash register, who happened to be an attractive, but bored, girl, plainly stated whilst filing her nails.

As Yugi placed a ten on the counter, a tough-looking bagboy, named Fred, was bagging groceries in the line over. But he?s not important. No, really! He?s not!

Yami snatched the bag of groceries from this line?s bagboy, Eric, and followed disdainfully behind his skipping twin.

Eric pushed his glasses up his nose and looked at the pharaoh, eyes glinting with evilness.
-Meanwhile, at Marik Headquarters-
?No, no, no. The order is meat-lovers, thick crust, and no bacon, you got it?? The blonde impatiently stated.

He waited for a response.

?Good!? And with that, the demented Egyptian slammed the phone onto its base. ?Ra-damned bakas! We should kill them all!... Speaking of killing...?
-Back to the Pharaoh-
?Let?s get home quickly, Yami! Don?t want the ice cream to melt!? Yugi grinned and started to run.

?Careful, aibou! Don?t trip.?


He tripped. ?Thanks a lot, Yami. You jinxed me!?

Yami set the bag down and leaned over his other half, ?Sorry? You okay??

?Just scraped my elbow.? The imp rubbed the scrape to get the gravel off. He then looked at the pharaoh and giggled. He held the wound up, in the taller boy?s direction, ?Kiss it to make it better??

Yami sweat-dropped, ?You?re kidding.?
-Meanwhile, with Marik-kun again-
?Go my mind slave! Defeat the pharaoh! And while you?re at it, buy me some sodas. Thanks, you?re a doll.?
-Again with the switching of the places-
?Stop right there, [i]pharaoh[/i].? The mind slave stepped behind the spirit and his host.

?But... I wasn?t moving.? A light bulb turned on in Yami?s head. He turned around, ?Wait! If you know that I?m pharaoh, then...?

?That?s right, Yami. I?m-?

The pharaoh tackled the bagboy, tears streaming from his eyes, ?SELPH! My loyal priest! You?ve been reincarnated! AND YOU REMEMBER ME! I missed yoooooooouuuuuuuuuu!?

Eric the bagboy sweat-dropped, as well as Yugi.

?Uh, Yami, I don?t think that he?s a friend. His voice has an oddly familiar, evil undertone.? Yugi piped in.

Pharaoh blinked, looked at Yugi, looked back at Eric, and blinked again. ?You?re not Selph??

The mind slave shook his head, ?No, baka pharaoh.?

?Then that means...? Yami let go of Eric and backed away quickly, disgusted. ?Ewwwwww... I hugged Marik?s new, geeky mind slave! I need a bath! Quick! Before I?m infected by dork-germs!?

The mind slave sweat-dropped, ?Err, now that that?s over, I challenge you to a duel, pharaoh!?

The ancient one recovered from his germ-panic, ?Fine, I accept your challenge..? He squinted to see the bagboy?s nametag, ?...Eric. Or is it Marik??

?Look, just call me Eric.?

?Fine. I accept your challenge, Eric!?

?Good. Now, if you lose, not only will your Puzzle be mine, but you?ll also be sent to... TE SHADOW REALM!? Ominous music played somewhere in the background and the mind slave laughed maniacally.

?Wait! Why would I be sent there??

?...Because the dubbers won?t let me KILL you.?

The local dubber popped out of nowhere. ?That broke our ridiculous dubbing standards! Kill is a forbidden word! Let?s try that again!?

The scene was rewound back a few seconds.

?...Because the dubbers won?t let me KISS you.?

The dubber nodded in approval.

The mind slave, pharaoh, and Yugi stood there dumbfounded.

Yami spoke up first, ?That... was just wrong.?

?You?re right! Can?t let kids get the wrong idea!? The dubber once again rewound the scene.

?...Because the dubbers won?t let me continuously hit you with pillows!?

?Perfect.? The dubber gave a thumbs up and walked off cheerfully.

Yami groaned, ?That line was so stupidly lame.?

The mind slave nodded sadly, ?Now I know how the other bad guys feel.?
?Stupid dubbers. Always ruining my fun.? Marik pouted.
-Didn?t I tell you to stop?-
?Anyways, how will you send me there? The pharaoh glared at Eric.

?Does it matter??

?look, just explain it so the kids will get it!?

?Fine.? Eric sighed and proceeded to explain, highly annoyed, ?When ever you lose, you?ll get run over a buggy that will magically transport you to the Shadow Realm.?

Yugi piped in, ?But that?s not possible.?

Yami placed a hand on his aibou?s shoulder, ?With 4Kids dubbers, nothing is impossible.?

?Except killing?? The light asked.

?Except killing.? Yami nodded.

?Look, do you need an example?? The mind slave inquired.?

?No. Not really.?

?Well tough cookies to you!?

At this precise moment, a Shadow Realm-enhanced buggy rolled across the parking lot. A man stood, opening the door, when his van was hit by said shopping cart. The van disappeared. The man looked shocked, then recovered. He shook his fist angrily at the runaway buggy. ?Lousy buggy!?

The cart took offense at this and ran the poor guy over. He vanished with a ?poof.?

?That will be your fate, pharaoh.?

?We?ll see about that, Eric!?

?And one more thing, Yami. It?s noon.?


?If you don?t win this duel in the next ten minutes, your ice cream will be completely melted!?

Again the ominous music played.

?Okay! Who ever is doing that music, STOP!? The pharaoh bellowed angrily.

The sound guy walked off, grumbling something about stupid cartoon characters.
-Again?! Please stop!-
Marik laughed maniacally, ?That fool will never win!?

?Um, Master Marik, you did it again.? Odion spoke up.

?Did what??

?You said ?fool.??

?Blast! I did it again?!?

The servant nodded.

?I thought I was over my ?You-fool? syndrome!? The blonde growled. ?Oh well. The pharaoh can?t win. In this, I am happy.?

The maniacal laughter started up again.
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[color=blue][size=1]Quite enjoyable... oh, who am I kidding? That was wet-your-pants funny!!! Speaking of pants, I'll be right back *runs away oddly*

*runs back with new pants* Poor Marik. Dunno why though...

Yami and Yugi are idiots, but you probably know that. Where's everyone else, though? Are they coming soon? If not... well, I don't really care.

That's all I have to say.

~Changes Pants After Laughing~[/color][/size]
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DeathBug [/i]
[B]Off in the distance, the fourth wall shatters....

^__^ Nice work, BJ. I particullarly enjoyed the scenes with Marik. Poor Marik practically sets himself up. [/B][/QUOTE]

Yes, he does. Poor fellow. I pity him greatly.

[QUOTE][i]Originally Posted byCircéus[/i]

[B]That was horribly funny. Really made me smile. Can't wait to see the actual duel ;) (or is that :eek:?)[/B][/QUOTE]

^^ Thanks. The actual duel is going to be the hardest part, seeing how I have to decide the cards to use, etc, etc, etc.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Kitty[/i]

[B]Quite enjoyable... oh, who am I kidding? That was wet-your-pants funny!!! Speaking of pants, I'll be right back *runs away oddly*

*runs back with new pants* Poor Marik. Dunno why though...

Yami and Yugi are idiots, but you probably know that. Where's everyone else, though? Are they coming soon? If not... well, I don't really care.

That's all I have to say.

~Changes Pants After Laughing~[/B][/QUOTE]

Oo; Sorry about the pants.

Yes. Poor Marik. Why? He always is tortured by dubbers and always loses.

Yes. They're big idiots. As for everyone else:

Joey & Tristan: Playing Foozball at the Domino arcade.
Serenity: ...Er... Oo; Dunno.
Bakura: Chasing poor, little squirrels with his dagger. He's being a happy, little, evil hunter.
Isis: Watching the paint peel at the museum.
Seto: Working. What else would he be doing?
Mokuba: Torturing Seto about not playing with him.
Duke: Twirling his hair.
Grandpa: Napping.
Tea: Being chased by crazed Yami-fangirls who wish to burn her at the stake and keep Yami for themselves.

And I have no idea if I'll bring them in. Oo;
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I love it. Bandit Joeykuba, you don't know how much I love you right now. Almost all the fanfictions here are all.
Person 1: blahahaha blah
Person 2: blahaha blah
And no descriptive writing at all. Yours isn't just dialogue, its written well! And its funny! Thank you. That being said, ummm.... I like pie. O.o (Couldn't think of anything else to say.)
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Guest sixthcrusifix
I Don't really understand fanfics that much. I am however writing one, But im writing it in the same way one would write a book. So there is ALMOST more description than dialoge, Is that good or bad? Are fanfics suposed to be like scripts?

Heres mine if you wanna look at it
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Its a common misconception than scripts have no description. While still mostly described through dialogue, setting, actions, characters, etc. are still described in a specific format.

Well, I hope I can see more of this fanfic soon, even though I'm not particularaly fond of Yu-Gi-Oh. I read your last one, too. That was a work of genius. :)
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Since I'm still working on Part 2, I'll go ahead and use this as a filler. Welcome to:

[B]Behind the Scenes of PCfaD[/B]

This fanfic was based off an idea I came up with a while back. I think it was May...Maybe June? I'm not certain.

Anywhoose, I was chatting with a friend on the phone and we were discussing Yu-Gi-Oh. I brought up how much it annoyed me that the dubbers were over-using the Shadow Realm punishment games. You remember, being sent to the Shadow Realm by magic-enhanced sawblades during the Arkana duel and plummiting through a Shadow Realm rift located at the bottom of a 130-ft drop during Umbra and Lumis duel. -_-; Highly annoying, that it was. C'mon! "I'll fall through BROKEN GLASS and be magically sent to the SHADOW REALM before my body gets CRUSHED from the GREAT FALL it will experience! And a stupid PARACHUTE will really help!" (Near exact qoute by me on the whole Umbra/Lumis thing)

Anywhoose, I started joking around about how they might would dub the Yugi vs Joey duel (because I read about the new episodes ahead of time for the most part) and then started to make up my own idiotic ways to use the Shadow Realm punishment. One of these, as you all know, was a buggy, that was magically enhanced with Shaodw-magic, and would send you to the Shadow Realm if it ran over you. (Another idea that I cna think of was one involving Duke Devlin. See, if you lost, your oppenant would peg you with dice that sent you to the Shadow Realm one little bit at a time... But that's another story.)

Thusly, the Shopping Cart of Doom sat in the storage area of my mind one day until I got the notion to start writing a fanfic based on it. It took me several days to write it, and a few more to get it typed up and on here. I'm glad people enjoy it and hope to get part 2 finished soon. Please be patient with me. I'm lazy and am having trouble with the actual duel.

Summary of Bhind the Scenes: Blah blah blah... PCfaD originated from an inside joke. Blah blah blah blah blah... More coming soon. Please stay tuned.
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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Author's Note: I was experiencing writer's block, but it's starting to clear up.... and I hate making you guys wait, so this is part one of part two... Yay...

Title: The Lost "episodes" of Yu-Gi-OH: Price Check for a Duel Part One of PArt Two, aka Bossy Foes and Hikaris

Rating: PG, I'm trying my best to keep it clean.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Period. But I do own the idea to this story. ^^ And I own Eric and the 'Scare-Away Diet Program'. ^^ Yay me!

Other Stuff: -Text- Switching Scenes
"Let's begin this duel, pharoah!" Eric chuckled.

"Right!" Yami reached for his deck. And came up empty handed. "As soon as I find my deck!"

Yugi and Eric sweatdropped and fell over, anime style!

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaa-miiiiiiiiiii!" Yugi screeched, "Think of the iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccceeeeeeeeeeeccccccccccrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm!"

"You're right, Yugi! So... help me find the deck!" Yami demanded. Yugi sighed and pointed at the card puch attached to his/their belt. Pharoah opened the pouch and stared at the cards, "Oh. Yes. Thank you, aibou. You come in handy."

Yugi sighed and Eric had become quite irritated. Clenching his teeth, he growled out, "Let's... start... this... duel...!"

"I'll start when I'm good and ready, Marik!" The pharoah stuck out his tounge.

"Ya... mi..." Yugi growled. Yami tuned around to face a very angry Yugi/ Flames seemed to appear behind the small one as he clenched a fist. "DUEL! NOW!"

"But... Yugi..." Yami whimpered.

"I said NOW! Or I'll send you to the Shadow Realm MYSELF!"

"Eeeek!" Yami gulped and nodded. He shoved his deck into the duel disk. The duel disk lit up, flashing 4000 in white. Both duelists drew their intinial five cards. "Let's get it on! Your move, Marik!"

Eric nodded and drew a card, "Eeeheehee! You will lose, pharoah!"

"That's what you [b]always[/b] say, Marik. And you're always [b]wrong.[/b]"

-Quickly! To the Marik-cave!-
"That's what you think, [i]Yami[/i]!" Marik chuckled. "I made it my New Year's resolution to crush you!"

"Um, Master Marik, you didn't make... any resolutions this year." Odion spoke up.

Marik glared.

Odion shrank back several inches and instantly lost twenty pounds, all thanks to the new Scar-Away Diet Program.

Cheesy music played in the background as Marik stepped forward, now in a doctor's coat and scrubs. "That's right. Now, even you, you foolish, obese, hog, can lose twenty pounds or more with my Scare-Away diet. I'm Marik Ishtar, and I'm not a doctor, but I'm making myself look like one so you fools will waste your money on my product. My program is just a video of me glaring and yelling boom-threats that are guarunteed to help you lose weight. Let's see one of my 'statisfied customers'."

Strings stepped forward from the background, "I...used...to...weigh...two...hundred...and...eighty...pounds..." He flashed a picture of himself as 'obese', which was terribly obvious that Strings just had had his shirt crammed full of pillows and his cheeks full of marshmellows. "But...thanks...to...the...'Scare...Away'... program...I...am....now...skinny..."

"Thank-you, Strings." Marik patted the mind slave on the shoulder.


"You're welcome, Strings."

"I... want...rare...card..." The mind slave held out his hand.

"Later, Strings!" Before the puppet could do anything else, Marik bashed him over the head with the Millenium Rod and shoved him off screen. He cleared his throat and started again, "And, not only is my plan effective, it's cheap too. Only sixteen easy payments of $19.57 and the 'Scare-Away' tape is yours! Call now and you'll get... NOTHING! So just call 1-800-SCRE-AWY right now!"

Odion ended the infomercial by quickly stating,"'Scare-Away' is not recommened for pregnant women, people with heart problems, old folks, or obese leprchauns from eat New Jersey. This program may induce frequent nightmares and leave you crying like a baby for your mother! When undrgoing the 'Scare-Away' program, be sure to keep an extra pair of pants around..."

-Wait a second! That can't be right! Let's try that again, shall we?-"That's what you think, [i]Yami[/i]!" Marik chuckled. "I made it my New Year's resolution to crush you!"

"Um, Master Marik, you didn't make... any resolutions this year." Odion spoke up.

Marik glared. He whipped a pen and paper out of nowhere and furiously scribbled something down. He held up the paper, which now curdly stated: 'I will beat pharoah.' "I did too! See!"

"But... you just wrote that!"

"I. did. NOT!" The blonde screamed.

"eep! O-of course not, Master Marik..."

[i]To be continued...[/i]
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Bandit Joeykuba [/i]
[B]-Quickly! To the Marik-cave!-
"That's what you think, [i]Yami[/i]!" Marik chuckled. "I made it my New Year's resolution to crush you!"

"Um, Master Marik, you didn't make... any resolutions this year." Odion spoke up.[/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1]Excellent, highly enjoyable and very true to a lot of the characters. I agree though that they Duel will be difficult to write but will more than likely have similarly well thought out jibes and puns.[/size]
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I love part two I can't wait for the duel that diet plan thing you made up his hilarious people paying just for Marik to scream and yell at them in a loud booming voice odion lost 20 pounds just from what he said. I have to say you are doing you fanfic very well unlike some people who stray away from what the character is really like on the t.v. show.
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[QUOTE]"Yaaaaaaaaaaaa-miiiiiiiiiii!" Yugi screeched, "Think of the iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccceeeeeeeeeeeccccccccccrrrr

I sympathize completely if that is [B]CHOCOLATE[/B] ice cream.

Yay, the second chapter! I can hardly wait for the next chapter. :excited: I completely understand that the duel will be tough to write.
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