Cheating?

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Okay I have to ask this question because I'm sure there have to be about twenty or so different answers to the question.

You see Monday I found out from a good friend of mine that her father has been continuing an affair with a woman he works with. I told one of the ladies I take care of the next morning and she said that my friend's mom should shoot the guy and I tell her that another client's wife had said that my friend's mom should toss all his stuff out on the front lawn. So while we're discussing that her driver comes up and asks what the big deal is, it's just an affair. There's no law saying you can't have friends. Of course I go off on him, because with my pleasant experiance for the past two years with my ex's other woman... it's not [i]just[/i] an affair. If you make a commitment to someone you keep it, you don't get extra friends... or at the very least friends of the opposite sex who you say: I love you baby' to.

So now I have to ask the rest of you, what do you consider cheating. Because like I already said, there are a lot of different opinions.

I myself don't consider innocent touching (IE hugging) to be cheating and I'm cool with my boyfriend having female friends because I trust him. But anything going beyond hugging is boardering on cheating. And I think of it this way, if you wouldn't do it infront of your signifigant other or you're keeping it secret, then you're cheating.

So where is everyone else on this?[/color][/font]

[AzureWolf]

I would say it's the times. Sex before marriage isn't a big deal, but now that that's not taboo, sex with others after marriage is the next logical step.

It's "just sex" after all, right? lol

I think it is best to keep minimal ties with friends of the opposite sex after marriage. It just creates doubt. Feel free to hang out and chill with them in many settings, but don't "hang out" in intimate settings. Hotel rooms, alone, dinner, alone, etc.

My two cents, but let's face it. Having casual sex and relationships will eventually become as normal and accepted as premarital sex has.

[sakurasuka]

[FONT="Arial"][SIZE="1"]

I have a very broad view on what could be considered cheating. I dissagree with you about the point that you should do the same around your spouse as when you're not around them, though. I think that you should do better. I love my boyfriend and trust him very much, but we're not stupid people. Having an affair isn't neccesarily about making a concious mistake, it's about being in situation where difficulties can arise. Cheating happens when you are not actively avoiding physical contact and shady situations with members of the opposite (Or same, I suppose) sex. Therefore, if I were to hug another man while not in the presence of my boyfriend, I would not be actively avoiding getting into a bad situation.

But every person has a different idea on what constitutes cheating. I think that the worst kind of cheating is mental rather than physical, though. Just a thought.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[Odin M Yggdrasi]

I'm fine with having friends- as long as you and them know and keep it very clear that you are only friends.

Also, no physical contact- even hugging is too much in my book aside from a playful glomp when cosplaying.

[Guest StolenCrusade]

Its okay to have friends, but JUST Friends. If you cross that line, then you are cheating. Its deceitful and wrong.

And as far as keeping a relationship with the person who cheated on you...DONT!!!
My friend found out that ber boyfriend cheted on her for 2 weeks. Now she is all depressed. But I feel as if she would go back to him if he said that he loved her again. All she'll end up doing is hurting herself.

I'd kick her boyfriend's *** myself but I'm smaller than him. So the bottom line is that cheaters are Bad!!! And If they get thier ***** kicked or punished in any form...they had it coming.:animeangr

[spy46]

I would say that kissing on lips .... or other areas that are normally covered by clothes is crossing the line.

A kiss on the cheek .... OK that's fine.

Giving some one a hug, that again is OK because a long lost friend etc its only a hug.

If the 2 persons are alone and wanted to be alone to do some of this kind of stuff, then that is cheating.

But just hanging out in public like at a bar and having a few drinks that don't go any where, i would say thats OK.

If it gets to the point where you hands are all over each other, and your lips are exploring, then you can bet your *** that is cheating.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]I guess I'm just not as leniant to what is and isn't considered cheating as I used to be. I'm not saying I'm gonna be a spaz every time my boyfriend is around another woman, I'm just saying that I may be a bit more suspicious than prior to 2005.

Hugging, a kiss on the cheek and just talking are okay. I keep running into on of my ex-boyfriends (who's enegaged by the way) and just talk to him.

But hey so far thanks for your replies.[/color][/font]

[Gavin]

[SIZE="1"]Meh, the whole "cheating is bad" is sort of "duh" territory for me. If you get into a relationship with someone and you see it's not working, just finish it, as it saves a lot of trouble for all parties concerned.[/SIZE]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]If I'm currently dating someone, which I am. XP Then in my opinion, cheating is anything beyond a simple hug or kiss on the cheek. I certainly don't expect my boyfriend to suddenly avoid his friends who are female, that just seems petty and silly. Also, when it comes to my friends who are guys, that's all that will happen. Maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek like I mentioned. I dislike it when you're dating someone and people start getting to friendly with others. It's one thing if you agreed to it but if you didn't... then that's cheating in my opinion. Mind you I'm talking about more than just a casual date or two, I mean when you've moved into the stage of liking each other and you've been dating for a while.

If you're married, it's a given, you don't go fooling around with someone else. Otherwise, what's the point in even getting married? I always understood that doing so was an indication that you intended to only have more intimate dealings with the person you married. Not others. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Fyxe]

[quote name='AzureWolf']
My two cents, but let's face it. Having casual sex and relationships will eventually become as normal and accepted as premarital sex has.[/QUOTE]

[size=1]I find that very sad. :(

I don't understand cheating. If you aren't going to save the intimate stuff for your boy/girlfriend, why say you are in a relationship? I've heard people say that it's "fun" and "adventurous" to do things with other people behind your lover's back. I don't see what is fun about betraying their trust, and will more than likely backfire. That leaves no one laughing.

I believe anything more than hugging would be considered cheating, really. If you are doing anything more than hugging, it's obviously in intent to flirt or get heavy, which is just a no-no.

Something that seems just as painful as cheating is an open relationship. That would get very lonely. It's like, "Honey, I love you. Is it okay if I take this girl/guy on a date Saturday?"

:/[/size]

[AzureWolf]

Sorry, didn't mean to sound depressing, but kind of hard to not justify that if you have sex with multiple people before. If the only difference between your ex's and the person you marry is that you married them and love them more, then why can't you still love them more after marriage? Sure, the difference between banging another random person and your spouse is timing (i.e., if you banged her before marriage, it would have been no big deal), but it doesn't change those two defining things people use to justify premarital sex.

I disagree, but hey, I am old-fashioned.

[spy46]

Unless you have a relationship with some girl/guy and your .... well a swinger or what ever you want to call it, OK thats your thing.

Iif you are dating some one, you say you love them (or do) then go out and have sex, OK fine.

BUT! if you have that person then have sex with another person, are kissing them in a romantic way etc or what ever, that is 100% CHEATING!.

I can see how some idiots might see it as an adventure, test your skills at deceit, stealth or what ever.

But think of how the other person would feel once they DO find out.

They loved you, thought you loved them, only to have you stab them in the back and break their trust.

They might have wanted to be your wife/husband and start a family with you.

Then you do that? its like WTF were you thinking?

And many times it ends up that one person takes their own life, the life of their lover , the life of the other person or both and the lives of their children ... some times even all of them.

Love does not have logic, it is flawed, confusing, painful but we cant live with out it in some way or another.

[Venge]

I give advice from personal experience, twice over...

My first girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend (although she had the courage to admit it to me the day after), and all they did was make out. That is the line. Anything other than hugging (kisses on the cheek would be acceptable if they can prove they've been friends for a long time) is borderline cheating.

Even if the couple isn't married, engagements and boyfriend-girlfriend relationships follow the same rules. If you're with someone (and by with, I mean serious dating, maybe even engaged to them), and then you have sex with someone else, that is utterly wrong. You broke a mortal vow, not to mention the trust and love of someone who was commited to you.

Now, the 'cheated on' party...here is a saying my mom has: "Two wrongs don't make a right."
That means, if he/she cheats, and you haven't confronted them, then DO NOT do what they did. That just proves that you don't care about them.

Married and cheating...that makes me fire up inside soooo bad. My ex girlfriend was cheating on me with a 41 year old married man, while she was 17. Not only did she SHATTER my trust, love, and friendship for her (if it was some jock guy from school, maybe I would have still been her friend), but she lied about it, KNEW he was cheating with her (and she NEVER tolerated cheating till him. I quote her: "This time I can forgive" BULL****!), and the main thing that gets me; he severed one of the Ten Commandments. Now, I'm not a bible-beater, but I'm not some non-religious person. If you marry someone, you said your vows. Even if you hate them and want to see them die, if you still have that ring on your finger and you are legally married, then you cheat if you have sex with another person.

Thats my take on cheating.

[Sandy]

[quote name='Venge']Anything other than hugging (kisses on the cheek would be acceptable if they can prove they've been friends for a long time) is borderline cheating.[/QUOTE]

I just have to butt in here and ask you if you aware that in several European countries (not mine, though, we're too reserved for that) kissing on cheeks is a gesture equal to a hand-shake?

Of course, the ways of doing that vary from country to country (meaning the amount of kisses, the genders of the kissers, who to kiss and who not etc.), but the habit has absolutely nothing to do with cheating with, or even liking the other person.

I'm just saying, if you ever encounter this gesture, you shouldn't freak out. ;P

[spy46]

That is True, many nations use that as a hand shake .... or as a more respectable way of greeting .... some thing like that.

A quick peck on the cheek is one thing, but a ... longer kiss on the cheek is not = to a hand shake, more so if the 2 people were to stand that close for a longer time.

But a quick hug and then a quick kiss on the cheek, that would look like old long lost friends seeing each other for the first time in a long time.

any thing beyond the quick hug and kiss would be dangerously close to cheating if not cheating its self.

[Ravenstorture]

[font="garamond"][color="darkgreen"]I have had three relationships now and they have all been vastly different. But they have all followed the rule - know what your partner likes and does not likes, wants and does not want, what they feel safe with and what they don't, how something makes them feel and why, know it intimately and clearly, and let that guide your actions.

I cheated on my last boyfriend, and the only reason why it was cheating is because I knew he wouldn't be comfortable with it and I did it anyway. Now that I've worked out why that happened, I can recognise dangerous situations and remove myself from them before anyone gets hurt.
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[Rachmaninoff]

Cheating to me is when your girlfriend does something with someone else that they know you would be uncomfortable with. The same with marriage as well. I can't list specifics other than for myself, which means anything other than a simple hug and a kiss on the check is cheating. Especially if we've both made it clear that other than a few dates, we intend to actually get to know each other better.

And by few dates I mean when you first meet and you haven't reached the point where you've decided to actually date seriously. Those first few dates don't really count in my opinion since you don't know if you like each other enough to even consider dating on a more permanent basis. I'm sure I'm not the only one to go out on a date and after two or three times, it's obvious that you have nothing in common and no interest in getting to know the person better.

Now for those relationships where you have moved past the initial dates, if you really find yourself wanting more, then at that point you need to be asking yourself why you're even in a relationship or why you're staying married. As Gavin mentioned, if it's not working, you need to either resolve it or end it and move on before you and everyone else involved ends up hurt.

[Darren]

I would definately say that I agree with Sakurasuka the most, while I wouldn't say my definition of cheating is exact...

Actively avoiding women/men like the plague is practically impossible what with more and more women getting jobs outside the home. (In the old days, it was easy to avoid foreign women because they were at home, cooking or cleaning. Not to sound sexist) And because of that, it's obvious that people are going to get work buddies of the opposite sex. However, it becomes painfully clear (to the person being cheated on) that infidelity has occured when the person acts on physical attraction. Now I'm not saying that after marriage, you won't ever find anybody but your spouse attractive. However, if you're tempted by that person towards infidelity, you should politely avoid them.

I'm not saying that hugging is cheating. Let's face it, sometimes men just don't think, and an innocent hug in their mind should not be held against them. But if it ever becomes more than that. (holding hands, kissing on cheek, etc.) that's when I'd consider it cheating. Here's an idea: If you have a man/woman with a lot of friends of the opposite sex, spend more time with your spouse/boyfrind/girlfriend... If they go to business (or personal) parties, go with them. Of course, if you trust them, you shouldn't worry. (But in many cases, you can't trust as far as you can throw; people just don't expect it to ever happen to them)

It's a hard thing to say exactly, and a large majority of it depends on the person... For example, for someone who is extremely jealous, even helping a co-worker (of the opposite or same sex, depending) carry his/her business supplies (or whatever they carry) could be borderline cheating... On the contrary, take this one couple I know. They've been together for years and years. (Since before I was born. They're very good friends of my parents) They know 100% that neither one would cheat on the other. The man has many friends. (My parents call him metrosexual... I call him closeted bi-, but whatever) And has been caught on numerous occasions kissing another girl on the cheek, or going shopping for BRAS with them! Even I would consider that cheating, but she knows him better than I do and she has assured me that he's not cheating.

It's all opinion.

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]I always thought cheating was pretty easy to define. If your significant other is engaging in a physical act with another that is sexual in nature or engages in a physical act that will inevitably lead to a sexual or romantic encounter with another he or she is cheating.

In other words, if someone is sleeping around (without their significant others consent) they are cheating. Further more, if they are dating another in hopes of having sexual or even romantic relation with another behind their significant other’s back they are cheating. Intention matters absolutely in the latter situation.

That being written, any action taken by the injured party other than severing the relationship is entirely immature.
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[neko Misty]

I agree with several other ppl in here-- anything beyond a hug and a kiss on the cheek is over the line. but mental or emotional cheating is possible too, like if you have fantasies about someone other than the person you're with, or if you discuss personal matters with someone that you really should've spoken about with your significant other. unless of course, they've made you feel uncomfortable about confiding in them and it's honestly easier for you to talk to someone else. then it's their fault for alienating you, and any accusations of cheating they may throw at you are just an attempt to divert attention away from their own guilt.

by the way, does anyone else feel that their personal space has been invaded when someone kisses you on the cheek and thinks it's just a casual greeting? I mean ppl you don't know well. it grosses me out when ppl do that... I can understand that it's part of their culture, but I expect them to realize that I don't come from that background myself, so thay should be respectful and it should dawn on them that maybe I don't particularly savor the idea of them planting whatever viruses or bacteria they may be carrying on my face. gross. :sick:

[AzureWolf]

[quote name='neko Misty']by the way, does anyone else feel that their personal space has been invaded when someone kisses you on the cheek and thinks it's just a casual greeting? I mean ppl you don't know well. it grosses me out when ppl do that... I can understand that it's part of their culture, but I expect them to realize that I don't come from that background myself, so thay should be respectful and it should dawn on them that maybe I don't particularly savor the idea of them planting whatever viruses or bacteria they may be carrying on my face. gross. :sick:[/QUOTE] Yes, I agree with that sentiment (except the last sentence). I take it as a 50-50 compromise though. Some people do not kiss as a greeting because they are trying to respect your mannerisms, but you tend not to notice those times because it is what is normal to you or what you expect. Other times, I overlook the kiss on the cheek because I know it is just normal to them.

[Patronus]

in my opinion, cheating is any action that is made based on lust or actual emotion while in a relationship (whether emotional or actual) with another person.

i am currently in a relationship where i have pledged to be monogamous to my partner. we have not set it "officially," not because we don't want to, but because of certain circumstances (which i will not go into at this time). but if i were to ever kiss another man, or have sex with another man, i would consider it cheating.

[Momishin]

I'd say it's cheating. I know too much about cheating... I used to date a guy who had been cheating on his girlfriend and I had no idea about his girlfriend. I was the other girl, and had no idea till his best friend told me. Either way I was going to dump him because my ex liked only the physical side of a relationship and he... he caused too much pain to me. It only got worse when I found out I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN. I dumped him, and my slow week of breaking down to a nothing is another story.

[XeEmO]

I have a few interesting situations.

How would you feel if your girlfriend/boyfriend kissed someone of the same sex?

How would you feel if your girlfriend/boyfriend kissed someone of the opposite sex with a different sexual orientation?

Personally, I really don't care that much in either situation. Maybe I'm weird though.

[Momishin]

[quote name='XeEmO']I have a few interesting situations.

How would you feel if your girlfriend/boyfriend kissed someone of the same sex?

How would you feel if your girlfriend/boyfriend kissed someone of the opposite sex with a different sexual orientation?

Personally, I really don't care that much in either situation. Maybe I'm weird though.[/QUOTE]

Either way I'd be pissed, and he'd find me at his doorstep ASAP and he'd better pray to the dear Lord I kill him quickly.