DeathKnight Posted February 5, 2002 Share Posted February 5, 2002 [color=crimson]Alright... Rules... 1. Only Trav and I can do this... 2. This is a story... 3. Laugh... 4. Pie is good... 5. Spurs Rule... [b][i]*someone cuts in* The last two Rules are not neccesarily the veiwpoints of the network.[/i][/b] Ah shut up... where was I... 6. This isnt Spam. It's Comedy. Spam is not comedy. There's a line, a fine one, and it's colored pink. It's over there *points* 7. To read, you must be a cannibal. ------- Welcome to your Daily News Report with Ken Howell, and Travis Emert. "Ah yes, Hello and welcome. Tonight we have a big story coming from the Basketball front. In the game between the Spurs and the Timberwolves, Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett were ejected from the game for yelling at each other. Shortly thereafter, the Ref was found dead floating in a giant creme vat. When asked for a comment, the police said 'Only suspect we have is a San Antonian from the Northwest side. His name is Ken Howell... He is a cunning, lieing son of a-...'.... Well we dont need to know everything from that, now do we? The mother of the ref had one comment, "I told him to *sobs* never mess with Texas... but... *sobs* he just never listened to me... He had an extreme fear of Creme Pies... It was so unhuman, he was first forced to watch 4 hours of Barney... Then he was thrown in the creme vat, dressed in a Britney Spears' shirt... How unhuman can you get?!?! *breaks down crying*" Near the scene of the crime, a giant monkey made of crap was found. It seems this is Ken's callsign, as he is the only man known to say 'Crapmonkeys'. They followed a trail of fortune cookies and found Ken. He was drunk, with tons of empty chinese take out boxes in a pyramid next to him... He was chilling with a crew of small Imp's, who he calls 'his homies'. When asked what kind of disguise Ken was wearing when he was picked up, the police said 'He had two chopsticks in his mouth, denying he was Ken. He kept yelling over and over that he was a walrus, and they had the wrong species and person. Ken went to court, where he was given the oppurtunity for a lawyer. He choose his own lawyer, which was a stuffed moose. The moose provided a fine arguement. The lawyer for the mother was the best in the nation, his name being 'Tom Green'. Tom provided an equally impressive show, which included showing off his 'Cheese Helmet'. He then sang 'The Bum Bum Song' while dancing... The Jury was convinced Ken was guilty, and it was only a matter of time... Ken's final plee was, 'Save the walruses' The jury, consisting of Rabid Squirrels, Diseased Clowns, and drunk-needing work K-Mart employee's, found Ken guilty of 'Creme Vat Murder'. He was sentanced to life in prison. The judge lightened the sentance a tad, feeling for the seemingly innocent, crazy Teenager standing before her, and allowed Ken to choose what prison he wanted to go to. He firmly stated, "THE PANTY PRISON OF THE DIRTY SOUTH." Yes, Ken himself knew of the elusive prison, which was constructed by drunk Texans and Louisianians in 1995. He was sent to the prison and now resides there. We will continue this story as more comes in, but now to Travis with an update on another story.... And coming later on, the CEO of Enron found working at Mc Donalds! Now to you Travis!"[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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