Talon Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 I race along at my fastest speed Carefree of anything or anyone. My heart was lighter than air Before my last chance... She smiled like an angel, Softer than silk, sweeter than sugar. Her eyes glowed like stars Before our last chance. She'd asked sworn she loved me But I was untied, carefree. I didn't realize what she meant to me, Until my last chance. In the crash I had a choice. I live or I die. She made it for me. That was my last chance. I sat by her side through the surgery. They failed to save her life. Even when I risked my life, gave her my blood. I wasted my last chance. Now I live with one I love She smiles like an angel, softer than silk, sweeter than sugar. Her eyes glow like stars... I won't let her waste her last chance!
Phantom Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 Dangerously repetative John. My brother, the message is clear and i love the poem. 8/10, only because it does not match the style you are able to emmit.. the end could have been more .... brief i dont know, i guess i saw one too many 'her's but... its still good... peace bro.
Shinkoru Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 aawww John. SWEET. I know who both thoes pplz r. u talking bout. i loe it. so sweet. :)
BearsBaby635 Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 the First gurl is Ami and the 2nd is me...Baby...I feel so Bad about you and her..I love you :-D
Talon Posted July 18, 2002 Author Posted July 18, 2002 I love you, too. And don't feel bad. It's okay, really. I've got you, now. Why should I be sad? I've got you, and I've got Dani, Steph, Mike, and Evelyn as friends.
Mist Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 [color=red][size=1] *Hugs John in a [i]friendly[/i] way* Awe, you know I'm here for you, you knuckle head! I vaguely remember you telling me somthing that could be associated with this, if I'm correct? I liked the poem, but as Mishka said, it was a bit repetative. The emotion was great though, and makes up for it![/color][/size]
Juu Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 Whoa, that was great! better than I could ever do, lol. :rolleyes: Loved the emotion there! -how do you ppl do it???
The Harlequin Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 [font=gothic][color=crimson]Great message. "Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive." I love that quote. So true.[/font][/color]
Jesus Chicken Posted July 18, 2002 Posted July 18, 2002 Hmmm..... I know the message that you are trying to get across, and I have no idea what kind of truama is part of he poem, but any attempt by anyone to express some sort of loss always achieves it's goal, it makes the reader realise that the author knows what they're talking about and it makes the readers feel for the author, well I think that's right. Good work.
Talon Posted July 20, 2002 Author Posted July 20, 2002 Heh. First person to say "keep it". Thanks. I guess my life WILL end up somewhere.
The Harlequin Posted July 20, 2002 Posted July 20, 2002 [font=gothic][color=crimson]If it's not calcium anthropology, then I wouldn't be complaining.[/font][/color]
Dark-Eye Posted July 23, 2002 Posted July 23, 2002 Great poem John it was very deep. you should keep writing new poems that are just as great.
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