Jump to content
OtakuBoards
Sign in to follow this  
sakurasuka

This is a fine dillema I've gotten myself into.

Recommended Posts

[SIZE=1]Alright, I need help. I've really got noone else to vent to except you guys, so... Hm.

About a year and a half ago, me and my best friend started dating. Things just didn't work out, and we ended up breaking things off about six months ago. He just wan't ready for the relationship side of me.

Now, I'm really busy with work, school, trying to get my black belt, and getting ready for both graduation and [eventually] college. I really don't have time for a social life.

I knew that. I knew I didn't have time for friends, and I [i]definitely[/i] didn't have time for a boyfriend, and I just started going out with this other guy. I [i]know[/i] I shouldn't. I [i]know[/i] it won't work out.

Now Josh hates me, and this Andrew [The... Erm... 'Other guy'] has fallen head-over-heels for me. I never tried to lead him on or anything, but I guess I never really told him that we couldn't be together. Teenage relationships don't last, and I REALLY don't need another breakup. I'm too busy dealing with things between me and my biological father and my step-dad to deal with guy troubles.

This whole thing isn't the end of the world, but I'd really like to keep from hurting either of them, if at all possible.

I really like being with Andrew [and if he was willing to wait for me, I think he's the guy I want to be with], and I wish Josh wasn't making me choose between the two of them.

Ack.[/SIZE]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
That sounds like it sucks pretty bad. I have two suggestions.

First, hang on for the ride of your life and trie to get through this fast as possible into easier times. This is the option that will most likely hurt someone or crash and burn.
The second and more likely to work way is to sit down with both of them(seperate or at the same time) and try to explain what is going on and that you really don't have alot of time to do extra things. If they hate u for it then they suck anyway.

I hope you get through this alive and without stepping on anyone's fingers. Good Luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[SIZE=1]Alright [i]stop[/i]. Collaborate and Listen.

Sorry. I just had to say it, stupid song is stuck in my head. This is funny because I went through the [i][b]same situation as you[/b][/i] just recently. When I was 17 I was just getting ready to enter college, get my GPA up, focus on moving our [u]&&[/u] getting a job. It was all set up. I had just broken up recently with my ex of almost five years (off and on) and had [u]no interest[/u] in having a relationship nor have time for any intimate friendships. When, something out of the blue happened. I met a guy. We became close friends. And then the [i]impossible[/i] happened, I had a new boyfriend before I knew it. To make matters worse, he was a year younger then I was and still in highschool so that made seeing eachother even worse. (My mother at first wasn't too happy with the idea either)

My [b]ex[/b] got pissed, sure, how dare I move on right? If that guy is going to hate on you for moving on, well I think its safe to say that it's not worth worrying about because after all he's your ex and he's just mad because he doesn't like seeing you move on. Anyways, my point is even if you have a lot of things going on, and you plan on doing great things, that doesn't mean [i]giving your life away[/i]. Especially in highschool, this is the time where you can have a social life (if you think college is easier believe me its not lol) and have a boyfriend. Even if things [u]DON'T[/u] work out with this guy, [u]relationships are not how long you will last with that person but the memories you share with that person[/u].

I took a chance with my boyfriend now by agreeing to go out with him. It ended up being one of the [u]greatest decisions of my life[/u]. He is closer to me then my ex who I've dated off and on for 5 years, that says a lot. He'll be working this spring and so will I. I have night classes and it will be hard for us to get together. Even if we do break up, I know I'll always have his friendship and support with me that will never go away. It's called taking a [b][i]risk[/i][/b], something I hardly do by my fault. My point is do you really want to give up this relationship simply because your too preoccupied? Or do you really not like this guy? Who's to say it won't last?

My point is I suppose, is it sounds to me like you need to give him a longer chance. Work and school is important don't get me wrong ([i]I know how you are feeling because I've felt exactly the same way, just thought I'd tell you so you don't think I'm ragging on you[/i]), but meeting someone that will help you blow off steam and make you smile even when you feel like bawling? [b]Priceless[/b]. [/SIZE]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

As a guy reading this thread I have to admit that it sounds really like a case that you and Josh stopped seeing one another at his request, to quote you said he wasn't ready for the relationship side of you. Then you started seeing this Andrew and things just progressed unexpectedly, and now Josh doesn't like the idea he may have messed up his opportunity with you so he's acting like petulant child. Does that about sum up the situation ?

If such is the case then my advice is you calmly explain to Josh that you're no longer interested in him, and if he doesn't like it then he should just act like a man and grow up, or just stay acting like a child and leave you alone. In Andrew's case, if you're not planning to be with him now then I suggest you tell him as such as soon as possible, there's nothing worse for a guy than to think he has a girl and then she turns around and uses the "Let's just be friends" line. Be honest with him, you've already said you think he'll wait, so just find out.[/SIZE]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well myadvice to you is to settle the family issues first off, school work; get it done at school. About these two guys, just tell the Andrew guy to understand the situation you are in right now, lay it down clear for him to understand. About your ex bf, just tell him to not make you choose, that is the worst thing to do and he should understand that since he was your friend first, and if he doesn't understand just lay down some of those karate moves on him :animeswea

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
well since i dont feel like elaborating rigt now i guess the best advice i can ever give anyone is to listen to your heart. what is it telling you to do? just take some time to listen and then you will know what to do. hope it all works out for you!!! :catgirl: hey and if you dont got time for this "other guy" just refer him to me. i still dont have a boyfriend!!! LMAO! :catgirl: lol j/k

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='Ramen_Mido']I say screw it you dont need this extra drama. Your busy with high school,college, and your black belt. Tell Josh it wont work out and he will have to suck it up and move on. I hope this works out for you.[/quote]
[size=1]Actually, that's a great idea.

I say screw 'em both. You don't really have time for all these high-school games. You have alot of your plate, all of which sounds alot more important that a temporary teenage relationship. I don't mean to sound callous, but you must weigh all the responsibilites in your life, prioritize them, and drop the dead weights. There's only so much one person can do, and so I'd recommend you tell them both you just can't go out, and get on with your life.[/size]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Sauce-Cakes
[COLOR=LightBlue][SIZE=1][FONT=Tahoma]Yeah I agree to just screw them both. :D[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[COLOR=Red]Edit: In future responses please try to elaborate a bit more when responding to a post. Explain why you feel this is the best action to take. As it stands now your post doesn't quite meet the quality standards we expect from our members. If you have questions about posting quality please feel free to PM myself or any of the other moderators. Thanks! -Panda[/COLOR]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This "situation" you've got here strikes deep with me, because I've been the guy in both the positions which you speak...and my name is also Andrew ^-^ *points to name*

I'll have to agree with Gavin here, there's nothing worse for us guys than thinking we've got that little slice of Heaven in the form of a fine female, and then out of nowhere she says THOSE words. *shivers* So if you're going to ask him to wait for you, ask him ASAP to ensure minimum hurt factor.

As for you Ex, this is a touchy subject for me because I've been there *grumble* but again I agree with Gavin. Anyone who's anyone has a little fit when their Ex moves on, it's natural, and I'll be the first to put my hand up and say that I was like that (very bad actually), But I grew up and me and my Ex are best friends now. So like Gav said, either tell him to grow up or get lost. It may seem harsh but in the long run it's the best for you.

But it must also be said that, as Pumpkin suggested, you enjoy this time in your life now while you have a chance, because things only get MORE hectic when you get to College. *Grumble again*

As for your family situation I don't know what to suggest there, but I wish you the best and just take everything in your stride and be strong!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[SIZE=1]Wow, thanks everyone for commenting so fast. You guys are awesome.

Yeah, I guess what Gavin [And Retri] said is true. I really should make a decision before I get in any deeper with Andrew, and keep my schoolwork/job as my top priority.

It's hard to feel like I'm never going to see Andrew again, that's why I don't want to 'break up' with him. I really do like being with him, but I don't know how exactly he's going to take it when summer comes around and I start working two jobs, doing double the schoolwork, and karate every night. I'll have absolutely no time to spend with him.

If Andrew can deal with that, and Josh can deal with the fact that I like Andrew, then I'd like to keep things how they are.

If not, I suppose I'll have to cut them out of my life for a while.

Dang. I really don't like hurting people. And Pumpkin definitely has a valid point...

I suppose I'll just have to talk to them and work something out.

I'm still open to other suggestions, if you've got any...[/SIZE]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
In the end no matter what we say, it's what you want. You don't want to hurt thme, but you don't have the time to solve these problems. The teenage life is a hectic one, trust me I know all to well how demanding it can be. At the end of the day you have to decide what's more important. Your responsiblities to your grades, your job, and your dojo? Or your friends and relationships?

In the mind of this timid observer, both are equally important. You need to stick to grades your job and your goals, but wwe are social creatures who need support like that. It takes alot of juggling to keep it all together, but I believe this will be a test to how much your schooling, and your friends really mean to you.

Not all high school relationships are traps and just simple distractions. I'm in a relationship right now, with a wonderful girl, and I couldn't imagine not being with her. You can do both, just remeber to keep a level head and never let it break you.

In this life we are all tested on our beliefs and priorities. I have an obligation to my army battalion and to her. I have to go to regular training meets and sttend school while she goes to her job and SPC (St. Petersburg College). We have to keep things together, but we manage in the end.

I understand that things for you are a bit different, but that doesn't mean you can't pull through just as well. What you need to do is to settle this problem betweent the two guys, Josh and Andrew. Josh needs to understand that it just wasn't meant to be, and if really does care, he'll be happy to see you with Andrew. Even though it would break my heart, if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she didn't want to be with me and wanted to be with someone else. I would support them fully. I love her enough to want to see her happy, even if I'm not the one to make her happy.

Being a teenager is like being in the circus, you've got to keep the show rolling and wait for the pay off at the end. You just juggle your life around until the lights go down. Like I said, it's all on you to act, all we here can do is support whatever decision you make. If you make a mistake then try to become stronger and try not to faulter for it. Be honest with your friend sand yourself and I'm sure things will turn out as they should.

I'm sorry I couldn't give much advise, but still know that I want to see everything go well for you. All of us here are friends, even if we don't always get along or agree. We're here for you and we'll do what we can to support you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
In a way.. I wish you would've told me all this back in the day. It doesn't really matter now but hey, I sort of wasted 8 or so months on a girl who didn't feel the same towards me. If you didn't "Love" me than why did you tell me you did?

-Andrew-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...