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RPG The Kobra and Lamb Show!


Dragon Warrior
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This is not my best work, but it'll start in advance. It's not a part of my Dude Stories collection either. Enjoy people.

PS: It's somewhat of a talk show staring a cobra named Kobra and a lamb named Lamb.

The Kobra and Lamb Show
Episode 1

Kobra: Welcome to the Kobra and Lamb show.

Lamb: Why is your name first?

Kobra: ?Cause we must give the people what they want. Me.

Lamb: Oh. Okay? WHAT?

Kobra: Anyways, today on Kobra and Lamb, we shall talk about the new hit flick Lord of the Rings. Oooo! How exciting!

Lamb: It wasn?t all that bad.

Kobra: That it was, Lamb. That it was. In fact, it was better than plenty of the movies us two have seen. Like Harry Potty, Pothead, what is it?

Lamb: Potter.

Kobra: Oh right. Harry Potter.

Lamb: And Gone in 60 Seconds which I was when the movie began.

Kobra: Heh. Yeah. Good times. But what we like about Lord of the Rings is, it was long. And a long movie means getting away from the family for 3 hours. Wink, wink.

Lamb: And that crazy old guy wizard. He made a few laughs here and there.

Kobra: His name was Gandalf you Jabroni.

Lamb: Ah yes. Right, right. But that is not the point. The point is, we give the movie 4 stars.

Kobra: Wha-what? We didn?t discuss that!

Lamb: Oh, well, I thought we did.

Kobra: Bullcrap we did! In fact, The script writers didn?t even tell us we were reviewing Lord of the Rings.

Lamb: That?s bogie then. We will have to open a can of whoop-*** on them then.

Kobra: Well, dude, you?ll have to open the whoop-*** for I have no arms or legs to open a can even with a kid?s can opener.

Lamb: Well I have no hands. I have hooves! Don?t you see? I am a lamb!

Kobra: Well nuts.

(silence?)

Lamb: Wanna just drop something heavy on them?

Kobra: Sure. Why not.

Lamb: Okay. Anyways. now that the death of the script writers is settled, we shall go onto our next part of the show.

Lamb Chat *Bahh!!*

Lamb: That?s right, ladies and gents. It?s time for Lamb Chat with me, Lamb. Kobra?s probably off stuffing his face with our staff?s buffet table. But enough of that. Today we have special guest, Harry Pothead.

Harry: Uh, that?s Potter.

Lamb: Don?t try to fool me.

Harry: *gulp*

Lamb: Now Harry, what did you think of that invisibility cape? I know you were planning some mischievous things with it. I know you were.

Harry: I? don?t know what you mean, Mr. Lamb.

Lamb: Yes you do! You wanted to sneak in the girl?s dorm, didn?t you? I see that smile.

Harry: This is crazy. Can?t we get back to regular chatting.

Lamb: Oh fine. Your no fun. So, what did you think of being stranded on an island with only a volleyball as your friend?

Harry: What? That was Castaway starring Tom Hanks.

Lamb: And that reminds me *tosses Harry Potter off the stage*, That movie was goofy. So now, let?s talk with a cast member. How are you doing?

Wilson: ?

Lamb: ?

Wilson: ?

Lamb: ?

Wilson: ? *air starts to come out* *flattens*

Lamb: We?ll be back after a word from our sponsor.

The rubber ball!

Announcer: It bounces!

Audience: Ooo!

Announcer: It is rubber!

Audience: Aww!

Announcer: It?s a circular shape!

Audience: *cheers*

Were now back to the show!

Lamb: Okay? that product was a waste. I could pull a better one out of my-what the? Were on? Umm.. I mean, of course were on. Hey everyone and welcome back.

Kobra: We are going to talk to our special guest, Chester. Hey Chester.

Chester: Hey!

Lamb: Woah. Stay out of the cereal. Your too hyper.

Chester: But it?s my own cereal! I made it up! See! *shows a cardboard box that says Chester Crunchies*
Kobra: Not only is that name disturbing, but that is just a box.

Lamb: There?s also nothing in it and if there was, it?d be illegal to sell it.

Chester: ?

Lamb/Kobra: ?

Chester: Want some of my cereal?

Lamb: No!

Kobra: Oh! Look at the time! It?s time to go.

Lamb: But we still have 5 minutes lef- Ow! I mean, see you people!

This has been a Jabroni Broadcasting...
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Grandpa Lamb: Yep. Why, back in my day, we used pine needles as our toothbrushes.

Lamb: Grandpa? What are you doing here? The show?s about to begin!

Grandpa Lamb: What are you talking about, you young Jabroni. The show has started.

Lamb: WHAT? *sees camera rolling* Oh dang it! Go on Grandpa, we got a show to do!

Grandpa Lamb: Alright. Alright. No hurry. I?ll leave you and your freakish no-limbs friend to do your Jabroni show. *walks off the set*

Kobra: Phew! I was starting to think he?d never leave!

Lamb: Yeah. Ahem? Welcome to the Kobra and Lamb show!

Kobra: We were just informed of a new product from Jabroni productions.

Lamb: That?s right, Kobra. Introducing, LAMEBOY!

Kobra: It?s the ultimate entertaining hand held system that doesn?t entertain.

Lamb: In fact, it?s so boring that you?ll rot out of your skull.

Kobra: But, still, it?s compatible with Gameboy games. *Plays Mario*

Lamb: How are you playing that if you have no limbs?

Kobra: But I do! See! *pauses game and shows Lamb his arms*

Lamb: What the- where did you get those?

Kobra: Umm.. lost and found?

Lamb: *sigh* anyways, now a word from our sponsor?

[SIZE=3]And now, from Jabroni Productions...[/SIZE]

Announcer: It?s Poke?mon! But not just Poke?mon? it?s a new MOVIE!!! Brought to you by the makers of Jabroni?s on Ice and Rudolph the Jabroni Reindeer. Watch Smash the Poke?mon Slayer kill off the world?s cutest and stupidest characters.

Smash: Oh wow! A Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pikachu! *drinks bottle of beer*

Smash: Go Atom Bomb!

[SIZE=4]BoOM!!!![/SIZE]

Announcer: This loveable story will fill your hearts? with love? and hatred! Now take your kids to see this movie? [B]If you know what?s good for them.[/B]

[SIZE=3]Now back to the show?[/SIZE]

Lamb: Okay, now about this Lameboy?

Grandpa Lamb: It sucks!

Lamb: Oh no. Not again..

Grandpa Lamb: Why, back in my day, all we had to play with was-

Lamb: Let me guess. Marbles?

Grandpa Lamb: No! Grandpa Fighter! It was a sweet-*** video game! Check it out! *pushes a button and a screen pops up in front of the audience* *Starts to play the game*

Game: Grandpa does 4000000 damage to the Darkasaur with his cane!

Grandpa Lamb: Oh yeah!

Lamb: An old man, especially you, couldn?t do that to a 200 foot tall monster from the prehistoric ages.

Grandpa Lamb: Stop! Your ruining my childhood memories. Why, I could whoop a monster?s butt right now if I had the chance!

(monster comes out and drags Grandpa Lamb away)

Kobra: Mhm? well? anyways? now that Grandpa Lamb is being dragged off to his doom, we?ll begin Lamb Chat.

[SIZE=3]Lamb Chat (bahh!)[/SIZE]

Lamb: Today on Lamb Chat, we have guest star, Sean Connery.

Sean: Thank you. Thank you.

Lamb: So Sean, if that?s your real name?

Sean: *arches his eyebrow*

Lamb: How?s the hood?

Sean: I don?t live in the hood.

Lamb: Then how?s The Rock?

Sean: The Rock was a movie, you idiot.

Lamb: Now, now Sean. On here, we don?t say mean things like idiot. We say asswipe, Jabroni, retard, stupid Mother F***er and such.

Sean: Okay you ****************************!

(Sean Connery was dragged off to his doom as well)

Lamb: Well, all you Jabroni?s out there, that concludes our show.

Sean: OH MY GOD! THE PAIN!

Kobra/lamb: ?

Kobra: We?ll see you tomorrow.

Sean: IT HURTS! IT HURTS!!!

?

Lamb: So fare-

Sean: OUCHIES!!!

Lamb: Will you shut up!

Sean: ? sorry?

Lamb: Ahem? Goodbye all!

Kobra: Later!

[SIZE=3]This has been a Jabroni broadcasting?[/SIZE]
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Kobra: Welcome to the Kobra and Lamb show once again!

Lamb: Today we have a special new addition to our show. Fan mail!

Audience: Ooo!

Kobra: Indeed. It?s very exciting.

Lamb: But we?ll get to that later. For now, it?s time to see a clip from the new movie, Titanic 2.


Jack: Never let go, Rose! Never let go!

Rose: I won?t!

Jack: Good ?cause there?s man-eating piranhas down there and-AHHH!!!

Rose: I dropped him!

Audience: Oops! Butterfingers!


Lamb: *sits and stares*

Kobra: What kind of crap was that?

Lamb: I don?t know, but it looks terrible.

Kobra: Hmm.

Grandpa Lamb: *rides in on motor-powered wheelchair* That movie will at least make better hits than you Jabronis!

Audience: *applauds*

Lamb: Well, well. If it isn?t the Alzheimer Express.

Grandpa Lamb: Ha ha.

Kobra: Wow, Grandpa Lamb. You made it away from that monster?

Grandpa Lamb: Darn right, you no-limbed Jabroni you! I had to fight off it?s furious claws and teeth. They were jagged and sharp and dangerous and all that good stuff.

Monster: *walks in* Actually, I let him go ?cause I thought it was embarrassing for him. He screams like a girl.

Grandpa Lamb: Monster! You were suppose to keep that a secret!

Monster: It slipped.

Kobra: Riiiiiight.

Lamb: Anyways, now for fan mail!

[SIZE=3]Fan Mail!!!![/SIZE]

Kobra: That?s right, you Jabronis. Fan mail time!

Lamb: Hmm? This first letter is from Stuart of Pennsylvania. Stuart writes:

[I]Dear Lamb,[/I]
[I]I have had one question out of all the questions in the world ever since I?ve seen your show. Here it is: Are you related to Lamb Chop?[/I]

[I]Sincerely,[/I]
[I]Stuart[/I]

Kobra: HAHAHAHA!!

Lamb: Dude! Shut up, you Jabroni.

Grandpa Lamb: Haha! Lamb Chop.

Lamb: That?d make you related to her too, Grandpa Jabroni.

Grandpa Lamb: ?

Lamb: Just to inform you Stuart, no I?m not. And another thing? [B]if you write another question like that I?ll rip your gizzard out with my bare hooves![/B] I mean, thanks for writing. Here?s another letter. The writing?s a little sloppy. Heh, it seems like this person didn?t have any arms.

Kobra: Heh. Go figure. *shifts eyes*

Lamb: It reads:

[I]Dear Lamb,[/I]

[I]Is there something in my teeth? I swear, I ate this field mouse for breakfast and it seems to be sticking.[/I]

[I]Your pal,[/I]
[I]Kobra[/I]

Lamb: What the hell was that? You went through all the trouble of sending me this even though you could just ask me here.

Kobra: Well, yes. But could you answer me?

Lamb: Okay? let me see. *takes a look at Kobra?s choppers* Seems clear to me.

Kobra: Oh yeah. That may be because I drank something after I sent the letter.

Lamb: ?

Kobra: that?s all we have for Fan mail today everyone! And don?t forget we need more fan mail! So get those Jabroni asses of yours working on a letter!

[SIZE=3]Lamb Chat (Bahh!!)[/SIZE]

Lamb: Okay everyone! It?s time for Lamb Chat! Today on Lamb Chat, I have.. Kobra? What are you doing here?

Kobra: Why, I?m the special guest on Lamb Chat.

Lamb: What the bloody ?ell? No your not!

Kobra: Am too!

Lamb: *shakes head*

Kobra: Go ahead. Ask me something.

Lamb: What happened to your brain?

Kobra: Oh. Not sure. Ask me something easy.

Lamb: Okay. What?s 2 plus 2?

Kobra: I said easy, you Jabroni.

Lamb: Riiiight? Well, that?s all the time we have for today! Cya!

Kobra: 8! It?s 8!

Lamb: Just shut up.

[SIZE=4]This has been a Jabroni Broadcasting...[/SIZE]
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Lamb: *all snuggled in his big arm chair, reading a book*

[SIZE=3]Crash![/SIZE]

Lamb: What the hell? *looks at chimney. Walks over to it* Hello?

Voice: Ho, ho, ho no! I?m stuck. One second? There we go. *falls down chimney* Ow! What kind of person has spikes in their fireplace?

Lamb: Santa?

Audience: *applauds*

Santa: Yep. It?s me. Santa. Ho, ho, ho.

Lamb: But you shouldn?t be here. It?s July. Not to mention 1:30 in the afternoon.

Santa: Now, now. It doesn?t have to be Christmas time to be? Christmas.

Kobra: What?s all the commotion?

Audience: *applauds*

Kobra: I thought I heard someone. Oh my! Santa!

Santa: Heh heh. Yep.

Lamb: Wait, wait. Kobra, don?t you think it?s a little odd for Santa to be here on the 4th of July.

Kobra *long silence* Santa! What did you bring me?

Santa: Well let?s see, Kobra.

Kobra: See. It?s Santa. He knows my name.

Lamb: He probably saw you on TV.

Santa: Oh stop being grouchy. Look what I have for you Lamb.

Lamb: A sled?

Santa: Yes. Go ahead. Try it out.

Lamb: I repeat myself- It?s the 4th of July. Where do you want me to sled? My pavement?

Santa: Well.. yeah? I guess? er..

Kobra: What about me, Santa?

Santa: Well, let?s see. I have? these illegal firecrackers for tonight.

Kobra: Oh wow. Look Lamb.

Lamb: Whoa, whoa. Illegal? We can?t take these.

Santa: Oh, sure you can. Watch. *shoves the fireworks in Lamb?s arms* Next gift is for you Lamb. Ooo! An expensive Rolex Watch.

Lamb: Wow. That actually is pretty nice. Thanks.

Santa: That?ll be 4,000 dollars.

Lamb: Pardon me?

Santa: That?ll be 4,000 dollars. That was a 4,000 dollar watch your grubby hooves are handling.

Lamb: But I don?t have 4,000 dollars. At least not on my salary.

Santa: But that was 4,000 dollars.

Lamb: I don?t have that kind of money.

Santa: Fine. Give me the watch back then. I?ll find someone else to have it? or not. *starts to whimper*

Lamb: Oh? fine. Here. *gives Santa 4,000 big ones*

Santa: Alright. Nice doing business with ya?.

Lamb: Wait one minute. This was stolen. It was on news.

Santa: I?ll repeat, nice doing business with you.

Lamb: But? but?

Santa: *climbs up the chimney*

Police: This is the police. Put your hooves up.

Kobra: Ahem!

Police: Or if you have no limbs, just come out. And lay those illegal fireworks and the stolen Rolex Watch next to the? sled on the pavement.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lamb: Hope you enjoyed our little skit everyone.

Audience: Yay! *cheers*

Kobra: We?ll be doing these skits often so watch out for them. We have some fan mail for today so let?s do it!

[SIZE=4]Fan mail!!!![/SIZE]

Lamb: Today, we have one letter to show everyone. It?s from The Darkness Bu from the cool [url]http://www.Otakuboards.com.[/url] The Darkness Bu writes:

[I]Hi guys, I'd just like to say I love your show, and Kobra are you related to Arbok? Anywho.....Hi mom....uh never mind that last part, see ya.[/I]

[I]The Darkness Bu[/I]


Lamb: HAHAHAHAH!

Kobra: That?s right. Laugh it up.

Lamb: Okay! I think I will! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh my f***ing gosh!

Kobra: ?

Lamb: Hoo hoo hoo! Hahahahha!

Hours later?

Lamb: hehe.. okay. That was fun. Like your own medicine, huh?

Kobra: Yeah? whatever. shut up. And no Darkness Bu, I?m not related.

Lamb: No no. I think you are. Look here in the photo album. Erm.. there he is. Your great great great Grandfather Arbok.

Kobra: Well what do you know. We learned something new today.

Lamb: Well, now that Kobra?s brain has enlarge Ned about something new for once, we may say goodbye for today. Cya!

Kobra: Why was my mother a rabbit?

Lamb: No, no. I think that was the wedding feast.

Kobra: Oh!

[SIZE=4]This has been a Jabroni Broadcasting...[/SIZE]
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