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When's too early?

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[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Hey everyone, I have a question.

When is it too early in a relationship to tell the other that you love them?

I'm in a really hardcore relationship right now, and I've been wanting to tell my boyfriend, Jose, that I love him. The only thing that's hindering me is the thought, "Is it too soon?"

We've been dating for two weeks now, but we've known each other for about a year. I've had strong feelings for him pritty much since the day we met, and they've only gotten stronger since we've started to get closer.

I'm 'kina hesitent to say "those three words" for a couple reasons.

First, will it drive him off? Will it push him away?

Second, what should I expect when I say it? Will he say it back? If he doesn't, will it make things extreamly wierd between us?

Third is the title of this thread: Is it too early?

Any advice you guys have will be really helpful, but first, a few things you should understand about me.

First off, I'm not one to say anything about the person I'm dating in the lines of "like" or "love." The farthest I've gone to say anything is "Wow, he's friggin' hot!" Other than that, I'm very hesitant to say "those three words," or anything even remotely similar to them, just for the simple fact that I don't belive in saying them unless you truly feel it.

I believe that love isn't a word to be thrown around, and that love is more than a word. Love is forged by two people through time, and I know that.

I don't want everyone to think that I'm some nieve kid who is way in deep over their head. I do know that I am rushing things a little, and I may be taking the nieve, immature way with going about this...but I can't help what I feel, right?

Anyways, now that I've poured my heart out on the internet, I think that I'll save what little privacy I have in this matter to myself and let you guys go about commenting and giving advice.

~Ex

Just to let you know, I'm open to anything: from helpful advice, to tough-love critisicing. Talk about his openly. I'll take everything you throw at me.

~.^[/SIZE][/COLOR]

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When you feel ready and think it's right. Simple as that.

There are to many factors for any one here to offer any advice that would really help you. Hope your relationship goes well and remember in general people assume 'love' or at least 'like' (or in desperation 'lust') in relationships so rushing or making a big thing about saying it might just be a tad bit silly. :)

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[SIZE=1]ForgottenRaider is right, it's the time to say it when you feel you should. Love isn't set by how long you've been together, I believe love is chemical and when you're with the right person, something inside you tells you.

If you feel you love him, truly and deeply, then just sit down and tell him. If he gets turned away by it and acts immature, then really he isn't worth it anyway. =/[/SIZE]

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yeah, go ahead. course i'm kinda flipant with my i love you's. i love everyone and thus express it but if you're shy or feel ncomfortable don't. it won't drive him away tho. if you say i love but you need to change------------------ then that drives them away. but offering love shouldn't. if you really are sure in the relationship i see no problem with it.

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I can't blame most people for being idealistic about love here. This is not only a very passionate time of life, but your hormones are RAGING. The concepts of love and infatuation are being explored by you on a far greater order of magnitude.

If this person really means something to you, take it slow. You are most likely getting those butterflies in your stomach, and the tingly sensations in your fingers, your head feels like it's floating, and your heart is warm all over. Yeah, it's called dopamine, and it's one sexy neurotransmitter. But give yourself some time to reflect on your infatuation. Let yourself get to know the things that irritate you about this person. Get to know eachother on a really close mental level, and let time take care of you. You will fall in and out of infatuation. It might be a hit-and-run ordeal where you feel "in love" and another moment you might fall 'out of love". But we too often confuse the word love with infatuation (especially if it is our first or second significant other). Passion will fade, so will looks, emotions will smolder; but beneath that, you can potentially experience an honest and endearing love that's far sweeter than anything so nebulous as teenaged "love". Give it time. Telling him you love him may betray your future relationship, because, do you really know you love him?

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If you feel unsure you love him, then it's most likely that you don't yet. Get to know him better, and when the time comes to "say it", either of you probably says it.

In my relationship (the one and only that I have ever had and still have), we told "it" to each other for the first time by text messages (hey, I live in Finland - the promised land of cell phones). ;P

Although we have said it afterwards face to face every time we meet. It still feels great and fuzzy and comfy and all, because we both feel that way (even though the [I]dopamine[/I] has settled long time ago). ;D <3

So, hold it back until you are sure of your own feelings (and when you recognize where they come from). You shouldn't be worried about your boyfriend's feelings, because if he doesn't love you back... then he just ain't worth it, doll. ;P

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That's a hard one. Especially for me. If it were me in your shoes hell I can't say what'd I do. Most likely not say anything till I felt really ready. I mean, I know what being in love is like as I am. But, I was very very hesitant about telling this person that I had even a crush on them. More factors than just was it too soon in this case ;). However, I was put in a ( looking back) funny situation where this person already knew. I tried to hide it. But one day they locked themselves in their car trunk till I opened up. LOL! As they already knew lying wouldn't have been any good. Was it good to tell.....yes I guess it was. I didn't expect anything actually I was scared shitless that this friend of mine would laugh at me, tell me I was crazy and say that they didn't want to be friends anymore. Our frienship is extemly important. I did not want to lose this person. That was another reason I didn't want to tell them about my other feelings. But they weren't angry( at least seemed not to be) at all. Infact, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I can't help the way I feel. I mean I've tried so hard, so long. That sounds horrible, I know. But I did in the begining. But I feel the way I do and that's that. It's my prblem...if it's a problem. Actaully, a few weeks before the locking themselves in a car trunck incident I had a nightmare!!!!!! About this person. They were in a terrible car crash. I was scared of losing them. And I was in the hospital by their bed crying. I felt sick! Plus I kept thinking in the dream as well I was saying to myself. You never told him? You might never get the chance now. It was awful! And after I did tell my friend I felt better in that respect too. I mean I can't say what to do. It's really your choice. I know though after 2 weeks I might not be ready or want to say it. But if I ever fall in love again...not holding my breath! But depending on the relationship, how long we've been going out as well as how long we've known eachother...if I ever fell this strong about that kind of relationship again I might be brave or smart or stupid enough to tell them. I mean ( Ex) I've shared how I feel...( you know) I can't say things that you might listen too LOL! JK I know you listene. Just as a friend recently told me "do what feels right, follow your heart!" but if you aren't sure then you might want to wait till you are. I know you can't help how you feel or more how the other person feels. Maybe wait till you've both gotten to know eachother and when the time is right it'll happen. I'm no expert just trying to help.

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[color=33333][font=trebuchet ms]Easy.

Tell him.

...but don't say it a second time until he says it back to you.

It's completely awkward to have someone keep saying "I love you" when you know you can't tell them the same. Just put the ball in his court, and gently drop the subject. That way, he'll know how you feel, but he won't feel too pressured by anything.[/color][/font]

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[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Well...wait, don't wait. Heh, I'm impatient. So, I didn't wait. I thought about it, and thought about it, and finally told him today. Actually, I did what Lore said before I even read the post: Only say it once. If he doesn't say it back, wait until he [i]does[/i] say it.

So, as I did, another complication arised. Heh, the story of my life, eh Linkk? Anyways, after I told him...talk about awkward. Holy ****, did he ever take it bad. "How do you know you love me? How [i]can[/i] you know you love me? After two weeks?" Ya, drama. Hehe...oops?

Well, moving on, he said something like this: "Every time you say something like that, I feel as if you're trying to trap me." So, this part I'm confused about. Seeing as that's the first time I've said anything like that, other than "I really like you," I don't understand the "every time you say something like that" part. As for the last half, how is that trapping him? Okay, I understand the "three words," but...gee, my head's hurting now. *.*

Anyways, thanks for all the advice, everyone:

Drix, I understand where you're coming from now...hehe, hormonal fluctuations. *victory pose*

Sandy, thx. Great to know that at least one other gay relationship is working out.

Ezekiel, I agree with the "when you're with the right person, something inside you just knows." Thx, hon.

celoctopus, thx for your comments and advice. Helped ~.^

ForgottenRaider, simple and too the point. Exactly what I like.

Lore, great advice here. I know, as I've been in the [i]other[/i] person's shoes...almost as hard as the side I'm on now...almost.

Linkk, my dear friend. Thanks for retelling that story...although I already knew about it...lol. Your advice, as always, is awesome. And yes, I do listen...sorry about the trunk thing, though. Loves! ~.^

~Ex

(never going to thank each person seperatly again...heh)[/SIZE][/COLOR]

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It is always too early to tell them unless you know without a doubt you love them.
"I love you" is not a phrase you should just carelessly throw around, it is a serious thing, so if you don't mean it don't use it.

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[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Syrius, how do you know that I was "carlessly trowing" those words around? Did I ever mention that? No...that being said, I now agree that I should have waited, but I didn't...I don't think that it'll change our relationship any, but only time will tell.

Anyways, once again, thanks to everyone. I think this discussion is closed, but if anyone else has some comments, or if anyone that's already posted had additional things to say, go right ahead.

~Ex[/SIZE][/COLOR]

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the time will be riht young one

i kind of like you sandy

[b][color=DarkGreen][size=1]demon slayer 5, please don't post straight after yourself. If you want to add something but nobody else has yet posted, use the EDIT button in the bottom-right of your post.

Additionally! Your comments are spam, as we define it here on OB. [url="http://www.otakuboards.com/rules.php?"][u]CLICK HERE[/u][/url], for all the info you will ever need to stop yourself getting messages like this one again. In future, try and post something insightful, or at least helpful to the thread's purpose. And for future reference, personal comments like your one to Sandy should be confined to the Private Messaging system, though be aware that this is the Internet, and such comments can be taken the wrong way.

[/size][/color][/b] [right][size=1][color=DarkGreen]-Raiyuu[/color][/size]
[/right]

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[quote name='demon slayer 5']i kind of like you sandy[/quote]
[size=1]What the bloody hell?

Anyway...
You said it too soon, plain and simple.

Guys, in their teenage years most of all, don't like to hear those words. It [i]does[/i] make them feel trapped. It [i]does[/i] make them feel awkward.
No offense to your guy, but most males of teenage years don't know how to [u]love[/u] properly. They know how to lust, how to be infatuated, and how to be horny. The majority doesn't know what love truely is yet.[/size]

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[QUOTE=Ecstasy][COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Syrius, how do you know that I was "carlessly trowing" those words around? Did I ever mention that? No...that being said, I now agree that I should have waited, but I didn't...I don't think that it'll change our relationship any, but only time will tell.

Anyways, once again, thanks to everyone. I think this discussion is closed, but if anyone else has some comments, or if anyone that's already posted had additional things to say, go right ahead.

~Ex[/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

I did not say YOU were, many people do. I guess i came off wrong. i appologize.

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[quote name='demon slayer 5']the time will be riht young one[/quote]

[color=crimson]Wise words, sensei.[/color]

[quote name='Ecstasy][COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Heh, the story of my life, eh Linkk? [/SIZE'][/COLOR][/quote]

[color=crimson]What a long and tiresome life you must have lived thus far. Admirable, really. Keep at it.

Anyway, just chill. Things work out better than you think if you let time stew on it for awhile. He might have been taken by surprise but I think he'll come around.. probably. I don't think you really did anything 'wrong' by telling him early, you just followed your own heart- which is what you should do.

All this advice, while it has good intentions, is only so relevant to your situation/method of operation/personality/etc. so you shouldn't rely it on [i]totally[/i]. Take what you can from it and adapt it to you. No better way to do it.

Good luck to you.[/color]

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I don't I feel it's too early if you really love him. I just think you need to ask yourself that, do you really love him. Because you shouldn't say that if that's not how you really feel. I hope you've really done some self exploring before deciding weather or not to say it to him.

It shouldn't drive him off, and the only reason it would is if he doesn't love you back or he's uncertain of himself. If you think he loves you back, then I know that's something he would love to hear you say to him.

I knew my GF for a 9 months and hadn't even started dating with her. I just knew that I loved her and I knew, though she has a hard time saying it, she loved me back. That's what you need to ask yourself "Does he feel the same?" If you think he does then there shouldn't be a problem.

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[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Hehe....everyone thinks that this is a "teenage, highschool" romance. I'll let everyone in on a bit of a secret.

I'm almost twenty, and Jose's going to be twenty-seven. Corey, stick that in your pipe and smoke it...hehehe. Not to be rude, just 'kina voids your points, is all.

Anyways, he's come around and it doesn't look like it did much damage. He doesn't mind at all anymore, but I've decided to wait to tell him that again until he says it.

And, yet again, thanx for the advice. The different views have been helpful, and no, I don't rely on these [i]totally[/i], so, ya.

~Ex[/SIZE][/COLOR]

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You wont know it will just happen. Fate work's in mysterious ways.

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