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Writing Raiha vs. Rachmaninoff [Poetry Contest]


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[FONT="Tahoma"][CENTER][SIZE="3"][B]Poetry Contest - Round One [/B][/SIZE]

[CENTER][SIZE="4"][B]Raiha [/B]vs. [B]Rachmaninoff[/B][/SIZE]

Topic: [B]Desert[/B][/CENTER]

[B]Triple Quatrain Poetry[/B][/CENTER]
For this round you are challenged to write a triple Quatrain poem. Now a basic Quatrain is a poem that has four lines and also has a specific rhyming scheme. So for a triple Quatrain, you will be writing twelve lines in groups of four, based on the topic that you have been given. For example:

[CENTER][COLOR="Sienna"][B]Topic: The Fall[/B]

I love the mountains in the fall,
as the leaves begin to turn.
Like decorations for the ball,
it makes my heart just yearn.

Fall colors seem to transcend
with yellow, orange, and browns.
It'll soon cover all the towns
with a warm and hearty blend.

The cool crisp autumn air
there's nothing that can compare.
To this color filled wonder land
what could ever be this grand.[/COLOR][/CENTER]
As you can see in each section the ending lines rhyme with one of the others. And just like the poem, they do not have to be in a specific order. So long as they rhyme, it works. In theory, for this contest, the ending of each line could rhyme with every single one.

Each contestant has till [COLOR="Sienna"][U][B]Friday the 11th[/B][/U][/COLOR] to get their poems in. At which time the voting will begin, sooner if both members submit their poems before the deadline. Now all members are welcome to vote include those involved. If it is the thread you are in though, only comments and critiquing is allowed since obviously you can?t vote for yourself. But definitely take the time to vote on the other entries! Now if there are any questions, be sure to direct them to this thread here: [URL="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=58871"][U]Poetry Contest[/U][/URL] And now lets have some fun![/FONT]
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[center][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"][b]Sonora[/b]

I remember the endless, flickering lands,
When I was completely alone with the one I loved,
Standing and watching the eternally rippling sands,
Waiting for the skies to turn to gold above.

In the Sonora you waited for the rain,
And when it came we danced together,
But while it fell I couldn't explain,
Why I wanted back the dry weather.

Now I know exactly why that was,
I just wanted to see your perfect face,
Blushing in the bright sunlight because,
There will never be a better way to see your beauty in this quiet place.[/FONT][/COLOR][/center]
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It?s always the same, when watching this empty place,
With lonely, solitary and endless burning sands,
An uninhabited, desolate and wretched barren case,
Forever untouched by meddling human hands.

A tiny whisper of life that vainly tries to grow,
Among bleak, parched and wind-swept eternal dunes,
Bare hints of various greens that quickly died,
Relinquishing a soft stricken dust in ruins.

A glimmer of blue-green mist to good to be true,
Forsake all hope, while in this forgotten race,
Surrendering once again, to scorching skies of blue,
Depleted, impoverished land of golden beauty and grace.[/CENTER]
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[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]I think it goes without saying that poetry judging is subjective, especially when you know next to nothing about it. XP Anyway?

[B]Raiha:[/B] The thing I like best about yours is how it seems to speak of enjoying the desert with someone you love. However, at the same time that makes it seem less like a poem about the given topic and more of one about love.

[B]Rachmaninoff:[/B] The thing I like best about yours is how it focuses clearly on the land itself. I found the line about [I]a glimmer of blue-green mist[/I] a bit awkward, but overall I think it nailed the topic well.

Excellent poems, both of you, I cast my vote for [B]Rachmaninoff[/B]. [/FONT][/COLOR]
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[COLOR="DarkGreen"][FONT="Book Antiqua"]You two just had to make it difficult. >_> I think Raiha captured the essence of finding and appreciating love in the desert best and Rachmaninoff got the actual feel of a desert down best. When reading the first I could imagine the two enjoying it where the second I could almost imagine [I]I[/I] was the desert. I enjoyed them, great poems by both of you.

In the end, I cast my vote for [B]Rachmaninoff[/B]. [/FONT][/COLOR]
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[FONT=Arial]One quick note for both of you: you aren't required to pause your thoughts at the end of each line in a stanza. (^_^) Sure, rhythm and meter are there and important (unless you completely abandon them, and that's another subject altogether), but you're still allowed some freedom to express your thoughts as you see them spoken, and let phrases flow across the ends of lines.

Very nice, clear imagery, [COLOR="DarkRed"]Rach[/COLOR].

I like the introspection in the second and third stanzas, [COLOR="DarkRed"]Raiha[/COLOR]. It drew my empathy.

Ultimately, the topic itself decided the winner for me. The use of the desert as a setting was clever, [COLOR="DarkRed"]Raiha[/COLOR], but you allowed it to fall secondary, whereas [B]Rachmaninoff[/B] wrote to the topic itself; and since you were otherwise equally matched, that had to be the deciding factor.[/FONT]
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[FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]I really liked both these poems. So right off the bat good job to both of you.

[B]Raiha[/B], I like how you interpreted the topic you were given. You did more then just write about a desert and included other things that made the poem a lot more interesting. The love that ties the speaker and the person they love is the same love between the speaker and the desert (that's how I percieved it, anyway) and I thought that was very well done.

[b]Rachmaninoff[/b], your poem starts off well. You did an excellent job of describing the desert and everything it encompasses. I especially enjoyed the fourth line of the first stanza. Meddling human hands seems so appropriate.

You guys make this very hard for me. I enjoyed how both of you were able to write about the dryness of the desert and also fit in the fact that it rains there once in a while.

After thinking it over a lot, I choose [spoiler]Neuvox[B]raiha[/B][/spoiler].[/COLOR][/FONT]
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Alright, both poems are nicely done, but there is one thing that in my mind sets them apart. And that is getting the depth and feel of a desert in one's poem. To explain, I do like how well Raiha's poem uses the setting of a desert, but it still skirts the topic in favor of love instead. Where Rach's poem [I]is[/I] the desert, something that as one who lived in a desert state, one that's more of one than Utah is, I can see how it reflects it best. So with that thought in mind, my vote goes to [B]Rachmaninoff[/B].
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[size=1]I feel that the focus in Raiha's poem is misplaced. Though it used the desert as the setting, I was hoping to see more description about the locale and less about the love story. Overall I thought it was a strong effort, so I'm just nitpicking here.

Conversely, Rach's poem did not stray far enough from the topic to hold my interest. While he did an excellent job of describing the desert, I felt no emotional connection with the lifeless and barren place he described. I appreciated the contract in Raiha's poem between the dead desert and her passionate love.

I vote for [b]Raiha[/b].

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[COLOR="Indigo"][B]Raiha [/B]- The use of the desert as a setting for love was clever and the imagery is easy to see. It's a nice contrast.

[B]Rach[/B] - The imagery of a barren place is clear and in a way reminds me of the more barren places here in Utah. Making it easy to see and imagine.

Only one can be spoken to receive my token: I give it to [B]Rachmaninoff[/B].[/COLOR]
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[SIZE="1"]I like both poems, but as I have only one vote, I have to decide.

D'Ann, I particularly liked your poem because of the romantic qualities you attributed to the desert, though like a few people have said, the love element was slightly over-played. It still however was a very enjoyable piece.

Rach, unlike Beth, I actually liked the "blue-green mist" line, I think it worked very well in the hint of life you tried to endow the desert with, even in the inhospitable conditions of a desert.

Down to the actual choosing, even if D'Ann strayed from the main theme, I preferred her poem, for the emotional connection to the desert. Darren, while yours was very well written, it was the bleakness and lack of connection Josh spoke about that didn't click with me. Sorry.

So yeah, my vote goes to [b]Raiha[/b][/SIZE]
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I liked how you told a story in your poem, [I]Raiha[/I]. I'm no expert in poetry, but the last line seemed overly long and thus broke the rhythm for me.

[I]Rachmaninoff[/I], you seemed to take the easy road and just describe the topic. The poem is beautiful, but a little too safe for my taste.

So, [B]Raiha[/B] will get my vote.
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Raiha?s poem was beautiful in illustrating how even a plain desert can be a lovely sight when you?re with the one you love. And Rachmaninoff did a fantastic job of painting an image of the desert in my head. Although I wish there was a little bit more to it.

Tough call, I choose [B]Raiha[/B].
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Raiha: you poem is very good, I like the way you included love in it and the way you tell us see that desert isn't that bad when we're with the one we love.

Rachmaninoff: You did a great job. I thought I was in the desert when I was reading your poem. You used your words precisely and nicely and that's why...

... I vote for [B]Rachmaninoff[/B]
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[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][B]Raiha[/B], I like how your poem is a story and not just a description. It didn't flow very well to me, but to be honest, neither of them did, and I'm not sure why (perhaps because I'm not used to poetry).[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][B]Rachmaninoff[/B], your poem is well-written, though it feels wordy to me. It's expressive, but it feels very harsh, like it's trying to say the desert is something unnatural and out of place.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1]All that said, and this is a very hard decision, my vote goes to [B]Raiha[/B], namely because of the poem's storytelling.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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[size=1]Not really a lot to say about this since Poetry is one of my least favourite mediums of literature.

D, I liked how the choice of words portrayed the loneliness of the desert. Pretty decent.

Rach, was still enjoyable, but it seems like you were talking over my head. Too many mentions of the colours blue and green. Especially since this is meant to be a desert.

Vote = Raiha[/size]
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[FONT="Tahoma"]Thank you very much everyone for your poems and participation on all sides. With Raiha receiving 9 votes and Rachmaninoff 6 votes...[B] Raiha[/B] wins this round. Congratulations! You advance to the second round. :catgirl:[/FONT]
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