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The DailyOtaku iss.1
Saturday, January 3, 2004

[center][size=3][b]Desbreko Abuses Syk3's Master Sword[/b][/size][/center]
Earlier this week, DailyOtaku recieved shocking details about a major scandal in the OtakuBoards community. According to several key witnesses, Drake Desbreko, the Category Moderator of the Otaku Series section of OtakuBoards, was caught playing with Syk3's Master Sword against the will of its owner. Read on to hear the shocking details of this vile and disgusting yet suprisingly alluring story.

According to one witness, Dragon Warrior, a fairly regular visitor of the Art & Design forum, he heard a "strange gasping, moaning noise" coming from one of the locked threads. "I recognized the noise instantly," Dragon Warrior said in a short interview. "It was like what women do when they see me, only there was a sort of pained whining mixed in."

Nothing could have prepared him for what came next. Upon prying the locked thread's door open, which seemed to have been quickly and shoddily slapped into place, he came face-to-face with something that "even made me envious," said Dragon Warrior. Another witness, Zidargh, quickly coming onto the scene after a startled yell from Dragon Warrior gasped, "It's huge!"

No sooner had the room's fully conscious occupant given a startled shout of surprise than the doorway was packed with spectators, marveling in wonder and cringing in disgust at the same time. There, for all to see, was Desbreko, hunched over Syk3's overly large Master Sword and staring wide-eyed at the multitude before him.

Another of the interviewed witnesses, Mimmi, had this to say: "It was like nothing I'd ever seen before--no wonder Mei likes him [Syk3] so much! I guess I can't blame Desbreko for wanting a piece of the action." Various other female witnesses were also said to have uttered similar remarks at the scene, according to those interviewed. Others reportedly just walked away with blank stares. Oddly, it is also rumored that Zidargh was overheard muttering such things as "I want to be sexually molestered now!" and "Be right back, I need to change my top, my nipples are going erect," as he was walking away. It is not known at this time, however, whether these statements were heard and transcribed accurately.

Soon, however, James, Charles, and the other Category Moderators arrived to close off the area. Both Desbreko and Syk3 were escorted into the confidential OtakuBoards Moderators forum and were not allowed to be interviewed until much later. While waiting, however, DailyOtaku was fortunate enough to be able to interview Shinmaru, a friend and biatch of both Syk3 and Desbreko. Due to space limitations, the full interview was not able to be published, but you'll find the vital questions and answers still intact.

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[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Shinmaru, you're a friend to both of the members involved in this scandal. How do you feel towards Syk3 and Desbreko after what's happened?
[b]Shinmaru:[/b] I'm shocked and hurt, that's how I feel. The fact is, I'm more than just a friend to Syk3 and Desbreko--I'm a personal biatch to both of them! [a pause, as he collects himself] I just can't believe Desbreko would do such a thing without even a thought for the wellbeing of my nads!

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Do you think you'll still be able to be a friend to Desbreko after this?
[b]Shinmaru:[/b] I'm...I'm just not sure at this point. I think I'll need to talk to both of them first... And maybe get kicked in the nads by Des. I can tell what he's feeling by his kicks, you know.

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Will your Sammich making skills be impaired at all by this event?
[b]Shinmaru:[/b] No, they can't be. Not now--Syk3 needs all the support he can get. I'll make him Sammiches until my hands bleed, if I have to! I just...I... [sobs] I have to go now.

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After hours of waiting, we were finally allowed an interview with Syk3. However, all he would say was "He touched me..here, and here. [sobs]" We can only guess at the mental trauma he must be going through, but whatever Desbreko did, none now doubt that he wasn't in his right mind when he did it.

There are rumors about temporary insanity claims floating about, but James has been keeping a tight lid on the whole affair, and not a single detail has leaked out of the staff forum about Desbreko's condition. Some say he'll be relieved of his moderation duties, while others even go so far as to say he'll be banned. If the rumors of temporary insanity prove to be true, however, it is thought that he may be able to return to his normal moderating duties after extensive therapy and counseling.

We were able to catch the Otaku Anime Category Moderator, Shy, for a quick question about Desbreko as he was seen exiting the OtakuBoards Moderators forum, but his only reponse was, "*eats a cookie*" We can now only guess at the future of Desbreko, this once bright and promising member of OtakuBoards. The general consensus among both members and moderators about when we'll get news on Desbreko's condition, however, seems to be, "Wait for version 7."
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Desbreko [/i]
[B][color=indigo] The general consensus among both members and moderators about when we'll get news on Desbreko's condition, however, seems to be, "Wait for version 7."[/color] [/B][/QUOTE] [SIZE=1]*heh*

So very true.

Funny stuff, Des. Very...fitting...or something. [/SIZE]
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[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by MrSonic [/i]
[B]That was hilarious! I pissed myself when I read that! It's so funny! [/B][/QUOTE]

I'm sure Des is happy that he made you piss yourself.

You already know my opinion of it, but I decided to post here anyway. I thought the whole thing was very funny and well written. I also love how you integrated things that people were actually saying at the time into this lol. Shows that you're good at thinking on your feet.

Great work - too bad it won't really be daily.
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The DailyOtaku iss.2
Thursday, January 8, 2004

[center][size=3][b]Sightings of the Final Flasher[/b][/size][/center]
Recently, the DailyOtaku has been recieving reports of the elusive Final Flasher, a member that once frequented OtakuBoards but then left for personal reasons. Lately, however, there have been rumors of this member's return and these sitings can only add strength to them. Follow the DailyOtaku as we investigate the latest Flashings.

The first of these sightings occured at 2:45 AM PST on the morning of January 5, 2003. It was quiet in the Music, Movies & TV forum, when suddenly and out of nowhere, the Final Flasher appeared! Creeping into a thread titled "It's Elemeno P!" he Flashed the thread's author before disappearing as quickly as he had come... But not before leaving his mark for all to see. The forum's moderator, Manic, put a quarantine on the thread, but soon lifted it once he judged the Flashing to be harmless. The Final Flasher's mark can still be seen by passersby, for any that want a closer look.

When the DailyOtaku questioned the creator of the thread, Shinji, about the Flashing, he said that "It was certainly unexpected." Going on, he continued with, "It was kind of disturbing at first, but now that I think about it, it's sort of an honor to have my thread chosen for a Flashing." And that it may be. If the Final Flasher truly is returning to OtakuBoards, this first Flashing might just go down in history.

The next Flashing occured only hours ago at 1:39 AM PST on January 8 in the Sprite Central forum. This time it was a thread created by Dragonballzman, titled "Whoocha! LIKE NINJA!," to show off his latest sprite animation that got Flashed. When asked about the Flashing, Dragonballzman commented that "It was strange. At first it stung a bit, but then there was this weird, tingly feeling. In the end, it felt somehow satisfying." Just as with the previous Flashing, a mark was left in the thread for all to view.

As of yet, we can only wonder at the meaning of these sitings. As some have said, these Flashings could be signs of an imminent return of the Final Flasher. Others, however, believe that the Flasher is simply toying with us using brief appearances to cause commotion among OtakuBoards' members. But, whatever the case, it seems these sightings are not limited to OtakuBoards only. It is said that Desbreko, who is still being withheld in the OtakuBoards Moderators forum for psychological treatment, has had brief encounters with the Final Flasher over AOL Instant Messenger, or AIM for short.

The DailyOtaku was only allowed a short interview with Desbreko, in-between therapy sessions, and the former Category Moderator seemed to still not be all there. When asked about the Final Flasher, the most common response was "Four weapons! Four! Not five!" or a variation thereof. We were able to learn that Desbreko has had two encounters with the Flasher over AIM, but his screaming of "Four weapons" still remains a mystery.

It is unknown at this time whether others have also had sightings over AIM, but when James was questioned about the OtakuBoards Flashings, he said, "Don't worry about them, Flashy knows what he's doing." The Site Director apparently isn't at all worried about the sightings, as they seem to be harmless. "There are a lot of new members that have joined since he [the Final Flasher] left, so I may have to create an announcement to keep the newbies from panicking," he went on. "But this certainly isn't a problem."

Later, the DailyOtaku also got an interview with Warlock, a good friend of the Final Flasher. One of the longest standing members of OtakuBoards, Warlock has known the Flasher probably longer than anyone else, and we got to sit down with him for a few questions. Here's what he had to say.

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[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] You're a good friend of this Final Flasher, so you must know him pretty well. What do you think these recent Flashings mean?
[b]Warlock:[/b] Well, I can hope that they mean Flash is going to come back to OtakuBoards and stay, but he can be pretty mischievous at times. He may just be putting us all on--or taking things off, as the case may be--so who knows. [a wink]

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] How did you react when you first heard about the Flashings?
[b]Warlock:[/b] At first, I thought they were just jokes. Like I said, Flash has done some pretty crazy stuff, but with their increasing number I'm starting to take them a little more seriously.

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Do you ever wish he would Flash you?
[b]Warlock:[/b] [pause] No comment.

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In the end, then, these Flashings mostly remain a mystery. As has been said, there are rumors about what they could mean, but none have any strong evidence backing them. We do know, however, that they are harmless and no cause for concern, so don't be worried if you and one of your threads is Flashed. If the Final Flasher is indeed returning to OtakuBoards, they can only become more common, so just sit back and "enjoy the view," so to speak.
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[COLOR=blue]Ah, If I could ever be part of such momentous occasions....its because of my half hour time limit. Darn the time limit!!!!
In all honesty Desbresko, you have a talent for funny ^.^ [/COLOR]
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Hehehe. Very good stuff Des. I had a constant grin on my face for both of these magnificent articles. You have the 'journalese' language down pat... and everything is so damn funny. I absolutely love this. You have done an admirable job of integrating various OB occurrences... I'm loving it.

Shame this started in 04.. could be a thread of the year nominee >.>
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Des, Des Des I cease to be amazed. Both articles have *hold hands up touching three finger together on each as if a mobster*

...such phazazz, such great details, so many unexpected curves,*looks over and realizes she talking about the tall blonde with great bust and hips in the corner*

Oh I'm sorry man, *sits down proper and crosses arm* But for real both articles are wonderful. Can't wait to the next edition.[/SIZE][/COLOR]
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  • 3 months later...
The DailyOtaku iss.3
Wednesday, April 28, 2004

[center][size=3][b]How Much of myOtaku Is yourOtaku?[/b][/size][/center]
With the gradual addition of features leading up to the launch of myOtaku.com version 2, there's also been an addition of restrictions. Some of both are seen as good, some not, and opinion seems to vary wildly depending on who one asks. Take a look as the DailyOtaku goes into the specifics of the additions and finds out what people think about them.

One of the first modifications was added on April 22 to the Backroom page of myOtaku, the result of a suggestion made by the myOtaku member Demonsprite. According to an announcement by Adam posted on theOtaku.com's homepage, "...all your friends who've updated within the last 24 hours are noew highlighted." Apparently this update is so helpful that Adam had to invent a new word to describe just how well the recently updated members' names are highlighted. But "noew," on to what people think about the highlighting.

First, a pro-highlighting opinion from James, holder of the #1 popularity rank on myOtaku. It's hard to argue with him when he says, "The highlighting is very helpful. I don't have a lot of time to sort through myOtaku pages, so being able to instantly see which friends have updated is nice." But, nevertheless, sCrEaMiNgFaN00bOy2598632 seems to have found something to squabble over: "i dpnt haev n e frends!!!1!!1!!!1!!11!1!!11111111" . . . And one can only wonder why that is.

The next update was suggested by Desbreko -- who, by the way, was released from his therapy and has resumed moderating duties on OtakuBoards -- and was implemented around the same time as the highlighting feature. Added to Otaku Life posts, Adam says that you can now "...specify whether you want our system to translate line breaks into HTML." No doubt this will facilitate the use of HTML in Otaku Life posts, allowing members to have HTML on more than one line. Or, if you have some grasp of technical terms, it allows HTML to be formatted in multiple strings; something that at least this "stringer" is happy about.

But what of the downsides of this update? Well, some members have complained about the upgrade not having any effect when the post is viewed on the comments page, causing problems with spacing. "It's annoying, but not a big deal as long as it's fixed eventually," said Japan86 as she posted a comment on one of Desbreko's posts. However, some others see this issue as a bit more urgent. When asked what he thought, hentai224 said, "Dude its messng up my hentai backround and i cant figur it out!" Best of luck with that issue of yours, hentai224.

Now, finally, we come to the most controversial update. In the same announcement on theOtaku.com, Adam says that, "Due to the fact that some people have been putting over 45,000 characters worth of content in their myOtaku.com site introductions, we're testing a system where there's a max limit of 600 characters." Certainly this was bound to cause some strife among members with long introductions, especially those using lots of HTML, even after the limit was increased to 1,500 characters. Some say that the limit takes away the user's ability to fully customize their introduction. Nikorasu, however, thinks that, "The restrictions are for people having rediculously long intros that take forever to lode, especially for us dial up users."

In order to get an opinion that's actually free of spelling errors, from someone that can see both sides of the issue, we caught up with Desbreko for a few questions. Heavily utilizing HTML and javascript in his introduction, the character limit is sure to have affected him. Read on to find out his views on the limit.

[center]- - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Up until the character limit was imposed, you were using quite a lot of HTML and javascript in your introduction. How has the limit affected you, Desbreko?
[b]Desbreko:[/b] At first it mad me kind of angry, thinking about all the work I had put into developing the Now Playing and Midi Archive sections of my introduction, and how I'd have to give them up. Now, though, I don't really care about the limit.

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Oh? And why is that?
[b]Desbreko:[/b] Super Nad Powers, baby.

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Okay. . . . So do you see the character limit as being unfair?
[b]Desbreko:[/b] Well, when it was a limit of 600, I think that was definitely being too strict. Now with 1,500 though, I don't think it's all that bad. It allows for people to have some HTML in their intros, while keeping people like sCrEaMiNgFaN00bOy2598632 from putting up twenty quiz results. I mean, what the heck is a fan00boy anyway? Is it some strange hybrid of a n00b and a fanboy or what?

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Are you at all jealous over Shinmaru, your Nad Biatch, surpassing you in popularity rank?
[b]Desbreko:[/b] Don't make me kick you in the nads. Shinmaru may be my Nad Biatch, but I by no means limit myself to kicking his nads only.

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] Do you kick people in the nads as a way of compensating for something?
[b]Desbreko:[/b] Oh, that's it. Super Nad Kick 9000!

[b]DailyOtaku:[/b] What? What are you doing? No, no, not-- [screaming]
[b]Desbreko:[/b] Booyah!

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So what's the verdict? Overall, opinions seem to be positive about the new upgrades, but as always there are a few who go against the flow of progress. To see things for yourself, sign up to myOtaku and try out these new features today. Just remember that if you do sign up, be sure and visit Desbreko's page. Otherwise you risk getting a kick in the nads, and that, folks, is something you do not want to experience.
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[size=1]It's funny 'coz it's true.

Very amusing, Sir Des. The interview was great, just because....well, yeah.

[quote name='Daily Otaku']n order to get an opinion that's actually free of spelling errors, from someone that can see both sides of the issue, we caught up with Desbreko for a few questions.[/quote]

How did you ever reach him? *smirk*[/size]
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[font=Verdana][size=1][color=darkred]Positively spot-on-brilliant, Des ! *applauds* Bravo ~_^

I now feel a very strong urge to have an opinion about the new features and to visit your myOtaku. O.o;;;[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=#8b0000]Once again, Des moves the masses ~_^[/color][/size][/font]
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Just ignore that bit :p

I thought it was really funny. You have the journalistic style [i]down[/i], Des lol. Even better that I got a mention in it ~_^

That poor interviewer got a real kick out of it, though. He's just not used to the constant abuse.
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That truly was a gifted piece of journalistic intregrity. And there are people who complain that the reporting of news events are going down the drain! I say "HA!" to them! :: waves copy of Daily Otaku:: This is a fine piece of work!!

Des, thank you for a great read. It was very funny and the reporting was on spot. Excellent job! :laugh:
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Posted on [url="http://www.thedailyotaku.com"]www.thedailyotaku.com[/url], The "Home of the cup-wearing editors" by: [color=#4b0082] [color=black] sCrEaMiNgFaN00bOy2598632[/color] [/color]
[color=black]Quote: "I agree. I wonder why I have no friends. I [b]demand [/b]an investigation be lauched to discover the source of this atrocity at once!!!!1:mad: !!!:confused: !!:) :) 111:devil: !!."[/color]

Heh, funny stuff, Des. I thought this was going to be a vain attempt to make a real periodical out of the OB, but I'm glad it's just a joke, a very entertaining and well written joke, mind you.

I think faN00bOy, using that style of capitolization and creative word condensing, means that he/she is a fan of noob boys. Maybe young noob boys? That is for the public to decide. Hey, I never said I had any answers.
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[quote name='Radaghast']I think faN00bOy, using that style of capitolization and creative word condensing, means that he/she is a fan of noob boys. Maybe young noob boys? That is for the public to decide. Hey, I never said I had any answers.[/quote]Maybe he's Michael Jackson? Or Michael Jefferson, depending on what show he's on, hehe.

Nice stuff, Desi. I really loved the "no nonsense, just the facts, ma'am" attitude. An excellent piece of investigative reporting, if I do say so myself, which I actually did say by myself...hmmm...

And, I wonder if people realize that they can still put loads of information by using an image? My MyO, for example, I uploaded a jpeg of "This Is PoisonTongue." I don't see why people can't do something streamlined like an image. They could put the usual "This is MyOtaku, etc, etc," and since it's a jpeg or gif or whatnot, they're only using a tiny fraction of the 1500 characters available. Maybe I shouldn't have revealed that...
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  • 5 months later...
The DailyOtaku iss.4
Monday, October 25, 2004

[center][size=3][b]The True Story Behind the Newbie Lounge[/b][/size][/center]
One of the biggest controversies in the history of OtakuBoards was the deletion of the Newbie Lounge forum, formerly known as the Introduction forum. Spawning a thread known as Down with Newbie Lounge--The Petition, which contained 122 posts of arguments both for and against the forum, it was the most highly debated change to OtakuBoards in recorded history; even the disputes over the version 7 modifications pale in comparison.

But did we really get the whole story? The reason given for the Newbie Lounge's deletion has always been that the forum was overrun by spam, with little to no hope for improvement, and that the forum as a whole was, in fact, pointless. To quote Charles, the author of the Down with Newbie Lounge thread, "The introductions aren't effective." And in explanation, he goes on to say that, "...my main point is that we can learn about an individual from their posts in other forums..." But is that, in fact, the real reason why the Newbie Lounge was deleted?

Recently, the DailyOtaku uncovered some shocking information regarding the decline and deletion of the Newbie Lounge, and everything may not be as clean and simple as we're led to believe. According to an insider source who has chosen to remain anonymous, there was a darker plot unfolding behind the scenes of the Newbie Lounge, which was the true cause of the forum's deletion. What may be the biggest controversy in the history of OtakuBoards could turn out to also be the biggest scandal in the forum's history if this information proves to be true.

On the opening pages of what appears to be an official report labeled "OtakuBoards Staff: Top Secret," which was delivered to the DailyOtaku by the aforementioned source, there are quotes such as "The situation continues to decline," and "There appears to be little hope for the members in question." Though they may be innocent enough in themselves, the true horror of what the quotes refer to becomes apparent once the report is delved farther into. Sentences such as, "The experiment is a failure," and "It is recommended that all subjects be terminated," start to appear, along with horrifying details about the entire operation.

Though the specifics of what went on are too gruesome to be printed here, the basics of the project are enough to send a chill down anyone's spine. According to the report, the Newbie Lounge was not deleted because the forum was overrun by spam, but that instead, the forum was actually being used as a breeding ground for spam. Apparently, the project had spanned nearly all of OtakuBoard's recent history, and was instigated early in the board's life as a vB forum by three select moderators with the help of one normal member, on orders from the administrator; no names were listed, however. It was meant to be a long term solution to the problem of spam, but the method was experimental, and the results went horribly wrong.

Using the Newbie Lounge as a figurative petrii dish in which to grow a culture of spam, the moderators of OtakuBoards meant to use samples from the forum to create a "spam vaccine," with which they would be able to make OtakuBoards immune to spam once and for all. But the spam grew faster than anyone expected, and became too powerful to handle; instead of creating a vaccine, they created a virus, the most deadly strain being dubbed the "l33t virus."

An excerpt from the report says that, "The results of this 'vaccine' are horrible to view. Not even members who were going to be banned deserve this." And continuing, it tells of the lesser viruses' outbreak from the controlled environments accessible only by staff into the public threads of the Newbie Lounge. The spam in the forum rose to an all time high, reaching uncontrollable levels, as the moderators desperately tried to prevent the outbreak of the l33t virus while keeping all evidence of the project from the public. In conclusion, the report states that, "It is now clear that the project has failed, and drastic measures must be taken to prevent the spreading of the viruses to other forums: The Newbie Lounge and all related materials must be terminated."

A shocking revelation, to be sure, but the DailyOtaku wasn't allowed interviews with any staff members on the subject. The only response from the staff forum that we received was a "No comment" from James, the Site Director. He would neither confirm nor deny the authenticity of the report, and the same reply was made by all staff members when asked individually. It may never be known for sure what really went on behind the scenes of the Newbie Lounge, as all other evidence relating to it appears to have been deleted, but the report gives a grim and disturbing account of just how far the moderators might have gone in the war on spam.
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In a word, Desi, "fantastic."

There are so many great lines to glean here, but I think "l33t virus" is my favorite. Wonderful stuff, Desi. Just wonderful. I don't use that adjective often, either, so consider that a special compliment, haha.
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[size=1]Oh my god, that explains [i]so[/i] much! :eek:

Heh, it's nice to read these again, although part of me can't believe how long ago they actually were. Scary thoughts. But the fact that they're both well written and quite funny helps to alleviate my pitiful, worrisome mind. Good stuff. ^_~[/size]
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[size=1][color=red]Oh my God!!! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!! I knew they were breeding spam to kill itself but I knew it would have turned against them. I could have warned them... WHY DIDNT I WARN THEM!!!!

Heh, very funny Des. I love the way you make it feel like your reading a real tabloid or magazine article. You do a great job with the actual body of stories that you come up with as well. So keep up the good work my friend.[/size][/color]
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