Mitch

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] It was great. But I think you could've let us feel his emotions a tad more, and that this piece as a whole could've been written a lot more darker and deeper than this. Eh, sorry it took my eons to reply. It's great. I can tell you're taking after Poe's writing in some small ways here and there just by reading it. My main complaint, as I said, is that you didn't really let us feel anything for these characters. Sure, I could feel something. But the characters could've been more strongly shown. Because when I read this, I really didn't care about this two characters as much as I wanted to. And the person who's In first view I kind of don't understand in some fashions, due to the fact you really didn't give too much of why and what his motives were. Perhaps I'm just being too picky, but that's the overall feeling I found when I was finished. I'd say I loved the last two paragraphs the most. They were what gave away the most of his character, and the image was pretty vivid in my mind.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] The ugly text ruins the banner. Happy birthday to those whom see so.[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1]Just a little story I started last night; nothing too good in my opinion. But I wanted to write something happy to try and cheer myself up, or something. It's not done yet, like every other thing I've written lately it seems. I just can't seem to finish what I start.[/size] [size=3][center]...[/size][/center] [size=1]He let out the smile I'd been living with since I'd forever known him; that smile that lit through his entire face, and just stood there. "You know, she does like you, don't you?" "And where'd you get your information?" I raised my eyebrows a bit. "Where'd I get the information?" he let out his small laugh and paused, "Where'd I get it? I don't think you want to know." I patted him hard on the back. He yelped a bit in surprise. "What was that for?" he said, a smirk tipping his smile. "What was it for? Perhaps you can answer?" I pushed. His smirk grew even larger, and he held his hands out in a playing yet serious manner. "Hey, just lay off, okay? Like I said, I don't think you'd want to know, Drew." I called his bluff. "Why wouldn't I want to know? Come on, pizza'll be on me? How about it?" It was our daily thing, pizza. We lived and breathed it, it seemed. Always pepperoni, anchovies on the side. I guess that's the kind of people we'd always been. Anchovies on the side. "Pizza on you, eh? Sounds pretty sizzling to me. How about this: I'll tell you, but only over the pizza. Sound good?" "Shake on it?" I held out my hand. "Yeah, shake on it." He grasped my hand, and we slapped them together quickly. He then took my ring finger, and I took his ring finger. And slowly, we did a small twirl in a circle around our fingers, going faster and faster, then slowing down, ending back up in our original places, still holding our ring fingers. From there, we let go, and did a quick and rough up and down shake. He was the first to let go and stop the shake. Our cordial and constant handshake from the age of seven and on completed, we quickly left school, going to my car. It was an '85 Reliant. Mustard-yellow, with a slight dent on the front and the front turning signal mirror missing. I'd had it since I was fifteen, my parents had given it to me when I'd finally gotten my license. Unlocking the door, I swept in, quickly unlocking the passenger's side door; it didn't have power locks. An inconvenience, but you lived with it. "Heh, you aren't going to believe where I got my information," he said as he slammed his door and got in. "Is that so, Kev? We'll see." I keyed the ignition, stepping slightly on the gas pedal. The car wouldn't start too well if I didn't; perhaps it was its age, but it sure seemed like it just wanted to not cooperate most of the time. It'd always stop in the middle of a turn, right in the middle of an intersection; it was quite annoying. This aside, it started without intervention. We were off. There was the old doughnut shop where it'd been since I was born; there was the Dan's Supermarket that'd been there since I was born, too. And right over to the far left of these was Donatello's Pizza. Our Donatello's Pizza. Well, not exactly, but we went there daily. Everyone that worked there knew us well; knew what we'd want to order. I parked near the front. The place was never really busy, except on Saturdays. I guess Saturdays are just made for pizza for some people. Or perhaps it's something else. I'll never know. "Remember, pizza's on you," Kev said as we exited my Reliant, his smile-turned-smirk glaring at me teasingly. I let out a smile as we approached the front. "Yeah, I know," I said as my hand touched the familiar metallic-red door, and we stepped in. The place was pretty quiet, like it'd almost always been since the millions of other times we'd been in. That place is full of so many memories. From the pizza smell, from just everything to it. And every time I'd step in there, I'd just get this totally genuine feeling. It felt something like just being ecstatically happy; like being a kid. I don't know, I can't quite explain it. But it was a genuine and warm feeling.[/size]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Sej took the words from my mouth. The thing that annoys me is the stupid 'Explicit' stickers. They cause it so I can't get a lot of good bands. Like NIN or Manson or anything. But that'll change when I turn 17 this October.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] That's because I haven't finished yet. I agree, the whole blur thing isn't working for me either, though. And what in the hell is this whole 'good try,' thing, exactly? Whatever..as long as I think it's well written, that is all that matters really. Until I go towards publishing something, that is.[/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Thing296 [/i] [B]a point system?well,let me explain A "Store" option will be somewhere.you will gain points for something like posting a thread or replies. for example: [/B][/QUOTE]

[size=1]His eyes opened. Slowly the light seethed in and everything blurred into a passer-by's view. He blinked slowly as he veered an image of his long-time doctor looking inward at him overhead. Edgar's mind floundered for the doctor's name; his mind nauseated over it, tried to pull it out from his mind and into his mouth. But somewhere along the way, he couldn't. He just couldn't. All that came out was an inaudible drawl that escaped as suddenly as it came. Edgar couldn't even comprehend his own name at that moment, his mind was so torn. Every breath felt like a thousand plunges into some deep-welled ocean of trippy waves and extreme pressure. Through all the grogginess, he tried to focus on what the doctor was saying. The doctor's lips were moving up and down, the clefts shimmering and dimmering in the dull and stupefying fluorescent light. All Edgar was getting was mished and mashed phrases. A the here, a something there; his mind stumbled over every syllable of every word. It hurt just for Edgar to think. He closed his eyes again, and soon, he was gone again. The numb pain disappeared in his asphyxiated sleep. He opened his eyes again, and this time, he found himself to be more alert. The doctor was over his head again. Speaking. "D ger e u l g t." Edgar blinked, slower this time. And slowly, he brought up his arm, shaking, and ran it through his jet-black hair. There was a slight tinge of feeling, nothing more. It was a slow tinge, very slow so much that he barely felt it. But he felt it. He sat there like that for over an hour, just blinking, running his hand through his hair, the doctor still over him, speaking like some slurred drunkard. But slowly, over this period of time, the doctor's slurred drawl ever so slowly began to become more complete and comprehendable to Edgar. Soon thereafter the hour, he could slowly yet painfully extract enough of the doctor's speech to able a gist understanding of what he was saying. "Ed gur ans wur m. Edgur snip ut f t!" [i]Edgar answer me. Edgar snap out of it![/i] He willed himself to speak again, enunciating the words as they flew out of his mouth. This time, he was able to get more than just a drawl out. He managed to get out a cumbersome and faulty "I can hear you, doctor." It came out as "I cn har oo, ductur." Immediately the doctor's intense gaze turned to that of some elated half-smile. The smile only felt his face for a moment's grace, but Edgar held the moment in his mind far after it had passed. The doctor then left the room, and henceforth Edgar's reality of understanding there increased as the time incremented onward. Soon the night's and past day's events were flowing through him like small droplets of rain collecting in a large pail.[/size]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Well, to me, all right should be two words. It's just like that to me. You don't say a half 'l' in it, like alright. You say "all right." But as the usage note says, the alright way of saying it isn't really generally excepted anymore. More or less, eventually I think it won't even still be here. All right is just used much more often, and is much more often in many writer's eyes seen the right way to say it. There's nothing wrong with it. But as a reader and writer it bothers me.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Please look before you needlessly post a thread.. As for High School being bad; I totally disagree.[/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by vicky [/i] [B]Sorry. I don't really know about double posting. [/B][/QUOTE] [quote][i]Directly from the rules[/i] [b]Double Posting:[/b] OtakuBoards does not allow for double posting. If members post a message and wish to post another directly after, we ask that they edit their original message rather than create a new one.[/quote] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Double posting is [i]exactly[/i] what it sounds like. It's posting twice in a row, without any other member posting in between. Is it that hard? All you have to do is simply click the 'edit' button in the lower right hand corner of your post before and simply add it, then submit the edited post.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] [i][b]Quit[/b][/i] double posting; I've already sent you a PM warning you of this. Instead, simply click the 'edit' button located near the bottom of your first post. I'm not going to warn you again.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=rockwell][size=1] I for one [i]love[/i] it. The black and the white are classic colors together. And the little effect in the left upper is wonderful.[/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] It would cause an influxed increase in spam, and people just constantly posting for just a competitive reason. It's not a completely bad idea or anything, but we really don't have a use for it really, if you ask me.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] You fiend! You stole Weh's banana! Just wait until he hears this.. Yes, way too many of those avatars are Zelda, Link in particular. I think 'sko went a little overboard...yar ye mateys.[/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Charles [/i] Isn't it acceptable to say "alright" when it's included in dialogue? O.o;; [/QUOTE] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell][b]Usage Note:[/b] Despite the appearance of the form alright in works of such well-known writers as Langston Hughes and James Joyce, the single word spelling has never been accepted as standard. This is peculiar, since similar fusions such as already and altogether have never raised any objections. The difference may lie in the fact that already and altogether became single words back in the Middle Ages, whereas alright has only been around for a little more than a century and was called out by language critics as a misspelling. Consequently, one who uses alright, especially in formal writing, runs the risk that readers may view it as an error or as the willful breaking of convention[/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE] [size=1]Mitch, I disagree. Newspaper articles [i]are[/i] facts. They present facts. That's what they are for. Saying that it has too many facts is like saying water is too wet, or something. [/quote] [color=black][font=rockwell] True. But as I said, that's what [i]graphics[/i] are mainly used for. To give the facts that otherwise would dot the story and make it boring. Thus, what Shy's given, so much of just the base of it is facts. This [i]is[/i] journalism, I do agree. But from what I've been learning in J1, you want to focus the subject on someone, find an angle. Shy did this a tad, with the quotes and such, but there isn't much of a story about this person's depression. It's just mainly quotes that are telling [i]their[/i] story. This story could be better than it is, as much as I'd like to say I love it and all. I know it can be better. Some anecdotes, more of a better story [I know there's already a story about these two people there, but it could be a lot more prominent. Instead of those facts, replace them with just more story about these people. Then put the facts in say, a quick facts box about depression. Or what about a chart diagraming the parts of the brain that depression has its affects on. Or how about a bio box of these people. Or a quote collection. See my point? Facts should stay in graphics. They dull the story.][/color][/font] [quote]You also have to write to the lowest common denominator. Assume people don't have a clue as to what you're talking about. Whether or not [i]you[/i] were familiar with the facts of depression or not is not an issue. [/quote] [color=black][font=rockwell] Well, in the back of your thumb, or your mind, yes you do. But that again is what graphics do, they give the facts and put them in something that's a lot more interesting than looking at some boring text. I may be a little scant on some of the things I've said in here, but I think Shy has my point. I'm sorry that I have to be so honest, but when something means something to you, you do have to.[/color][/size][/font] [quote][size=1][i]And mainly, also, you aren't exactly really telling the story of this person's depression.[/i][/quote][/size] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] But that's the point of journalism. To tell a story, fact driven, yes. But someone's story about depression [i]is[/i] fact driven. It did happen. It is true.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Heathens, dear heathens, I could've had this one. *ahem* Yes, I really do think that's right, Vicky.. Question thus?[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] They just have that cartoony feel to it. It makes for a good feeling to it all. I like.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] It's better than I could do, so you deserve a cookie, or something.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] It's only five bucks. But the thing is, you'll probably never now where that money's gone. That's the thing that gets me. She could've used it to buy drugs; she could've used it to do what she said she was going to do; she could've used it to do this, and do that, and this and that and this and that. But you'll never know. I guess you should just feel good for what you did, then. Just be thankful that you aren't so corrupted or whatever as to not just give away money to those that need it; you should feel good about this, not stupid. Although what I mean be corrupted is somewhat not connotated, but you get my drift. I would'nt feel stupid about it all. [/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Shyguy [/i] [size=1] ...The banner is funny, but I think that it would look better in grayscale. Everything looks better in grayscale. -Shy[/size] [/QUOTE] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Yes, I like the grayscale one better, too. Anything grayscale I like, hehe. That's the main reason I got rid of my red text; one, I was getting tired of it; two, it just didn't seem worthy of me, the only redeeming factor of it to me was it was the color of blood; and that's all. Grayscale! Grayscale![/color][/size][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sara [/i] [B][size=1]Well, you could type in [FONT=times new roman] all the time...if it would make you feel better.[/size] [/B][/QUOTE] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] What about [font=rockwell]? That's also going to make [i]me[/i] feel better. And making me feel better is like a King Midas's touch.[/color][/size][/font][/font]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by GinnyLyn [/i] [B]Uh oh, did I not answer it fully? Oops. O_o; ^^; [/B][/QUOTE] [color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] It's fine, Gin. Just ignore me. The levistone is found in the ice cavern. Before you can get it, you have to fight an evil eye. Once you get the levistone, you take it to a desert near Crescent Lake, and you open the main menu, and use it. For then on, the dessert opens up, and you get the airship. So the levistone allows you to get the airship..[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] Reality shows are shows that show true things which are tried and dramatized on TV for our viewing pleasure. I hate reality TV.[/color][/size][/font]

[color=black][size=1][font=rockwell] My question still stands.[/color][/size][/font]