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Gaming What I learned from Video games is...


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O.K people, the topic for this thread is simple, you write down things that stick out in video games( as jokes to make fun of the stuff that you normally can't do), name the game afterwards and read all of the other cool ideas!

[U]What I learned from Video games is:[/U]
1. Mushrooms make me big, but turtles, fish, and bombs are among other things that make me smaller. - Mario anything
2. I can become pro in sports! - Wii sports
3. When I die, all I have to do is wait 15 second to be revived - almost everything
4. I've mastered my singing talents. - All singing games
5. I don't have to learn how to play the guitar to be in a band. - Guitar Hero

Well That is pretty much all you have to do in this thread. Its really simple, but as you read others you wonder why you didn't notice that?
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[FONT=Arial]A thousand to one odds are absolutely no problem. Jumping over a small rock, however, is completely impossible.

Ammo is absorbed through the feet directly into the first available magazine, regardless of whether it is in a box or in a discarded gun.

The hero never screams in pain when shot, even from close range. The best you'll get out of him is a grunt or a hiss.

Bullets from sniper rifles leave vapor trails. Even the subsonic ones.[/FONT]
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[SIZE="1"][COLOR="SlateGray"]'Health packs' know exactly where to apply their gauze and healing agents without any aid from the player.

You run faster with a knife equipped.

You can be hit by a rocket and survive but falling any further than 20 feet is instantly fatal.

Your hero never sleeps or eats. Ever. He's too busy saving a princess or kicking ***.

The player character knows how to use every single weapon in existence, even alien weaponry, with deadly precision.

Ninja favor brute force over stealthy tactics.

Aliens still make the best bad guys.
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[COLOR=#6d527f][SIZE="1"][FONT="Trebuchet MS"]- If you run into a wall you won't stop, you'll simply keep running in perpetuity on the spot until you move into a slightly different direction.

-You cannot use your massive sword or gun to destroy a lock, or even move over a simple chair.

-Running forward screaming is far more effective than using cover and shooting guns.

-As long as you have a single health point you can function normally.

-When people fight, they arrange themselves into neat rows facing each other and take turns one by one.

-If a guard of a super secret government facility notices a spy inside the deepest most safest security zone ever, he will chase him for about two minutes before deciding that he's probably miles away by now.

-If there is a chain link fence, you can shoot through it and NEVER hit the fence.

-Armor that bears a woman's midriff and cleavage is the most effective kind of armor in the entire universe.

-You will hear fanfare when you win. If you don't, you've lost the game.

-Shooting yourself in the face is a great way to summon familiars.

-If you leave your base for any reason or for any amount of time, it's almost certainly been completely destroyed by the time you get back.
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- That small, pre-pubescent girls are just as formidable in combat as seasoned war veterans.

- That it takes approximately thirty rounds of fifty calibur ammo from an automatic large machine to kill a man. Or two in the head.

- Teenage male characters accompanied by attractive young women will never attempt to have sex, ever. No matter how long the journey or how long its been since they last masturbated.

- Demon > human. Half-demon > demon. Human > half-demon.

- Random animals always carry valuable items such as gold, potions, and other things. These things are dropped when killed, therefore justifying animal cruelty.

- Cockfights and dog fights would be allowed if they shot lightning or fire. In fact, they would be endorsed as a national past time.

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[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Palatino Linotype"]~ You can dance a jig behind your foes and never be noticed, as long as your sneak skill is high enough.

~ If you have a map, you can teleport anywhere you like.

~ Every giant evil monster thing will have an obvious weakness.

~ Bullets won't hurt if you shoot your buddy.

~ You can be a master in anything, all you have to do is repeat an action over and over until it makes sense.

~ You can beat a man wielding a pistol with a crowbar.

~ Everything in the world comes to a stop if you decide to open a box.[/FONT][/COLOR]
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1. You may have the best weapon, armor, and items, but you cant open the wooden door! - alot of crap

2. Doors never open, or burn, or break...unless you have a key. - Alot of crap

3. You ALWAYS have to construct additional pylons - Starcraft

4. up up down down left right left right A B A B start! - Various

5. You can teleport buy crouching and standing up. - Raiden from Mortal Kombat II

6. Now matter how you die or anything I destroy, they turn into legos that have absolutely nothing to do with what they look like - lego star warz

7. No matter what you do, she will never shut up! - Navi, legend of zelda

8. If you get the crap beat out of you, you will lose weight and become lighter - Any SSB

9. When someone dies, they disappear. - Alot

10. All women wear revealing clothing and have great bodies. - need I say more
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[quote name='Muad'Dib][COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Palatino Linotype"]~ You can be a master in anything, all you have to do is repeat an action over and over until it makes sense.[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]
[FONT=Arial]Actually, that's called "practicing" in the Land of the Living here. :p

[quote name='haku877']4. up up down down left right left right A B A B start! - Various[/quote]
Ehh, let's go with L+Down, R+C-Right, R+C-Up, L+Right, R+C-Down, R+C-Up, L+Left, R+Down, L+Right, L+R+C-Right in 3.01 seconds. :D[/FONT]
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[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]Actually, that's called "practicing" in the Land of the Living here. :p[/FONT][/QUOTE]

[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]XD Let me expand... all you have to do is perform a [i]single[/i], vaguely related action over and over again. Heh.[/FONT][/COLOR]
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[SIZE="1"]- Storage containers have no limit, and can accommodate objects of any size regardless of whether or not the object itself is wider, taller or longer. [Oblivion]

- Your hero can move perfectly normally up to the point of encumbrance but will be completely immobile even one unit of weight beyond it. [Oblivion]

- God Mode exists, you simply have to know the right code and how input it correctly. [Many Games]

- Enemies are perfectly capable of fighting up to their last hitpoint, after which the combined magnitude of their injuries catches up and they die. [Most RPGs]

- You are not affected by encumbrance regardless of how much you carry. [KOTOR/Jade Empire/Fable]

- Once you pick them up, objects mysteriously vanish until you need to use/sell/rid yourself of them. [Again many games]

- Pockets carry everything, from weapons to jars. Extra storage needs are for losers who cannot manipulate space to their will. [Oblivion/KOTOR/Fable/Zelda]

- Despite the existence of much more powerful criminals in the city, you are the one the police will focus their sole attention on. [GTA]

- Heroes from the past who join you on a quest suffer from major skill lapses. [Too many RPGs][/SIZE]

[quote name='Zen'][color=royalblue][size=1]- Random animals always carry valuable items such as gold, potions, and other things. These things are dropped when killed, therefore justifying animal cruelty.[/color][/size][/QUOTE]

[SIZE="1"]I shouldn't have laughed as hard at that as I did. ^_^;[/SIZE]
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- A man's head will literally explode if you kick them hard enough, or suplex them. - Resident Evil 4

- Buildings are capable of regenerating direct bullet and explosives damage given a few seconds. And all glass is bullet-proof. - Call of Duty 4

- Being shot in the foot is just as fatal as a direct torso shot. - Call of Duty 4

- If you are directly hit by a landmine, grenade, rocket launcher, or any other local explosives device, you can easily tend the wound with a little ointment and some gauze. But falling from a tree is fatal. - Metal Gear Solid 3

- You never need to speak. People will just assume you are talking to them if you poke them or stand there for long enough. - The Legend of Zelda

- Lifting your guitar vertically at the appropriate time transfers into you being a better musician. - Guitar Hero

- Human bodies are capable of sustaining multiple stab wounds and lacerations from enormous bladed weapons while still performing at optimum output. - Soul Calibur

- A ninja can deflect bullets from a machine gun with a sword, but if you try to punch or wrestle him, he is easily defeated. Said ninjas can also support a walking tank's weight on his back. But your punches are still capable of hurting him. It's gotta be the mullet. - Metal Gear Solid

- Bisexual men are the most evil people on Earth. - Metal Gear Solid 3

- Nothing. - Metal Gear Solid 2

- Old people are sustained by photosynthesis. - Metal Gear Solid 3

- You may be able to survive a genetic super virus and multiple cases of electric shock torture, but you can't hold a sneeze. - Metal Gear Solid

- Cardboard boxes are a henchman's kryptonite. - Metal Gear Solid

- Dry ramen noodles are like a porterhouse steak to a super-spy. - Metal Gear Solid 3

- Telepaths can discern valuable information from your mind, like what video games you like to play. But only if they were made by Nintendo or Konami. They can also be fooled if you're second player. - Metal Gear Solid

- Time will stop long enough for you to change camoflauge in-field. - Metal Gear Solid 3

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[FONT="Verdana"][COLOR="DarkRed"]- Rapiers and Chinese long swords are strong enough to parry huge war axes and possessed great swords - Soul Calibur

- Light Sabers can cut through walls, but not katanas - Soul Calibur 4

- A prepubescent teen girl in skimpy clothing can take a beating just as well as their heavier and more often better armored foes - random fighting games.

- Pretty flashing lights equals death- random games in general

-"the cake is a lie"- Portal, I'm sorry, I just think pie is better.

- If you poke farm animals too long, they explode- Warcraft 3

- Zombies love using chainsaws- Resident Evil 4.

- Food will heal your wounds, even if you just ate an entire meal five minutes before, then again ten minutes before that- random games in general.

- You need to kill three enemies before you can send in recon to see if there are any enemies to be aware of- Call of Duty 4[/COLOR][/FONT]
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All of your pokemon will be knocked out by the first pokemon that the Pokemon Champion sends out, despite your pokemon all having full HPs and being on level 97.

You will ALWAYS run into the uber-rare pokemon you've always wanted to catch when you are out of pokeballs.

You will ALWAYS bump into a really high level pokemon that prevents you from escaping when the only pokemon you have left is your level 3 Caterpie.

You will ALWAYS meet a trainer with high level pokemon when your strongest pokemon is poisoned or has 2 HP left.

You can't use Rock Smash on the rocks that you [I]really[/I] need to.

Pokemon in the caves, grass and water will ALWAYS come to you in hoards when you are in a rush. And they will ALWAYS be pokemon you've caught already.
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[SIZE="1"]Most relate to Final Fantasy and other general-style RPGs.

- Defeating the final storyline boss is never the hardest battle.

- Potions heal every injury from bullet wounds to sword slashes instantly.

- A single nights rest in an inn with no medical facilities is enough to completely heal all your characters, no matter how badly injured they were.

- Despite the availability of relatively developed firearms, they are almost never as effective as either a mêlée weapon or unarmed techniques.

- Magic > Technology. Generally speaking.

- Kingdoms are good. Empires are evil.

- Items locked in chests in dungeons are done so with the intention of never being used again, until you need them.

- You will never be able to loot the elite weapons off the bodies of major bosses.

- Despite having a Princess or some other form of royalty/nobility in your party, you will never receive financial support.

- The quiet character always has a tragic past. He cannot just dislike loud people because they're loud.

- Heroes are scruffy and unkempt, villains are clean-shaven and well-dressed.[/SIZE]
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[COLOR="Navy"]-You can walk into someone's house and take their stuff, and they won't mind. (Zelda, Final Fantasy, etc.)

-You can completely fool people with a cardboard mask. (Team Fortress 2)

-You can fit nearly limitless items, weapons, etc. in your pockets. (Many games)

-Speedy thing goes in; speedy thing comes out. (Portal)

-Never...trust...bald people. (Hitman)

-Zombies love going for the crotch. (Dead Rising)

-It's not a spider. (Halo)

-In the future, there will be [i]a lot[/i] of talking. (Mass Effect)

-Jumping on someone's head can be lethal. (Mario)

-Fairies are ****ing annoying. (Zelda: Ocarina of Time)[/COLOR]
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1. you cant always relive you death - reset buttons

2. Escorted people want to die. - need I say more

3. Your enemies will patiently wait for several minutes for you and your companions to decide your next course of action. You will unwittingly return this favor. - Mostly final fantasy

4. Poison doesn't do anything if you stand still. - pokemon

5. Entering a pipe can lead you halfway across the world. - mario

5. My princess will always be in another Castle:animecry: - Mario

6. Stores have unlimited money to buy the stuff you want to sell... no matter how hard they say times are - many

7. A pistol can blow up a tank if you shoot it enough times. - many

8. Important items will glow or sparkle, even with no visible light source. - many

9. No matter how much power you have, you will never be able to jump over that waist-high fence or blow up that locked door. - alot
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[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Don't go to church. For some reason, that tends to be a spot where a lot of Satan's minions hang out on the weekend. -various conspiracy theory RPGs.

ALL girls on Earth (and at least a good harem full of the other kind) want you. If they don't they're either fat, old, ugly or your mother. -Plenty

That guy who told you not to trust anyone early on? Yeah, don't trust him. -Plenty

No matter how many times you fight the Lizard in the games based off of the Spider-Man movie franchise, it will always be the first time, because Kurt Connors hasn't gained an alter-ego in the movies yet. -Spider-Man games

Cold-blooded assassins will warm up to you eventually after failing their mission once or twice without trying very hard. This is probably because all RPG assassins are women and your main character is hot. -RPGs, Specifically Tales of Symphonia

YOUR Super Missiles can't blast a hole through solid steel, but your clone's can. -Metroid Fusion

Hedgehogs are the most common form of life on Earth. Also, every single one is abnormally colored, has superpowers and sounds like Jason Anthony Griffith pretending he can act. -Sonic the Hedgehog series

Not only is every child's goal in life the same, but they all end up trouncing a team of organized adults who've been at doing their current evil deeds for almost a decade and have had much more time to train their Pokèmon than you have. However, they all carry around weak monsters that can be easily slaughtered by a level 15 Pidgey. -Pokèmon series[/FONT]
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  • 2 weeks later...
[CENTER][FONT="Palatino Linotype"]Things I've learned from video games...

It's okay to leave people behind in their levels. -Final Fantasy IX

Don't throw the plastic guitar against the wall when you get frustrated. -Guitar Hero

The zombies can't kill the real you, silly. -The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

You can't depend on people as much as you would like to. -.hack//Infection

Don't freak out because your Pokemon is poisoned. -Pokemon
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If you time yourself right you will always lunge forward for maximum damage when trying to hit someone.-Halo

You'll always fall with arms flailing and body horizontal, whether it's from 300 feet or just from the back of a destroyed vehicle. -Halo

Don't listen to anyone try to tell you that something good is about to happen. Irony is a way of life. -Way too many game plots

If the fight is too much for you, just turn down the difficulty level. -Oblivion, probably a bunch of others

If you ever wake up somewhere strange with no memory of who you are, you will be a hero and extremely influenial to a major world event.-Lots of games

If you make a very witty comment right before hitting or shooting at something, you're sure to hit and they're sure to die. -Lots and lots and lots of stuff

Your enemies' battle strategies are always repetative and progressively stronger the more you hurt them. -Zelda
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If you mess up, just rewind time to fix your problem - Prince of Persia games

No matter what, you can't jump diagnolly, you must jump straight, then left or right to get to your goal. - Prince of Persia / Assassin's Creed

A helmet can prevent being killed in one shot to the head - Bourne Conspiracy.
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[SIZE="1"]- Children do not physically exist, people just spring forth into existence in late adolescence ready to become fully fledged members of society. [Oblivion]

- Exceptionally rare armours suddenly become commonplace the moment you reach the right level, regardless of the difficulty in manufacturing them. [Oblivion]

- After spending Lord knows how much money buying relatively slightly improved weaponry and armours throughout the game, the very best stuff always comes after beating a quest-line or boss. [Many RPGs]

- Great disasters to a nation will always be faced down by a single individual or handful of people rather than the army of the nation, additionally they will be expected to do it for free and thanklessly. [Many RPGS]

- The guy who looks evil always is.

- The guy who looks too good usually is.

- You can attain skill levels in a few days/months that it took other individuals a lifetime to reach... worst of all, you can't rub it in.

- Princesses, despite being repeatedly kidnapped never learn the value of decent bodyguards.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=1] - a man can jump 50ft from the ground, with the assistance of a rocket launcher (Team Fortress II)

- if a friend fails, scream into the microphone to bring them back; be advised, attempting this maneuver in public will not be as successful (Rock Band)

- driving through a petrol station will fill the car with a more potent variant of nitrous oxide, free of charge (Burnout Paradise)

- Zombies + Fire = Funny screaming (Half Life II)

- conversly, Zombie + Grenade = a loss of 25hp (Half Life II: Episodes I & II)

- in the future, the fate of mankind turns into a space opera... with alot of talking. (Mass Effect)

- did you just fall into that pit of spikes? hit rewind, and think harder next time. (Prince Of Persia)

- scantrons turn into note charts. (Guitar Hero II)

- no matter how fast I'll drive into the wall, I'll drive away with no signs of damage (Gran Turismo IV)

- when a man sustains damage in war, all he needs to do is wait it out and he'll be good as the day he was deployed (Call Of Duty IV)

- being half demon is cooler than being a ninja (Devil May Cry IV)

- sleeping in a cardboard box will help a man cross enemy lines (Metal Gear Solid Series)

- calling a phone number will distract the authorities from pursuing a criminal (Grand Theft Auto IV)[/SIZE]
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  • 5 weeks later...
Water = BAD!!!! but bullets and rockets = no Problem. - Halo
Giant Snakes Made of Rock/Steel WILL fit into a ball that looks to 2 1/2 Inches In Diameter and Filled with Mirrors. (As Will Giant Whales) - Pokemon

if a Priest is Wearing a Rolex and Driving a Ferrari, But is Still a Priest in a Small Southern town where NO ONE GOES TO CHURCH!!!!, Run. - does it matter? it helps in life.
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