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Writing Dusty DW And The Otaku Kid [PG-13]

Dragon Warrior

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Yet another Otaku Parody from Dragon Warrior hits OB, this time Western style! The story follows the two famed outlaws Dusty DW (Dragon Warrior, me) and White the Kid (White) as they try to get away with robbing the bank of the most famous town in the Wild Wild Web, Otaku Town. But they might not be able to with Marshall James J. James (James, administrator) on their tails. It's a wild, good/bad/ugly/very sexy, quickdraw story of swashbuckling preportions. You won't want to miss this, baby!

Let it begin, partners! Giddy up![/center]

[center][size=5]Chapter One: Move Over, Butch Cassidy[/size][/center]

[size=2][left]Howdy, partners, and welcome to the Wild Wild Web, a place full of cunning outlaws, deceitful sheriffs, and dastardly n00bs with the power to spam a man to his grave. Yesiree, it?s awfully treacherous, but the strong will survive. In fact, this story is about two strong people. One is sexy, one is the brains, and together they shall make history? and some quick cash!

Introducing the ruthless and babe-attracting all-star duo of the west Dusty DW (Dragon Warrior to his close friends) and White the Kid. Together they rob banks, trains, even the occasional picnic basket, but Yogi gets a little picky about that and sicks his ?Booboo? on them. No one?s quite sure what the hell is up with the name Booboo, but we don?t question it. But anyways, Dusty DW and his best companion White happen to be planning a little heist in the grand town of Otaku? Town. I should?ve phrased that better.

Otaku Town is a very respected place in the Wild Wild Web, owned by none other than Marshall James J. James. He?s a mean guy with even meaner bowel movements, but I?ll spare you on the details there. If you?re a criminal in Otaku Town, you can be sure you?ll be locked away by nightfall. If you?re a female outlaw, you?ll probably be locked away in James? own bedroom, but that?s besides the point. He?s a toughie, especially with his two best goons backing him up: Dagger Din Dutch, the best female shot this side of? umm? whatever?and Desperado Desbreko (Desperado Des for short), an ex-outlaw who James J. James found use in. Des has been known to be very slick with traps. Together, with James? brains and quickshot, the three are quite unbeatable.

That is, until Dusty DW and White the Kid road into town. It was almost high noon when they arrived and parked their horses outside Joko Loco Poko?s Saloon. DW dismounted his steed and threw the keys to the valet. ?I better not see a scratch on it when I get back,? he muttered to the zit-faced boy.

?Yes, sir!? shouted the kid in a high-pitched squeak. Poor lad hit puberty and puberty hit back harder.

Dusty DW and White entered the saloon, the place full of patrons who calmly and quietly spoke amongst each other. After all, Otaku Town was very peaceful and well respected. DW and White seated themselves at the counter until the bartender, Joko Loco Poko, arrived to give them their orders.

?What would you like, fellers?? he asked in an authentic western dialect.

?Hey,? DW choked. ?How did you get that authentic western dialect? I?ve been workin? on one of those for a while now.?

?Just use the tags,? Joko said matter-of-factly.

?What are they??

?I believe it?s [dialect=western] [/dialect].?

?Oh, right! How can I be so stupid??

?Speaking of stupid,? White interrupted, ?if you two are done, I?d like to order a few drinks.?

?Of course,? Joko said, cleaning a glass with a rag.

?Ewww, where did that rag come from?? White grimaced.

?What would you two like?? Joko asked sweetly.

?Batwing Bladder-Bussles for me,? DW cooed.

?Did you just coo?? White looked strangely at his friend.

?Umm? yeah, I guess I kinda did.? White looked long and hard at DW. Everyone in the bar burst into laughter.

?That guy just looked at that other guy [I]long and hard.[/I] Haha!? Everyone joined in a good hearty laugh because it was quite amusing, despite the lack of maturity.

?Here?s your Batwing Bladder-Bussles,? Joko said, placing down two mugs of it and then going back to cleaning a glass with the rag.

?I didn?t order this,? White frowned.

?Relax,? DW mused. ?Makes you poop.?

?This joke seems oddly familiar.?

?We should start planning out the heist, White.?

?What? You don?t have it planned out already??

?Umm? no??

?You were supposed to have it planned out!? White slammed down his mug of Batwing Bladder-Bussles and held his head. ?This is just great. We rode all the way into Otaku Town and we don?t have a plan.?

?I know where you can get a plan for a heist,? Joko eavesdropped, still washing the same glass.

?Seriously,? White glared, ?where has that rag been??

?You can go into the alley between my saloon and The Thumb Store and you?ll meet a member of Otaku Town who sells heist plans.?

?Convenient,? DW smiled.

?Wait, did you just say [I]The Thumb Store[/I]?? White asked curiously.

?C?mon, White, let?s go check it out.? Before White could even finish his Batwing Bladder-Bussles, the two were in the alley, searching for this mysterious merchant member. ?Hewwo??

White turned to DW. ?Hewwo? What are you, two??

?It sounds funny,? DW giggled.

?Umm? I?m just going to go search over here in this toxic waste.? With that, White dug through several barrels until someone leapt out. ?Who be you?? White asked the mysterious member.

?I are Shinmaru, merchant of odd stuff like convenient, elaborate, and well-established heists that will lead to success in robbing Otaku Town?s bank.?

?Sounds like fun in a hamper,? DW said.

?Oh, indeed, my friend,? Shinmaru winked. ?Much fun in a hamper, indeed.?

?How much will it cost?? White questioned.

?Lots of money you probably don?t have!?

?Try us.?

?$14.95.? White paid the man and he laughed maniacally. ?FOOLS! You have sealed your doom! For I am actually the devil and now you have sold your soul to me for a $14.95 scheme!?

?You?re not the devil,? DW chuckled.

?Honestly,? White agreed. ?Those horns on your head are taped to your hair.?

?My mommy made them.? With that, Shinmaru ran off into the toxic waste crying, eventually dying from the awful fumes. But that?s for another time. Now Dusty DW and White had a scheme and they were ready to put it into action. It was the best plan ever and no one, not even Marshall James J. James, can stop them.

?Yes, hi, umm? I?m White the Kid and this guy right here is my famed partner in crime, Dusty DW, and we?re kinda robbing this bank.?

?Okay,? the teller said calmly, ?and how much will you be withdrawing??

?Umm?? White turned to DW and whispered. ?How much do we wanna rob??

?I thought we were robbing it all??

?Oh yeah.? White turned back to the teller and smiled. ?We?d like it all.?

?Okay,? the teller said, placing all the bank?s money on the counter. ?There?s a $3.00 service charge.?

?Shoot,? White cursed. ?Do you have three bucks, DW??

?No. I blew all my last money on that heist.?

?Mine went towards that TokyoPop magazine. Son of a bitch??

?Is there a problem, sirs?? the teller asked impatiently.

?No, hold on,? White assured her. He started digging through his pockets. ?Damnit, we?re too close to be stopped now.?

?I could go rob another bank for three bucks,? DW suggested.

?No, it?d take too long,? White pouted. ?Oh, see that guy over there? Go ask if you can borrow three bucks to rob the bank.?

?Okay,? DW grinned. He walked over to the tall, rich-looking gent and tugged at his suit. ?Can I borrow three bucks to rob this here bank??

?Hi there!? the man shouted, causing DW to fall over. ?My name is Charles! Pleased to make your acquaintance!?

?I need three bucks.?

?Of course you do. And I need a new swimming pool. The other one got flooded.?

?Aren?t they supposed to have water in the-?

?I could also use a new horse,? Charles interrupted. ?My current one died. I think someone said they live off food, but I dunno what they meant by that.?

?Three bucks, sir. I need three bucks.?

?I could also use some good Batwing Bladder-Bussles.?

?I do like good Batwing Bladder-Bussles, sir.?

?I bet you do.? Charles rubbed DW?s hair (wait? isn?t DW wearing a hat?). ?Makes you poop, it does.?

?Sure does.?

?Why I remember this time, the in-laws came over and I had the runs and? ?

Charles was immediately chucked out the window. Good thing too. That was about to get really awkward.

?Sorry, White, but he didn?t have the money,? DW frowned.

?Damnit,? White cursed. ?What do we do?? He looked around, then back at the teller, then at the cash. ?Oh, what the hell!? He grabbed the cash and ran out the door. The teller screamed.

?They didn?t pay their $3.00 service charge for robbing the bank!?

?Criminals!? a man shouted.

?Criminals!? a woman shouted.

?Criminals!? a talking bear shouted. Everyone looked at him. ?What? I?m a talking bear, so what??

DW and White leapt onto their horses and rode down the street, but they had to stop at the gas station and load up. Plus, DW wanted some Bazooka Joe gum. He liked the comics mostly. After that, they rode right out of town. A member named Citrus ran around town screaming her head off about criminals, talking bears, and how Johnny Depp is really hot, which caused much discussion in the Otaku Lounge.

?So, like, Johnny Depp is hott!? one girled squirmed.

?I know,? another said. ?I?d so do him!?

?He?s the hottest as Jack Sparrow.?

?No way, he was hot in [I]Blow[/I].?

?I think he?s just hot.? Everyone turned to the talking bear. ?What? He is!?

Anyways, back to the story. It just so happened that Marshall James J. James was? umm? ?doing some justice? in the women?s jail cells when he heard the Otaku Town bank had been robbed and they didn?t pay a $3.00 service charge. He threw a book called ?How To Throw A Book? at Dagger and Des. ?When you two are done being gay, I want you out there stopping those two bank robbers!?

?But, sir,? Dagger protested, ?how can we be gay together if we?re a guy and a girl??

?I don?t care!? James stomped his feet. He then pouted. ?I want my moneys.?

?Fine,? Des said, preparing his traps for the journey.

?Good,? James barked. ?We leave immediately.? With that, James stepped out of the Sheriff?s office.

?Did he just bark at us?? Dagger asked.

James didn?t want to take any chances with these bank robbers. If they were crafty enough to avoid paying a $3.00 service charge, they deserved special equipment. He stepped into the weaponsmith?s shop owned by Box Hoy, who was literally? a box! He was brought to life by magic and a little bit of weed from the Shire. Hobbits know their shit.

?Hey there, Mr. Marshall, sir,? Box Hoy smiled (if boxes can smile or even talk). ?What can I do ye for??

?Ewww,? James frowned. ?You can?t do me for anything. I don?t sell my body for sex, especially not to boxes!? James had Box Hoy immediately shot and thrown in the dump to be recycled. Remember, our world will be a better place if we recycle our resources. The shop was revamped and given to a new owner within five seconds. Let?s try this again?

James didn?t want to take any chances with these bank robbers. If they were crafty enough to avoid paying a $3.00 service charge, they deserved special equipment. He stepped into the weaponsmith?s shop owned by Generic NPC #3 (hey, we were desperate!). ?What do you need, Sheriff??

?That?s Marshall!? James shouted. He was about to have Generic NPC #3 liquidated, but the budget wouldn?t stand for it. So he continued with his business. ?I?m about to go catch two bank robbers who didn?t pay their $3.00 service charge.?

Generic gagged and choked on his gum. He coughed it up and stared blankly at James, who stared blankly at the nasty spit-covered gum mess on the countertop. ?You?re dealing with some bad eggs, Marshall.?

?I know, but I?m really in the mood for egg salad.?

?I?ve already told you a million times that Stark?s Grocery doesn?t carry the best eggs. You need to get your eggs from myOtaku Town, which is only so far from here.?

?Fine, I?ll remember that,? James mumbled. ?Now help me about the bank robbers.?

?Oh, right!? Generic smiled. ?Yes, these guy are trouble, alright. You?ll need to break out the big guns.? He took out an atomic bomb.

?Is that seriously necessary?? James arched an eyebrow.

?Umm? no,? Generic replied. ?But it?s cool that I have one, right??

?Sure.? James shook his head. ?Just give me a cool looking gun and pack of Skittles.? The cash register made a ringing noise as the sale was made.

?Would you like paper or plastic?? Generic asked.

?Neither,? James said, scooping up his items. ?I?ll be using the gun very soon.? After that, James walked out of the shop dramatically, eating Skittles. Just before he closed the door, he whispered his final, threatening words. ?Taste the rainbow? bitch.?

When night fell, DW and White made camp under a tall rock. A mother rattlesnake and her babies let them sleep there with them. And when I say ?let them,? I mean DW and White beat them senseless until they could take over the home. White started a fire and DW read Archie comics. ?Haha, ohhh, Jughead,? he grinned.

?Well, we did it,? White said, interrupting DW?s happy time. ?We robbed the infamous Otaku Town bank.?

?Yeah, yeah, very nice,? DW said, not really paying attention.

?But I have a feeling we?re being hunted down,? White said warily. ?We should watch our backs tonight. One of us should stay awake and do guard duty, then we?ll swi-? DW began snoring and was already fast asleep. White sighed and put a blanket over his friend, who tightened his hug on his favorite stuffed moogle. ?I guess I?m first for guard duty.? White sat outside the rock shelter and looked at the stars in the sky. ?The stars sure are bright tonight.? He looked over at the money from the bank. ?And we?re rich.?

?Correction,? came a voice from the darkness, ?I?m rich. You?re dead. LOL!? Before White could see who it was, a gun was cocked and a barrel was placed to his head.[/left][/size]

Comments please. The next installment will come. Some names and ideas were helped made by White.
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[size=1]Another delicious slice of DW-styled comedy with a nice sprinkling of cowboy cliches and a nce warm helping of OB member cameos.

Did the food analogy go a little far there? Who knows. But anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed that, especially the part between Marshall James J. James (genius) and Desperado Desbreko with Dagger Din Dutch being gay(?).

Great use of wordplay ("did he just bark at us?") and random hilarious comedy makes this amazing.

Just one question though: how does one get to play a cameo in this tale?

Can't wait for more, pardner!
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Oh, you don't need to ask to be put into it. I just select members at random (and in some cases, members that I always use in my stories like Syk3 or Shinmaru). The thing is, I can't always take suggestions of who should be in it since I pretty much have things already planned out. If someone does get thrown in at the last second, it's usually just a part that says "Such-And-Such waves."
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[font=trebuchet ms]I almost feel sorry for James... almost...

As Wraith said, I love all of the cooing and barking, haha. The talking bear, the bowl movements, everything was top notch, and a little smelly. Oh, and you have Charles down perfectly, I'm sure he agrees with me.

Again, can't wait to see whatever you're doing next. Now that'll be a $3 service charge for this post.[/font]
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[quote]"...You need to get your eggs from myOtaku Town, which is only so far from here.?[/quote]

[size=1][color=indigo]That line just made me chuckle. So much behind that line that makes it ironic.

Anyhow, I'd like to personally say that your parody's are getting better each time. Not that anything before this wasn't good--they most indeed were, but this one really suckered me in from the get go. Normally, I have to force myself to read any stories in the Anthology.

I think I like the balance between Dusty DW and White the Kid. On one hand, you have the laid back jokester, and on the other you have the serious thinker. Without one or the other, I don't think this story would be as even and smooth as it is so far.
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LOL! That was unexpected. Funniness, definently, and I love the way you inserted those little cameos all over the place. That is saying nothing about the way you use the humor.

Bastwing Bladder-Bussles. I don't think I'll be forgetting that anytime soon.

I'll pay attention to this. A few laught can never do anyone any harm.
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[size=1]Ahem. I made my brief appearance. I am so excited to see my name in lights. *breaks out into a song*

"I'm gonna live forever!"


But DW you just outdid yourself again. That day when you sent me the link to the graphic I knew this was going to be awesome. I just love how random the stuff can be, but some how it just all makes sense.

I can't wait for the second installment!

You have a talent DW, you really do.

BTW, The talking bear is my pet. :D[/size]
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[COLOR=#006aaf][SIZE=1]I would ask you where you've been all this time, but you already told me, so I won't bother. xP But as most of us probably were, I was awaiting your return, oh-so-wonderful-and-sexy Dragon Warrior. :P And you did it in humor and funniness, as is your way. And really, I never expected a western-style story from you. ;D

My favorite part was probably their time in "Joko Loco Poko's Saloon". That just made me crack up.

I can't wait for the rest of the story now. (And I'll have to talk to White about making a cameo... *sneakysneaky*)[/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[color=#333333]Oh, goodness Gavin, that was fantastic. I always love your work and this surely takes the cake.

You really put all our ideas (most yours) together perfectly and wrote it brilliantly. Loved the cooing and barking, by the way.

But of course, as was our deal, I also have to write an OB Parody now. And I am working on it. Sadly, it won't be as good as DDWatOK (what a mouthful) but I'm sure everyone will enjoy it.

Anyways, I thought it was really good and I look forward to the next chapter.[/COLOR]
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I might be a new member, but I found this really funny even though I didn't know who anyone was. The concept was really creative, two OtakuBoard's members running around and meeting other random members.

I am really excited for the next installment of your story. I also did a little background check on you. Your other stories are also very good, so I will be reading this a lot. [/SIZE] [/COLOR]
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[quote name='Dragon Warrior']Oh, you don't need to ask to be put into it. I just select members at random (and in some cases, members that I always use in my stories like Syk3 or Shinmaru). The thing is, I can't always take suggestions of who should be in it since I pretty much have things already planned out. If someone does get thrown in at the last second, it's usually just a part that says "Such-And-Such waves."[/quote]

*Remembers time when Charles blasted me with a shot gun and I moved to California to becaome an attorney* Good times...

This story is amazing, just like the others! I noticed a few jokes you've used before and you've kept your old style but juiced it up, and now it's cowboy-style! The entire conversation at Joko's bar had me laughing aloud, and that means something. "Did you just coo?" brilliant.
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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Excellent as usual my friend, I really do pray for the members of OtakuBoards when you decide to hang up your keyboard, as finding a member with your comic genius will be a task of titanic proportions. My favourite part of the chapter had to be the $3.00 bank robbing charge, it really was priceless, as were the reactions of people when DW and White rob the bank without paying the ludicrous charge. As I said when we spoke on AIM yesterday I look forward to forthcoming chapters with a great sense of excitement and entertainment.[/SIZE]
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Here ye go, folks.

[center][size=5]Chapter Two: Oh, For The Love Of Purple Happy Drinks![/size][/center]

[size=2][left]?Get on your feet, feller, LOL!? White cringed at the awful internet acronyms. All the same, he stood up with the gun still pointed straight to his cranium.

?I don?t want no trouble,? White said cautiously.

?ROFL, you got trouble, mister!? The mysterious stranger uncocked the gun and recocked it for effect (is that even possible?). ?Now give me the moneys, lam3r!?

?I know that voice,? White mumbled to himself. He then smiled mischievously. ?Go ahead. Shoot me.?

?LOL, you?re crazy,? laughed the man. ?But otay!? The man pulled the trigger and was sent flying backward into the rock, clutching his chest with pain. ?WTF?!?

?Syk3 the Retarded Bandit,? White smirked, approaching the wounded man. ?You?re by far the worst bandit ever in existence. You had a gun right to my head and you somehow manage to shoot yourself instead.?

?I?ve always been a bad shot,? Syk3 admitted. ?But I?m better at fist-fighting!? He leapt to his feet suddenly and did a little dance in the sand. It was quite nice, but White had to put an end to it when Syk3 started to strip down for a pole dance. ?You think you?re so awesome, don?t you, White? LOL!?

?Yes, a little bit,? White bragged.

?Well, I?ve got news for you,? Syk3 glared. There was a long eerie silence while White awaited the rest of Syk3?s insult, but surely enough, it never came.

?Umm? okay??

?You?re such a fool, Mr. Foolish,? Syk3 continued. ?You don?t even know you got Marshall James J. James and his two best men after you for not paying that service charge.?

?What in the name of Dragon Warrior?s porn collection are you talkin? about??

?Now who?s retarded? LOL!? Syk3 cleared his throat. ?You robbed Otaku Town?s bank, so it?s no surprise the Marshall himself would come after ye. You have no change.?

?Don?t you mean chance??

?Right. What?d I say??



?Yeah? well, if they?re after me, I best get a move on.?

?Oh, no you don?t! I want that money! LOL.?

?Back off, Syk3.?

?You?re dead, White, ROFLMAO!!!? White punched Syk3 in the face, who fell down a snake pit and died. White ran over to DW and shook him awake.

?Whaaaat?? DW stirred. ?I had a nice dream involving Hello Kitty.?

?We?ve gotta scram. Marshall James J. James and his goons are after us.?

DW jumped up and his moogle went flying. ?Let?s be off!? White leapt onto his horse and rode away. DW jumped into his Porsche and drove away. Unfortunately they didn?t exist at that time, so it exploded and he had to resort to horseback again. ?Where do we go??

?Well,? White began, ?we need to hide out until the coast is clear, so we?re goin? to a rough town full of rough people. I just hope we can make it before those hentai-lovin? n00bs catch us.?

Speaking of those hentai-lovin? n00bs, they happened to be only so far from Dusty DW and White the Kid when Des had to make a pit-stop.

?Welcome to Otaku Burger, how may I help you??

?Okay, okay,? James yelled at his two goons, ?shut up and I?ll see if they have toys.? He then turned toward the ordering box. ?Yes, I?d like uh? Otaku Cheeseburger, no ketchup. Umm? a medium OtakuCola, and a large order of Super Delicious Otaku Fries.? He turned to Des and Dagger. ?What do you two want??

?Nothin? for me, boss,? Dagger said.

?I want a Purple Happy Drink!? Des squeed.

?Did he just squee?? Dagger and James said in unison.

?Okay, I?ll try getting it,? James said. ?Do you people have Purple Happy Drinks??

?You [I]people?[/I]? mimicked the order box.

?Yeah, [I]you people.[/I]?

?We don?t take too kindly to racism.?

?Well, [I]I[/I] don?t take too kindly to your? umm? kind!?

?That?s it. Get him boys!?

James screamed like a girl and was beat up by large trolls. Dagger and Des watched while their boss got the beating of his life. ?I still didn?t get my Purple Happy Drink,? Des whined.

?Here it is,? White smiled. ?Group Sounds, the toughest, most roughest, most erotic place this side of the Wild Wild Web.?

?I smell popsicles,? DW whimpered.

?That?s normal,? White assured him. ?C?mon, let?s find a nice hotel to stay at.? White turned to look at DW, but he was gone. ?Where?d he go now?? That?s when White saw it. The most famous of famous brothel houses, The Goddess of Luck. If there was a place a man could be more welcome at than that, we?d be happy to see it. The place is owned by a woman named Goddess herself and she has recruited any brothel girl she can find worth the money the men pay. The place is high and classy, but mostly for the rich people, especially the ones who can afford DSL.

White entered, figuring DW?s woman-magnetism led him through the same doors. He looked around and noted the place was crazy. Numerous members were sipping drinks and playing cards and some eating cardboard, but those people we don?t really hang out with. They?re not really apart of the ?cool clique.? White began his search over at the bar where he could get a nice martini. That?s when he noticed several people dressed in unusual outfits and attire. ?Excuse me, strange people, have you seen a sexy black mage bandit??

The leader of the group turned to White and glared. ?We?re the League of Not-So-Extraordinary Gentlemen And Stuff. Represent!? They all struck a pose.

?Wow, was that all rehearsed or something??

?Listen, fool,? the League leader began, ?this be our town. You better jus? mosy on outta here.?

?I will once I find my friend.?

?You leave now,? the leader snapped. He drank down his Batwing Bladder-Bussles and lifted his cane to whack White, but was stopped by a dashingly enchanting woman. ?Goddess!? he choked. Everyone turned and choked as well. A man coughed up his Purple Happy Drink all over his new suit. That?s a shame. Purple Happy Drink stains.

?Leave my business be,? she said, and the League went back to their meeting. Goddess turned to White. ?White the Kid, eh??

?Yes, that?s me. Have you seen my-?

?Friend?? she interrupted. ?Yes.?

?Where is-?

?He?? she interrupted again. ?Upstairs.?

?Stop inter-?

?Rupting you?? she interrupted. ?No.?

White wanted to pout ( ;_; ), but didn?t. Instead he continued his questioning. ?I?d like it if-?

?I told you where he is?? she interrupted [I]again[/I].

?No,? White said. ?I was going to say ?I?d like it if you could pass me some of those nuts,? but you interrupted me incorrectly.?

Goddess glared at White, for she knew she had been beat. ?Follow me.?

White was led down several halls, some with bizarre pictures like people eating scissors. ?Why do you have pictures of people eating scissors??

?This way,? Goddess said, disappearing around a corner. When White took the corner, a hand grabbed him and pulled him into the closet. Before the door could shut, White screamed.

?Dude, you just grabbed my junk!? Then the door slammed closed.

Meanwhile, DW was having troubles in the hallways himself. He was quite lost and had only a tricycle as his means of transportation. Why he decided to ride a tricycle through a hallway, no one knows. He took a corner and saw two twins in tight little outfits. One was holding a ball. ?Come play with us, DW. Forever and ever and ever.? Then they moaned sexually.

?Hell yeah!? DW hopped out of the tricycle. ?All work and no sex makes DW a dull boy,? he said, putting his arms around the twins and leading them towards a room.

?We?ve never met a grown man who rides a tricycle before,? said one of the twins.

?Oh, there?s plenty of things you don?t know about me,? DW smirked. He opened the door to the bedroom only to find White tied to the bed. ?White!? DW screamed. ?Dude, get out of here! Can?t you see I?m busy??

?I?m tied up, you ass!? White snapped back.

?But I have women!? The twins peeked into the room. White smiled.

?Okay, I?ll leave if I can have the one on the left.?

?Done,? DW agreed.

Syk3 the Retarded Bandit climbed out of the snake pit (besides the fact that earlier we said he died) and thanked Marshall James J. James for saving his life. ?Thank you, sir. Thank you! The snake venom is the sweetest nectar.?

?If you?re done kissing my kneecaps, you can stand up,? James yelled.

?Sir, I think the expression is ?kissing your ass,?? Dagger corrected.

?You wanna kiss my ass?? James stared. ?You?re sick. Go back to your gay friend Des.?

Des looked up from his Purple Happy Drink innocently. ?Wha??

?Where?d they go, Syk3?? James asked.

?They went to? umm? Group Sounds, sir.?

Dagger fell backward in surprise. Des choked on his straw. James peed his pants. Syk3 died from the venom. And DW had one wild night in that brothel house. ?Did he just say Group Sounds?? James shrieked.

?Yes, sir, he did,? Dagger cried.

James looked at Dagger and Des. ?This could be dangerous. It?s mighty unsafe for lawmen in Group Sounds. The place is smothered in crime like? umm? something smothered really a lot.?

?So we?re not goin??? Des asked.

?Oh, we?re going.? James smirked. ?I have a plan.? He then laughed maniacally and his two goons joined in. Afterwards, they started walking to their horses when James tripped over Syk3?s dead body, followed by Des, and followed by Dagger. James threw them off him. ?Who put this dang corpse here??

DW and White walked downstairs as new men the next morning. ?I feel like a hundred bucks,? DW said. ?Speaking of which?? He pulled out $100 from the bag of money and gave it to Goddess.

?Enjoy your stay?? she asked.

?Yeah,? White said. ?But seriously, why are those pictures in your hallway??

?Have a nice day,? Goddess said, throwing the two out the door. The moment they stood up, they were face to face with a load of brutes.

?The League of Not-So-Extraordinary Gentlemen And Stuff,? White mumbled.

?Try to say that five times fast,? DW chuckled. No one laughed, so he just shut up.

?That?s right, yo!? said the leader. ?We?re the League of Not-So-Extraordinary Gentlemen And Stuff! Represent!? They all struck a pose.

?That all seemed rather rehearsed,? DW commented.

?I thought I told you to get yer friend and get out,? the leader said.

?Now, you see,? DW said, ?that?s a really good western dialect. Why can?t I have that??

?You?re dead now,? the leader said. He suddenly unleashed his goons onto White and DW. That?s when all at once, the League was shot fifteen times each within three seconds. They all collapsed to the ground, banned for good. DW and White turned to see a man with a shotgun in one hand and a vodka bottle in the other.

?You fellers better watch yer backs ?round these here parts,? the gunslinger said. ?You be askin? fer trouble.?

?Oh, his dialect,? DW admired. ?He?s good.?

?Name?s Alan the n00b Hunter, but folks ?round Group Sounds here call me DeadSeraphim.?

?I think I?ll stick to Alan,? White said.

?Shut up,? Alan scolded, cocking his shotgun. He took a swig of his alcohol and glared. ?You boys better giddy up on outta here ?fore you git into anymore troubles.?

?We?re hidin? out from Marshall James J. James, though,? DW said.

?Yeah, we robbed Otaku Town bank,? White spoke. He then looked around as if to see if anyone is listening and then whispered, ?We didn?t pay the $3.00 service charge.? Alan jumped up and shot his vodka bottle with his shotgun. After cocking it, he looked into DW and White?s eyes, getting lost in their beauty for only a moment.

?You two are dangerous folk,? he said. ?I wouldn?t mess wit? ye.? He thought for a moment and then smiled. ?I?ll tell ya?ll wut.?

?Wut?? White asked.


?What?s wut?? DW asked.

?Wut?s wut?! Wut?s wut!?

?No, not wut wut. What?s wut?? White corrected.

?That?s wut I said. Wut!?

?What the hell is wut?? White screamed.

?Wut is wut!?



?Wut,? DW said, not really knowing what?s going on.

?You two fellers really put the dick in ridiculous, you know that? I dunno wut the hell yer talkin? ?bout.?

?We?re talking about wut,? White grumbled.

?I dunno wut wut is.?

?Neither do we.?

There was a silence.

?Anyways,? Alan said, ?I?ll take you both to a place you can hide from this Marshall feller.?

?Really?? DW giggled.

?Sure,? Alan said. ?As long as you don?t giggle like that agin, you creepy son of a bitch.?

?Will there be food?? White asked.

?Sure. As long as you guys pay me a bit of that there money. Wut do you say to that??

?There?s that wut again,? White grumbled.

?Just say yes!? Alan snapped.

?Yes,? DW and White said in unison.

?Good. Let?s get a move on.?

Only a few hours later, Marshall James J. James and his gang arrived at Group Sounds. They spotted the League of Not-So-Extraordinary And Now Quite Dead Gentlemen And Stuff dead on the ground as their name suggests. They passed [I]The Goddess of Luck[/I] and went straight to [I]Tony?s Bar[/I] at the end of one street.

When they entered, they saw the meanest and baddest guys around. ?Do I smell popsicles?? Des asked.

?Shut up,? James scolded. He then approached the bartender. ?Hey, is seh here??

?Who?s seh?? asked the bartender.

?You know? seh.?

?Umm? I dunno who you mean.?

?She, damnit!?

?Ohhh, her.?

?Yeah, sorry. Nasty typos.?

?Yeah, they can be a pain. She?s in the back. Enter at your own risk.?

?I go alone,? James said to Dagger and Des. He walked through the backdoor and into a dark room. A lone woman stood by the fireplace, eating cookies and drinking Purple Happy Drinks. ?I have a job for you,? he said to her cautiously.

?Does it pay well?? she asked.

?Oh, very well,? James grinned.

?Show me,? she demanded. James reached into his pocket.

?All I have on me right now is three cents, a bottle cap, and a couple of pogs.?

The woman sighed and snatched them from his hand with her whip. ?They?ll do for now. I expect more pogs later.?

?Of course, madam,? James grinned darkly. ?So do we have an accord??

She finally turned toward him for the first time and he noticed she wore a mask over her eyes. She smirked darkly back at him. ?You have acquired the services of Ozymandius Jones, the best bounty hunter to ever live.?[/left][/size]
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[size=1][color=indigo]Bravo, hun! Hehehe, you pegged my personality better this time around. The "wut" part was beautiful, I got so lost XD

I'm really, really enjoying this parody better than any other's of yours. It's so colorful, funny, but mature. Every cameo is perfectly played out, and hilarious.

As I read this story, it plays out like a movie--something that rarely happens in my mind. Amazing job, again--hurry up with the third chapter.[/size][/color]
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[SIZE=1]Oh man, this was hilarious. There were way too many quotes for me to list. But the parts with the tricycle, the twins, the "wut" wordplay, and and Alan's [I]awesome[/I] quote ?You two fellers really put the dick in ridiculous, you know that?" nearly made me cry.[/SIZE]
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[size=1]Damn Gavin, excellent work here. I'm not a big reader of the Anthology, but the thread title intrigued me, and boy am I glad that I read it. Your humour is fine-tuned; some of it is a bit over the top, but generally it rides the perfect balance between real life and ridiculousity [:p], which is where all good parodies should reside. All of the characters are recognisable, and some of the lines are just so perfectly placed, it's really impressive. Nice writing ^_^[/size]
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[COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Now I feel like shooting myself for never wondering to this before.

I must admit that this has to be one of the funniest pieces of litrature that I have read this year. Espically when you tend to use members for some of the most..Funniest...Such as Syk3 the retarded bandit... That was just to funny for me and at first I was planing to quote everything that I though was funny...and it would have turned out that I would have to quote 21 different things.. That would make this post too long for my liking though.

All I can say is keep up with the funnies and I hope to see more in the future ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DarkOrange][quote name='? Nomad Tical ?']Also, I never knew Ozzymandious (sp?) was a girl :animeblus I feel dumb[/quote]


That makes six in the last six months...

I should go change my name to something like "InuLuverAngelGurl09" or something. :p

Bravo, DW, can't wait to see what you have in store for me, although I feel somewhat...worried, perhaps?
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[FONT=Tahoma][QUOTE=Ozymandius Jones][COLOR=DarkOrange]


That makes six in the last six months...[/COLOR][/QUOTE]*coughs politely* Make that seven, hehe.

I agree with everyone who's said that you're advancing by leaps and bounds in your story telling, Mr Gavin. Whilst you've always had amusement as your muse and she's treated you good, the random sometimes went overboard and drowned itself, but this time around it's more controlled. If random can ever be controlled ....

With this latest epic installment, there's also more fluidity. So even though you jump around a bit (as it seems), you keep it a lot tighter and maintain the red/blue/green/ ... orange? thread in the story. The things you've put tossed in is there for a reason, either to enhance the funny or to bring forth some logic in a funny way :p

Bring us more! If you please ^_^[/FONT]
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  • 2 weeks later...
Sorry it took so long to get this one up. I hope you enjoy it. The saga is almost coming to a close.

[center][size=5]Chapter Three: In A Tight Spot[/size][/center]
[size=2][left]Alan created a beatbox with his mouth and suddenly the ride to his hideout became a musical extravaganza with White singing and DW backing it up. ?I wanna be a cowboy, baby,? White sang.

?I ride all night ?cause I sleep all day,? DW joined.

?Cowboy, baby.?

?I can smell a pig from a mile away.? Their amazing songs were interrupted by the rumble in their tumble. ?Whiiiiite,? DW whined.


?I have a rumble in my tuuuuummmmmble.?

?Stab it a few times.?

?You can?t stab it, Whiiiiite. I?ll die.?

?Point being??

?Shut both yer traps,? Alan scolded. ?We?re here.? White and DW turned to see a large diner built in the middle of nowhere in particular.

?The ROFL House?? White looked queerly at the building, which caused DW and Alan to scoot away. They left White alone when he acted queerly like that.

?Yes,? Alan replied. ?The ROFL House is the best dern place to git waffles an? other breakfast delights.?

?Ooo! Ooo!? DW skipped. ?Can I have extra whip cream?!?

?Did you do your homework?? White asked.

?No,? DW sulked.

?See what happens when you don?t??

?But the teacher doesn?t like me. He picks on me, I swear! Just because I have a funny nose.?

?DW, you have no nose.?

DW thought about this for a moment, then nodded. ?Touché, White.?

?When you two ladies are done kissin?, I?d like to eat muh gawd-damned ROFLES!? Alan barked. DW and White locked their horses and entered the building. The place smelt of good food and old nannies (you know, the kind that have been in the business for [I]too[/I] long). DW admired the setting.

?Just like Denny?s,? he cooed.

?Seriously, what?s with the cooing?? White remarked.

?Okay, fellers, what would you like?? Alan asked.

?Wait, this is your hideout?? White questioned. ?The ROFL House??

?When I man needs his waffles, he needs his gawd-damn ROF-?

?Yeah, yeah, you went through that already. I?m jus? sayin? that this is a highly popular place. We might as well stand outside with a sign saying we?re here.?

In fact, DW was stupid enough to leave an obvious sign on the way to the famed ROFL House. Earlier on their ride, when White and Alan were busy discussing custom member titles, he thought it?d be funny if he?d write ?Your Mom?s A Cactus? upon one of the desert plants on the trail. Of course, he was also dumb enough to write ?LOVE THE TWO BANDITS WHO DIDN?T PAY THEIR SERVICE CHARGE? at the bottom.

?Listen here, feller,? Alan said, cocking his shotgun, ?I know these deserts like the back of my ankle hair, so you jus? sit yer yella-belly bunions down and leave everythin? to me, aight??

?Aight? What are you, turning gangsta??

?Shut yer trap!? Alan cocked his gun fiercely. White obliged and took a seat with DW, who was oddly eating plastic straws from a container at their table. White looked around the place, cautious of his surroundings. There were just normal folk hanging about, like a few families, a cowboy here and there, a number of aliens from Mars, and a couple of medieval knights, preferably from King Arthur?s Court. Nothing out of the ordinary here. That?s when White began to relax and DW began to choke on straws.

Not too far away from the ROFL House where Alan was cocking his shotgun while ordering food and White was prying plastic from DW?s esophagus, the deadly bounty hunter Ozymandius Jones had picked up their scent. Pretty much she saw DW?s retarded sign. ?Foolish mortals,? Ozy hissed. She then took off in flight.

What? It?s my story. She can have super flight. Or regular flight for that matter.

It wasn?t long before Ozy landed at the ROFL House ready for blood. She busted open the door and glared in. Everyone stared back. The aliens shifted in their seats. ?I?m lookin? for two men who go by the names of Dusty DW and White the Kid.?

?Hold on, hold on,? Retribution said as he stood up from his lovely brunch with Mimminx. ?There was no point in the story where the two guys were revealed to be Dusty DW and White the Kid. Therefore, you couldn?t have possibly known that it was them, ergo making this plot insanely complex and improbable at the same time of being very confusing and incorrect, causing this crap I?m saying to be a massive run-on sentence.?

Everyone stared at him. Ozy arched an eyebrow. Retribution shifted his eyes. The aliens peered strangely through tentacles. The knights stopped drinking from their ketchup bottles. Everyone was silent. Especially Silent Sandy. He?s always silent. Haha? ohhhh, Sandy. You?re so crazy. Okay, back to the story?

?What the hell are you talkin? about?? Ozy asked. Then she shot Retribution.

?That?s not fair. I was supposed to be in chapter five!? He then collapsed into his scrambled eggs.

?NOOO!? shouted Chef Shy. He leapt over the counter and rushed towards the table where Retribution had fallen. With tears in his eyes, he lifted Retri from the mess of eggs, then hastily flung him aside and raised the platter. ?I worked so hard on these eggs,? he weeped. He sobbed for about ten minutes. It was really kind of pathetic. But no one dared disturb the disgruntled chef and his mourning. Not even Ozy did, who eventually decided to sit down and pour herself some coffee after a good three minutes of the sobbing.

?Eggs? we had so much to share?? he cried. Ozy rolled her eyes. ?We never had a walk in the park.? She was starting to feel sorry for the guy now. ?What about that road trip we planned?? She felt something close to being water in her eyes, but she lacked tear ducts, so it couldn?t be that. ?I wrote you a poem? I?m going to read it.?

?Okay, now that?s enough!? Ozy interrupted. ?Get a grip, man!? She shot Shy too, who didn?t end up dying, but actually ended up being rushed to a hospital where he shared rooms with famous talk show host Regis Philbin and received a contract for his own show ?Shy Guys In New York.? It was cancelled shortly after the viewers figured out it was a gay show. Shy was also distressed to find his character homosexual.

?Screw what that guy said. I know who you two lam0rz are and I?m gonna ban yer asses.? Ozy looked around the room, then at a poster of the two fugitives, but she couldn?t find them. Where had they gone? ?Where have they gone?? I just said that. OW! She shot me! Can she do that?!

Anyways, little did Ozymandius Jones know, while the whole Chef Shy cry thing was going on, Alan had snuck the two out the back door of the ROFL House where they found a car, hopped inside, and drove off into the sunset.

Not too far off, Marshall James J. James and his two goons Dagger and Des were wandering the desert. For some unknown reason they didn?t have horses. For some stranger reason, James didn?t have pants on. Dagger attempted to revert her vision.

?Boss, how come we?re still chasing these two guys even if Ozy?s on the job?? Dagger asked.

?Yeah, I wanna go back to the Goddess of Luck,? Des whined. ?They have awesome Purple Happy Drinks.?

?Shut both yer mouths,? said the pantsless marshall. ?I have the right mind to smack you both. We can?t trust a criminal to do a job of justice. She?ll probably kill?em and then take off with the bank money and the money for the service charge. And god damnit, I want that service charge!?

?Of course, sir,? Dagger said. ?But what about our horses??

?We had to sell them,? James said, wiping away sweat. ?It was crucial. We needed the money.?

?You bought a few packs of Pokemon cards,? she grumbled.

?Hey, boss, I?ll trade you my holographic Pikachu for your Charizard,? Des offered.

?Hell no, boy,? James hugged his cards. ?Charizard would fry that pikashit to? umm? well? pikashit!?

?There?s got to be a way to get there quicker, though, Boss,? Dagger whined. ?We?ve lost an incredible amount of time.? That?s when a truck full of pigs pulled up and stopped next to James. A hick poked his head out of the driver?s seat window and looked down at the marshall. He immediately noted the lack of pants and cringed. Then he saw the dashing Dagger and winked.

?You fellers need a ride??

?Yes!? James shouted. ?We?re compensating your vehicle.?

?Confiscating, sir,? Des corrected.

?Confinescatering or whatever.?

?Whatever, lawdog. You, little lady, can sit up front with ole Corey. You boys git in the back with muh pigs. Don?t worry. They only bite if you recently had a Purple Happy Drink.? Des whined while they loaded into the truck and drove off.

No one bothered talking until the ROFL House was a good distance away, as if Ozy could hear them. If she could, she can hear really good and stuff! I mean, [I]really[/I] good. So good, it?s really awesome and stuff and I mean, wow!

?Who was that?? White asked Alan.

?That was Ozymandius Jones,? he replied, cocking his shotgun.

?Should you be doing that while driving?? DW asked.

?Ozymandius Jones?? White repeated. ?Never heard of him.?

?It?s a her.? Alan thought for a moment. ?I think.? He thought longer. ?Yeah, it is. She?s a bounty hunter, the best damn one there ever was.?

?And she?s after us?? White asked.

?Umm? duh!? Alan remarked, cocking his shotgun. ?She said yer guyses? names, didn?t she?? He took a swig of vodka.

?Umm? maybe I should drive, Alan,? White considered.

?What you talkin? ?bout? I?m drivin? jus? fine. I can drink and drive.?

?We?re stuck in a cactus,? White muttered. It was true. Alan peeked over and saw that he had somehow accomplished to drive the car up into a thirty-foot-tall cactus. After some agile movements, back-breaking labor, and the action of rubbing oil on one?s own naked body, the three got the car down. It exploded shortly after.

?Now what are we going to do?? White complained. ?We?re stuck and that Ozy chick is bound to catch us.?

?Correction,? someone said. ?You?ve been caught.? They all turned to see Syk3 the Retarded Bandit with a harpoon.

?Haven?t you died twice?? DW asked.

?And where did you get a harpoon?? White added.

?Shut yer traps,? Syk3 grinned. ?I?ve got you now, Dusty DW and White the Kid and? umm?? He stared at Alan for a moment. ?? and other guy. When I turn you all in fer not payin? that there service charge, I?m gonna git a hefty reward.? Somehow Syk3 managed to stab himself through the torso with the harpoon, but that didn?t stop him. He pulled out mace. ?I have mace!?

White, DW, and Alan all freaked. Despite the fact that Alan had a shotgun that was constantly cocked and ready to fire, they all set down their weapons in fear of getting a slight burning sensation in their pupils. ?Calm down, Syk3,? White soothed.

?Shuddup!? Syk3 barked. ?Yer all dead now!? He raised the mace when his head was suddenly chopped off by a ninja star. Everyone turned to see Ozymandius Jones.

?Never thought I?d be happy to see her,? White commented.

?I like her boots,? DW said.

?Me too. Where?d you get those??

?JCPennies,? Ozy replied.

?They?re smashing with the rest of your outfit,? White complimented. ?Were they costly??

?Eh? fourteen bucks,? Ozy said. ?But I just had to have them.?

?Yeah, well, sometimes you have to treat yourself,? DW smiled.

?Yes.? Then Ozy snapped out of it. ?Hey, wait, we?re not talkin? about fashion here.?

?Even if it?s a really interesting subject,? Alan said, who was immediately shot dead afterwards.

?Oh, come on!? White shouted. ?You just killed him. I mean, who does that?! Who just kills a man for talking? You have a really bad habit of just shooting everyone.? Ozy cocked her pistol. ?Point taken.?

?This is the end of you two,? Ozy grinned. ?For not payin? that service charge, you pay the service charge of life.?

?Wow, that was a good one,? DW said sarcastically. ?What?d you do, stay up all night thinkin? that one up??

?No, I just made it up now.?

?Oh, then it wasn?t bad for on the spot.? Ozy cocked the gun again and DW gulped. Alan was dead, our two heroes were at gunpoint, and there was still a straw lodged in DW?s throat. They were certainly in one tight spot.[/left][/size]
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Wow, that was great! The entire scene with the return of Syk3 the Retarded Bandit was hilarious, as well as the "cry Shy" scene. Also, the line...

"Hell no, boy,? James hugged his cards. ?Charizard would fry that pikashit to? umm? well? pikashit!?

In the immortal words of the greatest beer comercial ever.... BRILLIANT!
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[COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]I really didnt think that Sky3 would have returned to life after being killed two times. If he comes back again AFTER getting his head cut off by a ninja star and being stabbed with a harpoon. I will suggest that there is some Resident Evil stuff happening around here.

I still find it how random you can be at times in the story. Like how they were able to drive into a cactus and then somehow afterwards the car was able to explode! and the whoe scenes with the egg..were already random enough. Although it seems that Ozy just likes to go around and shoot random people who talk. [/FONT] [/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[SIZE=1]Poor Shy and his eggs, first they're ruined by Sarah's complete lack of consideration, then he gets shot while he's in mourning for his lost poultry product and finally his gay TV show is a flop, though in my mind he should have hosted a cooking programme. Eagerly looking forward to the next instalment old friend. [/SIZE]
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[color=#4B0082]Getting stuck with a mob of biting pigs. . . . Man, you really know how to demoralize a guy. :animedepr

But the bit where they ran into the thirty-foot cactus was hilarious. Especially when the car promptly exploded. That was perfect.[/color]
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