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What's wrong with being a virgin?...


Guest Heero yuy
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Guest Heero yuy
Today, I went over to a friend's house to check out his new amp rig he got. So, I pull into his drive way and see his young sister getting 'nasty' with some guy in the garage. It wasn't like some harmless making out (which is fun), it was like foreplay that leads to the 'horizontal monster mash' if you get my drift. When they saw me, their eyes glazed over...a spitting image of deer trapped in headlights type of look. I walked into the garage and went straight past them, got halfway up the steps to the door and told her to meet me in the kitchen. About three minutes later she walks in the kitchen, and man, I tore into her like a crazy animal. She didn't say anything to interupt me, when I was done. She just said "it's none of your business." And she was right, so I went upstars to my friend's room and told her. And he thought I was joking at first, but when I repeated it the second time...it's when it hit him. He stuck his head out of doorway and told her to come up. We spent a good amount of time telling her that it's not right to 'do it' at her age. And that she doens't know what she needs...all this other crap, and I felt like my parents. But when she did the whole 'what about you?' method, I told the truth. I didn't lie...I told her that I was still a virgin, she laughed and name calling was included. It made me all thing, what's wrong with being a virgin? It's a perfectly normal choice...I don't understand why kids don't know the importance of it...

it kinda makes me think about the influence of today's society as well.
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Well, if you get up someone's face like that - and even tag-team with somebody to do that - you seriously can't expect them to just listen and accept everything you say. Preaching and moralizing are never good methods to spread the word of reason.

Rather than saying "you can't do it" to your friend's sister, you should perhaps have approached with a question "why?". Why now, why with that guy, why in the garage where they can get caught.

You didn't say the ages of you and your friend and his sister, but it sounds like that girl isn't on the business for the first time. It may shock "virgins" like you and your friend (if he is?), but there's no taking back what's done, and making her feel sorry for it won't help.

To answer your question, no there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Just don't expect it to be everybody else's choice as well - or the "right" choice for many. People lead different kinds of lives, some have sex when they're 13, some will never have sex. Just remember that the concept of "virginity" is largely mystified, when in practice "losing" it really doesn't affect person's personality much at all.
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[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Well to answer the title question, there's nothing at all wrong with being a virgin, contrary to the crap spouted by some elements of the modern media. Personally I abide by the whole, "whenever the person feels ready" ethos, after about the age of fifteen/sixteen when most young people are actually mature enough to make the decision.

In terms of your argument with your friends sister, you didn't provide her age, or the age of the guy she was with, but I'm going to agree with Sandy and say that tag-teaming her with her brother was the completely wrong approach.Teenage sisters do [b]not[/b] listen to their older brothers if the topic is relationships and intimacy, and they certainly do not do it if the conversation was brought up by a person outside their family in an aggressive manner.

Obviously you care for this girl, but a way better approach would have been to speak with her in a calm, even indifferent manner (it makes them less defensive) about the whole thing. [/SIZE]
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[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Alright, I think the question here isn't "what's wrong with being a virgin," but "what's wrong with sex." Needless to say, without sex, none of us would be here, so it is a natural and generally kick*** ordeal. But personally, I stick to the idea of utilitarian sex. I ain't ready to make babies, so I ain't ready to make with the sexing.

I guess the thing is: procreation is for reproduction. Does your friend's sister want to have a baby, or good time?[/COLOR][/FONT]
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[size=1][color=gray]Honestly there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, it's a personal choice we all make. Though also on the other end, there is nothing wrong with not being a virgin, for the same reason. I'm like Gavin, and think time is whenever a person is ready. As well as losing your virginity does nothing to alter ones personality, it's just been a coveted title since anchient times, but in todays society the signifigance it once held isn't as strong. [/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray][/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray]I'm guessing your friends sister is about 14 to 16, and at that point any kind of yelling or forcing with almost sway her in the opposite direction. I think the best thing you could do is just tell her to be careful, trust her, and hope she understands that a lot of complications can come from that choice.[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray][/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray]Though something that does alarm me, is it seems like sexual activity is starting younger and younger. It just makes me wonder if the younger generations are really ready for it, or just following the crowd, and I think it's option b.[/color][/size]
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It's not even your sister so you should have not gone off on her. It makes you sound judgemental and stupid. I think you handled the situation absolutely horribly. You have no say in another persons sex life her parents should be the ones to console her about the dangers not you. Sure it's OK to be concerned but make the situation worse and push her further away is just stupid. At best you just pissed her off and embarrassed her which really accomplished nothing. Teenagers are hard to console and you have to be careful how you deal with them and bringing in her brother just makes the situation even more awkward. The best advice you could offer would be to use a condom or abstain till shes older then end it their and let her make her own solution.

As for being a virgin threres nothing wrong with it but among your peers it can be a huge deal especially if you are a guy. So for some people mature enough they won't hold it against you but some people think it's a huge deal especially if you are a teen.

So it will differ between people.
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As far as I?m concerned there?s nothing wrong with being a virgin.

Something of the same has happened to me with my cousin. I caught my cousin in his room with a nice looking girl and they were getting ready to have sex cause he was naked and she was getting undressed. When I caught them I told the girl to leave and I talked to my cousin he?s 13 and he said he was doing it to be cool. I only asked him if he was going to use a condom and he said that aint cool and that?s when I gave him the talk and asked him if he still wanted to have sex he said yes so we went to the clinic and got some condoms.

That was all I could for just make sure it was what he wanted to and make sure he was having safe sex.
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[COLOR=DarkRed]Well even though I'm fourteen and a virgin, I still have to counter with the statement, what's wrong with not being a virgin? Why is it so flaunted as being a good thing? I can understand from the standpoint of practicing safe sex, but to be a virgin just because of a religious idea that it somehow makes you better makes no sense. And I'm going off of what I got told over and over when I did go to church, as if losing your virginity was a complete and horrible sin unless you were married.

Personally once a person reaches a certain age, I tend to think of somewhere between sixteen and eighteen, I'd check to see what the statutory rape laws are for your state before having sex if you're in the US. I'm considered jail bait until I turn sixteen and even if I supposedly agreed to it (which I won't) the law doesn't care since it is based on the premise that until a person reaches a certain age, he/she is legally incapable of consenting to sexual intercourse. And in my state even if the guy is a minor too that can mean three years of jail time. Anyway, once a person is past that point they have the right to decide for themselves if they want to be more intimate with someone.

I think it's great that you were concerned about your friends sister, but I think you totally took the wrong approach. Lecturing and preaching does nothing and her response only proved it. For all you know she's already had sex with this guy so it might have made more sense to ask as another member pointed out, why him and why in such an obvious place? Or even the important question, of are you using protection?

By making her feel attacked she's not going to listen to anything you have to say. Whether or not you're a virgin is irrelevant as it's a personal choice, not a standard that she has to live up to. Though it probably wouldn't hurt to remind her of the possible consequences if it turns out she's considered jail bait due to her age. Or the possibility of becoming pregnant if she's foolish enough to have sex without some form of protection.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=DimGray]Don't you see? [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Sex is hereditary. If your parents didn't have it, neither will you.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=DimGray]But all joking aside, nothing's wrong. In fact your chances of NOT becoming a sexual deviant is pretty high.Yet masrurbation takes a debate. Is it really a sin?

I heard from a sopa opera that rape isn't actually losing your virginity. Because if you say no, it means nothing. It only means something if you have sex with someone you love.

Curse "As the World Turns"...[/COLOR]
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[quote name='Aaryanna][COLOR=DarkRed']Well even though I'm fourteen and a virgin, I still have to counter with the statement, what's wrong with not being a virgin? Why is it so flaunted as being a good thing? I can understand from the standpoint of practicing safe sex, but to be a virgin just because of a religious idea that it somehow makes you better makes no sense. And I'm going off of what I got told over and over when I did go to church, as if losing your virginity was a complete and horrible sin unless you were married. [/COLOR][/quote] [COLOR=maroon]That's a very good point. It used to be embarrassing to be a virgin, and suddenly it's something to brag about. I remember the days (man I'm old!) when you kept it a secret that you were a virgin because it was cool to have gotten someone in the sack. Anyone else remember those days?

However, I do see the quality and respect that goes with being a virgin, especially nowadays where almost no one demonstrates any form of self-restraint. Being a virgin shows certain qualities and characteristics that are regarded as rare and enviable. Why else do you think people who've either drank or had sex try to get those who haven't to do the same? It's because they lost the ability to boast certain traits and don't want people to one-up them or look better in any way (it's a subconscious thing, not intentional).

Think about it: it's easy to lose your virginity. Even if you "try/sample" sex once or whatever, it's gone. On the other hand, you can not be a virgin very easily. Just let yourself go once or all the time. Anyone can do that, it's not all that impressive.

That's all there is to it.

I just realized the interesting wording: the "absence" of having sex is something you can "lose," instead of gaining sex or something like that.[/COLOR]
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[quote name='AzureWolf][COLOR=maroon']I just realized the interesting wording: the "absence" of having sex is something you can "lose," instead of gaining sex or something like that.[/COLOR][/quote]
[FONT=Arial]I think that would be more along the lines of the loss of (purity and) innocence than it would be the loss of the absence of something.

Also, "having sex" cannot be present, so it cannot be absent either. (This is just me being semantic about gerunds.) With such a perspective, one could then view virginity as the time when they are [I]not[/I] having sex, rather than the point up until which they have it or have had it. Virginity is not so much the absence of as it is the physical ignorance of sex; the naïvety towards it, if you will.[/FONT]
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I'll start off answering your question by saying there's nothing wrong with being a virgin.

I think the kid made fun of you mostly because she was probably defensive, and wanted to say something back to you for lecturing her. Also, there was probably some thoughtless opinions behind what she said, and not just all being defensive. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid truly thought being a virgin is lame. There are just so many things out there that sell sex.

I wondered what you were thinking to approach her like that, and then discussing it with her and her brother. Wow. I don't know how close you guys are, but I wouldn't even do that with my own sisters or cousins. I've had to have a calm talk to one of them before, after hearing they were exposed in a bad situation.

Sometimes it's hard to control anger, but if there's a point you're trying to make, it's always best to approach it in a calm and caring or even nonchalant manner.

On a side note, people who thoughtfully choose their mates and have sex, that's their business, and I dont think it makes them bad people. It's the people who do it thoughtlessly that... no comment. But being a virgin male, from this girl's perspective, is something extra that makes the man seem more attractive. =]
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[quote name='visualkei'] But being a virgin male, from this girl's perspective, is something extra that makes the man seem more attractive. =][/quote]It goes both ways, not that I expect a girl to be a virgin, but being in an intimate relationship with a girl who doesn't just sleep with anyone is also attractive. ;)

As for the thread, I don't see a problem with being a virgin and if you're old enough, and yes I'm going to say when your state/country/etc considers you old enough then there's nothing wrong with being one or not being a virgin.

As for your situation, without knowing more of the details, it does sound like you over-reacted and chewed her out. And then you and her brother ganged up on her and did the same.

Do you know if she's already had sex? Do you know if she's using protection or not? Because if she's old enough, though I'm assuming she is not, then whether or not she sleeps around is none of your business.

Personally at this point I would tell her parents and let them handle it if she's underage that is since I doubt she's going to listen to you or your friend at this point.
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[font=arial]There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. However, I think it was [i]very[/i] rude of you to take that girl to task - she isn't even your sister. It's not your place to tell her off.

Even telling her brother is questionable, but I suppose that would be better than telling her off directly as if you are her parent. Seriously, even if what she is doing is wrong...I just don't think that's a good way to handle the situation.

But the short answer is no, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. A lot of young teenagers feel pressure to have sex and it's ridiculous; it has to happen when the time is right for you (and when you have some emotional and physical maturity to deal with it).[/font]
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[size=2][/size]
[size=2]Depending on the circumstances, sex can be wonderful or terrible or anything inbetween. Your first time is an experience, and it can affect sex for the rest of your life.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]So, what's wrong with being a virgin? There are pressures all around you, and if you somehow find yourself a virgin in your mid 20's or later, there may be shame associated with your situation. At that age, it is generally expected that one has had some experience with sex. This may make it difficult for one to develop a romantic relationship with another person. In turn, this could lead to a traumatic first sexual encounter, especially if it's with someone who degrades you for poor performance. You won't be a virgin anymore, but you will be even less prepared for a healthy sexual relationship.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]This doesn't mean old virgins are doomed, though. They may find someone caring and supportive to give them a useful, enjoyable experience that leads to a healthy sex life.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]I'll give you something to ponder. If you are a virgin, you are most likely very bad at sex. No one is born a porn star, and you can pretty much expect to be terrible in bed your first time.[/size]
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[quote name='ForgotteÑ-HerÖ][COLOR=DimGray'] Is it really a sin?.[/COLOR][/quote]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Why you bringing up fairy tales? :animesmil

Anywho, I practice what some refr to as 'abstinence'. Save the fact that I dont plan on 'waiting till marriage' I plan on 'not having sex'. I don't want to. I see no reason to, I have no desire to, and I think it only really has downsides in the long run. There are bad things, but no benefits. Just another thing to feel guilty about.[/COLOR]
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[quote name='2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange']... I plan on 'not having sex'. I don't want to. I see no reason to, I have no desire to, and I think it only really has downsides in the long run. There are bad things, but no benefits.[/COLOR][/quote][size=1]Eh. If you want to have a reason: overall it's thought of as "good". And if that's not fine for you, try: you need to have sex to have babies. How can you possibly feel guilty about having had sex with someone - unless you're already in a relation with someone else? Don't be silly.

Being a virgin is cool. Who cares if you are a virgin or not, really? On one hand it means you're inexperienced, on the other it means you actually value such intimacy, or whatever. Don't be bothered about it and don't act all weirded out when people apparantly think about the matter differently. :rolleyes: [/size]
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[quote name='Boo][size=1']Eh. If you want to have a reason: overall it's thought of as "good". And if that's not fine for you, try: you need to have sex to have babies. How can you possibly feel guilty about having had sex with someone - unless you're already in a relation with someone else? Don't be silly. [/size][/quote]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]1. The overall thought doesn't mean I'll like it >_> I don't seem to like uch else that's popular...

2. Babies? I doubt I could ever allow that. I have no confidence in my ability to raise children. I am a lot like my dad, and as great as my dad is, if I have a kid he'll end up like me.

3. I can feel guilty bout just about anything >_>[/COLOR]
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Well this is my take on this situation.NO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN! Next i think it was a good idea to talk to the sister.but you might need to find a better way to get it through to her.b/c once it not enough.in her mind she think shes right so you need to keep getting on to her about it.until she fully understands what shes really getting herself into
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[QUOTE=2007DigitalBoy][color=darkorange]1. The overall thought doesn't mean I'll like it >_> I don't seem to like uch else that's popular...

2. Babies? I doubt I could ever allow that. I have no confidence in my ability to raise children. I am a lot like my dad, and as great as my dad is, if I have a kid he'll end up like me.

3. I can feel guilty bout just about anything >_>[/color][/QUOTE][size=1][color=gray]Hmm it actually sounds like you could use some good loving my friend. Sex while being a good work out is also improves moods, energy and a few more things if I remember right. The power of horomones. Not my place to chose for you though, but just do what you feel your ready for, and if that means avoiding it thats fine, but I don't think I needed to tell you that.[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray][/color][/size]
[size=1][color=gray]And on the contrary even though I don't personally know you, you might just turn out to be an outstanding dad, because it might make you strive to succeed in the areas you feel your dad might have lacked. I think it's natural to have a fear of fatherhood though, so no worries, actually I'm kinda in the same boat with you[/color][/size].
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[QUOTE=Boo][size=1] How can you possibly feel guilty about having had sex with someone - unless you're already in a relation with someone else? Don't be silly.
[/size][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]Religious stigma. Cultural taboos. That someone was a psycho hose-beast.

Clearly a variety of reasons how someone could feel guilty.[/color]
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Many people have already addressed how your method of taking this girl to task was harsh and probably not something you should have done so I'll just move on to this:[QUOTE=Allamorph][FONT=Arial]I think that would be more along the lines of the loss of (purity and) innocence than it would be the loss of the absence of something.

Also, "having sex" cannot be present, so it cannot be absent either. (This is just me being semantic about gerunds.) With such a perspective, one could then view virginity as the time when they are [I]not[/I] having sex, rather than the point up until which they have it or have had it. Virginity is not so much the absence of as it is the physical ignorance of sex; the naïvety towards it, if you will.[/FONT][/QUOTE]I agree with this, even though it flies in the face of how I was raised religiously. I've never really agreed with the idea that having sex once made you impure or no longer innocent. Because I'm sure many of you are well aware that there are different levels of innocence. I don't want to get too deep into it since I could easily go on a tangent of how women (at least when I was growing up) are looked down on far more for having sex outside of marriage or at an early age than guys are. Even though many of them are still quite clueless as far as sex goes regardless of that first time.

Anyway...as I was saying, I think it's far more complex than having had it once and then being considered a non-virgin. And in the end, especially if you intend to have kids, unless you adopt them it usually does require sex for that to happen.

So though there's nothing wrong with being a virgin and wanting to save more intimate relations for someone special, there's nothing wrong with not being one either. Though I'm assuming that you are going on the basis of being a virgin at a young age vs being a bit older, but even then there's nothing wrong with being a virgin when you are older either. It all comes down to personal choices really.

And it goes without saying, [I]even though I am saying it[/I], as a parent I do frown on having sex before you are considered legally old enough to make that choice, and even then I think waiting until one is a little older and more mature is a good thing as well.
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[font=tahoma][color=#CC6600]Growing up, people I knew lost their virginity at about 13-16 range. If you were 16, and a virgin, you were considered pretty old. Now however, people think it makes you more 'desirable' to be a virgin. However, I kept my virginity until after highschool strictly because if I did get pregnant, and wanted to keep it atleast I'd have my diploma and a means to move out on my own. Being pregnant when young is not a fun thing, as I've seen with my own eyes, and while protection is there, I didn't want to take any chances. Yes, I'm not a virgin *gasp* So I guess that makes me slutty right? Not. I do feel sex should be shared with someone special, but not everyone is going to have that opinion.

This doesn't mean having sex at 13 makes you bad either, heck, everyone does it when it's the right time. Being a virgin or not a virgin does not make you better or worse then anyone else. I use to be told that if I wasn't a virgin, guy's wouldn't like you and would think your easy. That is [u]not[/u] true obviously. There are a lot of stigmas about virginity, and no one should feel bad about the time you decide to 'do the deed'. So this girl had an intimate moment with her boyfriend? Have you thought about maybe her feelings as well? If your worried, exploding at this girl would definately have caused the backlash. It's embarrasing being caught in a situation but to tell her brother and then you two attack her is even more so. Some people are just more sexually active then others, let's face it.

Next time, tone it down a bit. In the end, you can't change someone's decision, and I agree with [i]Aarayanna[/i] when I say, have you asked her if she's using protection? Just explaining maybe that you were worried and not telling her it's wrong to do, might be a better response next time. [/font][/color]
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[quote name='Peanut][font=tahoma][color=#CC6600]Growing up, people I knew lost their virginity at about 13-16 range. If you were 16, and a virgin, you were considered pretty old. [/font'][/color][/quote]

[font=tahoma]I'm in the same boat as Peanut here, me being from NY and her being from Cali it doesn't surprise me that the situation is similar. I myself lost my virginity at 16, which as she said is considered being pretty late. Though personally, it's fine with me. I'm extremely safe about everytime I do it and every person I do it with (yes i've done it with more then one person, however offensive that may seem to some people, heh). So there's my situation, out of the way early.

Being a virgin has always been a choice people need to make themselves, and whether when they believe they are ready will end up being regrettable or favorable depends on their very first experience. But here's the thing, whether the person really IS ready, or just think he/she is...things can either go wrong or go perfectly regardless as it takes two to tango. Some may say that regret in this category is impending even, so a good way of getting around this is to simply believe that there is no designated right time to lose your virginity. Simply make the time a "special" time yourself, take control of it the same way you'd take control of procuring a job or asking someone out. It's not about finding the right time to jump into it, it's about creating the right time.

You can't form someone's opinion or desires for them, you can try and help guide it...but in the end your input by all rights should mean very little. That's the truth of it, as making the decision for yourself is a giant part of knowing the truth about what kind of person you are. People are going to have pre-marital sex...it's ineveitable in the times we live in. There is too much incentive to do so that is conveyed by all forms of media and peer pressure. But I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing about people saying that they want to have sex with someone because the person they want to have it with wants them to, or because the person they want to have it with says they are ready FOR them. Being influenced by something doesn't mean that you have to surrender your decision making rights.

In any case, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin just the same as there is nothing wrong with NOT being a virgin. I dislike how either have gotten their bad rep in the eyes of their respective supporters/admonishers, considering that not everyone's experiences are the same (not everyone who has had sex with more then 5 people or over 400 times is a slut, not everyone who is a virgin is a prude who can't get any). Certain situations are more frowned upon then others, perhaps rightfully...but judgment is often too quick and too shallow when it comes to how to label someone based on their sex life.

Personally, i'm more then happy with an active sex life, and think there isn't a single thing wrong with it. I don't think i deserve critisism for it, nor do I deserve praise. It's something that makes me happy, and shouldn't have to concern anyone other then myself and the girl i'm having it with. Of course, that's in an ideal world. It seems unavoidable nowadays that most everyone's sex life will affect someone out of the loop in some way. If i were a virgin i'd say essentially the same thing, it's my choice, shouldn't concern anyone else, etc. These are simply my personal beliefs. It doesn't mean i've NEVER judged someone on their sex life, if i have it was because I knew enough about it to make a proper judgement, however it hardly concerns me to the point where I feel the neccesity to intervene willingly in their life. The furthest I might have gone was expressing discontent (normally only with someone i care about somewhat), but being fully aware at the same time that my words are simply an explanation of how I feel and not instructions on how the person should reform their life. The most important thing in any situation that involves pre-marital or non pro-creative sex though is that it is done safely, which has also been said previously.

I'm not going to admonish you for tearing into her wrongfully since it IS none of your business, because it's been said several times already. I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say you did it out of concern. You're entitled to your feelings about it and entitled to the expression of them if you want, but scolding her about it is going in a bit of a different discussion. So just next time (theoretically, there may be no "next time") you'll know how to handle this kind of situation. [/font]
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Guest Heero yuy
Well, I agree that I went at this all wrong. And it's not business in the since she's not my sister, but in a way I find her to be my younger sister. I find her whole family to be mine as well...Thus the reason I got into it. You may see me as arrogant for doing this, possibly your right...but I don't regret what I've done. I feel like I killed the snake before it could bite. Either way, it's her choice...we can only steer to the right one.

Now, it's over and this is an issue that can be dropped.
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